How Did We Get Here?
by Tee-Cup
Summary: When Henrik Hanssen left his family in Sweden behind it didn't mean he left behind his entire family. Hannah's lived in her father's shadow all her life, when she finally decides to return to Holby she begins to learn the secrets of her past. Warning: some mature content, I'll try and put individual warnings on applicable chapters.
1. Chapter 1 - Hannah Hanssen

**Holby City**

 **Chapter One – Hannah Hanssen**

When she was twelve years old, Hannah Hanssen had decided what she wanted to do with her life; she wanted to be a veterinarian. Her father was a doctor and spent more of his time at work than with her so she decided that people weren't worth saving in the same way animals were, she wanted to save the lives of animals because they were worthier than the patients Henrik Hanssen was saving. She allowed her resentment towards her father to fester inside of her for a few more years before she allowed it to be shown, of course he didn't pick up on it; she didn't know if that frustrated her even more.

She didn't have a mother to turn to for guidance. She didn't even know anything about the woman who had given birth to her, apparently, she had left her and her father just as soon as she could after Hannah had been born. She wondered if she looked like Hannah, skinny with blonde hair and brown eyes, she must do, Hannah didn't look much like her father. As she progressed through her teenage years she'd stopped trying to imagine the kind of woman her mother had been and resigned herself to the fact that she would never know. Every time she tried to connect to her father or even ask about the past lives they had led he shut her down and retired to his study, she learned to rely on her own company from a very young age.

Occasionally her father's friends joined them for dinner and she was required to be on her best behaviour, John Gaskell, Roxanna MacMillan and David Hopkins gradually became staple guests in her childhood and she learned to like them well enough. John, Roxanna and her father would often divulge into aspects of medicine she didn't understand but David Hopkins often took pity on her and would sit with her and try and explain cardio trauma surgery to her, apparently, she took to it pretty well because he often praised her for being clever beyond her years and she found herself eager to understand more of this aspect of medicine. She would never forget the first time she added a comment to the conversation at dinner and the shocked faces of her father, John and Roxanna, David burst out laughing and Hannah almost thought she saw a glimmer of pride in her father's eyes before the conversation resumed without her. After that she began to reconsider her determination to be a vet and thought that maybe being a doctor wouldn't be so bad after all.

She was eighteen when she first learned about her father's past life in Sweden and the half-brother she'd never known she'd had. She was only told the full truth when she demanded it from her father and then she felt like she'd discovered a half of herself that she'd never even been aware was missing. To say she was angry at her father was an understatement. She thought that her childhood had been neglectful but to learn that he had completely abandoned a son in Sweden made her feel like she'd been petulant to say the least. Her anger caused her to sever with her father but she tried to get to know the family she'd never known before in Sweden. There was always an element of animosity between her and Frederik but over time she tried to imagine that it wasn't the case and ignored his apparent resentment towards her. Sara was different and took her younger sister-in-law in well, the two became friends but Hannah knew that she had to return to England.

The following year Hannah began her training as a doctor always with the ambition to specialise in CT surgery like David had inspired in her, this included a placement at Holby City hospital. She hadn't forgiven her father for keeping such a huge secret from her and she wasn't sure that she ever would. Working on AAU gave her a chance to see the hospital as she'd never seen it before, she'd known the people who worked there since she was a teenager but now she was placed as an equal with them and was keen to rise in the ranks. She was studious and confident in her work but also enjoyed joining her colleagues at the pub after a shift, she could handle a lot of alcohol for a relatively small girl. Working at Holby, however, brought up more conflict with her father and she continued to reject him, unaware of the negative effect this had on his emotional state. She became good friends with Oliver Valentine and often beat him when taking shots in the pub after work, their fling was brief before Hannah realised that Ollie wasn't the guy for her and she wanted to focus on her career.

It was around this time that Hannah became aware of her father's depression. She caught him one night panicked and meticulously organising his desk which was already spotless, she gently sat him down and made him talk to her. That was the first time they ever opened up to one another and she found that she was able to calm him; she realised that she needed him just as much as he needed her and their relationship took a turn. She knew that he was never going to change who he was, but they both needed to try to get to know one another better because family was more important than anything else.

Things were going so well over the next few months, both Hannah and Henrik stuck to their vows to get to know one another better and Hannah became a completely different kind of daughter now she understood her father better. She made him a healthy lunch every morning to take with him and checked up on him regularly throughout the day, he began to refer to her privately as his 'ray of sunshine'. She was happy enough for the both of them, she grinned at everything and joked ceaselessly to the annoyance of some of her colleagues. Generally though, most people liked her. At the same time she attended lectures at the university and worked hard at her studies, she was determined to make her father proud then more than ever. In class she met a fellow surgeon in training named Liam Cloak.

Liam wouldn't leave her alone until she went out with him for a drink and she eventually gave in to him. They embarked on a relationship but she didn't let her attention to her father waver for a moment. It only took a couple of months for Hannah to learn about Liam's temper and she became unsure of whether she really wanted to be with him but ultimately decided to give it a little longer before she made any drastic decisions. They arranged to go on holiday together for a long weekend and when they were there Hannah awoke one morning to find that he was gone. He turned up later that day and when she confronted him she found out he had gone to meet another woman he'd met at the bar the night before. When Hannah made it her intention to leave and return home he hit her for the first time and refused to let her go. They returned home together and Hannah tried to leave him but every time she tried he forced her to stay, he begged and pleaded and threatened and she gave in every time. She knew that this wasn't healthy and her sunshine began to fade a little, Henrik noticed but didn't want to ask her because he understood that her private life was private. This was until Hannah came into work one day with a black eye and a split lip.

….

' _Good morning,' she sang as she sailed onto the ward, Ollie was the first to notice her injuries._

' _What the hell happened to you?' He asked and she looked at him for a moment, lost, before realising to what he was alluding._

' _Oh! It's actually super embarrassing.' She giggled and blushed a little. 'Liam and I went out for dinner last night, right? I had a couple of drinks and was a tad tipsy and… well… I tripped over on the high street. Fell flat on my face in front of tons of people I have never been so mortified in my life.' She laughed and Ollie laughed nervously with her but wasn't one hundred percent sure that he believed her._

' _Dr Hanssen, I wasn't aware that AAU was the place for a chat.' an authorial voice boomed from the corridor and Hannah and Ollie looked around to see the CEO himself standing there, he looked stern but his face fell in shock when he saw the damage done to her face. 'A word.' He ordered, quieter and Hannah obediently followed him into the break room, sharing a look with Ollie as she went._

' _Wish me luck.' She whispered to Ollie as he passed and he raised his eyebrows._

' _You're going to need it.' He replied but she was already in the break room and pushing the door to._

' _What happened to your face?' Hanssen asked before she even really had a chance to shut the door._

' _I was just telling Ollie, I tripped over my own shoelaces and face planted the floor, it was really embarrassing.' She smiled in a way which she hoped was reassuring but he was far from comforted._

' _How do you get a black eye from tripping? Did you not break your fall?' He demanded from her and she shrugged, trying to hide the panic that was beginning to bubble inside of her chest; she couldn't let her father know about the hardships she was going through, he wouldn't be able to cope._

' _I guess so, I'd had a couple of drinks… I don't really know I just managed to end up like this. I'm fine though, dad, really.' She smiled and made to leave but Hanssen held out a hand and took her arm gently, finger-shaped bruises circled her arm just above the sleeve of her scrubs, but Hanssen had noticed them and pointed them out now, he didn't need to say a word._

 _Hannah looked down at them and then met her father's eye and knew that it would be difficult to lie her way out of that one._

' _I guess Liam tried to catch me as I fell.' She tried to explain but she knew that he wouldn't take the bait._

' _I think we both know that's not the case.' He said quietly, his voice shaking as he struggled to contain his emotion, and Hannah suddenly found tears in her eyes._

' _I can't leave him, dad. It's too complicated.' She whispered and for the first time since she'd comforted him in his office his composure broke. Fear and pain flashed through his eyes but the only way he knew how to respond was to give in to his anger._

' _There is nothing complicated about this.' He said angrily and Hannah knew he was struggling not to shout. 'I'm calling the police.' He said and pulled out his phone but she grabbed his phone before he could do anything._

' _No! Please, don't! You don't understand.' She exclaimed quietly, doing her best to contain her tears, she didn't want her colleagues to see her like this._

 _'What is there to understand?' He asked, exasperated and shocked that his usually smart daughter couldn't see the danger she was in._

' _There's something else.' She told him in a quiet voice, tears rolling down her cheeks despite her struggle to retain them._

' _What is it?' He asked quickly, fearing the worst._

' _I'm pregnant.' She managed to choke out through her sobs and he suddenly went rigid and returned to his cold mode. 'I'm scared, I don't know what to do.' She cried and Hanssen was frozen for a moment in shock. He could tell this was the first time she had admitted it aloud as she began to sob almost uncontrollably and he finally allowed himself to give into his emotions. He pulled her to his chest and held her tightly. She wasn't sure that she had ever received an embrace like this from him, even as a small child she could only ever remember him being cold and distant and now he was breaking down at seeing her situation. He rocked her gently and whispered words of comfort into her hair, he had never connected with his daughter before and it took her life falling apart for him to do so._

…..

Hannah left Holby hospital and had the baby, a son and she named him Daniel, but he was more commonly known as Danny. Initially she moved back in with her father so that he could help her but after a year she moved out into a place of her own. Once Liam found out about the pregnancy she didn't need to do anything, he left her all on his own, he didn't want anything to do with the baby.

Hannah had struggled all through her teenage years trying to reconcile herself to her life, but she'd never thought it was anything as serious as depression. The thought had briefly occurred to her when she'd found out about her father, but she didn't see the need to address it then as she thought the feelings were behind her. However, after the birth of her son the feelings of emptiness and loneliness returned and she could recognise that it was more serious than she thought. She managed to cope for a couple of years but then Liam got in contact with her, just once, he sent her a threatening message and insulted her so deeply that Hannah found herself at a lower point than she'd ever felt before in her life. She took a razor to her wrist and wound up being treated by her old colleagues at Holby.

…..

 _It had been a strangely quiet day on AAU and Dominic was unsure whether this was because Hanssen was overseeing the ward that day, or whether it was just a quiet day. The CEO strolled around the ward, checking in on patients and staff alike with his usual air of severity but Dom was past the point of feeling intimidated by him. He did his job right so he nothing to fear. Serena was tied up in more paperwork so she had hardly left the office and Dom had found the day to be going quite smoothly, up until the point where the trolley crashed through the doors and assistance was called for._

 _'What have we got?' Dom asked as he rushed to the patient's side, not glancing at her face but at the packed arm which was still pumping blood, drenching the attempts to staunch the bleeding._

 _'Self-inflicted single laceration to the left forearm,' explained the paramedic, Ian, 'ED said she needed to come straight here, the wound is deep and has nearly destroyed the vein, it needs surgery.' He explained and continued to explain her current observational stats but Dom was distracted, he'd seen her face._

 _'Hannah?' He exclaimed and he noticed Hanssen's head suddenly snap up from the paperwork he was reviewing at the desk. He was beside Dom in an instant and looking down at his daughter who was deathly pale, unconscious, and close to bleeding out._

 _'Hannah Hanssen, aged twenty-four.' Ian confirmed with a quick glance at Hanssen who was now leaning over her and checking the wound himself._

 _'Oh, Hannah what have you done?' He asked, his voice shaking. His staff had never seen him waver in his professional capacity but Dom could tell that this was going to compromise him._

 _'Call Ms. Campbell.' He instructed a nearby nurse who rushed off to meet his demand, they continued to wheel Hannah in the direction of the emergency theatre._

 _'Mr. Hanssen you need to step back.' Dom felt strange instructing his boss to do such a thing but he knew that if he didn't exercise this authority then Hanssen would insist on treating Hannah himself and that couldn't be allowed._

 _'Hannah, Hannah…?' Hanssen ignored Dom and was now stroking his daughter's hair back from her face and calling her name desperately in an attempt to find any kind of response in her features. His voice was wobbling and Dom noted as tears dropped down onto Hannah's cheeks, they were nearing the theatre and Ms. Campbell had appeared._

 _'Henrik move back.' She instructed and took his arm as they pushed her through into theatre and began to prep her. Hanssen was unrecognisable, he looked around like a lost child, unsure of himself._

 _'You can observe but I cannot allow you to come into theatre.' Serena told him and he nodded, speechless. She gave his arm a quick, comforting squeeze before rushing into the theatre, leaving Hanssen to find his own way to the observation room. When he arrived, he was able to properly see Hannah as she lay unconscious on the operating table, her arm stretched out to the side so Serena could access it easier. Moments later Serena appeared with Dom and they took their places either side of Hannah's arm._

 _They began their observations and noticed how the damaged vein had almost been sliced in half, the cut was deep._

 _'I'm not sure I can fix this…' Serena said quietly but Hanssen heard and he had to place his hand on the glass to steady himself. 'Call someone down from CT and tell them it's urgent.' Serena instructed and began to clear the area. 'Also, cross match two units and give her two milligrams of TXA into her… she's lost way too much blood.'_

 _'We could try splicing the vein with a partial removal from somewhere else?' Dom suggested but Serena shook her head slowly._

 _'I'd rather let a CT surgeon decide the best course of action, for now we're going to focus on how we can keep her alive.' She muttered and Hanssen had to sit down. Serena continued to sponge at the wound whilst Dom directed a tube which cleared the area so Serena had a better view of the damage done to the vein._

 _'How bad is it, really?' Hanssen asked through the intercom and Serena didn't lift her eyes from her work._

 _'It's bad. She's a surgeon, she knew what she was doing.' She explained cautiously and a moment later Oliver Valentine burst into the theatre and began scrubbing in._

 _'What is it?' He asked and Dom was the one to reply._

' _Ollie, it might be best if it wasn't you… Is nobody else available?' He asked but Serena shook her head as the monitoring of Hannah's heart suddenly altered from a consistent beep to a monotonous tone._

 _'No time, get over here now.' She instructed as they moved away from Hannah and Serena programmed the defibrillator pads. 'Charging to one hundred, clear?'_

 _'Clear.' Dom confirmed and Serena pressed the button. Hanssen could only watch as his daughter's body convulsed but there was no change._

 _'Charging to one-fifty. Clear?' Serena repeated and Dom repeated the assurance. Hannah convulsed again and this time her heart returned to its normal rhythm._

 _'BP is stabilising.' Dom confirmed as Ollie joined them at the table. He caught a glimpse of Hanssen and then looked down at his patient's face._

 _'Oh God, Hannah…' He muttered and Serena called his attention to the arm._

 _'Oliver, I really need your attention here.' She instructed and he did as he was told. He examined the arm and stated that he believed it could be saved if they acted quickly. Hanssen almost seemed benumbed as he watched them work quickly on Hannah's arm, they were quickly covered in her blood but the bleeding gradually lessened. Four units of blood was given to her and they said she was still low but was no longer losing so much blood so would be alright. The surgery took over an hour but eventually Dominic closed and stitched the clean cut more carefully than he'd ever stitched a wound in his life. The cut had been made confidently, Hannah had been fully aware of what she was doing, she had wanted to end her life._

 _Once she was stitched up and cleaned Dominic also scrubbed out and Hannah was moved out of theatre. Hanssen had forgotten how to move, he couldn't take his eyes from his daughter's pale face. Danny was at day-care, he knew that but he couldn't help the panic, he knew that he was going to have to care for him but would he be able to convince social services to let Hannah have him back? Did Hannah even want him back? These were questions for another time. It was a few moments before he realised that Serena had joined him._

 _'She'll be alright, Henrik.' She said comfortingly and he jerked back into reality and realised that tears were streaming his face. He wiped them away hastily and nodded to Serena._

 _'Yes, thank you, please keep me updated of her recovery. If you'll excuse me, I need to make some calls.' He said and left the observation room. Serena was shocked that he wasn't going to stay until she woke up but she didn't doubt that he would return._

 _A half an hour later, Hannah was beginning to stir. She was in a recovery room on AAU and Ollie and Dom were with her. She opened her eyes slowly and grasped where she was, she then saw her friends and fear and sadness filled her eyes._

 _'Hey, you're alright.' Dom assured her as he leaned over her and squeezed her good hand. 'You're lucky you had the best surgeons around to fix you up.' He smiled but Hannah couldn't return it._

 _'Lucky?' She repeated and Dom's smile fell as he remembered the confidence with which the wound had been made._

 _'You scared us.' Ollie said, also moving forward on her other side and tears filled her eyes._

' _I didn't mean to, I didn't want anyone to…' She began but couldn't finish her sentence. She broke out into sobs and Ollie gave Dom a nod who moved out of the room quickly to page Hanssen that Hannah had woken up. In the meantime, Ollie wiped away Hannah's tears and did his best to comfort her._

 _'It's alright, nobody judges you…' He whispered to her and broke protocol by sitting on the bed to hold her to his chest. He didn't care about the rules, he just cared that his friend was alright. When Dom re-appeared, he wasn't even fazed, he simply sat on the other side Hannah and brushed her hair with his hand, holding her hand with his other hand. Hanssen appeared five minutes later and the two men left them to it. There was an uncomfortable pause and Hanssen refused to look at his daughter, leaving it up to her to break the silence._

 _'I'm sorry, dad.' Hannah said between her sobs. Hanssen made no move to comfort her, he stood at the end of her bed and stil avoided looking at her._

 _'Yes, well, you've certainly caused quite a stir here today.' He replied and Hannah's sobs intensified as she longed for a scrap of comfort from her father. 'Now stop that.' He ordered and she tried to comply but his cold tone only made her weep harder. Eventually he gave in and came to her side, she couldn't help it, as soon as he was within reach she sat up and threw her arms around him even though it hurt. He awkwardly patted her head and gently disentangled himself from her, breaking the rules as her friends had done and perching on the edge of the bed. He held her up so she looked him in the eye and wiped away her tears with disjointed movements._

 _'Why did you do it?' He asked quietly and she began to subside a little in her sobbing._

 _'I couldn't cope with it anymore, Liam sent me this note and I couldn't deal with the feelings.' She explained, she knew it wasn't a reasonable explanation and it seemed petty to her now but at the time she'd felt the insult so strongly._

 _'Why didn't you come to me? Let me help you?' He asked and she raised an eyebrow with the hint of a smile._

 _'You're not exactly the easiest person to offload feelings onto.' She replied and he smiled a little in return._

 _'I'm sorry I haven't been here for you that much. You've always seemed so happy, you've been my… ray of sunshine.' He felt foolish admitting his private pet name for her but it seemed appropriate given the circumstances and it did bring a certain light back to her eyes which made him forget any regret he had in admitting it._

 _'Sometimes it's the people who smile the most who are hurting the most.' She replied quietly and he was quiet for a moment as he took in her words._

 _'I want you to be able to tell me things.' He admitted and she shrugged._

 _'I'm not sure we'll ever be at that stage… I am sorry about this though, I really am.' She said emphatically and he shook his head. There was a moment's pause before he finally admitted the worst part of the whole experience._

 _'I was so scared, when I saw you there. I thought you were going to die. Don't you ever scare me like that again, do you hear?' He said sternly and she nodded._

 _'I won't, I promise.' She said and he believed her, she wasn't the kind of person to break a promise._

 _'I've been in contact with social services…' He began and a new fear dawned on Hannah's face. She hadn't forgotten about Danny but the full weight of her actions pressed down on her now and panic shot through her as she realised she might lose her son._

 _'Oh God, they're taking him away aren't they?' She asked in a whisper, she thought she might be sick._

 _'I've managed to convince them otherwise. However, you must go to a clinic for a minimum of three months. He can stay there with you, you'll be given the proper support and help you need, for both of you.' He explained and her face fell._

 _'You're sending me away?' She asked quietly and he took a deep breath, standing up and regaining his detached personality again._

 _'It was the only option. I will pick up Danny from care and bring him here and then you'll go to the clinic this evening.' He explained and then walked away before Hannah could say anything else, leaving her completely alone._

…..

She felt betrayed by her father after that but understood the necessity of such an arrangement. Once she was released from the clinic she genuinely felt in a more secure place and understood that she had support should she need it. She moved back into her father's house and, aside from the prominent scar up her arm, the matter was forgotten, or at least ignored.

Over the following years, she continued her training and quickly regained her bright personality with a mixture of feigning it at first before it subsides into genuine improvement. She still understood that the depression was always underlying but she learned how to cope and how to smile through her bad days for the sake of her son. Hanssen didn't tell her that Frederik joined the hospital or that he was even in the country, he was too worried about the memories that would resurface, but when she outlined her intention to return to Holby he knew he had no choice. When she decided to take a role that because available on Darwin with the departure of Zosia March, she was beginning to prepare for her Registrar exams which she intended to take in the following year and secretly Hanssen was grateful to get to spend more time with her and his grandson. He was determined to be closer to them now he had been given the opportunity and he was glad to see her return to being his 'ray of sunshine'.


	2. Chapter 2 - Happy Families

**Holby City**

 **Chapter Two – Happy Families**

Hannah stepped out of her car and stood outside of the hospital, it had been six years since she'd last worked there and she was feeling a pleasurable mix of excitement and nerves. It was her first day as an F2 on Darwin ward at Holby City hospital and she was anxious to prove herself since she'd last been there. She'd left without much of an explanation and, aside from bringing Danny in for the occasional quick visit, she'd not been back much. She slowly made her way towards the front entrance and looked down at her phone, she'd left with plenty of time to drop Danny off at school before she needed to be there so was surprised to see that the time was so late. She rushed in through the front doors and saw that the lift was open so hurried to catch it before she would have to wait for another.

'Hold the doors!' She yelled and darted in front of the closing doors which sprung back open with the interruption of her arm. She was surprised to see two very familiar faces looking back at her, they seemed equally surprised to see her. 'Dad! Fred! Oh, this is great! Like a proper family reunion!' She grinned as she stepped into the lift between her two relatives, she took one arm of each and grinned at them both, oblivious to the uncomfortable looks on both of their faces, it didn't register to her that she might have interrupted something.

'I didn't think that you were starting until next week?' Hanssen asked her coolly and she shrugged.

'Jac called and asked if I could start a week early and, really, who can say no to her? No, really, she's scary and I don't know how to say no to her.' She laughed and Frederik winced a little which only brought her attention back to him.

'And you!' She reprimanded him, 'Are you not going to say anything when you haven't seen me for ages? How's Sara, how's Oskar?' She demanded from him but the lift stopped and he hurried out with a quick apology. As the doors began to close he stopped and turned back to her with a subdued look, he stopped the doors from closing and gave her a sincere look.

'Sorry, it is good to see you.' He said and she smiled at the small achievement. He left in the direction of Keller and Hannah got out at the next floor for Darwin, leaving Hanssen to go to his office alone.

Hannah made her appearance on Darwin ward with a couple of minutes to spare but her seeming lateness meant that Jac was unhappy.

'You're late Hanssen,' she scolded her and Hannah grinned in response.

'I bet you've waited a long time to say that.' She said and Jac suppressed a grin before pointing to Ollie who was talking to a patient.

'Your dad is implementing a new mentoring system starting today, alas that means you're being mentored, and you're stuck with Valentine.' She said and Hannah faked a pout.

'Not you? My heart is breaking.' She grinned and tripped over to Ollie before Jac had time to respond. Ollie turned to walk away from the patient as Hannah approached and almost walked straight into her. For a moment irritation crossed his face but then he saw who it was and his face broke into a grin.

'Hannah Hanssen!' He exclaimed before pulling her into a tight hug. 'What the hell are you doing here?' He laughed and Hannah struggled to catch her breath as he squeezed her.

'Jac asked me to start a week early, and _you_ are training me up to Registrar material, you hear?' She demanded and he laughed as she pulled away from him and they made their way back through to the doctor's station in the middle of the ward.

'How are you? How's Danny?' Ollie asked as he finished checking the discharge papers for a patient, Hannah leaned against the desk beside him and peered over his shoulder.

'He's good, I'm good, everything's good. How's everything with you?' She asked and she thought his face fell for a moment.

'I'm doing well.' He replied but his tone was somewhat subdued. She decided it was best not to pry but the rest of the morning was spent in catching up with her old friend, she eventually learned about his relationship with Zosia, the wedding, and her leaving him to go to America. She was more careful in what she said after that point. Her next port of call was to drop in on Dominic in Keller. Whilst she'd never been as close to him as she had been with Ollie, she had enjoyed the brief time she'd known him and was keen to renew that friendship. She also owed it to Sacha to drop in on him and hoped to see Frederik whilst she was down there too.

Sacha and Dom had a similar reaction to seeing her as Ollie had displayed and she was introduced to Lofty cordially with glowing references from the other two. Frederik watched from afar, pretending to be checking a patient's notes. He knew that it wasn't her fault that their father had chosen to come to England and keep her rather than staying with his mother and him in Sweden and trying to make things work; but he couldn't help resenting her a little. To see her so beloved by all in the hospital was a painful reminder that she had been chosen to be cared for by their father whilst he had been left behind, she had relationships with these people because she's had the opportunity for them when he hadn't. It wasn't long before she spotted him and he knew that he couldn't avoid her forever.

She met him to one side, away from the others, she couldn't see how they were watching them and talking in low voice but he noticed.

'Listen, Freddie, I know things must be a bit weird with us both working here now, but I really just want to spend some time with you and maybe dad too. I think it's important that we get to connect again as a family. I mean I want to spend more time with you, and Sara and Oskar too. I have a little boy too, I know I've not seen you since he was born and I don't know whether dad told you.' She said and Frederik froze suddenly.

'No, he didn't.' He replied coldly, one more thing their father had kept from him.

'Well, I'd love to introduce the two boys. They're about the same age, I mean Danny's a few months younger. But I think it would be good?' She smiled and her smile was so sweet Frederik couldn't help but be affected. She was only trying to do good, to do right by him despite their father's lack of any attempt.

'Why don't we meet up for lunch?' He suggested with a small smile and was unprepared for the happiness which seemed to swell up and threatened to burst from her.

'I'd really like that.' She grinned as her pager bleeped and she was forced to check it.

'Oh, that's Jac, I have to go. I'll see you at one thirty?' She asked and he nodded. She rushed off and he watched her blonde ponytail disappear around the corner, he was unsure how he could possibly be related to somebody like her.

When lunchtime arrived, they met up and ate together and gradually she got him to open up about Oskar and Sara and he found himself enjoying her company. Her happiness was infectious and he struggled to stay upset with her despite the constant underlying anger that she possessed a place in their family that he had always been denied and always would be. Over the course of the next few weeks she continued to come to him and force him to bond with her, once or twice she included their father in the mix but those meetings never went so well as the men usually made one another bitter or cold. Hannah never seemed to get down about their resentment towards each other though, she always did her best to keep the atmosphere upbeat and her positivity never seemed to falter.

Frederik tried hard to like her, he tried not to find her annoying, but he couldn't help it. Her constant positivity grated on his nerves and became all the more irritating when he realised how much his father valued her brightness, he even learned about his endearing term for her as his 'ray of sunshine'.

One day the weather was cold and Hannah and Frederik were meeting early for coffee before their shift started, it was just after Sara had left him and Frederik was in a particularly irritable mood but Hannah seemed to clock on to this quickly and subdued herself somewhat.

'Can I ask you a question?' He asked and she nodded as she cradled her coffee.

'What was life like? I mean, your childhood?' He asked and Hannah raised an eyebrow.

'You mean with dad?' She asked and he nodded, she sighed and looked down at her coffee, it was the first time he'd seen any kind of vulnerability in her. 'Well, not as pleasant as you might think. He didn't really pay me much attention, and I never knew my mum, I mean she disappeared as soon as she could after I was born. I don't know why, I guess she didn't want me or something. But dad was always sort of cold, distant. It took me a long time to connect with him really, it wasn't until he realised that I was in a dangerous situation that he actually started to show me he cared.'

'A dangerous situation?'

'Danny's dad.' Hannah explained and the glimmer in her eyes was gone even though she was still trying to pretend she was okay. 'He wasn't very good to me. Dad found out and wanted to go to the police, I've never seen him like that, he was so angry and upset. Liam, Danny's dad, ran off as soon as he found out I was pregnant though.'

Frederik felt his heart soften towards her and he realised that he'd not really taken into consideration that her life had been hard too. She'd had difficulties just like him, he hadn't known that she too had grown up without a parent and he didn't find it hard to believe that their father hadn't been the most attentive father in the world.

'Can I ask another question?' He asked, quieter this time and Hannah nodded but could no longer meet his eyes. 'What's that?' he asked and gestured to the old, ugly scar on her wrist. She gave him a small smile and rubbed her thumb over the scar.

'You know about dad's depression, right? Well I tried so hard to help him that I forgot about myself until it was too late. It got worse after I had Danny, I felt so alone and wanted it to end so I did this to myself. It's not an experience I want to repeat in a hurry.' She explained slowly and Frederik paused before leaning forward and taking her hand.

'You won't need to, you're not alone anymore.' He told her and she smiled at him warmly, some of the glitter in her eyes returning. 'I'm just surprised, you're always so happy.' He said honestly and her smile widened.

'It's easier to pretend like I'm not feeling terrible than to explain to people that I have depression. It's a little easier now but of course there are bad days.'

'Well you never have to pretend around me.' He said and Hannah looked at him curiously for a moment as tears came to her eyes, she whispered a 'thank you' and wiped her eyes quickly before they realised that they needed to move to start their shifts.

Over time Hannah continued to try and bring her family together and Frederik continued to try and be patient with her but couldn't help lashing out at her occasionally which often earned him harsh words from his father if he was present or from Sara if she was. Frederik couldn't help it, he felt sorry for Hannah, her life hadn't been as easy as he'd thought but that couldn't stop him from truly hating her. The truth was that their father adored her, even if he didn't show it, and once again Frederik was left behind.


	3. Chapter 3 - Mentorship

**Holby City**

 **Chapter 3 – Mentorship**

Whilst she tried to bring together her family Hannah was also growing closer to her old friends, especially Ollie. They rarely saw each other outside of work but they worked closely together and he helped her to realise her full potential as a doctor, with the help of Jac of course. Small bets were a usual occurrence between them and helped alleviate some of the stresses of the job.

She had been back at Holby for a month when patient named Carmen Spatz was admitted with respiratory problems, the problem wasn't initially obvious and was stumping both Ollie and Hannah but neither wanted to admit their defeat to Jac who would be quick to point out their flaws.

'Did Carmen's bloods come back yet?' Ollie asked as Hannah read through them.

'Yeah, they're normal. Her heart rate is slightly elevated but otherwise I don't think it's heart related.' She said and Ollie looked over her shoulder to check the results himself.

'It's got to be, her family has a history of heart problems, she doesn't smoke and she has no history of asthma. There's no sign of an infection?' He asked and she shook her head slowly.

'None. Look, it's not heart related so it must be her lungs.'

'What do you suggest?' He asked and she thought for a moment before replying, leaning her head back to look up at him upside down, it was endearing.

'Ultrasound to check for free fluid and then CT scan if that's inconclusive.' She said and he smiled down at her.

'If you're wrong and it is heart related?' He asked and she paused for a moment before jumping up and raising an eyebrow as if she was being challenged.

'Are you suggesting a bet?' She asked and he feigned consideration.

'Maybe.' He grinned and she narrowed her eyes.

'It's her lungs, I win and you have to come to Albie's tonight and buy all my drinks _and_ match me, drink for drink.' She challenged and he grinned.

'Alright, I say it's heart related and if I win then you have to do all my CABG's this month.' He said and she grinned and held out a hand. They shook on their deal and Hannah ordered the tests, she conducted them herself and they presented no results so she ordered the CT but that also came back inconclusive. She was stumped.

'Any luck?' Ollie asked as she checked the results and she shook her head.

'Nope, nothing. I don't get it, it's not presenting as anything textbook. Heart _or_ lung related. What do we do?' She asked and he grinned smugly.

'You prepare for a never-ending stream of CABG's.' He threatened and she raised an eyebrow.

'You know that I don't actually mind performing surgeries, right? Even if they are routine, they're good practice.' She replied drily but he ignored her. He opened his mouth to reply but they were interrupted by a nurse calling for help from Carmen's bedside. She had arrested and Hannah and Ollie sprang into action, Hannah charged the paddles whilst Ollie prepared Carmen. Once they got her heart beating regularly again Ollie ordered them straight into theatre to find out the root of the problem once and for all.

Ollie took the lead in surgery and Hannah assisted and once they opened her up they knew that had to check the whole area.

'I'm just saying that since she arrested then it's got to be a heart problem.' Ollie said and could see Hannah's smile from behind her surgical mask.

'Not necessarily,' she replied, 'maybe her heart was affected because of the lung problem.' She said and spotted the problem.

'There.' She said and pointed. A vein leading from the heart to the lung was blocked which proved that both of their theories were correct.

'What do we need to do?' Ollie asked her with a hint of bitterness to his tone, technically it was a lung problem.

'Uh, coronary angioplasty?' She suggested and he nodded.

'Correct.' He said and rolled his eyes at her smug look in her eyes. The procedure didn't take long and once they had completed it and were scrubbing out Hannah allowed the full measure of her gloat to be felt.

'So, I was correct all along!' She grinned and he shrugged.

'Maybe, but we had to perform a heart surgery so technically that makes me right.' He countered and she smiled in return, she knew he wasn't really annoyed at her.

'Why don't we chalk it up to a win all around and I'll do all your CABG's this month and you can just match me drink for drink tonight but I'll buy my own.' She suggested and he looked at her for a moment before agreeing.

'Fine, but why do I feel like you've still won?' He glowered and she simply winked in response.

That evening Hannah started them out hard and it wasn't long before the room was spinning for them both. It was a beautiful irony for Hannah that Ollie was more of a lightweight than she was and he was even more drunk than she was, but he sobered up quicker so it was necessary for them to keep drinking. Hannah knew in the back of her mind that her father was still at work, Sara had agreed to care for Danny for the night so she had no obligation to be home but she was unsure of whether it was good that her father saw her as drunk as she was so she was keen to avoid the area surrounding the hospital at all costs. That being said, it wasn't long before she was too drunk to care.

At around midnight the pub began to close and Hannah and Ollie were relegated to the street, she was hanging onto his arm for support and laughing hysterically at something that wasn't even that funny.

'I forgot why you're laughing, why are you laughing?' Ollie laughed along with her and they stopped on the pavement, Hannah still clung to him or else she probably wouldn't have been able to stand.

'Because _you_ claim to lack self-confidence!' She shrieked and he looked confused.

'Did I say that? I don't remember saying that.' He muttered and she laughed harder.

'You said it less than two minutes ago.' She replied and he laughed with her leaning forward and finding his forehead pressed against hers as tears of laughter spilled from their eyes.

'You have no reason to lack any kind of confidence.' She said seriously, trying her hardest to master her laughter. Henrik Hanssen emerged from the hospital behind them and neither of them saw nor noticed him, he saw them and stopped in the shadows unsure if he should make himself known or not and remove Hannah. Fredrik appeared behind him and they stood together to watch their female relative giggling in the street, nose to nose with her colleague.

'You can't control her life.' Fredrik said softly and Henrik took a deep breath as he realised the truth in his son's words.

'You are so smart, like crazy smart.' Hannah told Ollie quietly and their hands found one another's and gripped. 'And you're sweet, kind, charming… and you… you have these amazing eyes, has anyone ever told you that? You have really, really beautiful eyes.' She whispered and he grinned at her.

'Yours sparkle.' He said and she dissolved into giggles again.

'You think I shouldn't say anything?' Henrik asked his son and Fredrik sighed.

'It's up to you, but she might resent you for it if you did.' He said.

'She's a state.' Hanssen noted as Hannah stumbled whilst standing still and Ollie grabbed her around the waist to catch her, he didn't let her go.

'She's young still, and she missed out on a lot by having her son so young. Let her make mistakes, let her have some fun, let her have some regrets.' Fredrik said and Hanssen shook his head.

'She has regrets, you don't understand.'

'She told me about Danny's father. How he abused her. This man is not like that man. Go home, let her wind up where she winds up.' Fredrik advised and then walked off in the direction of his car. As he left Hanssen watched Hannah and Ollie kiss, slowly and unsurely at first but they gradually gained confidence with one another and the kiss deepened as they remembered the feel of each other's lips. Henrik knew where the night was headed for his daughter, he knew about the fling that they had gone through seven years previously, and he decided that if he interfered it would only make things awkward for everybody. He turned away and headed towards his own car, trusting her to make her own decisions.

…

'You left early this morning.' Ollie said as he approached Hannah the following day, she was displaying signs of a severe hangover and he imagined she felt just as bad as he did but she was much better at hiding it.

'I thought it was best if we weren't seen coming in together.' She replied with a bashful smile.

'Yes, that probably was best, do you remember much of what happened last night?' He asked and she looked at him, suddenly worried he didn't. 'I mean I just want to check you remember what we did.'

'Well I woke up in your bed, Ollie, I don't think there's much to work out from there even if I had forgotten. But yes, I remember.' She told him and she thought she saw him blush.

'Well, where do we go from here?' He asked and she sighed and pinched her nose between her thumb and forefinger, she was much too hungover to be having that conversation at that moment.

'I don't know,' she answered honestly. 'I mean we could just chalk it up to a drunken one night stand and leave it at that?' She suggested and Ollie looked down at his hands.

'Or I could take you out to dinner?' He asked and she was suddenly taken aback, that wasn't something she had expected.

'Really?' She asked after a lengthy pause, a slight smile playing on her lips which she tried to conceal but she couldn't hide it from him, it gave him a little hope.

'Of course, I can't promise anything, but dinner. Tonight?' He asked and she nodded.

'Alright, but it better be good because I am a state today.' She muttered playfully and headed in the direction of her first patient. Ollie looked after her with a grin before composing himself and getting on with his own work.

Hannah wasn't sure if she really harboured any feelings for Ollie, she knew that they were close and were likely to always be close. She'd met him so soon after the death of his sister so it was only natural that they were going to have relied on each other more than was healthy, but they had wound up becoming such close friends. She didn't want to jeopardise that friendship but she had a feeling that seeing each other casually wouldn't affect them that much. In the few weeks that followed things between them remained casual, they went out a couple of times for dinner and things seemed natural, just like they were two friends who had dinner and sometimes had sex. They made out at work a few times in the supply closet but their relationship was made up more of light hand touches and knowing smiles over a patient. Nobody suspected a thing, except Hanssen and Frederik, but they kept quiet about it, not wanting to embarrass themselves or Hannah.

Everything was going smoothly, Hannah was happier than she'd ever been. In her eyes, she was slowly bringing her family together, blind to the animosity her father and brother showed towards one another and occasionally her, she only focused on the good she was doing and she felt whole. As well as this, Roxanna MacMillan returned to the hospital, Hannah was delighted to reconnect with someone who had been such an important staple of her childhood, David was there sometimes too and seemed proud to see where she'd ended up, of course they both knew that really, she owed it all to him. News that John Gaskell would be coming to the hospital too brought her excitement, she liked the idea that her father would have more people around him to support him so it wouldn't all be down to her. She didn't know if this was selfish, but she genuinely had his best interests at heart. But, naturally, things began to turn sour quickly and something went wrong.

It was the taste of her tea which made her first suspect something. Like all normal, British people, she was an avid tea drinker and firmly believed that everything could be solved with a cup of tea; so she was shocked when the taste of her morning brew tasted terrible in her mouth. She checked the milk but it was fine, she tried another with a little more sugar but it tasted vulgar again and she had to abandon her usual morning comfort. She sat down at the kitchen table, confused, there had only been one time before when she'd noticed that she couldn't stand the taste of tea, but it couldn't be the same circumstances.

She brushed it off to having a bad day, she was sure there must have been something wrong with the tea rather than her and she continued to get ready for work. She dropped Danny at school on her way to work but when she walked onto the ward the smell of coffee was overpowering.

'Oh, my God.' She gasped, putting her hand to her nose. Jac looked up from the computer she was working at and gave her a confused look.

'What's wrong with you?' She asked and Hannah spotted the cup of coffee sitting next to her.

'You made your coffee stronger than usual?' She asked and Jac looked down at it and then back up at Hannah, her confusion growing to concern as she stood and walked around to the other side of the desk next to Hannah.

'No, it's the same as usual. Why?' She asked, peering into her face.

'I don't know, I must be developing spidey-senses or something.' Hannah said with a shrug and wrinkled her nose but the coffee smell was still overpowering.

'Maybe you're pregnant.' Jac said quietly but lightly, Hannah could tell she was joking but she was glad Ollie wasn't around all the same, she knew how he would react, poorly.

'Haha, fat chance.' she smiled, only half joking in return as she remembered her morning tea and how the only other time in her life she'd gone off tea was when she'd been pregnant with Danny.

'Just saying, heightened sense of smell is usually one of the first indicators.' Jac grinned wickedly with a wink before sidling off. Hannah smiled back at her but she was suddenly very concerned. She thought back, she was sure that she and Ollie had used protection every single time, even when they'd been drunk she remembered a condom. Well, she remembered seeing one. Panic suddenly set in and she had to stop herself from running off the ward. Nausea hit her stomach and she was unsure whether it was another sign or if it was because she was working herself into a panic.

'Morning, nice of you to finally show up.' Ollie said as he appeared at the desk behind her but he could have been talking to a brick wall. He noticed when she didn't respond and looked up at her, studying her face. 'Planning on doing any work today?' He asked jokingly but she began to hurry away.

'Just got to... I left... I'll be right back!' She called over her shoulder, leaving a bewildered Ollie. Jac appeared by his elbow and looked after the disappearing doctor.

'Does she seem alright to you?' Ollie asked her and Jac shrugged.

'She said something about spiders?' She suggested and Ollie looked at her in bewilderment for a second before shaking his head slowly and returning to work. Meanwhile, Hannah was rushing towards the gynaecology unit, she had a friend there was determined to use her full influence.

'Hey,' she burst into Dr. Crown's office without waiting to hear a response to her knock, luckily, she was free.

'Dr. Hanssen, it's customary to wait to be invited into an office before entering.' Alesha Crown smiled at her friend and Hannah tried to force a smile back.

'Listen, I'm really sorry to come in here all business but I kind of need a favour?' She asked and Alicia leaned forward, intrigued.

'For a patient?' She asked and Hannah bit her lip, she was dreading this.

'It's more personal. I'm concerned that I might be, uh...' She didn't want to say it, to say it would make it more real.

'Expecting?' Alicia finished for her and she winced but nodded quickly. 'You know there's a very quick test that can be done at home to determine this?'

'I know, I know. I won't be able to concentrate on anything until I know though, please, will you help me?' She asked and Alicia pretended to consider for a moment before smiling at her and rising from her chair.

'Of course.' She smiled reassuringly and retrieved a sample pot and funnel from her cupboard, handing them to Hannah. Hannah could barely stammer her thanks before she rushed from the room and to the nearest bathroom. As she sat and tried to force herself to urinate the quietness of the bathroom got to her and she thought she might cry. She held in her emotions and returned to Alesha with what she needed, she stood by the door whilst the doctor performed the test. In a matter of minutes, she would know, she just had to keep calm for those couple of minutes.

'Well?' She asked impatiently and Alesha beckoned her over. Those few steps felt like the longest walk of Hannah's life. Alesha didn't say anything, she knew she didn't have to, Hannah understood the results.

'Okay, thank you, I'm sorry I had to put you in this position.' She said and before Alesha could say anything else she had rushed from the room and just started walking. If she kept walking then she wouldn't think, she just kept walking and walking until she ended up in the stairwell, she stood on a landing by a window which overlooked the car park and there she finally stopped, leaning against the railing and counting the cars.

'One... Two... Three...' She whispered to herself and then lost count and had to start again, but she knew she couldn't put it off, she had to think about it. 'Stupid Hannah, stupid stupid.' She whispered, hitting the palm of her hand against her forehead with each word. She took a deep breath and forced herself to calm down, she could get through this, she'd gone through harder things.

'Get yourself together, you're strong, you can do this.' She whispered to herself and closed her eyes for a moment before taking a deep breath and drawing herself up to her full height. 'We're good here. We...'

She sighed and returned to the ward and did her best to hide her secret but she struggled to keep it from her mind. She couldn't tell Ollie, she couldn't ruin his life in this way. They weren't even dating, she didn't even have any strong feelings for him. She knew she was a rebound for Zosia, and he was just a way for her to blow off some steam, it was just some fun. She was caught distracted a couple of times but eventually managed to get a grip on herself and became better at hiding her thoughts.

At lunchtime she knew that she needed to tell someone and that someone couldn't be Ollie, nor could it be her father. She thought that now was a good time to open up to her brother. She sought out Frederik and found him in the AAU break room eating his lunch, she closed the door quietly behind her and he looked up in surprise.

'Hannah? Is everything alright?' He asked and Hannah slowly took a seat beside him.

'Hey, yeah, I mean I don't know. I needed someone to talk to and that person couldn't be dad.' She said with a slight laugh and Frederik tried not to feel offended at her comment.

'Is it about a patient?' He asked and she scrunched up her face.

'Not exactly...'

'Is it about your relationship with Mr. Valentine?' He asked and she looked at him in shock.

'How did you...?' She began before rolling her eyes and shrugging. 'Ah never mind, things never stay secret in this place.' She sighed and collected herself, she knew she needed to just be one hundred percent honest with him but this was really the first clear moment she'd had to think about it and she wasn't sure how she wanted to feel. She decided that she would just say it out loud and let that decide how she felt, she knew that once she admitted it out loud she would know how to feel.

'I'm... pregnant.' She said and felt a huge weight lift from her chest. She paused for a moment before letting out a small laugh and holding out her hands to him, he simply looked at her in shock, he hadn't been expecting that. 'I'm pregnant!' she repeated, in a happier and more confident tone. She laughed freely now because she knew how she felt, she already had one beautiful child, she was sure she could manage another.

'It's Mr. Valentine's baby?' Frederik asked, his tone was icy, he was angry with her but she was too distracted to notice.

'Yeah, I mean he doesn't know yet but Ollie's a good guy. We're not even really a couple but he'll do what it takes to make this right I know, we'll make it work. It'll just mean our family gets a little bit bigger!' She laughed and at the mention of the word "family" Frederik lost his composure.

'Family?' He hissed and she jumped as she realised his anger, she didn't know how to respond. 'This isn't a family! This is some stupid mistake you made because you couldn't keep your legs shut.' There was a pause as Frederik silently seethed and Hannah looked at him in complete shock, her mouth hanging open. 'You'll go running to daddy and he'll fix it all I suppose, welcome you and Valentine in with open arms, you and your perfect family. Well it's not the case, how could you be so foolish? So… stupid?'

Hannah's happiness and excitement had evaporated into a painful twinge in her chest as she listened to his hurtful words, unable to bring herself to respond.

'Frederik...' She stammered but he cut in again.

'You can barely take care of yourself!' He hissed, grabbing at her arm and shoving her scar in her face which brought tears to her eyes, she had trusted him and he was throwing that trust back in her face. 'How do you expect to take care of another infant?'

'Stop it.' She tried to sound firm but her voice croaked as her throat filled with tears.

'Spare me your tears, go and cry to daddy if you want someone's sympathy.' He finished coldly, dropping her arm and leaving the room, slamming the door behind him. Tears spilled down her cheeks and she couldn't move. She'd thought that she was getting somewhere with him, but now she realised that he would always hate her, there was nothing she could do.

...

Hannah put off telling Ollie until things were more definite, after Frederik's outburst she was more scared of his reaction than she had been at first thought. She became more affectionate with Danny and her father though and whilst the latter noticed, he chose not to say anything. When it came to Ollie she avoided his requests at meeting after work and he began to feel that their fling had come to an end and Hannah was no longer interested.

Hannah herself did everything she could to try and draw as little attention to herself as possible and to remain the same person she had been. Frederik's placement with the hospital ended and he left, Hannah wanted to try and talk to her father about it but knew that he wouldn't want to so she decided to leave it for the time being.

Gaskell's arrival was imminent and the hospital was abuzz, Ollie was sufficiently jealous of Hannah's previous relationship to David Hopkins and she laughed at him when she realised that he hadn't been aware that her childhood had been consistently speckled with his teaching. The day of John's arrival was manic and Hannah was keen to see him, she hadn't seen him since she was fifteen years old but she'd followed his work closely, it felt like she'd grown up knowing a celebrity.

On the day of his arrival Hannah was more nervous around Ollie than usual and was doing everything that she could to avoid him, she knew that she needed to tell him about the baby sooner rather than later but she was terrified. Once she found out that John was officially in the hospital she began to wander the hospital, hoping to bump into him and hoping he would recognise her, if he didn't it would awkward. That being said, if she got wind that he was in a specific place she actively avoided it, she didn't know why, she was just in a strange mood. Her pager beeped and she saw a message from Jac suggesting that she observe an operation taking place later that day, Ollie sent a text a few minutes later giving her more details and she was surprised to learn that it was with Roxanna and the patient was David. She meandered down to the basement, hoping to idly pass the time before the operation. She knew about the lab which had been renovated down there for John but she was sure it would be deserted at that time, she was surprised to hear movement coming from inside and she gingerly peered around the doorway to see a man in there.

John Gaskell only had a few more lines to his face than when she'd seen him last, eleven years previously. He looked good for his age, she observed him without him seeing her as he busied himself with some equipment. She smiled a little and he looked up to see her.

'Oh hello…' He said brightly, there was an element of recognition in his eyes but she could tell he couldn't place her.

'I don't mean to interrupt.' She replied, coming into the room and gesturing towards the equipment and he smiled, laughing slightly like he was embarrassed.

'No, it's fine. I'm terribly sorry, but do I know you?' He said slowly and narrowed his eyes as he scrutinised her face.

'I suppose eleven years, medical school and having a kid really makes a girl look so different?' She smiled and the recognition finally clicked in his eyes and he rushed forward with a grin and open arms.

'Hannah!' He exclaimed, embracing her in a hug which made her feel safe and enclosed. They both laughed as he detached himself from her and held her at arm's length. 'Forgive me for not recognising you.'

'Oh, don't worry about it, like I say, it's been a long time and a lot's changed.' She grinned, for the first time in weeks she felt at ease, somehow talking to John was easy.

'Yes, a child?! That's insane, you were just a child yourself when I last saw you! How old?' John asked, letting her go but not moving any further away.

'Danny's six and he's weirdly well-behaved for his age.' She laughed and he crossed his arms and leaned against the counter.

'But you're not married?' He asked and she was slightly taken aback but he gestured to her hand. 'No ring.'

'Ah, yeah, I mean no. Danny's dad was a… real charmer, he bounced very quickly after finding out I was expecting, much to the delight of all parties.' She smiled and pretended not to see as John's eyes lingered on her lengthy scar up her arm.

'How are things now?' He asked softly and she shrugged.

'They're good, I mean they're okay.' She replied, she wasn't sure why but she felt an overwhelming urge to impart her problems on John with the hope that he might offer her more sage advice than her brother had done.

'Okay?' He seemed to clock on that there was something wrong. She sighed and stepped forward to join him in leaning on the counter, staring at the floor as she thought about how best to ask his advice.

'I mean, I have this… friend who's going through a sticky spot and it's been on my mind because I can't think of what advice to give her.' She said and John nodded slowly, she knew that he wasn't buying it for a second but it was all she could do to explain her situation. 'She had this short fling with a friend, a colleague, and now she's pregnant. She doesn't know what to do because she doesn't necessarily have feelings for this colleague but she knows he has a right to know but she's scared, she's scared of rejection, I guess.'

Hannah spoke fast and John paused for a moment in competitive silence, looking at the floor, it was like she could hear his mind working.

'She's not told anybody else about her situation?' He asked and she blushed a little.

'She tried to tell her brother but, let's just say, he wasn't exactly happy with her. In fact, he got quite angry and upset her quite a bit.'

'Hmm,' he mused and she waited for the next question, 'and termination is out of the question?'

'It's not ideal.' Hannah replied, it hadn't ever been something she'd really considered. She understood that it might be the wisest option in some cases but she wasn't keen on undergoing the process herself, she was too scared the effect it would have on her in future years, she knew that she would probably regret it.

'Then I think that the best thing she can do is to tell the father, the colleague, and go from there.' He replied and she turned to face him.

'But what if that goes south? What if that ruins their working relationship.' She queried quickly and he looked at her with his everlastingly calm eyes.

'I think that if he's a mature adult he won't let anything this serious impact either of your careers.' He replied and then paused as he realised his slip, Hannah looked down but they both knew there was no point continuing with the charade. 'Have you told your father?' He asked quietly and she shook her head.

'I'm too scared.' She replied honestly and he brushed a stray lock of hair from her face behind her ear.

'He will support you, as will Roxanna, David and I, now that we're here. I hope that we can spend some time together, I've heard good things about you.' He smiled at her, his hand lingering just below her ear, and she smiled back at him. The tender moment was broken as Hannah's pager beeped again, Ollie was trying to find her.

'Speak of the devil, I have to go.' She said as she slipped her pager back into her pocket and he nodded, pushing himself from the counter and returning to his equipment. She moved towards the door but turned back before leaving.

'It's good to see you, Professor Gaskell.' She smiled and he faked a shudder.

'If you call me Professor Gaskell again it won't be so good.' He scolded and she grinned as she left. It certainly was good to see him again.


	4. Chapter 4 - Family Issues

**Holby City**

 **Warning: This is a tough chapter, it deals with the hospital shooting and immediate aftermath for the Hanssen family.**

 **Chapter Four – Family Issues**

'Where have you been?' Ollie demanded, he was waiting for her in the stairwell as she rounded the corner, she was glad, she preferred to do this here rather than on the ward. It was the exact same spot she'd found herself when she'd first found out her news and she thought it gave the occasion a nice sentiment.

'Ollie, good, I need to tell you something.' She said quickly as he made to turn back in the direction of the ward, he stopped when he realised that she wasn't following.

'Does it really have to be now? We kind of need to get to theatre, Roxanna is getting restless.' He said, he was practically bouncing up and down with eagerness and anxiety.

'Yes, it needs to be now, it's really important.' She told him and then nerves began to eat at her chest and she shook her hands to try and dispel some of them and took a deep breath.

'Well? Go on then.' He said and she opened her mouth to say it but she found that she couldn't. She groaned to herself and crossed to the window, gripping at the railing and trying to calm herself.

'Okay, just, uh, just give me minute.' She requested and took some deep breaths, counting the cars.

'Hannah? Are you okay?' Ollie asked, suddenly stiller as he crossed to her side and put a comforting hand on her shoulder.

'Yes, yes I'm fine.' She said, instinctively moving away from him and rubbing her palms together. She walked backwards and forwards a couple of times in front of him, ensuring that she ended up on the opposite side of the stairwell to him so that she had a bit of room.

'Look, I'm worried, but we're also a little pressed for time here…' Ollie began and Hannah mentally removed her filter and let it all fall out.

'I'm pregnant.' She said and there was a pause between them, Hannah could hear her heartbeat thrumming in her ears as she watched his face. It took a moment for Ollie to register what she had told him and when the realisation dawned on him he leaned back against the railing suddenly and stared into space as he tried to process the information. Hannah couldn't stand the silence so she decided that the best thing she could do was to fill it.

'I know that this is weird and I have been absolutely terrified and worrying myself crazy with trying to work out how to tell you because we haven't exactly been the couple of the year and it's okay, I'm fully aware that I was just a rebound for Zosia and that we were nothing serious and I completely understand if you don't want anything to do with the baby but you had a right to know so I had to tell you and I don't even know yet what the hell I'm going to do…' Hannah wasn't looking at him and was just spouting out whatever came into her head so she didn't really notice when he approached her quickly, the first indication she had that he had moved was when he grabbed her face between his hands and pressed his lips to hers passionately. She kissed him back after she'd got over her initial shock and when he broke away she was speechless but stammered a little. He kept her face between his hands and stroked her cheeks with his thumbs.

'This is crazy…' He smiled at her with a small laugh which made her feel inclined to mimic his small laugh.

'Yeah, it kind of is.' She replied and he planted a soft kiss on her lips again.

'Look, I don't know how I feel about us, and we've not been too serious but no matter how this turns out I won't leave you, I won't abandon you in any way, not like…' He didn't have to finish the sentence. Hannah felt an overwhelming sense of gratitude and affection for him and she was mildly annoyed that the only way she could show it was a smile.

'I don't know how I feel about us either, but I think… we could maybe make this work.' She smiled and Ollie kissed her again, this kiss was deeper and longer, he agreed.

'Whenever you two are quite done, I'd like to get into theatre.' Roxanna's voice rang from the top of the flight of stairs looking down on them and they sprang apart like a couple of guilty teenagers. They both muttered their apologies and headed towards the theatre, rushing past Roxanna who kept her face stern until they had passed and then she allowed herself to smile in reflection of what she'd seen and overheard.

She knew more than John about Hannah's past, she'd always done her best to keep in contact with Henrik about his daughter; for reasons of her own. She'd wished she could have helped her go through the experiences that she'd gone through but it hadn't been allowed, it wasn't appropriate. She wished that she could let on to Hannah that she knew more than she let on.

Roxanna was only supposed to be supervising the operation, observing it from within to make sure that nothing went wrong but she could be there if they needed her. She knew that she wasn't allowed to treat her own husband but there was no way that they could keep her away. Ollie and Hannah were more than capable of taking care of David and Morven Digby was there too; she was only observing but she would be able to scrub in quickly if they really needed another pair of hands.

Ollie was usually good at keeping his personal life separate from his professional one, but it was understandable that his excitement at the news Hannah had relayed was going to affect him a little.

'So how many weeks along are you?' He asked quietly and Hannah removed her eyes from David's heart and up to him, she could see the smile behind his mask but he didn't look up at her; she could feel Roxanna's eyes boring into her back and she let out a small sigh.

'Not sure,' she replied quietly.

'Wait, Hannah, you're pregnant?' Morven asked, intruding in her usual way but Hannah knew it was just curiosity and excitement.

'I'm not even sure we can count it as a pregnancy at the moment,' she replied with a smile nobody could see, she continued to focus on the heart as Ollie made a crucial incision. 'It's barely bigger than a Brussel sprout.' She smiled and Ollie chuckled lightly.

'Sprout, that's cute. Our little sprout.' He mused to himself and Hannah felt a rush of something go to her heart as she looked at him, he was genuinely excited about this she could tell and it made her happy to see him happy about something.

'Congratulations.' Roxanna added quietly from behind them as Hannah passed Ollie clamps to hold open David's flesh. Before anybody could continue the conversation regarding the baby, everyone's pagers seemed to go off at the same time. Hannah and Ollie looked up in confusion as Roxanna and Morven pulled out their devices to check what the emergency was.

'What's going on?' Hannah asked, obviously distracted.

'Ms. Macmillan, what is it?' Ollie asked, turning to Morven who held up her pager for him to see. Hannah turned to Roxanna who did the same and Hannah felt a sinking feeling fall through her and her breath caught in her throat.

'Oh, my God.' She whispered but Ollie turned back to the patient.

'Dr. Hanssen I need your attention here please.' He reminded her and she tried to turn back to the surgery but her mind was wandering. The hospital was on lockdown, someone had been shot, the shooter was still on the loose. Hannah knew she was a good surgeon but she couldn't stop her mind was wandering and it always came back to the same thought, where was her father?

'Dr. Hanssen...' Ollie warned and she took a deep breath, closing her eyes for a moment and when she opened them they were resting on David's beating heart.

'I'm here.' She said and she knew that if she gave David her full attention then she could get out quicker and find her father. She tried to think of where he could be, she assumed the wet lab with Gaskell, that was the last she'd heard.

'Could somebody… um, phone the wet lab for me please.' She instructed and Ollie seemed confused.

'Why do we need...?' He began and she interrupted him before he could finish.

'I need to know that my father is okay, otherwise I won't be able to focus properly, once I know he's alright I'll be fine again.' She said and he nodded in understanding.

'Of course.' He replied and Hannah did her best to maintain her focus whilst a nurse rang down to the lab to confirm who was down there.

'Mr. Hanssen, Professor Gaskell, Nurse Harrison, Mr. Levy and Ms. Naylor are all in the wet lab.' The nurse said and Hannah held up a hand before they could say anything else.

'Thank you.' She said, knowing that her father was still there made her feel more safe, secure, she could focus again.

'Let's take him off bypass.' Ollie instructed and they took a small step back whilst waiting to see if it was successful. Morven was wandering towards the door to peer out and Ollie chastised her, Hannah heard the conversation around her but she remained as absorbed in her patient as possible, she couldn't let her thoughts wander. Her breath was shaky and it was taking a lot of effort to control the shaking of her hands but she knew that she could do it. She remembered a trick they had taught her at the clinic shortly after she'd been admitted, a way to keep calm, to remind herself.

'My name is Hannah Hanssen, I am twenty-six years old, I have a brother named Fredrik and a son named Danny, I am a cardio-thoracic junior doctor at Holby City hospital, and I am alive.' She repeated the phrases over and over, Ollie gave her a questioning look but didn't verbalise anything. Once she felt a little calmer she stopped and they continued the surgery. They were silent except for speaking when absolutely necessary but Morven was clearly distracted. Hannah jumped when Morven's phone went off and she pulled it out to check it.

'Oh, my God, they know who the shooter is, there's a picture.' Her voice was quiet and Hannah felt her pulse quicken a little when she saw the look that Morven gave her.

'What? Who is it?' Hannah whispered, she was surprised anyone heard her. Morven came forward slowly and held her phone up to reveal the photo. Hannah felt tears spring to her eyes and she thought her heart might have momentarily stopped. She was looking at a photograph of her brother holding a rifle.

'I don't think I can continue.' She told Ollie and took a step back.

'Hannah, please, I need your help here.' He pleaded but Hannah felt wobbly.

'Ollie, I can't...' She whispered, her breathing quickening and he came around to the other side of the operating table to her, he didn't touch her but he stood close and looked down at her in earnest.

'You're a good doctor and an excellent surgeon. I know how difficult this is but I need your focus here, I need you to help me with this or else David might die. I know you don't want that to happen, please Hannah...' He spoke quickly and firmly and Hannah tried to close her eyes and calm herself. She knew that what Ollie was saying was right but her fears for her father had increased tenfold since the original developments and she wasn't sure that she knew how to continue.

'I'm scared...' She whispered but before Ollie could reply there was a crash from outside, making them all jump. Their eyes turned towards the door to see the man dressed in black approaching the theatre.

'We carry on.' Roxanna instructed but everyone was frozen. The man approached the door and paused, Morven was the first to speak.

'He knows the code.' She said as he began to punch it in and Hannah could hear her heartbeat drumming in her ears. She pulled off her mask, it was constricting her breathing, she was going to have a panic attack.

'He's coming for me...' She gasped but by this time he was pushing open the inner door to the theatre.

'We have a patient here who's about to come off bypass.' Roxanna explained calmly but Fredrik paid no attention, his eyes were fixed solely on his sister.

'Please don't do this...' She whispered as sprung down her cheeks but he was disconnected. He slowly raised his gun and aimed at her head and the rest of the world vanished for her, it was just her and her brother staring one another down.

'No!' Morven was shouting and Ollie was moving to step in front of the gun.

'Don't point that at her...' He instructed angrily and a shot rang out, deafening Hannah. Blood spattered her face and it took her a second to register Ollie falling to the ground in front of her, it took her even longer to register that the scream that was sounding was coming from her. Fredrik seemed to be happy with the situation and left, Hannah fell to her knees and found herself acting on autopilot. She was cradling Ollie's head even though her body was shaking violently with sobs, she tried to apply pressure. Morven appeared with packs and helped her to apply them to Ollie's wound but he had been shot in the head, Hannah knew that there was little chance he was going to make it. She looked up to see Morven crying too and then down at her bloody hands, Ollie's blood. When her eyes fell on his face the world snapped back into reality around her, Roxanna was shouting instructions, machines were beeping, Morven was sobbing. This was all her fault.

The doors opened again and Hannah's head shot up as she expected her brother to be making another appearance, it was her father instead. He fell to the floor beside her as Morven explained what had happened to Hanssen.

'Henrik, go. You're the only one who can stop this, you too Hannah.' Roxanna instructed and the father and daughter looked up at her and then at each other before Hannah remembered her duties towards her father. She stood up quickly and peeled off her surgical gown and gloves.

'Look after him.' She instructed Morven, pulling her hair loose from the surgical cap and then pulling her father to his feet. 'We have to find him, dad.' She said, surprised at how calm she suddenly felt. She took a step towards the door before pausing and then rushing back to Ollie's side, Hanssen waited for her.

'I'll be back.' She whispered to Ollie's unconscious body and planted a swift kiss on his pale lips before rushing to catch back up with her father. Hannah and her father didn't need to talk to know where Fredrik was headed next, they wordlessly made their way to Keller and burst onto the ward as they heard banging coming from the direction of the theatre.

Henrik stopped and put an arm out to keep Hannah from moving any further forward, he knew that Fredrik had aimed at her before and he was determined not to let him have a second shot.

'Fredrik!' He yelled and Hannah clung to his arm, peering around his shoulder to watch how things unfolded with her brother, she could still feel Ollie's blood warm on her face. Fredrik appeared through the doors onto the ward and strolled forward with a small smile on his face, Hannah shuddered.

Hanssen gave a small shrug but Hannah could tell that he was afraid, she was too, her brother was holding a gun and had an unhinged smile on his face. She expected him to raise the gun and shoot at them at any second.

'It's just us now Fredrik.' Hanssen said and Fredrik gave a small smile but didn't say anything. 'Alright?' Slowly, so slowly it was painful, Fredrik placed down the gun and began to remove his jacket, Hannah knew that this was his endgame and that, out of the three of them, at least one of them was going to die. She gripped her father's arm harder and stifled a sob, she wanted to bury her head in his back and pretend like this wasn't happening but she was afraid to take her eyes away from her brother, he gave her a glance but returned his attention to their father, staring him down as he slipped off his jacket and placed it on the side by his gun.

He picked the gun back up and Hannah took a deep breath, trying to keep herself calm. She tried to remind herself that her father relied on her to stabilise his emotions, he needed her to be strong then and maybe all three of them could get out of this without a casualty; she had to remain hopeful. As he turned back to them with the gun in his hands, Hannah felt her father's hand tighten around her wrist, he was frightened.

'What have you done, Fredrik? Hmm?' Hanssen asked sympathetically, Hannah felt fear but she had no idea how her father could be sympathetic towards him at a time like this. He had hurt people, potentially killed them. There was another painful silence and Hannah felt like she ought to say something but she was terrified of where it would land them, it was safer to stay quiet. The silence was interrupted by the sound of shuffling feet and Hannah spun around, loosening her father's hold on her wrist, to see a platoon of armed police entering the ward and stopping short of them. The man who looked to be in charge tried to gesture her out of the way but she shook her head, she had to stay, even if it meant danger she couldn't bear to walk away now.

'Fredrik,' the man in charge called, leaving Hannah to make up her own mind, 'my name is Sergeant Taylor. We have to be here, okay? Just so I can hear you, nothing else, nobody will move, nobody's a threat to you. We want to hear you so we can communicate, find a way to resolve this.' He explained slowly and Hannah knew that there was no resolving this by the look on Fredrik's face.

'We just want to listen.' Sergeant Taylor concluded and Hannah dared to creep around her father's arm a little further, she wanted to give the impression that she was reassuring him that she wasn't afraid, to take him off edge a little.

'So, a lot of people are hurt, Fredrik,' her father spoke with a calm tone but she could feel him shaking and she placed her hand on his arm comfortingly, she stood by his side now.

'I know...' Fredrik replied after a pause.

'So let's just keep this between us now, alright? Whatever you want...'

'No,' Fredrik interrupted, his anger rising and Hannah steeled herself. 'I don't want anything from you, not anymore.' There was another pause and Hannah could almost feel the force of her father's brain, trying desperately to work out a resolution to the situation that wasn't going to get himself or either of his children killed.

'Let me come to you...' He finally attempted but it was no use.

'You stay there,' Fredrik retorted angrily, pointing a gloved finger at him and Hanssen remained rooted to the spot, Hannah gave his arm another small squeeze but this time Fredrik seemed to notice her. As his eyes found her a small smile played on his lips.

'Hannah, you come forward, slowly.' He instructed and Hannah was rooted to the spot for a moment in shock but made to move forward. Hanssen grabbed her wrist and stopped her.

'No.' He said firmly but Fredrik was adamant.

'I'll talk to her, your golden girl.' He hissed and Hannah gently prised her father's finger from around her wrist and gave him what she hoped was her bravest smile.

'It's okay...' She whispered and managed to stumble a couple of steps forward so she was at an equal distance between her father and her brother.

'Fredrik, put the gun down.' Hanssen instructed as he played with the safety, for the first time desperation tinged his voice. Fredrik ignored him and Hannah thought that he was going to shoot her.

'Put it down!' Hanssen yelled suddenly, making Hannah jump. She wasn't sure she'd ever heard him shout before, even when she'd been her most rebellious as a child and teenager he had only ever spoken in a disapproving tone, he hadn't ever raised his voice at her; in a way it frightened her more than the gun, it meant he was really desperate. Fredrik seemed to be just as taken aback as she was and looked up in shock, Hannah knew they were getting to the end game now, tensions were too high for it to go any other way, and she was literally right in the middle.

Fredrik lowered the gun slightly but Hannah knew he was far from putting it down.

'Thank you.' Hanssen said from behind her, she didn't dare turn around, she kept her eyes locked on her brother. There was desperation in her father's voice and her fear began to spiral, she couldn't bear to see her father afraid. 'Now, Fredrik don't raise the gun, if you raise the gun they will...' Hanssen trailed off as the unspoken truth surrounded them, they all knew it, somebody was going to get hurt, most likely die.

'Just put the gun down, please.' Hanssen said quietly, he was pleading. Fredrik seemed to think for a moment but Hannah could see he was battling with his anger, it was taking everything in him not to open fire.

'I decide how this ends...' He announced and both Hannah and Hanssen nodded but Fredrik yelled before either of them could respond. 'Me!' He screamed and Hannah jumped again, she wished she was back with her father but she knew that it was her turn to try and make things right. She closed her eyes and tried to control her breathing.

'What's the matter, Hannah?' Fredrik asked in a calm tone and she swallowed hard, opening her eyes again and staring him down like it was just a sibling spat. 'Scared now you don't have daddy to hide behind?' He jeered with a scoff and she took a deep breath, steadying her voice.

'Stop this Freddie, it's gone on long enough.' She said quietly and evenly, and anger spiked in his features again.

'It's Fredrik.' He replied bluntly and she was taken aback, all the time she'd known him she'd never thought about the way she shortened his name, it had been instinctual.

'Fredrik, I'm sorry. But please, nobody else has to get hurt, please just put down the gun.' She begged taking another step forward, but he gave her a warning look and she stopped short. 'You can come back from this, let us help you.'

There was another silence and Hannah felt her father move a little closer behind her.

'Right, put the gun down. This has to end now, my boy.' He said and Fredrik looked up with a smile.

'And that's what I'm here to do.' He smiled at Hanssen before turning his grin to Hannah, she knew that if there was any kind of agenda he had, she was top of the list. The realisation that she wasn't going to walk out of here unharmed dawned on her and made her fearless, she thought that if she could end it quicker it might make things less painful, she had to take control and be strong like all the times she'd had to be strong for her father during his depression. It wasn't about anything other than their family now, she knew Fredrik hated her and she knew there was nothing she could do about it, it was over. She took another step forward, more confident now and she held out her hand behind her, trying to stop her father from coming any closer. Before she could say anything, however, Dom rushed in from the other end of the ward, held back by Lofty.

'Fredrik, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry...' He gasped, struggling against Lofty's restraints.

'You couldn't even let me have this one moment?' Fredrik asked lightly and Hannah clenched her fists.

'Dom, get out! Go!' She shouted and Fredrik looked back at her in surprise, there was no hint of fear about her now, no waver to her voice, she was calm and confident.

'This family you have, I'm not a part of it but neither are you, either of you.' He mused and Hannah shook her head in disbelief.

'What's wrong with you? You are our family, you are my brother!' Hannah retorted hotly, she was angry now. The memory of Ollie lying senseless on the floor flooded her mind, the memory of all the times Fredrik had brushed her off, all the time's he'd disrespected her father. She was so angry she forgot about the gun, this was between her and her brother now.

'Your family?' Fredrik scoffed and Hannah almost wanted to stamp her foot like a child.

'Yes, you are my family but this is messed up and it has to stop right now. I get it, dad wasn't around for you when you were a kid and that was crap, but at least you had a mother and a father figure. You seem to think that my life was all peaches and roses well it wasn't, but I made do with the family I had, I tried to make you a part of that but you've only ever thrown it back at me.' She spoke quickly and she could tell it was provoking him, she heard the rustle of the armed police behind her, preparing for action, she could hear her father on the verge of tears.

'Your family will always be perfect and I can never be a part of that. You have your precious father and everyone just adores you! Even an accidental pregnancy turns into an opportunity for family growth when in reality it's just stupidity!' He yelled back but she was no longer afraid of him.

'So, you shot Ollie in the head because he got me pregnant?' She yelled back and Hanssen interjected.

'Wait, Hannah, you're pregnant?' He asked in disbelief but they both ignored him, continuing their argument. 'Come back here right now!' He yelled but Hannah ignored him.

'No actually I shot him by accident...' Fredrik shouted, Hannah and Hanssen both yelled over him.

'This is so messed up, I mean are you serious!? Are you really that petty?'

'Hannah come back here right now!'

'No, you stay back!' Hannah turned her head for a moment to gesture her father back as Fredrik continued his shouting.

'I SHOT HIM BUT I WASN'T AIMING FOR HIM I WAS AIMING FOR YOU.' Fredrik yelled and when Hannah turned back the gun was aimed at her head and she froze as the fear flooded back. She knew it was only a split second but it felt like an eternity, she heard the ring of shots and she was sure that she was dead, she waited for the searing pain to split through her head, she waited for death. The pain didn't come to her head but to her right shoulder and she was thrown backwards at the exact same time as her brother. The two siblings fell in synchronicity, it would almost have been theatrical if it wasn't so tragic. The difference was, Hannah's fall was broken by her father's arms who rushed forward to catch her.

Everything seemed to be moving in slow motion and Hannah couldn't see her father's face above her only a blur as tears swum in her eyes, she put a hand to her shoulder and felt the wound, brought her finger back and saw the blood. She blinked a few times and tried to register what her father was saying to her, she gathered her breath and tried to reply.

'Go... go to Fredrik.' She instructed him and she realised the fear on his face. 'I'm okay, go to Fredrik.' She nodded and then suddenly Dom and Lofty were there too. Hannah was barely able to register her father moving away towards her brother and Lofty's face was looming above her.

'You need to apply pressure.' She heard coming from somewhere and then Lofty's hands were on her shoulder and he pressed down. It was only then that the pain became unbearable and she screamed, then she passed out.

…..

When Hannah awoke, her arm was in a sling and she was lying in a bed on a ward she recognised to be AAU. She lay for a moment and allowed herself to remember the events which had unfolded, she played them over frame by frame in her mind, remembering every detail and forming all the questions she needed to ask, but who could she ask? The curtains were drawn around her bed but she could hear the bustle of the hospital, she was glad they had remained open, it would have been horrible to feel partially responsible for the closure of the hospital, even though there was nothing she could have done differently. She ran her hand over her shoulder, gently tugging on the cannula in her hand so it ached but it was nothing compared to the dull ache left by the bullet wound. Her first thought was how she was going to explain what had happened to Danny, there was no way she could hide it, her arm was in a sling, she would have a scar. Her father would struggle with this, she knew that too, she had to be the strong one, keep them going no matter what.

The curtain was drawn to one side and Donna emerged with a tired expression.

'Oh, you're awake, hello.' She said softly and came to her side with a soft smile. 'I'll quickly do your obs and then Professor Gaskell asked to be made aware as soon as you'd woken up, how're you feeling?' She asked and Hannah had to think.

'Confused.' She answered and Donna's smile turned sympathetic.

'I meant physically.' She said and Hannah shrugged, wincing as the ache in her shoulder spiked to a pang. 'Do you remember what happened?' Donna asked, checking her blood pressure and noting it down on the chart.

'Yeah… Where's my dad, is he okay? And Fredrik? Ollie?' The questions began to tumble from her mouth and when her mind settled on Ollie the thought of the baby returned to her mind, something was wrong.

'Professor Gaskell has told us that he'll answer your questions,' Donna replied which made Hannah worry even more. 'Let me grab him for you, I think it's best you speak to him.' Donna said and disappeared. With every minute she was gone Hannah panicked more and more. Eventually she couldn't deal with the frustration any more, she had to know what had happened, she couldn't bear to sit in this small cubicle any longer not knowing where her family was, whether they were dead or alive.

'Donna?' She called as she swung the covers off from over her and yanked the cannula from her hand, it began to bleed but she didn't care. She swung her legs over the side of the bed as the curtain was pulled aside again, but this time it was John who emerged and once he saw her escape attempt he rushed forward and took hold of her good arm.

'No no no...' He said and gently restrained her, he held her back against the bed and when he realised he couldn't make her lie down he contented himself with sitting on the edge of the bed so that she at least couldn't make another escape attempt; he kept his hands on her elbows, she clung to his arms in desperation.

'John, tell me, please... Who's dead?' She asked bluntly, her heart in her throat. John sighed and ran his hand through his hair, he was stressed out, she vaguely remembered that it was still technically his first day.

'Raf Di Lucca, David Hopkins...' He said and Hannah was shocked, she hadn't even heard that Raf had been shot, she'd not known him too well but he'd always seemed lovely. The loss of David hit her hard but she put it aside for a moment, she would grieve when she knew the full extent.

'Ollie and Jac are in ITU, they should recover.' John continued and Hannah nodded, Ollie had been shot in the head, she knew that recovery meant something very different for him but she had to know what had happened to her family, she couldn't allow herself to feel anything strongly until she knew about them. Just like Raf, she hadn't even known that Jac had been shot and she fought back tears, Darwin would be falling apart.

'Fredrik?' She whispered, she had flashes of memory from when the guns had gone off, it felt like the shots were still ringing in her ears; she remembered that he fell at the same time as her, he had been hurt too.

'I'm sorry...' John whispered, shaking his head. Hannah felt the full force of her lost brother and nodded, she let herself cry, there was no way she could stop it, but she tried to remain strong, she had to. 'Hannah, there's something else...' John added and Hannah felt a sense of dread sweep through her, her father.

'What? Just tell me, please.' She begged and he shifted slightly and took her hands, holding them tightly.

'We had to operate on you, to get the bullet out, and when you were in theatre...' He couldn't look at her, 'I'm sorry Hannah, you suffered a miscarriage, there was nothing we could do.' He explained and Hannah couldn't control it anymore, she had known something was wrong, something was missing, but she hadn't expected this.

She collapsed into a sobbing mess and felt no shame, there wasn't room for shame anymore. Without thinking John wrapped his arms around her and held her to his chest, they both knew that her father would not be making an appearance at her bed side for quite some time, if at all, it would be too painful for him, but she needed support; she couldn't go through it alone so John knew he had to be there for her. She shook with violent sobs and drenched the front of his scrubs with her tears and still he held her, he held her until she cried herself out, and he cried with her.


	5. Chapter 5 - Recovery

**Chapter 5 – Recovery**

Hanssen was adamant about returning to work as quickly as possible and Hannah understood his reasoning; it was easier to be distracted at work, to let the mind focus on something that wasn't so terrible. The hospital rallied under Hanssen's leadership and things were quickly the same as they had always been, except for the memorials and shrines. Gaskell began his innovative research and began to make himself known as a face of the hospital that the world could trust. Hannah herself was forced to remain in hospital for a week after the shooting to be monitored through her recovery. At first, she wouldn't let Danny come and visit her, she didn't want her son to see her that way, but eventually it was reported that he was getting restless and worried. When her father told her that he had refused both breakfast and dinner, she relented and allowed him to come see her.

Hanssen didn't oversee the visit himself, he rarely saw Hannah except to give her brief updates on the workings of the hospital and their home life. Mainly it was Dom and Lofty or occasionally Gaskell and/or Roxanna. She wished that her father would be there more for her, but she also understood that to see her was particularly painful and he needed his space. She cherished the time he spent with her but didn't hold it against him that this time was lacking and limited.

Roxanna was the one to bring Danny to visit Hannah, she led him gently into the room and pointed to Hannah, remaining in the doorway in case Hannah needed her. Hannah leaned forward in her bed and smiled at her son who approached her cautiously like she had some kind of infectious disease.

'Hey there, you.' Hannah smiled, her voice was soft and she wished she could be stronger for him, he wouldn't understand. 'Jump up here for me...' She encouraged him, patting the bed with her good hand. Roxanna darted forward and helped lift him, once he was settled she retreated again. Hannah expected him to say something, to ask a question, but he was silent so she pulled him onto her lap and cradled him against her chest; he sat stiffly in her arms and Hannah felt tears come to her eyes.

'Have you been having a fun time with granddad?' She asked and she felt him nod a little under her chin. 'I hear you've been refusing to eat your vegetables, you know that vegetables keep you strong and healthy, you need to eat your vegetables.' She said slowly and he moved out from under her chin and looked up at her but wouldn't look her in the eyes.

'Is that why you're here? Did you not eat your vegetables?' He asked in a small voice and Hannah and Roxanna shared a look. Hannah had to make the choice of how much to disclose to her son and she knew that it wouldn't be easy, it wouldn't have been easy even if it hadn't been a family member who had put her in that place.

'No, sweetie... I'm here because I got hurt, see...' She said and pointed to her bandaged shoulder.

'How did you get hurt?' He asked, playing with her sling, it hurt her a little but she pretended it didn't.

'Has granddad told you anything about what happened?' She asked him and he shook his head, she sighed and ran her fingers through his hair. 'Uncle Fredrik, you remember him? Well, he got a little upset and lost his temper and he hurt me and some other people.' She explained slowly.

'Is he here too?' Danny asked and Hannah closed her eyes against the pain.

'No, baby, he's not. He's gone somewhere else.'

'What about Oskar? Has he gone with him?'

'No, but I don't think that we're going to be able to see Oskar or Auntie Sara for a little while, I'm sorry honey.' She said and he properly looked up at her for the first time with his inquisitive eyes.

'Why don't you show mummy the card you made her?' Roxanna interjected and passed Danny a backpack he'd brought in with him. Danny silently retrieved a home-made card with poorly spelt words and badly drawn pictures but Hannah exclaimed happily when she saw it.

'Oh wow, this is amazing. Thank you, sweetie!' She grinned and placed it on the table next to her. 'There, now it'll be the first thing I see every single time I wake up!' She grinned but he ignored her happiness and looked down again.

'When are you coming home? Granddad puts me to bed too early and then goes into the study and cries when he thinks I'm asleep...' He said quietly and Hannah felt a pang in her chest. She needed to be home for them both, she looked at Roxanna again for help but Roxanna was staring at the floor, unable to say anything that would help, this was a family matter.

'Soon, baby. I'll be home soon, I promise. They just have to fill me up on lots of fruit and veg, yeah? So, you'd better do the same, and give granddad lots and lots of hugs. He's sad because he won't get to see Uncle Fredrik or Oskar for a long, long time too so you need to be a really good boy and give him lots of cuddles. Can you do that for me?' She asked and he gave a sheepish nod. 'How about for me?' She asked and he suddenly threw his arms around her neck and squeezed so tightly she found herself struggling to breathe but she didn't care. She held him tightly back with her good arm and planted a kiss on his cheek.

He stayed for a little while longer but as Roxanna began to take him away to meet his nanny who was going to take him to school, John arrived to pay his short daily visit. It was the first time John had met Danny and he crouched down and shook his hand sweetly. Hannah quickly wiped away her tears as Danny left and Roxanna shut the door on her and John.

'How are you?' He asked, approaching the bed and handing her a tissue, she thanked him and began to wipe at her nose and eyes in a way that was very unflattering.

'I need to get home, my dad, he's not coping and it's scaring Danny.' She explained and he sighed and nodded.

'You need to stay here for at least another few days, just so we can keep an eye, you know the rules.' He said slowly and she sighed.

'I know, I just hate feeling so powerless. My dad will barely talk to me, whenever I try and bring up the subject of Fredrik he clams up completely. He might not have been hurt physically but he's not okay, he needs to recover but he won't let himself. Please, John, you have to try and convince him to take better care of himself. I've seen this road before and the destination is not pretty.' She spoke quickly, accompanied with more tears and he nodded.

'Alright, I'll speak to your doctor and see if I can get you discharged a day or two early. You'll have to have a psych assessment though, you know that?' He explained and she nodded, she knew her past put in her a dangerous position but things were different now, she wasn't going to make the same mistakes twice. 'But when you get out you're not planning on coming back to work?' He asked and she shook her head.

'No, I need some time. I can't exactly perform surgery with a botched shoulder, anyway can I?' She attempted a joke and he humoured her with a smile.

'Alright, well to stop you going stir crazy I would appreciate your input with some aspects of my trial?' He suggested and she was taken aback.

'Isn't your trial neuro based? Stem cells and all that jazz? I'm a heart and lungs girl I'm not sure how much help I could be...' She said and he shrugged.

'Just reading over notes, casting a fresh pair of eyes over things, making sure I'm ticking all the boxes. Just something to take your mind off... things.' He explained and she smiled at him gratefully.

'Thank you...' She whispered and he avoided her gaze but nodded as he pretended to check her notes. She took a deep breath as she steeled herself for her usual question. 'How's Ollie?' She asked quietly and he tensed a little even though he heard the same question every day and always gave the same answer.

'We're hopeful, at least he's stable.' He said and she nodded, she hoped for some miraculous recovery but she understood it was incredibly unlikely.

A couple of days later Hannah was allowed to leave the hospital but was instructed to keep wearing the sling as much as possible over the course of the next two weeks. At first, she devoted herself entirely to her home life and the weekend almost felt like they were slipping back into the swing of things, Hannah almost forgot about the pain. She spent every waking moment with Danny and tried to engage her father in their activities but he cut himself off from them. She made them all dinner and refused to let anybody leave the table until everyone had eaten everything; she read Danny bedtime stories and made him laugh so he returned to being the happy little boy she was used to and adored. Once he was soundly asleep she would sit with her father and make him tea until he also went to bed and then she allowed herself to sleep. She got up before anyone else, sometimes only narrowly before her father, but she made sure there was a fresh pot of coffee ready for him and breakfast was cooking, she was determined to do her best to take care of him so he had as little to worry about as possible but he didn't make it easier for her.

She was aware of the distance that was opening between them, the gap that was forced by Fredrik's actions and his death, but she tried her hardest to bridge it all the same, to make them work as a family again. On Monday, she took Danny to school in a taxi and packed her father a healthy lunch, making sure not to include the tomatoes she knew he hated. Once she had the house to herself she cleaned it from top to bottom, everywhere except her father's study which was off limits to both her and Danny unless they were invited in. Around midday she began to feel that loneliness and lethargy she'd been sure she would be able to stave off. She stopped taking her pain medication, determined to use the pain to spur her on, but once the house was spotless there was little else she could do.

She wandered aimlessly from room to room, she tried to watch TV but she couldn't keep her attention focused. She tried to play a few tunes on the piano with one hand but it only frustrated her. She grew more and more agitated until she could justify going to pick up Danny, she walked to the school but was still early so she wandered around the neighbouring streets for twenty minutes before going to wait in the playground, she was the first one there. When the other parents began to arrive, she saw the judging stares and she pretended not to notice the whispers. It had been all over the news, her brother had shot up a hospital, how could she think that she would get away without being judged for it, especially with her obvious injury. But she stared straight ahead and did her best to ignore them, she wished it could go back to the other parents judging her simply for being a young mother.

When Danny came barrelling out of the classroom and ran straight into her arms she forgot everything which had worried her. She held him tightly and asked him questions about school as they walked home together, Danny complaining all the while that it was too long a walk. When they got home she helped him with homework and they waited until her father was home to have an enforced family dinner. It was that night that he told her about the memorial that was planned the following day; he didn't ask her if she wanted to go. She motioned to her father to stop talking and resumed the upbeat conversation as best she could, her arm was throbbing with pain.

She put Danny to bed and made the tea as usual, taking it into her father's study and this was when she saw his work, his map outlining the shooting, outlining Fredrik. She placed the tea down gently, her father hadn't noticed her coming in.

'Dad?' She spoke softly and he turned to face her guiltily. 'What is this?' Hanssen paused and then turned back to his work, speaking confidently.

'I'm trying to understand why he did it.' He said and Hannah approached, studying her face, Ollie's, Jac's, all pinned up on that wall and strung together like they were part of some eccentric murder mystery.

'I mean, there's understanding why he did it and then there's going overboard.' She said as she stood beside him and looked up at it, it was like something out of a bad Sherlock Holmes film, it frightened her.

'It is a necessity.' He said firmly and there was a pause between them, Hannah was at a loss for words, she didn't know whether her father needed comforting or giving a push in a better direction, if she messed it up then it could damage their relationship catastrophically.

'This is my fault.' He said quietly and Hannah shook her head, turning to face him and grabbing his arm so he was facing her, he pulled away gently but she knew that this wasn't the time for comfort.

'None of this is your fault, something underlying was wrong with Fredrik, you did not cause this, you are not responsible for the hurt he caused.' She said and gestured to the map, her eye was suddenly caught by something near the centre of the map. At first glance she had thought it was a list her father had made but she noticed the handwriting wasn't his, it was Fredrik's and it was a list of names. She reached forward and untacked it from the wall, ignoring her father's discomfort at her messing up his meticulously organised plans.

She saw Roxanna's name on there and Dom's as well as her father's; but what really got to her was the name at the top of the list. The rest of the list had been written in black ballpoint pen, but her name was written in red, capital letters, underlined, circled and highlighted.

'Wow, he really wanted me dead didn't he...' She muttered to herself and her legs felt weak, she needed to sit down. She moved to a chair and collapsed into it, unable to let go of the piece of paper she held in her hand, her brothers hit list. There was another horrible pause as Hannah tried to process all the information and her father watched her with a nervous look, he didn't like the list being out of its place but he disliked the pale fear on his daughter's face even more.

'He was sick.' Hannah said at last, her voice was shaking. 'He was sick and we didn't help him, he deserves our pity but we have to move on. We owe it to the people who were hurt, the people who died. Do you think that David would want you to wallow like this? Blaming yourself for something that you couldn't have prevented, something that was almost inevitable? Fredrik was always going to hurt someone, it was in his nature, but it was nothing to do with us.'

'His nature...' Hanssen said quickly, crossing to her and taking the seat opposite her. 'His nature, his evil, comes from the parents, biological genes, my creation, my fault.'

'Does that make this Maja's fault too? And what about me and Danny? Are we evil?' She asked quickly, anger spiking through her as she grew frustrated, she knew that she wouldn't be able to get through to her father but she was desperate to try. 'You're only seeing things you want to see, to hurt yourself so you can justify blaming yourself for what happened but nobody else blames you and the truth is dad, you're scaring Danny and you're scaring me. I don't know how to get through to you, I don't want the rest of our family to fall apart.'

She leaned forward in earnest, placing the list to the side and instead grabbing one of her father's hands in her own and holding tightly. He let her hold on to him for a moment before gently retracting his hand, picking up the list and placing it back on the map in its proper place. She knew that there was nothing more she could do, he was gone. Wordlessly she stood and left the room, she left her tea to go cold and instead locked herself in the bathroom, it was the only place she could bar herself against intrusion. She sat on the floor and held her pain medication in her hand.

There were two things she could do, she could take them all and entrust her son to his grandfather, probably not the best option considering his current mental state, so she opted for the other solution. She punched all the pills from their plastic wrappings and into the toilet, then she flushed them away and once she was done she tore her sling from around her neck and threw it into the bin. Her arm was aching dully as she stretched it out and exercised it, it felt like it had been dead and was only just now coming back to life. She pulled her t-shirt down over her shoulder to expose the thick bandaging and she stared at herself in the mirror. Slowly, she reached up with her left hand and pressed her forefinger onto the bullet wound. She pressed harder and harder until she could barely hold back a cry of pain and the white bandage was darkening with the blood of broken stitches. It was almost an agony but she kept pressing, relishing the pain, feeling alive. When she began to feel dizzy she stopped and clutched to the side of the sink for support, breathing heavily; but when her dizziness cleared she felt free again and she knew that she wouldn't be able to endure another idle day again.

The next morning, she went through the same routine, breakfast and school, her father disappearing off to work before she really had a chance to talk to him. Once she had dropped Danny at school, however, she kept going and went to the hospital. She stood outside for a few moments, looking up at it with mixed feelings as she contemplated her first move. On the lawn, a group of people were setting up chairs in front of a veiled entity, the memorial. She sighed and she knew where she had to go.

Walking back onto Keller ward made her heart race, it was busy, bustling with the day's electives and regular doctors, but to her everything felt different. Dom was the first to spot her, standing in the exact same place she had been shot and staring at the place where her brother had died with a scared expression. He approached her cautiously, he had seen the list too and whilst it affected him, he had no idea how it could have felt for her.

'Hey,' he said and she snapped back to reality, she gave him a weak smile.

'Hey you.' She grinned, slipping back into her charade that she put on at home, Hannah Hanssen as usual. She hugged him tightly and noticed he was a little taken aback by her brightness.

'Are you okay?' She asked and he raised an eyebrow.

'Am I okay? Are you okay?' He asked and her smile shook a little but to her credit she kept it strong.

'I'm fine, good in fact, even great. Danny's doing really well, eating his greens again which is great, my arm is finally out of that horrid sling, you know it didn't go with anything...' She said and he eyed her arm.

'Yes, it shouldn't be yet I don't think...' He mused and pulled back her jacket and shirt to survey the dark patch on her bandage. She feigned surprise.

'Oh, I must have bumped it while I was getting dressed.' She laughed but she'd never been a very good liar. He gave her a look and she stepped back and readjusted her clothes to cover the bandage. 'Look, Dom, I love you and I know that things are pretty sucky at the moment, but Ollie...' She trailed off and Dom nodded. He knew that Hannah was a good friend to him but Ollie was her best friend, and he had taken a bullet for her.

'Do you want to see him? He's awake.' Dom said quietly and she was surprised.

'Awake?' She asked in surprise and he repressed a smile.

'Yes, apparently Ms. MacMillan is a miracle worker. She woke him up a little while ago, Zosia was here too and his mum, it was a bit awkward really when he didn't remember anything. He doesn't really remember much, his frontal lobe was severely damaged, but you can see him, maybe he'll remember you.' Dom explained and Hannah took a deep breath.

'If he doesn't remember the woman he married I doubt he'll remember me much.' She said attempting to smile but it was becoming harder and harder.

'Oh, I don't know...' Dom said, attempting to give her a little hope and lighten the mood with a joke, 'How could anyone forget the incomparable Hannah Hanssen? He's known you a lot longer, he remembered that scary new doctor from Darwin.' He said and Hannah did a small double take.

'Scary new doctor on Darwin?' She asked and Dom nodded.

'Yeah, Petren-something, I can't remember I've only met her once.' He said but Hannah was excited again.

'Frieda Petrenko?' She asked and when Dom nodded her face broke into a genuine grin, 'Oh brilliant, back in the old days when I was a mere F1 it was me, Ollie, Penny and Frieda on AAU. Then Penny died, Frieda left and we all seemed to fall apart. It'll be good to see her again.' She grinned, genuinely cheered at the sight of seeing an old friend, even if she was unsure if Frieda had ever considered her a friend in return.

'Hannah?' Roxanna appeared behind her and approached them swiftly. Hannah smiled at her and accepted the quick hug offered. Roxanna and Hannah had become closer whilst the latter had been admitted to AAU and Hannah felt a comfort in knowing that she was the one overseeing Ollie's care.

'Are you here to see Ollie?' She asked and Hannah nodded.

'I think it's finally time I faced the music.' She sighed and Roxanna gave her an understanding and sympathetic smile as she took her arm, Hannah gripped it tightly as they approached the side room where through the glass she could see Ollie lying on the bed in pyjamas and listening to music through earphones; he had his eyes shut but he was tapping along to the music with his hand, indicating he was awake.

'Do you want me to come in with you?' Roxanna asked softly and Hannah shook her head, gently detaching herself and opening the door.

'I need to do this by myself…' She whispered, unsure if Roxanna had even heard her. As she entered, Ollie's eyes snapped open and he looked at her for the first time. She shut the door and approached the bed silently, willing herself not to cry.

'Oh, hello, are you another relative I don't remember? Another wife perhaps?' He asked and she smiled at his dry tone, he was still the same Ollie underneath it all.

'No I don't recall us ever being married, not that I'd marry a sour git like you anyway.' She grinned and he looked offended for a moment but it cleared into a smile.

'Well there's a clue, we must have been close.' He said and she giggled.

'Is this a guessing game now?' She asked and he sat up, putting his music device to one side.

'Might as well, not like I have anything better to do. We were friends then, how long had I known you for?' He asked and she thought for a moment, scrunching up her nose.

'Seven years? Maybe eight I'm not sure.' She said and he was shocked.

'Oh, bloody hell, and I never tried anything on with you? Weird, you're pretty.' He replied drily and Hannah laughed, electing not to mention the painful truth. 'Alright, uh, what's your surname and I'll try and see if I can remember, or guess, your first name.'

'Hanssen.' She smiled and his face fell.

'Hanssen, like Mr. Hanssen?' He asked and she was suddenly, afraid, what had he been told about her family, would he resent her for what happened? Even if he just resented her father it would hurt her.

'Yes, he's my father.' She explained slowly.

'Ah, so that's how we know one another.' He guessed and she shook her head, perching on the edge of the bed, her legs felt a little weak again. She struggled to look at him but it wasn't fair for her not to so she forced herself even though it brought tears to her eyes.

'No, Ollie, we worked together. I'm a surgeon on Darwin, you were my mentor, you were my best friend. We worked together for a long, long time, you were always there for me.' She paused and gently placed a hand on her stomach, it wasn't fair to offload everything onto him, it was easier to keep it clean. 'I'm Hannah.'

'Hannah?' Ollie asked and she couldn't stop the tears from falling down her cheeks as she realised that he really didn't remember her at all. She closed her eyes and stood up very quickly, covering her face with her hands and trying to calm herself down which only resulted in her sobs becoming worse.

'No, please, don't cry. I'm sorry if I upset you.' Ollie said and Hannah couldn't help herself, she rushed back to him and flung her arms around his neck, sobbing into his shoulder. He stiffened for a moment, unsure of how to respond before nervously reaching around and hugging her back, patting her back awkwardly.

'You remembered Petrenko but you don't remember me...' She sobbed and he paused for a moment and let his mind work hard in a wandering fashion, it meandered through the mazes of memory back to the time on AAU and he suddenly remembered her. She had been a little meek and unsure of herself, she always looked to him for guidance, always unaware of how much of a fraud he had been; he couldn't remember whether she'd ever found out about his lies. He vaguely remembered other elements of their past, he remembered working with her and he remembered feeling strongly for her, feeling protective; he couldn't remember why.

'I do... I do remember you, a little, not everything though.' He said and she pulled away slightly but he kept his arms around her, having her close helped his memory.

'What do you remember?' She asked eagerly.

'It's not so much actual memories,' he muttered, 'but I do remember when you first came to the hospital, we were so young... We must have been very close because I feel this strong feeling for you, I'm not sure what it is yet though. I think I cared about you very deeply, did I ever tell you?' He asked and she sniffed back more tears.

'You didn't need to.' She replied quietly. Roxanna came into the room behind them and coughed to make herself known.

'I'm sorry to interrupt,' she said as Hannah detached herself from Ollie and moved away to clean up her face a little. 'I need to just run some tests with Ollie.' She said and then walked over to Hannah. 'Are you coming to the memorial service later?' She asked and Hannah nodded but couldn't say a word. She rushed from the room, overcome with emotion and she hurried from the ward, ignoring Dom's obvious stares from the nurse's station. She kept walking and when she came to a stop she found herself in the stairwell, her spot.

She clutched at the railing and counted the cars.

'My name is Hannah Hanssen,' she began, she had to calm herself before things got worse. She put Ollie to the back of her mind and just focused on her mantra.

'My name is Hannah Hanssen, I am twenty-six years old, I have a son named Danny and a...' She trailed off as the thought of Fredrik flooded her brain and she couldn't fight back the overwhelming emotion which coursed through her. It was a strange mix of anger and frustration, desperation and fear, but most of all it was a deep sense of depression. She couldn't fight through it anymore, she had to let it overcome her for her to overcome it in turn.

She sank to the floor, still clinging to the railings, and she sobbed hysterically, curling up into a ball and praying nobody would come by. Minutes passed and turned into an hour and nobody came by but slowly her sobs subsided and she regained control of herself. The intense feelings were still overwhelming her but she no longer had the energy to fight them or give in to them, they were just there. She grew calmer but couldn't bring herself to move, instead she closed her eyes and leaned back against the railings, stretching her legs out in front of her and gently pressing on her wound. It was painful but it kept her centred.

'You should let a doctor look at that.' A voice said from above her and she snapped her eyes open to see John Gaskell standing at the top of the steps, he had approached her silently.

'I am a doctor and I say it's fine.' She replied weakly and he bowed his head, he didn't say anything but came forward and sat on the floor beside her.

'How are you?' He asked and she sighed.

'I'd be a lot better if people stopped asking me that.' She replied and she thought she saw him smile.

'You passed the psych evaluation, that doesn't mean that you're alright.' He commented and she shrugged.

'Maybe I've just learnt the right answers to the questions.' She said and he handed her a tissue, she reluctantly accepted it and began to mop at her face again.

'You shouldn't sit here, it's probably filthy and I bet that suit cost a fortune.' She said, gesturing to his attire and he smiled properly this time.

'Marks and Spencer's.' He said and she raised an eyebrow.

'Really?'

'Yep, it's very comfortable.' He said and she laughed slightly. 'Roxanna told me you saw Ollie.'

'That was very uncomfortable.' She said, twisting his words. 'He hardly remembers me, he doesn't remember about the baby, he doesn't remember that he took a bullet for me. It's not fair that he's like that and I'm just... here. Fredrik shot at me twice but I got out with barely a scratch all because people tried to save me. Ollie, my dad, he pulled me out of the way. I didn't even register it at the time, it wasn't until Dom told me what he saw last week. What if he'd been shot too? I would have been responsible for two of them?'

'You're not responsible for anything.' He said and Hannah sighed.

'I know, I've been repeating it to my dad enough times, it wasn't our fault. It still sucks seeing Ollie like that though; I can't tell him about the baby, it's not fair to him. In a way, I'm glad I don't have to, I'm glad that I don't have to be responsible, that I don't have to go through it all again.' She said, she was merely verbalising her thoughts at this stage.

'Will you ever tell him?' John asked and she shrugged.

'I don't know, I don't even know where I stand with him. I love him, I do, but I love him like a best friend. I don't know if we ever would have worked as a couple, I think we'd just have made it work because of the baby, but we'd never really have been happy together, I don't think.' She mused, crumpling up the tissue and staring into space with a vacant expression. She was so tired, exhausted from her fit of hysteria, but now she felt calm and overwhelmed.

'I think he's lucky to have you.' John said and Hannah shook her head.

'He doesn't, not really. I'm not sure even I have me.' She said and thought for a moment. 'I mean, it's hard because I'm giving everything to just try and make my family work. Danny needs me to be his mum, he needs me to be the same person I've always been. My dad needs me to be the same crutch I've always been for him but he won't listen to reason which is only driving us further and further apart and all the while I don't know what I need for myself. There's a cloud over me and I can't shake it, I don't want it to take me over but it's getting harder and harder to fight. I'm scared.' She admitted and he paused for a moment before reaching over and taking her hand, she moved a little in surprise but let him hold it all the same.

'I think you should try focusing your mind on something. Something which isn't your family. Also, you need to admit to yourself what this really is, it's depression. You know you have it, you've had it for a long time and it's alright, you've got people who care about you and who will help you. But you need to take time out to focus on something that matters to you and not because other people need you to do it but because you want to do it. Of course, you're always welcome to help on the trial, I would really value your input, but, you're still a junior doctor correct?' He asked and she was a little taken aback.

'Does my being a junior doctor exclude me from helping you?' He laughed suddenly and she looked a little bashful.

'No, of course not. What I was going to say is, why don't you take the time out to qualify as a specialist registrar? You have friends and family in high places, we could pull some strings for you, you could do it whenever you liked. I'm sure you have a deeply expansive portfolio and CV.' He smiled and she thought for a moment. She'd always been content as a junior doctor after she passed her F2 rotations, it meant she had more time for Danny and still got to do the things she loved whilst never having to take real charge. She'd meant to get around to it at some point, of course, but she was happy taking her time. Perhaps then was the time to step up, it had been five years after all.

'Maybe... It might be nice to be Ms. Hanssen rather than Dr. Hanssen.' She mused, 'I'll think about it, thank you.' She turned her head to look at him and found him closer than she'd expected. She wasn't afraid though, she felt a strange connection to him and she was sure he felt it too. They simply looked at one another for a moment with gentle smiles and Hannah finally began to feel brighter, just looking in his eyes, holding his hand, being near him, made her feel more hopeful, like there was a chance of becoming the 'ray of sunshine' she was once more.

'I have to get to the memorial, are you coming?' John asked, breaking the spellbound silence between them and she took a deep breath before nodding.

'Yes, I ought to.' She said and he stood before helping her to her feet. They brushed the dust from themselves and Hannah stuffed the tissue in her pocket in case she would need it, she imagined she might.

They walked downstairs and to the front of the hospital together. Her father was there along with Essie and a handful of other people milling around and preparing for the service. Hannah surveyed the group as Ollie and Roxanna appeared behind them, John left her and she joined the mismatched group. Her eyes scanned the crowd and fell on a solitary figure in the back row.

It took her a moment to place her but once she did Hannah's breath caught in her throat and she found herself rushing towards the lonely woman.

'Sara?' She spoke softly and her sister-in-law looked up at her, surprised to be noticed amongst all the people who were there.

'Hannah...' She replied and stood, the two women held each other close for a few moments. When they broke apart Hannah took the seat beside her and held her hand tightly.

'I'm so sorry.' She said quietly and Sara gave her a watery smile.

'You have no reason to be, I knew he was drifting away from us a while ago and I said and did nothing. I thought by going back to Sweden that it would make him see sense, it didn't work.' She explained and Hannah didn't really know what to say, she hadn't even seen the signs. 'You were hurt in the shooting?' Sara asked and Hannah nodded slightly, pointing to her shoulder.

'I'm alright though...' She said and there was another silence, Hannah felt she owed it to Sara to tell her what happened from her perspective. 'I tried to talk him down but I lost my temper, he was so, so angry at me. He wanted me dead, more than anyone else, me. I was there at the end, me and dad. It was horrible.' She couldn't say much more but Sara seemed to understand.

They sat in silence while the seats filled up, Hannah watched as her old friend Frieda approached and made a mental note to go and see her at some point; she watched Jac and Sacha approach and neither of them even glanced at her; she watched as Roxanna wheeled in Ollie in a wheelchair, but when he looked up she averted her gaze so she wouldn't catch his eye. Her father was there at the front with John and Essie but Hannah couldn't focus on any of it. She just stared at the purple cloth shifting slightly in the breeze at the front of the crowd. She took a deep breath and squeezed Sara's hand, she knew that she needed comfort too.

Once everyone was settled, Essie moved to the front to address the crowd from behind a stand but Hannah couldn't hear a word. She tried to focus as her father stood up to speak but she could only hear her own heartbeat thrumming in her ears as memories swam across her mind. Her attention was finally drawn back to the present moment when Hanssen moved away suddenly from the stand and walked swiftly back towards the hospital, he was distressed. She heard murmurs then and a few eyes were on her, of course it was up to her to fix this, it was always up to her to reason with him.

She stood up quickly and Sara shifted her long legs to let her pass. She felt eyes on her as she hurried past the crowd and towards her father who had paused a little way away.

'Dad?' She called quietly, not wanting to interrupt the service. He didn't say anything, she put a hand on his arm but he shook it off so she tried again, holding tighter this time, not giving him a chance to brush her away. 'Just, stop! Talk to me…' She said quietly but he just looked at her with large eyes.

He stopped for a moment, his eyes were wide and he was frightened, panicking. Without warning he pulled away from her again and hurried inside the hospital, leaving her stood there looking after him. The service had resumed but she could still feel people watching her, she looked towards the hospital and then back at the memorial, tasked with an impossible choice. Her eyes met John's but he betrayed nothing, he couldn't make this choice for her, it had to be her.

She took a deep breath and returned to her seat, staring down at her knees for the rest of the memorial and not taking in a word that was said, she couldn't even bring herself to look at the statue.

She was one of the last to leave, she and Sara parted ways without a word even though they both knew that this would be the last time they would see one another, any reunion would be too painful. It took a woman to know this kind of thing. A few drops of rain began to fall and Hannah was stirred from her trance, she looked up at the opening sky and let the rain fall on her face and closed her eyes. When she was finally ready she rose from her seat and made her way to the school to pick up her son.

….

After the memorial, it took Hanssen a little while to get his feet on the ground again, he left Holby to take some personal time and Hannah decided that if he was going to get through it all she could do was let him know that she was there, but otherwise leave him to it. He had to heal by himself, she couldn't do it for him this time. In the meantime, she took Gaskell's advice and tried to focus on herself and her son. Danny was overjoyed at getting to spend more time with her and she spoiled him with little presents and days out as often as she could. During the days when he was at school she went to the hospital and helped John go over notes or sat with Ollie as he gradually began to regain fragments of memory. With John, she felt like nothing more than a glorified secretary but she also enjoyed the work, it was mind-numbing to be simply reading over notes but at the same time it was fascinating. It didn't induce her in the slightest to go to the dark side of neurology, but it was interesting to see inside of his mind all the same, he really was a genius.

After a couple of weeks, however, things began to get tiresome and she wanted to be doing something more, she knew what she had to do, she needed to get away from Holby.

She decided to broach the subject with John but when she went down to the wet lab, Meena Chowdhury was with him. Hannah wasn't intimidated by Meena, she was younger and whilst she was prettier than Hannah, she was a little vapid at times. All the same there was something about Meena that Hannah wasn't keen on, something that made her uncomfortable. However, Hannah was still technically her superior and so always treated her with the respect and courtesy of a colleague.

She hung back by the door, not wanting to interrupt John as he explained something to Meena who looked more at him in awe than the microscope, batting her impossibly long eyelashes. John looked up and saw her, his face broke into a smile that she couldn't help but return.

'Dr. Hanssen, how nice to see you.' He said brightly and Meena gave Hannah one of her uncomfortable smiles she gave whenever Hannah intruded on her private time with her precious Professor Gaskell.

'Hi,' Hannah replied, walking into the lab and smiling at them both, her arm was aching again and it was taking more out of her than usual that day but she did her best to hide the pain.

'Dr. Chowdhury could you give us a minute?' John asked Meena and Hannah blushed a little and tried to pretend she didn't see the look of annoyance on Meena's face.

'Of course...' She said, disappointed and hurried past Hannah who moved out of the way for her. John didn't speak again until she was gone.

'How's your shoulder?' He asked and Hannah shrugged as she came to stand beside his stool.

'It's sore,' she replied and he reached up before pausing.

'May I?' He asked and she nodded. He pulled back her shirt and jacket to reveal a clean, white bandage over her wound and he suddenly relaxed from a tension she'd not even noticed he'd been holding. He'd been nervous she'd been pressing it again and was relieved to see it was clear, that she was really getting better. 'It all looks good to me.'

'It's healing nicely.' She said with an awkward smile, the hidden subtext was like a secret between them and for a moment she reflected on how odd it was that she had this hidden link to an old friend of her father's, a man over twice her age. She pushed the thought aside though and returned to the present.

'I'll just have a nice ugly scar to add to the collection. Another moment of my life memorialised which I'd rather forget.' She mused, pulling her shirt back into place.

'I think scars show our strength.' John replied and Hannah almost laughed at the sentimentality of it.

'Yeah, I was really strong in this case,' she replied sarcastically before pointing to a small scar below her right ear, near her jaw, it had barely been visible but now John saw it he knew he would always see it. 'And then this one... Danny's dad gave me that one, the last time I ever saw him, before he disappeared off to God knows where. I suppose he wanted to give me something to remember him by... And then there's...' She stopped, she still couldn't bring herself to talk about the scar down her left forearm, it was too painful and uncomfortable a recollection.

'I think you're one of the strongest women I've ever met.' John told her and she smiled at him, blushing again.

'Oh, stop it.' She grinned and hurried on before he could say anything else to make her blush, 'Anyway, I didn't come here so you could unabashedly compliment me, I came to tell you I'm going to take your advice and finally qualify as a specialist registrar, God knows Darwin needs one right now. I think I've been in training for long enough and I'm ready to move onwards and upwards.' She said and he gave her a new kind of smile, one she hadn't seen him give anyone else, it had a special sparkle in his eyes.

'I think that's a wonderful idea.' He told her and she smiled back but now there was no trace of bashfulness in her features, she felt completely comfortable with him.

She stayed with him a little while longer before he had to return to the ward when she walked up with him to say goodbye to Ollie, explaining that she wouldn't be around for a few weeks, he seemed to take the news well. When she finally left the hospital, she felt a vague sense of optimism, her world was starting to get a little larger.


	6. Chapter 6 - Moving Forward

**Chapter Six - Moving Forward**

Hannah was gone from Holby for nearly a month and when she returned she did her best to act like she was doing so much better than she really was. She had returned to the hospital before her father had so she knew that the talk would be a little worse with her, the whispers would be a little more audible, but she did her best to ignore it and pretend like she didn't care what people were saying. She was surprised to find that Jac was already back at work and saddened to hear of Ollie's frustration as memories resurfaced for him regarding his medical knowledge, she knew that he could never really be a doctor again and tried to make that known to him gently, apparently her subtlety had been too great though.

Working with Frieda was good, she had missed her sardonic wit and she tried her best to hold on to the link that Ms. Petrenko gave her to her past, a past where things were much less complicated. After a couple of days of working on the ward, Hannah was doing her best to pretend like nothing had happened, that she was the same, the only difference was that now she was Ms. Hanssen rather than Dr. Hanssen.

When Nicky McKendrick was placed on Darwin ward to complete the necessary part of her rotation, Fletch was torn between which doctor to place her under for mentorship. Eventually he chose Hannah, he thought that it would be good for her to have someone to share her knowledge with. She was reluctant at first and did her best to distance herself from Nicky and when Fletch noticed this he split the mentoring duties evenly between the two main registrars, Frieda and Hannah had equal power.

Hannah's shoulder still ached from time to time but had genuinely healed well and she no longer had to have a bulky bandage placed over the wound. It still hadn't completely healed over so she had to have a light plaster over it most of the time, but it wasn't so bad. The real problem lay with the fact that sometimes it stuck a little when she was tired or when she'd had a long day. She hid it well from her co-workers and knew that it would never really go away but it didn't affect her work much so she didn't deem it a problem, just another scar to add to the list.

She knew that it was ironic for her to encourage her father to seek help without seeking it herself so she made the effort to attend a therapy session once every week and her therapist was so encouraged by her improvement that the sessions were reduced to once every two weeks. Hannah genuinely felt like she was getting better, that she was managing to move on from the horrific events before Christmas. The only real thing that plagued her still was the awareness that her father was still suffering.

She tried extensively to help him, to encourage him to talk to someone even if it wasn't her, but he never listened. She avoided his study, she hated seeing his map, she hated seeing her face up there like she had died. She hadn't, she was very much alive and she didn't want to have to keep reminding herself of that, her mantra became more prominent in her life and she hated that, it was supposed to be a coping mechanism but now it felt like a necessity, a routine. Her father barely spoke to her at all in those days, he avoided being in the same room as her and Danny and she had to explain to her young son that he was just busy with work. It was heart-breaking but she didn't know how else to address their problem, she didn't know how to help him anymore.

Gradually she lost sight of him as she grew even closer to John than she had been already. Returning to Holby gave her more opportunity to spend time with him and whilst the trial was a good premise for their meetings, they often strayed into more personal topics. More often than not, they met in the stairwell, the place which had been Hannah's spot became their spot and whenever either of them needed some space to think or a friendly word they went there and sometimes found one another. It was like an unspoken code, it was a source of comfort for them both.

After she was qualified as a registrar and she was planning on returning to work she made more of an effort to bring her family together again. It culminated in a special dinner one night on a rare day off she had. She began preparing for it in the early afternoon; she went shopping especially for the perfect ingredients then meticulously followed a recipe from a cookbook so it would be ready as soon as her father arrived home with Danny, it had been previously agreed that he would pick him up from his childminders.

When they arrived, Hannah was setting the table and she cornered them in the hallway before either of them could disappear.

'Dinner is almost ready, we're going to sit down and have a nice family dinner, okay?' She said and the two males shared a look as she turned and hurried back to the kitchen to begin serving up the food.

Danny was in a particularly dire mood, he had gotten in trouble at school and was taking it very personally. He didn't want to eat what Hannah had made, he wanted to go and play on his computer. Her father wasn't in a much better mood and he wanted to disappear into his study and spend time alone. Hannah tried desperately to keep them together but they were both as bad as each other. Hanssen began by helping her establish Danny at the dinner table whilst she began to dish up food onto his plate but he was incessantly whining, Hannah was able to tune it out but her father was growing cross with the child.

'Now stop squirming and sit up straight.' He ordered his grandson and Danny scowled and pouted.

'I don't want to, it's not fair...' He wailed as Hannah placed his plate in front of him.

'Enough now Danny, we're going to have a nice family dinner.' Hannah said quietly but her voice was lost under Danny's whines and Hanssen's reprimands. Hannah placed the final plate and tried to turn her attention to calming down Danny but Hanssen was losing his temper.

'If you don't stop you'll have to go to bed without any dinner, how would you like that?' He said sternly, not raising his voice but his tone was angry and it sparked the light of rebellion in Danny, the rebellion he had inherited from his mother.

'Fine!' He shouted and jumped from his chair, crying and ran to his room, slamming the door behind him. Hannah didn't have a chance to say anything before Hanssen himself stood and picked up his plate.

'Thank you for the dinner, I think I'd prefer to eat alone tonight.' He said and he too disappeared to the study before Hannah could stop him. Hannah was left sitting at the table by herself, only the sound of Danny's exaggerated wails echoed through the house. Slowly, Hannah put her head in her hands and rested her elbows on the table. She tried so hard to make it work but she thought that she might have to accept defeat, things would never go back to how they were, she was a failure.

After that she stopped trying so hard, Danny noticed she was dimmer and had a shorter temper and after a particular instance when he made her cry from frustration he made all the effort a six-year-old could make to behave better.

As more time passed Hannah began to see slight changes in her father, she noticed when the map was gone and it brightened her a little with the hope that he was getting better. He didn't announce his intentions to return to work, and it was as much of a surprise to her as it was to everyone else when she heard the news one day that he was back. She sought him out, wanting to check that everything was going alright.

She went to his office and knocked timidly, even if he was her father, in the hospital she felt like a child going to the headmaster's office.

'Come in.' He called and she entered slowly with what she hoped was a reassuring smile.

'Hey,' She greeted him and he put down the file he was reading, she was glad that he was willing to pay her a little attention at least, it was more than she was used to recently.

'Dr. Hanssen, is everything alright?' He asked and she responded automatically.

'Ms. Hanssen...' She corrected him and then stopped herself as she crossed to the desk. 'Oh God, I'm turning into you, sorry.' She said and thought for a moment she saw a glimmer of a smile on his lips.

'Of course, my apologies, Ms. Hanssen.' He said and she thought she saw a flash of pride in his eyes. She wondered if he was proud of her, of what she'd achieved, of what she'd managed to overcome. 'Is everything alright?' He repeated and she sat down slowly.

'Yes, everything's fine with me, I came to see how you are. You didn't say you were planning on coming back.' She said slowly and he sighed.

'My apologies, I wasn't aware I needed your seal of approval.' He replied drily and she winced a little, rolling her eyes.

'You know that's not what I meant.' She said and he smiled a little but it didn't reach his eyes.

'Quite, but yes, everything is fine. In fact, I'm performing a surgery this evening, I think it would benefit you greatly to observe, it's quite an interesting case.' He said and she smiled.

'Of course, I'd love to.'

'You'd also, perhaps, keep Mr. Valentine happy. He is quite agitated at present, he seems to think that he will be able to resume his professional duties.' Hanssen said, suddenly avoiding her eye and her smile fell.

'Oh, yes... We haven't really spoken about Ollie, have we? Or, the other thing.' She said, she wanted desperately to talk to him about it, speaking to a therapist about her miscarriage was one thing but she really wanted to open up to him about what she'd gone through.

'No, and I don't think here is an appropriate time nor place.' He replied quickly, standing suddenly so she was a little taken aback.

'But we will talk about it?' She asked quickly with wide eyes. He couldn't bring himself to look at her still, but he did give a small nod and she decided she needed to take what she could get, this was as good as a promise from him.

'Now if you'll excuse me.' He said quietly and then cleared his throat. Hannah rose slowly and left, she didn't know what else to say.

The rest of the day passed slowly and rolled into the night shift when everything in the hospital was eerily quiet. Hannah loved this part of the night, she loved the calm, the way the patients were all sleeping and she could take her time with things. There was no rush, no pressure.

She decided against observing the procedure from within the theatre, she wanted to stay in the gallery with Ollie, to keep him in check as much as possible. He seemed to have something against her father, he was doing everything he possibly could to undermine him, distract him, humiliate him, and it grated on Hannah's nerves but she tried to keep calm and collected, it would make things easier and it wasn't fair on Ollie to berate him. They had all been through so much.

After a couple of hours, Sacha and some of the others decided to take a break but her father declined. Her eyes were starting to get droopy and she struggled to focus on the surgery so she also decided to head back to the ward and see how things were going there. She ended up staying on the ward for half an hour and then she spent some time with those who were on a break, she realised her father was still working and headed back to the theatre.

'Dad?' She called through the intercom, he didn't even look up, he didn't respond. 'Maybe you should take a break?' She suggested and he ignored her so she just sighed and crossed her arms, concerned.

'Worried he's a bit stressed? He seems a little tense to me.' Ollie commented in a jarringly bright tone and Hannah nudged him.

'Leave him alone. He's a good doctor.' She said and he looked down.

'Yes, unlike me apparently.' He replied bitterly and Hannah sighed again.

'Ollie, come on, you always knew this, right from the beginning. You can't go back to how things were, everything's different now.' She said softly and he ignored her, she was starting to get used to being ignored.

After a while the silence became unbearable for her so she returned to the ward. She knew that she was meant to be observing this amazing operation but she couldn't bring herself to go back to the theatre, the atmosphere was unbearable. Fletch was angry about something he had been asked to do and it meant she had more work to do on the ward while he was distracted since it was just the two of them. She decided she would field the questions from her father later, instead she absorbed herself in her work and tried to forget about everything else. She was getting tired and regretted agreeing to stay but she knew she had to ride it out.

The first thing she noticed was when Fletch disappeared around the corner and she noted angry voices. She didn't want to get involved if he was having an argument with someone but there were patients trying to sleep so when the voices became raised she got up from her desk at the nurse's station and headed towards the corridor where the argument was coming from. She walked around the corner just in time to see her father grab Fletch by the throat and pin him against the wall. He held him there and Hannah watched in stunned silence.

'Dad!' She suddenly yelled, she wasn't sure what had prompted it from her, she felt too shocked to respond but instinct took over, instinct to protect her friend. Hanssen turned quickly to see her, his eyes were wide as he realised what his daughter had just seen him do. In his eyes she wasn't a young woman stood there, she was his little girl, a child almost, seeing her father attack another man, he dreaded to imagine what she must have thought of him. He released Fletch who glared at him for a moment before pushing past him and heading towards Hannah, she could only look angry and appalled at her father and as Fletch approached her she held out a hand to him. He put an arm around her and she put her around him, comforting him as they walked back to the nurse's station.

'Are you alright?' She asked and sat him down to try and calm him down, he was seething with anger still.

Ollie came slowly around the corner and Hannah became aware that he too had seen the whole thing. He began to recite something, she could tell he was reciting it because he had a certain tone of voice he didn't usually use. Once he was done he turned to her where she stood behind the desk and she looked back at him with wide eyes, she was vaguely aware that her father had come onto the ward, and collapsed against the wall in tears; but she couldn't pay attention to him, she couldn't take her eyes off Ollie who was looking at her with pain in his eyes, pain and something else, recognition.

'I remember.' He said softly and Hannah came around the desk but kept a little distance, holding onto the desk for support.

'What do you remember?' She whispered, the atmosphere was so tense you could shatter it in a heartbeat.

'I remember why I stepped in front of that gun, I remember you, Hannah Hanssen, I remember our little sprout.' Hannah put her hand to her mouth and struggled to breathe as tears filled her eyes and spilled down her cheeks. Ollie's eyes moved down to her abdomen and his face showed confusion. He came to her side and knelt, she was almost insensible, she could only clutch to the desk for support. He gently took her waist and leant his ear against her stomach, like he was listening for the heartbeat of his child which was gone.

'You were pregnant, we were...' He said and then kissed her stomach and Hannah tried to compose herself a little. 'You didn't tell me.'

Hannah knelt with him, taking his face in her hands like she was going to kiss him and leaning her forehead against his.

'I'm so sorry Ollie, the baby, it... didn't make it. I couldn't tell you, I was too scared, I didn't want to hurt you anymore.' She whispered between her sobs and he looked at her with those beautiful, blue eyes.

'It died?' Ollie asked and Hannah nodded, trying to take deep breaths and calm herself down. Ollie looked pained for a moment before his features cleared and he took her in his arms and held her tightly. She nestled her face into his shoulder and inhaled his scent, she would miss him but she knew that this would be one of their last embraces. They broke apart slightly and then Ollie did something she wasn't expecting from him, he kissed her. It was a simple kiss, unremarkable aside from its wetness due to Hannah's tears. It was short and sweet, it was a goodbye, there was no way either of them could move on together, not from this.

He held her there for a moment more before getting up, leaving Hannah broken on the floor. She was aware that he was going to her father to comfort him and her heart swelled with affection for him but it wasn't love, she didn't love him and that was alright. As he left her she felt freer, she felt like something had been constraining her but now it was gone, it was over. Ollie accepted he wasn't coming back, he accepted Hannah had filled his place, the student had officially become the master and now it was up to her to see that Darwin was safe.

She was vaguely aware of Fletch sitting beside her and taking her hand but she felt calmer now, she finally felt like she was no longer overshadowed by her loss, she could accept it and move forward.


	7. Chapter 7-Matters of the Heart(Or Lungs)

**Chapter Seven - Matters of the Heart (or Lungs)**

It wasn't long before Jac Naylor left Darwin again, she had to take personal leave, her injury had not healed as well as the others had and she had to accept defeat, she had to accept that to get better she needed to take time off to let herself heal. There were other consultants, of course there were, but Frieda and Hannah didn't want to learn from them, they wanted Jac. They were both supportive of her taking time off in order to get better and in her absence, they often teamed up together to form two opposites that worked in perfect harmony; Frieda Petrenko was the dark and mysterious side with her pitch-black hair and elaborate eye make-up, Hannah Hanssen was the gleaming sunshine with her bright, blonde hair and smiling demeanour.

Darwin felt a little disjointed in Jac's absence, it was bound to, but Hannah and Frieda did their best to keep things running smoothly, with the help of Fletch of course. They worked like a funny little family unit in their own way, Hannah and Frieda were like opposite twins with Fletch as their big brother, together they protected the ward and kept things moving.

Hannah didn't relent in her visits with John though and she spent as much time as she could with him in the wet lab or at their spot on the stairs. She knew just as much about the trial as he did at that point and he referred to her as a sleeping partner, he asked her advice with everything and even called her in the night when he wanted her input with something. He sometimes woke her up or interrupted her but she didn't mind, she always dropped everything for him. She felt an odd stirring in her chest whenever she was with him, it was like nerves or anxiety and it made her a little jittery but she tried to ignore it, she didn't want to confront it just yet, she just wanted to enjoy spending time with him.

Everything changed very quickly.

It was a Tuesday and Hannah was heading down to the wet lab to say good morning to John before her shift started, she knew that he would be there, he was always there. This had become a ritual for them now, they always found one another. When she arrived at the lab he was alone, going through a case file with a vexed expression.

'Good morning,' she smiled as she walked in and he looked up, he tried to smile back but he was obviously distracted by the case in front of him.

'Hello Hannah.' He responded and she slowed as she approached him.

'Trouble in paradise?' She asked, trying to keep her voice light as she put down her bag and began to remove her coat, it was always warm in the lab.

'Not trouble, no.' He said slowly and she narrowed her eyes at him, leaning on the desk.

'What's wrong?' She asked and he sighed.

'I want to ask you to help me with something.' He said briskly and stood up straight, she mirrored him. This was business talk, not personal, and she knew that she needed to be the doctor she was at the hospital rather than the friend she was to him.

'Of course, you know I'm always happy to help.' She replied, a little uncertain, he'd never been this uncomfortable about asking for her help before.

'Well, here, take a look.' He said and pushed the case around to her, giving her a couple of minutes to glance over the main points. It was a CT case, something similar to what Jac had done on Gaskell's first day but less complex.

'I don't see any problems here, you've done it before.' She said and he nodded.

'I need a CT surgeon.' He said and Hannah suddenly knew where it was going.

'Jac's not back yet, when are you planning to do this surgery?' She asked quietly and he looked at her with cool eyes. She didn't like the look he was giving her.

'This afternoon.' He said and as soon as the words were out of his mouth she threw down the case file and shook her head.

'No.' She refused and he took a step towards her, his eyes were pleading.

'Hannah I've been building up to ask you this for weeks, I've been nervous about it because I know you don't want to be involved with the trial surgically but, truth be told I've wanted you to be an official part of the team for a long time now.' He explained and she shook her head again.

'There are people who are much more experienced than me that can help you, I can't do this. I'm just a registrar, there are consultants upstairs who would love to be involved in your trial, ask one of them.' She spoke quickly and backed away a little but he grabbed her hands to stop her moving further back.

'Listen, if by this afternoon, you still don't want to do it then that's fine I'll get somebody else, but I want you on my team Hannah. It would be good for you and it would be good for me.' He spoke slowly, calmly, but there was a tinge of pleading in his voice. She stared at his tie, tracing the subtle pattern as her thoughts mulled through her head, she barely noticed his thumbs stroking her hands but when she did that feeling in her chest rose again. She looked up into his face and found him closer than she'd expected, she felt an impulsive desire to kiss him which was closely followed by the impulse to laugh at her own strange thoughts. She did neither, she blinked a couple of times.

'Please, Hannah, I need you, I want you.' He spoke so softly and Hannah had to fight back the impulse to laugh again at the sexual implications of his words, she really was immature at heart.

'I'll think about it,' She compromised, 'I'll let you know my final decision by lunch, what time's theatre booked for?' She asked and he took a deep breath.

'Of course, it's subject to change but we're hoping to be in theatre at around half twelve, maybe one.' He said and she nodded.

'Okay, now I have to get to work.' She said but she didn't move, he stayed there too, gently rubbing his thumbs over her own; she wondered if he was even aware that he was doing it, whether he was trying to coerce her into saying yes or something else.

They stood there for a few more moments, neither of them feeling any inclination to move nor to say anything, not even to address the odd situation they had put themselves in, it wasn't until Meena appeared in the doorway with coffee for John that Hannah moved away finally, breaking the grasp he had on her hands.

'I'll see you at lunchtime.' She said softly, picking up her bag and coat and quickly leaving the room, ignoring the look that Meena was giving her as she rushed past.

All throughout the morning Hannah struggled to concentrate on her work, she cleared her afternoon just in case she decided to take John up on his offer, but she was unsure as to whether it was a good idea. Those butterflies were fluttering in her stomach again whenever she thought of John and then thought of herself. John was an incredible surgeon, he was gifted and charismatic and he was everything really that Hannah wasn't. When she imagined herself at his age she didn't imagine that she would be in a similar position to the one he was in now, she imagined that she would be in the same place, doing good but nothing innovative. She wondered who she could talk to about it, she didn't trust Frieda or Fletch to give her sound advice, they were both a little prejudiced against John themselves and valued her too much on Darwin, she knew that. She wanted to talk to her father.

The morning crawled by and the urge to just go to Keller to find her father was nearly overwhelming by the time eleven o'clock struck. She decided that she couldn't hold back any more and she decided to just go for it. She made her way to Keller ward, making sure that there was nothing pressing that she needed to attend to on Darwin and when she got there she was pleased to know that her father was on a break. She hurried into the break room and shut the door quickly behind her, Henrik Hanssen didn't even look up from the case file he was reviewing.

'Hey, dad, can I talk to you about something?' She asked and she saw him stiffen as she came around to sit beside him. He avoided eye contact and gave her a tight smile, they hadn't discussed the events of the night when Ollie remembered which had been weeks ago but she knew he was still afraid of talking about that.

'Of course, you can, as long as it's strictly professional.' He said and Hannah felt her heart sink a little, she wondered if he would ever let her open up to him again.

'It is.' She confirmed and he seemed to visibly relax.

'Then what can I help you with?' He asked and she began to pick at the edge of her thumb-nail.

'If you had to choose between the place you've known forever and something new, what would you do?' She asked quickly, she didn't really want to give him the specifics so it needed to be worded carefully.

'John asked you to help with the trial?' He asked and her effort went out the window.

'Yes,' she replied, picking a little more ferociously. 'I don't know whether it's a good idea, what do you think?' She asked and he thought for a moment before replying.

'Of course, the decision ultimately lies in where you think your loyalties lie, but I think that you and I owe a lot to this hospital and we ought to try and do what we can for it in any way possible.' He said carefully and Hannah was suddenly confused and worried, she didn't like what he was implying.

'What do you mean?' She asked quietly but before he could respond Roxanna had entered noisily, not realising Hannah was in there too.

'Tell me to mind my own business...' She said loudly and then realised that Hannah was there and stopped herself from continuing. 'I'm sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt.' She added hastily but Hannah gave her a small smile and stood up quickly.

'Don't worry, I'm just leaving.' She said and gave her father one more look before hurrying out, squeezing past Roxanna in the doorway. She left them to their own conversation and went to find John, she couldn't wait until their appointed meeting, this new development was worrying to her. She found him in the wet lab and entered just as Meena was leaving with an excited grin, she gave her a reassuring smile, hoping that the panic in her eyes wasn't showing. John seemed pleased to see her.

'Hannah, have you come to tell me your decision? I hope it's good news.' He smiled but his smile fell when he saw her face.

'It's not about the trial, it's personal is that okay?' she said quickly and continued without waiting for his answer, she didn't have anyone else to talk to. 'I honestly don't know whether I can do the surgery, I'm worried about my dad. He's not been seeing a therapist I know that and I hadn't really, properly noticed until now just how bad a mind-set he's still in. He's not healthy, John, and I don't know what to do...' She paused and he didn't say anything, she stared down at her hands and willed herself not to cry as the silence went on and on, so she tried to change the subject.

'I hear that after this patient you're jetting off to Tangier? Wow, that will be... amazing.' She looked up at him, her voice cracked a little and she fought for control, he still wasn't saying anything.

'You're going to be off having medical adventures, I'm really happy for you, it's wonderful.' She said with a nod, hoping that if she ignored the lump in her throat and the tears in her eyes then he would too.

'But...' He said softly and she took a deep breath.

'But when you're gone I don't know what I'll do, who I'll turn to. I have a son who seems to be going through his terrible toddler phase all over again, a father who's obviously letting his depression control him and I... I don't know how to cope anymore, how not to let my depression control me, I can't do any of it, not without you.' She broke down into sobs despite herself and clamped her hand to her mouth in an attempt to hold them in. John moved forward suddenly and took her in his arms, holding her against his chest and stroking her hair gently.

'I'll only be a phone call away, you know that.' He said softly, 'I'll always pick up for you.'

'I'm just so scared of letting my own depression take over again, that's why I'm worried about doing your trial, I don't want to screw it up for you.' She said into his chest, tracing that pattern of his tie, the same one she'd studied earlier, with her forefinger.

'Come with me.' He said suddenly and she looked up to him but didn't move away, her chin tilted up and his tilted down to look into her eyes, their noses almost touched and Hannah had that ridiculous urge to kiss him again.

'What?' She asked, she expected herself to be fighting back a laugh at the ridiculousness of the idea but she found herself too captivated by him to find any humour.

'Come with me to Tangier, distract yourself from everything here, you'd be working but at least you'd be away.' He explained softly and she gave him a small smile as the butterflies fluttered again.

'That's an even more insane idea than me working on the trial in the first place.' She smiled a little and he reached up a hand to brush away traces of her tears. His thumb lingered on her face and there was a look in his eyes that Hannah recognised; in that look, she could see her own reckless urges reflected, the strange desire to lean towards the other and kiss them, she didn't want to go down that path, not today, but she couldn't bring herself to pull away, she didn't want to be the one to ruin the spell.

She didn't realise that their faces were drawing together until her nose brushed his and this contact seemed to alert her to the situation and she pulled away suddenly.

'I should get back to work.' She said as she hurried towards the door, thoughts of her father flooding her head, but she stopped herself before she left. She held onto the door frame and took a moment to breathe before turning back to him. 'I'll do the surgery this afternoon,' she told him but she couldn't bring herself to look him in the eye, if she did she didn't know what she'd do.

'Thank you.' She heard him mutter and she nodded once before rushing off, brushing past Roxanna in the corridor outside.

'Wait, Hannah...' Roxanna called and Hannah stopped, she hoped that Roxanna didn't suspect anything between her and John.

'Hey, Roxanna, what's up?' She asked, her cheeks burning despite her best efforts to keep her emotions in check.

'I just wanted to ask you if your dad had said anything to you? I don't think he's doing too well but he won't listen to me, I wondered if he would talk to you.' She said and Hannah sighed, of course it wasn't something about her, it was about her father.

'Uh, no he hasn't said anything and I doubt he would even if I tried to get him to talk.' She said and Roxanna sighed.

'Listen, I know I shouldn't be telling you this but I'm concerned for a patient under his care, I wondered if you might go to Keller and run some tests of your own, I'm worried it might potentially be cardiothoracic based.' Roxanna lied easily, she knew that the only way to get through to Henrik was through his daughter, Hannah had to be the one to see how he wasn't ready to be there.

'Of course.' Hannah said and Roxanna gave her the name of the patient.

Hannah went immediately to Keller and found the patient easily, she was glad she couldn't see her father anywhere, she didn't want to seem like she was treading on toes. She ordered some blood tests and told the patient that they would take a few hours but she hoped that they would give them more answers. She then returned to Darwin to finish as much of her work there as she could; she had to pass a few cases over to Frieda who, surprisingly, understood her reasoning and supported her taking part John's surgery.

She took a quick break and ate some lunch, checked on the bloods for the Keller patient and found they weren't ready but she didn't have a choice, she had to go to theatre.

When they were washing their hands beforehand, John and Hannah didn't say a word to one another and Hannah could feel her heart beating wildly in her chest, she was nervous. Her hands shook a little but steadied as she put on her gown and gloves, once her mask was placed over her face she managed to slip into her alter-ego, a doctor who was confident and professional, a skilled surgeon. John guided her through the surgery but let her do the bulk of it by herself, she had observed Jac's su surgery and read through the notes but it was something quite different to perform the surgery herself. Once it was complete and everything had gone without a hitch, she finally allowed herself to look up at him with a beaming smile, she was proud of herself.

'I hope this means you'll consider joining the trial full time.' He said softly as they were closing, only she could hear him.

'I don't know yet,' she answered honestly, focusing on her sutures.

'And Tangier?' He asked and she looked up at him, surprised.

'You were being serious?' She asked, raising an eyebrow and she saw a smile in his eyes.

'Deadly.' He replied and she felt those butterflies again, this time she was less inclined to push them away, she wanted to embrace them. She had a small suspicion that her going to Tangier wasn't at all necessary, she had a small fear that it was just for him, so he could keep her close, her bad experience with men was telling her it was a bad idea, that he only wanted one thing out of her, but her experience with John was telling her something different. Her experience with herself was another factor altogether, she didn't know what she wanted, but she knew that it could be worth making a few mistakes at this time in her life.

'I'll think about it.' She replied softly and they finished closing the patient and headed towards the sinks to scrub out.

As soon as she was out of theatre she headed straight to Keller to check on her patient there. The test results were back and she studied them for a moment before realising the problem, what was causing the pancreatitis. She turned towards the ward to see her father stood over the bed, she sighed and headed over just as she overhead the patient ask something of her father, but in this situation he wasn't just her father, he was her boss, her superior.

'But what about the blood tests?' She tensed and waited for it all to come out, this wasn't going to be pretty.

'They show heightened amylase levels, indicative of pancreatitis.' Her father responded and the patient seemed confused.

'No, I mean the one your colleague was running? Young lady, blonde, has a nice smile...' He continued to describe her and Hannah decided to make her appearance before the descriptions became less flattering.

'Ms Hanssen?' Her father seemed surprised as she appeared at his elbow, nervously holding the iPad. She was a little concerned, he had missed this, it was a big diagnosis and could have had catastrophic results for the patient if it was left untreated for much longer. Hannah handed him the iPad.

'I think you should take a look.' She said softly and went on to explain the findings of the test to the patient. 'Why didn't you tell us you were on medication?' She asked softly and the patient blushed.

'Because I'm not!' He defended himself and Hannah raised an eyebrow.

'Not even anything un-prescribed?' She asked and Hanssen looked up, angry.

'My guess would be growth hormone.' He retorted hotly and Hannah shot him a glare, it wasn't their place to judge the patients. Hannah listened to the continuing conversation between the patient and her father and grew more and more irritated with the way her father was speaking to him, her irritation grew to anger when he rounded on her.

'Ms Hanssen, might I have a word?' He asked and went to move away.

'Of course,' Hannah muttered, she knew that she was in trouble now, but the patient stopped her.

'Wait, Hanssen? You're both called Hanssen, he's your father?' He asked, his eyes widening.

'Yes,' she replied quickly and made to turn again but he asked another question.

'Isn't it a little odd to work at the same hospital with the same name?' He asked and she struggled to contain herself.

'Yes, well, I would have taken my mother's name but I have no idea who she was.'

There was a pause, Hannah had no idea where it had come from, why she had suddenly defied her own expectations and standards of herself and snapped at him, but it had happened.

'Ms Hanssen!' Her father was practically yelling at this point, she gave the patient an apologetic smile before turning and hurrying to the office where her father was waiting. When she entered, she shut the door firmly behind her and stood in front of it, she decided there and then that they were going to talk whether he liked it or not, she couldn't give him a route to escape.

'You had no right to run tests on my patient!' He spoke angrily and she folded her arms in defiance, staring him down until he had to turn and he began arranging things on the desk which were already neat, one of his coping mechanisms.

'I had every right,' Hannah responded in as cool a voice as she could muster, 'you would have missed it, you're not yourself.' She spoke slowly but her words only seemed to make him angrier.

'Given time I would have come to the same conclusion.' He said and she raised an eyebrow.

'I don't think you would have. Dad, people are concerned about you, I'm concerned about you.' She said and he all but rolled his eyes. 'I know you haven't been seeing a therapist, I know you're not seeking the help that you need!' Her voice was rising as she struggled to keep down her frustration.

'What's the point? What's the point of fielding endless questions? I respect the process but it is not for me.' He spoke quickly, he was angry but she could also see that he was scared.

'Because it helps you to get better! Why don't you want to do that?' She asked, exasperated, she didn't want to cry again but she was sure she could feel the tears pricking the backs of her eyes.

'Because I came back to this hospital to atone for the pain my son caused...' He said and it clicked in her mind.

'You think you need to suffer to make up for what Fredrik did?' She said, it wasn't a question, they both knew the answer. 'I'm sorry dad but that's insane and you know it. You do not need to hurt yourself because of what that sociopath did!' She yelled and he glared at her. 'Alright! You don't want to talk to a therapist yet, we can get there it'll be fine, but please, talk to me! I understand that you're scared dad, you can't love yourself right now, I get it, I get it because I feel the same way. I'm scared and I need you, Danny and I, we both need you, everyone here does but we do more than most. Please, come back to me...' She was crying but she did her best to ignore the tears falling down her cheeks. He looked at her with a horrified expression for a moment before pushing past her to get to the door, his usual routine of denial. Hannah knew that she had no choice, she had to pull out her last weapon.

'You're not competent.' She said, her voice louder than she'd expected it to be. She didn't turn but she felt him freeze, they stayed there for a moment before Hannah turned to look at him, his back was to her. 'I'm going to go to Abigail and tell her that, in my opinion, you aren't fit for work. Coming from me, I doubt she'll even want you to finish your shift.' It was her last resort, threats. He turned his head slightly and Hannah thought for a moment that it had worked, that he would come back and just talk to her. 'If, maybe, you could own up to how you're not coping right now then maybe...' she tried and he stayed in the same position, she prayed and hoped and did everything but cross her fingers, but it wasn't going to happen. He walked away and left Hannah staring after him as the sting in her throat rose.

She hurried to the sofa before her legs collapsed out from underneath her and she sat down heavily, bent over double and sobbing with her face in her hands. After a minute or so she felt a hand on her back and was hopeful that it was her father, come back, she looked up suddenly but it wasn't her father. Roxanna sat beside her and gently rubbed her back with a sympathetic expression on her face. Hannah didn't know what compelled her to do it but she suddenly turned to Roxanna and pulled her into a tight hug; she half expected to be pushed away, but instead she felt herself being hugged back as Roxanna continued to comfort her.

'I'm sorry I put you up to this, I thought he would listen if it came from you.' Roxanna said softly and Hannah began to calm as she breathed in her perfume, it was comforting and for the first time in years Hannah found herself wishing she had a mother again.

'He's... gone...' Hannah managed to choke out and Roxanna tightened her grip.

'I'm sorry... I'm sorry...' She kept repeating whilst she gently rocked Hannah and rubbed her back rhythmically.

Hannah was unsure how long they sat there, only that when she finally detached herself from Roxanna she felt drowsy. Roxanna stood up and retrieved a box of tissues, offering them to Hannah so she could clean herself up. Hannah hoped she looked a little more presentable as she turned to Roxanna.

'Thank you for being here for me.' She said and Roxanna nodded.

'Of course, I'll always be here for you, Hannah.' She said softly and reached up to brush a little hair out of her face. Hannah gave her a weak smile before taking a deep breath.

'I need to go and apologise to a patient.'

When she returned to the patient she was timid and unsure of herself but the patient gave her a small smile of encouragement, he didn't seem to hold what had happened against her.

'I need to apologise for what happened earlier, I aired my family's dirty laundry out on the ward and it was unprofessional and unfair to you. I'm sorry.' She said and his smile broadened a little.

'It's quite alright, I understand how difficult family can be, is your father alright?' He asked and Hannah looked down.

'He will be, I hope. I think that Ms MacMillan will be taking over your case from here though, I'm not sure what state Mr Hanssen is in, he probably just needs some air.' She said coolly but she knew she wasn't fooling him.

'Well why not you?' He asked and she smiled.

'I'm not actually a general surgeon, my specialty is cardiothoracics. Ms MacMillan was concerned that this might have something to do with your heart or lungs which is why she asked me for a second opinion.' Hannah explained with a slight smile before looking down again. 'I went behind Mr Hanssen's back, that's why he's angry, it's not you. I apologise for his behaviour also, nonetheless. He's a good man, I'm sure he'll see where he was wrong and apologise himself in due course.' She said, her voice getting gradually quieter.

'And are you alright?' He asked softly and she looked up at him quickly.

'Your eyes are red, you've been crying.' He explained and she gave him another weak smile.

'And here I thought I could hide it.' She attempted to be bright but her voice wobbled a little. 'This hospital has gone through a tough time and unfortunately my father and I were the cause for it, well no that's not fair, we weren't the cause, but we had a hand in it certainly. It's difficult to find our feet again after that.' She explained slowly and he narrowed his eyes.

'You don't mean the shooting?' He asked and she tensed a little and blushed before nodding, not trusting her voice. The patient paused as realisation dawned on him.

'Oh,' he said slowly, 'the shooter was Mr Hanssen's son, your brother...' The patient clarified and Hannah nodded slightly.

'Yes, so as you can imagine, right now we're not doing so great.' She said and the patient nodded.

'I'm sorry, but you know none of that was your fault? If we were all accountable for the actions of others' the world would be a very messy place indeed.' He said and Hannah gave him a strained smile.

'I think I understand that more than my father does.' She said quietly and before the conversation could continue a nurse called her over, asking her advice on a scan. Before she left she turned back to the patient.

'Please, take better care of yourself, try and accept that things are the way they are, you'll find a lucky lady soon I'm sure.' She smiled and he smiled back. As she approached the nurse's station, Mr Hanssen himself approached the patient to make his own apologies, warily eyeing Hannah who was unaware that he was there.

'Hello again,' the patient said kindly and Hanssen attempted a smile.

'I'm to apologise for your treatment today, and for my behaviour.' He said and the patient shrugged.

'I'm sorry I kept things from you, might have caused a little less drama, eh?' He asked and Hanssen managed a small smile.

'I have to ask, why did you do it? Why do you take those things when you know they're affecting your health?' He asked and the patient narrowed his eyes a little.

'I don't suppose you've ever wished you could be taller?' He asked in a dry tone and Hanssen mustered a smile again.

'Not taller, no. But somebody else, maybe...' He didn't know why he was opening up to this man, it had been an emotional day and it somehow felt right, he snuck another glance at Hannah.

'She was upset, you know?' The patient said and Hanssen forced his attention back to him. 'She'd been crying, a lot judging from how red her eyes were.' He said and Hanssen looked down, unable to respond. 'You must be very proud of her.' The patient said softly and Hanssen looked up again, that wasn't what he'd been expecting.

'Yes, I suppose I am.' He said softly, unable to lie.

'My guess is you don't let her know that very often.' He continued.

'Oh, she knows it.' Hanssen smiled but the patient raised an eyebrow.

'I'm not so sure she does.' He said and Hanssen looked at him, questioning. 'She's very frightened, you know. She does her best to hide it but it's there, a vulnerability behind all that confidence. I think she thinks she's losing you or something I'm not sure, we didn't chat for long but I did gather that you mean very much to her, she just wants to see you happy, to see you get better.' He said and Hanssen sighed, he didn't have any fight left in him, not even to chastise his daughter for discussing their private lives with patients.

'I hope you'll endeavour to think of yourself in a new way, a healthier way.' Hanssen said softly, he meant it and the patient smiled back at him.

'I will if you will.' He smiled and Hanssen smiled back but also gave him a look to check him, to keep him within the boundaries. He turned back to the nurse's station with the intent of speaking to Hannah again but she was gone. He was told she had gone back to Darwin and he suspected she would go to Abigail on the way.

Hannah did return to Darwin ward to tie up her loose ends for the day, her shift was nearing its end. She reflected how it had been such a long day, how so much had happened, how she'd managed to feel so many conflicting emotions in the space of only a matter of hours. She was leaning back in her chair and staring into space when Fletch approached her slowly, waving a hand in front of her face.

'How squeezed are you to be done in time for the end of the shift?' He asked and she narrowed her eyes.

'Why?' She asked, drawing out the word.

'You got room for one more consult? Patient just needs a scan for tonight.' Fletch requested holding up the case file. Hannah held her hand out for it.

'Alright, whereabouts?' She asked as she flipped open the file and scanned the notes.

'Keller.' Fletch asked but he was already walking away when her head snapped up. 'Thank you!' he called after him and she knew she had no choice, she had to face the music.

She headed back down to Keller again and found the patient she was looking for, requesting the ultrasound be brought over so she could get it over and done with right away. Luckily the scan showed no abnormalities with the heart and lungs and it was up to Hannah to assure the patient that there would be no complications in the night and that they would undergo further tests in the morning. She wearily headed back to the nurse's station to log her additions to the patient's notes, it wouldn't take her long and then she could go home.

She was busy typing and focusing on the screen when a shadow loomed over her, she looked up with the expectation of seeing Dom but was instead met with the sight of her father.

'Hello.' She said quietly and he smiled slightly and held out a small card.

'I have an appointment next Tuesday, a standing appointment for a minimum of ten weeks.' He said and Hannah took the card, it was for a therapist's office. She smiled up at him, her heart swelling with pride. 'It seems that seeking help is an act of self-love, and that's something which hasn't really been on my radar as of late.'

'I hope it comes back.' Hannah said softly and Hanssen nodded softly.

'It took you to make me realise where I was going wrong, you know that? Hannah, I am so very proud of you.' He said and she smiled wider, tears coming to her eyes once again but this time it was different.

'Thank you, dad, you know I really was just trying to be a good daughter earlier...' She told him, worried that his perception of her had changed with their confrontation.

'I know, but for the record I would like to keep working...' He said and she knew he was worried about her threat of going to Abigail, of course she'd never really intended to, she wasn't sure she would have been able to.

'I suppose it's a good thing I didn't have the chance to go to Abigail then.' She said softly and he understood her real meaning. They smiled at one another and she held up the card to give back to him but he closed his hand around hers, the first time he had touched her since the shooting, six months later, the first sign of comfort he'd given her. It was baby steps but it gave her hope nonetheless.

'Just in case you want to check up on me.' He smiled uncertainly before giving her hand a squeeze and walking away.

She felt a little lighter as she finished her notes and then headed up to Darwin to sign herself out and collect her things, as she made her way down to the lobby she spotted John talking to Meena, she seemed disappointed at something but as he made to walk away she rushed to catch up to him, she could see her father waiting for her outside the doors.

'John!' She called, she could still see Meena in earshot but she ignored her.

'Hannah..' He seemed surprised as she grabbed his arm, she let go quickly but Meena noticed.

'John, look, about your offer... I can't come to Tangier with you, not right now...' She shot a glance at her father and John understood.

'Well, I'm disappointed to hear that, but of course I understand.' He said and Hannah glimpsed Meena roll her eyes and look disgruntled as she stalked away, something told her that Meena hadn't been invited on the trip like she had.

'You didn't let me finish, I can't come but you can call me at any time on any day and I will always pick up for you. If you need advice or a friendly ear or you're just lonely, I'll always pick up. Of course, if you desperately need a CT surgeon then you can call and ask me to come and I'll come in a heartbeat, next flight out, but until then, my family needs me.' She explained and he smiled at her and took her hand, they stayed there for a moment, holding one another's hands and just looking at one another with small smiles and Hannah found herself battling that impulse again. This time she was snapped out of it by the sound of her phone ringing, it made her physically jump, she hadn't been aware of how engrossed she'd been in John's eyes.

'Let me just grab this.' She said and she pulled out her phone and answered it as John laughed at her and left to meet Hanssen outside, he'd had his back to them the whole time and hadn't seen a thing. Danny's nanny was the one calling Hannah as Danny wanted to speak to her, it was nothing important, just what he wanted for dinner. Once she managed to convince him that they were on their way to pick him up she could hang up and she joined her father and John outside. They seemed to be finishing their conversation.

'Ready?' She asked her father who nodded. 'Danny is wondering if his favourite granddad will make him his famous mac and cheese with extra broccoli for tea?' She said and John laughed, even Hanssen stifled a grin.

'Well, let's see what we can do.' He said and Hannah grinned at him, one of the first genuine grins she'd given in months. For the first time in a very long time she felt good; they walked towards the car together and Hannah finally had some semblance of her family back.


	8. Chapter 8 - Revelations

**Chapter Eight - Revelations**

 **WARNING: 1) I'm not a big fan of Meena so if you like her then read this chapter with caution, she's not intended to be the "bad guy" but she's not painted in a good light in this chapter. 2) I'm drawing from things I've seen in the summer trailer from here on out so the narrative might contain some spoilers (depending on my prediction skills), but does contain elements of the summer trailer and episodes following. Things will be subject to change of course as new episodes are released and therefore I have access to new information. And, 3) Hannah's mother is revealed in this chapter and I understand some readers might not like it, please refrain from chastising me if you disagree with my creative choices, of course I'm always open to constructive criticism but please keep civil. Otherwise, enjoy, and thank you!**

Over the next few weeks Hannah kept her head down and engrossed herself in her work. When he was in Tangier, John called her a few times but respected the fact that her family needed her and never asked her to join him; she was grateful for this, she didn't want to miss out on the newfound family time she was getting. Even after only one appointment with his therapist, Hannah noticed a change in her father; he was more relaxed than he had been and he spent more time with her and Danny rather than cooped up in his study. She loved getting to spend time with him when he was like this, she liked to watch him with Danny when he let his guard down and became a grandfather as opposed to the stiff, cold surgeon she was so used to seeing him as.

She began to relax more and settle back into the family dynamic she had been used to, but after a couple of weeks she realised that she really wanted to have more freedom and she began searching for houses and flats without her father's knowledge, she didn't want him to think that she was running away from him, she just needed some space for her and Danny. She found a couple of suitable options but could never bring herself to commit to anything. She needed a push that hadn't come yet, she knew that she would know when the time was right.

When he got back, John and Hannah slipped back into their usual routine of pretending that there was nothing between them when in reality, Hannah was sure now that she could identify the cause for her pet butterflies. She accepted that she had feelings for John and she was sure that he felt the same way about her but there was no way that either of them could do anything about their feelings. Even if John wasn't over twice her age, he was her father's best friend, there was no way she could allow herself to act on any feelings that she might have for him.

So, she kept her feelings bottled and he did the same, of course there were moments where they both slipped a little and made the other aware of their feelings: the brush of a hand or when their eyes met and lingered, there was an inexplicable tension between them but neither of them dared to make the first move, or any move.

She went to him every morning and they met at their spot in the stairwell on occasion, things were normal and Hannah was happy.

It took another two weeks to pass before drama began to unfold for her again, before her life began to get messy and the fear began to creep back into her chest like it was threatening to envelope her.

She arrived early for her shift, same as usual, and headed down towards the wet lab to meet John. She was a little later than usual since Danny hadn't been able to find his shoes, but it was rare for anyone else to go down to the wet lab before her, except sometimes Meena. Whenever Hannah and Meena met it was uncomfortable.

Meena wasn't blind and she knew that John and Hannah had feelings for one another without even having to ask, she didn't know if either of them had acted on it before but she knew that there was something going on. She and Xavier had finally broken up after a rocky patch and she was feeling more uncertain of herself than ever. She clung to John and the trial like it was all she had left to cling to and John saw her vulnerability, he always did his best to help build her confidence, to make sure that she didn't feel so alone, but it was different to the way he cultivated his time with Hannah. His relationship with Meena was strictly professional, whilst he wanted her to feel comfortable around him and to enjoy working on the trial, he didn't harbour the same kind of feelings for her as he did for Hannah. Meena didn't pick up on this hint however, instead she tried to expand it, she just wanted to feel accepted, she wanted to have what Hannah had.

This morning, Meena had arrived in the wet lab before Hannah with a coffee for John, a regular morning routine but this morning she felt more down than usual. She did her best to put on a brave face as she walked into the lab with a smile for John, he accepted the coffee with thanks and took a sip before turning back to the file he was reading.

'So, what's the plan for the next patient?' she asked brightly, settling down next to him and leaning against the desk. He gently shut the file and leaned forward, his elbows on the desk.

'Well, we're down to three, Roxanna and I need to do our final reviews and then we'll pick one, probably by the end of the day. I'll keep you updated.' he said with a gentle smile and Meena pointed to the file.

'Is that one of the patients?' she asked and he nodded, handing her the file to flip through.

'They've had a lot of operations on their back...' Meena commented and John nodded slowly.

'Yes, it's a tricky procedure, there's too much scar tissue in the back, we'll have to approach from the front, removing a lung temporarily.' he explained and Meena sagged a little.

'You'll need Ms Hanssen.' she observed and John nodded.

'Yes, most likely, unless Ms Naylor returns to us miraculously.' he said and Meena thought for a moment, trying to think of the best way to word her next question.

'Is Ms Hanssen officially a part of the trial? I mean is she one of us?' she asked and she expected John to show some kind of emotion, anger perhaps if she'd spoken out of term, but he remained soft with that gentle smile of his.

'I hope she might join us soon, yes. She seems a little averse to it but I hope to win her around. Of course, she wouldn't be involved in every case, in every surgery, that's why you're integral to the trial, I need you to be there every step of the way.' he said and Meena felt that strange impulse that both John and Hannah had felt before, the only difference was that she wasn't very good at controlling her impulses. She leaned forward suddenly and kissed him, taking his face in her hands. He froze for a moment in shock, his eyes wide, just as Hannah walked in.

She froze as she saw Meena kissing John and suddenly she felt numb, she wasn't sure how to feel, this wasn't something she'd expected to see. John caught sight of her out of the corner of his eye and it seemed to snap him back to reality and he pushed off Meena, firmly but not harshly, he turned to Hannah but she was already turning to leave.

'Hannah!' he called after her and jumped from his stool, rushing out of the lab and after her into the corridor where she seemed to be walking in a sort of daze, he caught up to her and grabbed her arm, turning her to face him.

'I didn't mean to interrupt...' she said, gently releasing her arm from his grip. The feeling in her chest was starting to come back, the sinking, crushing feeling, but stronger than she'd felt it in a long time. She wondered if this is how it felt to have your heart broken.

'Hannah, as clichéd as it sounds, it's not what it looks like.' he said quickly but she shrugged.

'It doesn't really look like anything to me, your personal life is your personal life, you can kiss who you want it's nothing to do with me...' she was surprised with the calmness of her voice, she was surprised she wasn't crying; her chest was contracting so hard she momentarily thought she might be having a heart attack but she knew that was silly.

'Hannah you're not understanding me…' he said and she paused, waiting for him to elaborate when in actuality he was battling with his conscience, trying to decide whether it was a good idea to reveal his feelings for her, especially in that moment. When he didn't say anything, she sighed.

'There's nothing to understand, sorry, I'm late for work…' she said quietly and turned and walked towards the stairs, she didn't know if she expected him to follow but when he didn't she felt it pang in her chest as she doubted whether her hunches had ever been right, maybe she was the only one harbouring a stupid crush.

When she arrived on the ward ready for work she headed right for the board to check her theatre slots for the day and pick up her cases. She scanned the list for her name and only found two procedures in the electives, she rubbed out her name with her thumb and wrote in Frieda's, luckily Frieda walked past at that moment.

'Oh, Frieda, can you take my theatre slots this afternoon?' she asked and Frieda narrowed her eyes, coming to stand beside her so they could keep their conversation private. 'It's just a CABG and a mini-maze.' Hannah said, looking at her friend and hoping she would say yes.

'Of course, but why don't you want to go into theatre?' she asked suspiciously and Hannah tried her best to smile.

'I'm not having a great day, I don't trust myself in theatre right now.' she said quietly and Frieda raised an eyebrow but nodded understandingly.

'Do you need a hug?' she asked and Hannah's smile became a little more genuine.

'You don't do hugs.' she countered and Frieda shrugged.

'This is true but I'm sure Fletch is around here somewhere,' she said glancing around and it was Hannah's turn to raise an eyebrow, 'or I'm sure I could make an exception for an old friend…' Frieda said and Hannah knew she meant it.

'I'd never dream of putting you in that position.' she replied and a flicker of a smile danced across Frieda's face.

'Well, in thanks I will do you a fair trade.' Frieda smiled gently and handed her a case file.

'I suppose that's only fair.' Hannah replied and accepted the file before Frieda could give her the details.

'It's a consult on Keller, but judging by the notes Mr Johnson is going to have to be moved to Darwin anyway, he's Ms MacMillan's patient but according to her Professor Gaskell is taking a vested interest in him too.' Frieda said with a wink and any semblance of relief Hannah had felt in her interaction with her friend evaporated. She forced her best smile as Frieda walked away and held the patient file with a little less enthusiasm than she had initially felt. She sighed and opened it to read the notes as she walked towards Keller to find Roxanna.

When she found the patient, she couldn't find Ms MacMillan anywhere so she began to run her own tests and hoped Roxanna wouldn't mind. Dom gave her a funny look as she approached the nurse's station and raised an eyebrow.

'And to what do we owe the pleasure?' he asked and Hannah laughed but the light didn't reach her eyes, no matter how many friends she spoke to she couldn't seem to shake off the heartbreak she'd felt that morning, every second brought with it the dread of seeing Meena or John

'No, but seriously, what brings you from the high and mighty Darwin down to us mere peasants?' he asked and she rolled her eyes.

'Can you stop?' she asked and he grinned.

'Sorry,' he replied and Hannah put down the file, open as she continued to skim the patient's notes to double check for any history of chest problems.

'Have you seen Ms MacMillan?' she asked and Dom raised an eyebrow.

'Looking for Ms MacMillan and not Professor Gaskell?' he asked and she struggled to maintain her smile.

'We're not joined at the hip you know, Dom. I'm consulting on Ms MacMillan's patient.' she said and passed Dom the file.

'Ah yes, Mr Johnson, unlucky fella. He has a spinal injury that's due to be rectified, Professor Gaskell is keen to get in on that too, he's got you all fighting over him.' Dom commented as his eyes ran over the notes.

'Well that might have to wait, I have a hunch he needs heart surgery, just waiting on a couple of results to come back and confirm my suspicions.' she said as she accepted the file he handed back to her.

'You and Professor Gaskell will be fighting over him I think, let's hope you can manage to keep your clothes on...' Dom grinned, and Hannah turned scarlet as John appeared at her elbow.

'What are we fighting over?' he asked her and Dom's face fell as he saw Hannah's mortified expression; of course, like everyone else, he had suspected she had a crush on him but he'd never intended to embarrass her like that. He slowly stood up and backed away from them, making a mental note to apologise to Hannah later.

'Mr Johnson,' Hannah said as she showed John the file. 'I suspect he has a clot which needs to be removed as soon as possible.' she explained, avoiding his eye and trying her best to remain cool and professional.

'Ah right but he is actually booked in for spinal surgery I believe.' John said and Hannah's blush deepened.

'He needs this surgery more.' she said, looking up to meet his eye defiantly, when it came to patient care she lost her inhibitions.

'You don't know for certain yet, perhaps you should wait and listen to all the facts before making snap decisions about situations where you may actually turn out to be wrong.' he said, staring her down, and she knew they weren't talking about the patient anymore. She didn't want to have that conversation, especially not on the ward, and she could already feel the lump in her throat and the stinging at the back of her eyes. She turned suddenly and began to walk away, intending to leave the ward as quickly as she could.

As she passed the office, however, Roxanna emerged and Hannah crossed to her.

'Ms MacMillan, Ms Petrenko and I swapped a couple of cases today so I've run some tests on Mr Johnson and booked him in for a CT scan but I suspect he has a large clot which will need to be removed in theatre later today. I'm afraid the spinal operation will have to wait.' she said quickly and Roxanna listened with a glint of concern in her eye.

'Alright, well if you're right then of course we'll have him moved to Darwin as soon as possible.' she said and Hannah gave a quick nod and made to leave. 'Hannah wait, are you okay?' she asked, taking her arm gently and Hannah took a deep breath and let it out slowly.

'I suppose so, why do you ask?' she asked and Roxanna gave a small smile.

'You have tears in your eyes.' she said and Hannah tried to blink them back with little success. She bowed her head and cleared her throat but when she looked back up it was no better. Roxanna gestured towards the office and put her arm around her. Hannah sat down heavily and pulled her hair from its ponytail, running her fingers through it again and again. Roxanna sat beside her and waited until she was ready before asking her to confide her problems. Hannah didn't know why she suddenly let herself go and spilled everything to Roxanna, she felt an odd connection with her, she'd become a sort of mother-figure to her recently and Hannah didn't want that to be for nothing, she wanted to have someone she could talk to about personal things, it wasn't easy to talk to her father.

'Well, it feels weird saying this but recently I feel like I've kind of developed these... feelings, for John.' Roxanna seemed surprised and her eyes widened a little, 'I know it's insane because of my dad and everything and I was never planning on acting on them or letting John know they were there or anything but I've not felt this way about anyone since Danny's dad, Liam. Ollie was just a friendship that went too far, I've had odd one-night stands here and there across the years but I've never felt a connection to someone like I feel with John, God please don't judge me this is all so embarrassing to admit out loud.' she groaned and Roxanna waited, she had a feeling that she wasn't done.

'I mean that's not the reason I'm upset today,' Hannah dutifully continued, taking a couple of shaky breaths. 'I don't know, I sometimes thought that maybe John felt the same way but then sometimes I just thought it was because he was being nice to me because he felt sorry for me but then this morning I saw Meena kissing him and, I don't know, it hurt.'

'Wait, John kissed Dr Chowdhury?' Roxanna asked and Hannah cringed a little.

'I mean, in retrospect she looked a lot more into it than him.' she admitted and then wondered if he had been telling the truth, if things weren't as they had seemed and she'd completely overreacted.

'This is a lot to process.' Roxanna said and Hannah smiled but it looked more like a grimace.

'I'm sorry, I don't mean to pile onto you, I've never really had much experience in this kind of thing and I guess I don't really know how to handle it. I could never exactly go to my dad about anything like this, and I've never had a mum to talk feelings and stuff with...' she said and looked down so she missed the way Roxanna stiffened slightly.

'You don't have to apologise, it must have been hard, not having a mother when growing up...' Roxanna said quietly, staring down at the floor with wide eyes and Hannah nodded slightly.

'It was hard, especially when dad was going through his depressive episodes. Before he admitted it for what it was he just had to battle through and I just had to battle through it with him, I wasn't exactly a helpful kid either. I blamed him for everything, well most things. I blamed myself for my mum not sticking around and I always thought he did too, I mean she left a couple of months after I was born, it had to have been me, right?' the question was rhetorical but Roxanna reached out and grabbed Hannah's hand all the same.

'No, it wasn't your fault, Hannah, I can tell you that much. I'm sure your mother loved you very much, there were just other things that got in the way...' she said and Hannah narrowed her eyes slightly.

'Did you know her?' she asked quietly and a spark of excitement shot through her eyes as Roxanna began to panic, but Hannah couldn't notice that, all she could think about was how she would finally get answers after so many years without anything.

'Yes, I did.' Roxanna admitted, unable to lie.

'Who was she?' Hannah asked, sitting up straight and gripping Roxanna's hand in excitement, all trace of tears gone from her eyes.

'Hannah I...'

'What was her name? You can at least tell me that, can't you? Are you still in contact, does she remember me? Please, you can't tell me you knew her and then not tell me anything about her!' Hannah was pleading now, she desperately needed to know something, anything, about the part of her life that was missing.

'Hannah, I can't...' she argued and Hannah suddenly let go of her hand, anger and frustration flashing through her eyes.

'What do you mean?' she asked and Roxanna stumbled for words and then stood up quickly, she needed some space.

'Your father, he asked me not to say anything to you, not to tell you anything. David and I were both sworn to secrecy...' she said, keeping her back to Hannah so she couldn't see the pain and conflict on her face.

'But that was twenty-six years ago! Surely things have changed?' she begged but Roxanna shook her head.

'I'm sorry.' she said firmly and Hannah sat there for a moment in bewildered silence before the shock of the betrayal fully hit her and she grew angry.

'I can't believe this. Fine, keep your secrets. I'm sorry I trusted you.' she said bitterly before grabbing the patient file and storming from the office, leaving Roxanna alone.

For a moment, all Roxanna could do was stand there in stunned silence, trying to keep her breathing under control after the confrontation with Hannah. For twenty-seven years, she had been tasked with this secret, she had thought that it would be easier to deal with after David's death but in reality it only made things more complicated; she didn't have anyone she could talk to about it. She felt stupid for ever believing that Hannah wouldn't want to know exactly who her mother was, especially once she found out that Roxanna knew. She wrung her hands together and took a couple of deep breaths as she made a final resolve, she was going to go and talk to Henrik about this, she felt like it was finally time that Hannah knew the truth.

She left the office quickly in search of Henrik and found him with a patient. She waited until he was done with the patient by hurrying to his side.

'Henrik, could I have a word?' she requested and he nodded slightly and they moved to one side, it gave them a little privacy but Roxanna knew they would need more so she quickly guided him to the nearest private spot, the locker room. She carefully shut the door behind them and then turned back to Henrik who was wearing a concerned expression.

'Is everything alright?' he asked and she took another deep breath, steeling herself for the conversation that they had to have.

'I want to tell Hannah the truth.' she said and he stiffened at once, his eyes widening.

'Absolutely not.' he said, his voice raised.

'Why not? Hmm? She's a grown woman Henrik and things are less complicated now, I don't like lying to her, keeping it from her.' Roxanna said, stepping towards him but there was a fire in his eyes, a stubbornness and she knew that she wouldn't win this battle, but she couldn't let that stop her from fighting it.

'If you didn't want to keep it from her then you shouldn't have walked away when you did.' he said and then took a deep breath, he knew it wasn't fair, that the circumstances had been more convoluted than that. 'The fact of the matter is that I raised her, you did not. I will not let her be hurt from this, not now.' he said, his voice softening a little but Roxanna couldn't let herself be defeated yet.

'Henrik, I know I hurt you both, I hurt a lot of people, but we all decided that it was the best option back then. Things have changed...' she pleaded but he shook his head.

'Things might have changed, Roxanna, but I will not run the risk of hurting her further, especially not now.' he said firmly and Roxanna steeled herself.

'What if I made a different call?' she asked softly, 'We've become close, and she knows that I know who her mother was.' she said and he took a step towards her, the fire glittering in his eyes again.

'I'm only going to say this once… I _forbid_ you to tell Hannah that you are her mother.' he said and there was a silence between them. Roxanna tried to stare him down but she couldn't, instead she looked down at the floor and gave a slight nod.

'Alright, I'll trust your judgement.' she said quietly and Henrik paused for a moment but didn't say anything else. He brushed past her and left quickly, leaving her alone with her thoughts.

In the meantime, Hannah herself had returned to Darwin to take care of a couple of patients there whilst she waited for the results of Mr Johnson's tests and for the radiologist to conduct his scan. She tried to focus as she worked but there was something nagging at the back of her mind, it was like there was something obvious that she was missing but she couldn't quite put the pieces together.

After a couple of hours Dom paged her to let her know that Mr Johnson's tests were complete and that the results showed a large clot that needed to be removed as quickly as possible. She organised to have him moved to Darwin and found herself in front of the board for the second time that day. She sighed as she looked at the empty slot and she put her name down, it looked like she would be going into theatre after all.

Her depression pushed at her steadily, not getting any better or worse as she prepared for theatre, and all the while that nagging sensation crept at the back of her mind. She found herself in the stairwell, looking out at the cars, she was due in theatre soon so she was taking a little time to collect herself.

'I hoped I might find you here.' John said from behind her and she turned around quickly, jumping at his appearance.

'Oh, God, you startled me.' she cried with a light laugh, momentarily forgetting her griefs and he smiled at her and apologised as he came to stand by her side.

'I heard that Mr Johnson was moved to Darwin.' he said and Hannah nodded.

'Yes, we're heading into theatre in twenty minutes.' she replied and turned back to the cars. It was the middle of June and the past few days had been hot but today was cloudy and grey, a light drizzle began and Hannah recollected something from English classes about pathetic fallacy.

'I'm sorry for the way I treated you on the ward, it was rude and unprofessional.' he said and she shrugged a little, she didn't know how to act. She was still upset about what she'd seen between him and Meena but the more recent conversation with Roxanna was more prominently on her mind.

'Were you still close with my dad when I was born?' she asked suddenly and could tell it took him by surprise.

'No...' he answered after a while, 'I grew apart from them for a while.'

'You went off to have medical adventures.' she commented and he smiled.

'Something like that, why do you ask?' he asked and she sighed.

'Roxanna knows who my mother was but won't tell me, I wondered if you might know too.' she said and he looked down at his hands, she didn't look at him.

'I'm sorry, I don't know who she was, I'll admit I only found out you existed when you were already five years old. Do you remember the first time we met?' he asked and she realised that she didn't. 'You were very shy, you hid behind your father's legs and then he made you sit on his lap so everyone could see you, he was very proud of you, he wanted to show you off.' John said and Hannah smiled a little but blushed.

'That's not something I could ever imagine him doing…'

'Oh yeah, you've always been his pride and joy.' John assured her and she managed to give him a small smile. There was another pause between them and Hannah could feel the tension like a balloon, acting as a buffer.

'Look,' she said suddenly, wanting to be the first one to speak, 'I think it's safe to say that this morning I saw something I was not supposed to see and whether it was a... reciprocal act or not, it really was none of my business.' she said, forcing her tone to appear light and to look at John. She felt like he could see right through her, like he wasn't buying her act for a minute.

'She kissed me and I froze, she's since apologised and it's all been chalked up to a misunderstanding.' he explained softly and Hannah nodded, she believed him but she didn't know if she was so sure of his feelings towards her anymore.

'I think it's best we just forget about it? Try and move on and pretend like it never happened?' she suggested and he smiled gently.

'I'd like that.' he said and she took a deep breath, when she released it she felt a little lighter and her brain felt a little clearer. That nudging sensation was back and more powerful now she didn't have this to think about. She pushed it to the back of her mind and made to leave.

'I need to go and get ready for Mr Johnson's op, I'll let you know how it goes.' she promised and headed for the stairs.

'Good luck.' he called after her, wishing he'd taken those precious few moments to say something more. He felt like he was in a constant battle with himself, trying to decide just how much to reveal.

Hannah headed to theatre and scrubbed in quickly, wanting to be ready to go as soon as the anaesthetist gave the all clear, Nicky was already there, preparing.

'Thank you for letting me be part of this procedure, Ms Hanssen, really thank you.' she said as Hannah switched off her tap and Hannah gave her a smile, the nudging feeling was getting stronger but she tried to push it back.

'I needed someone to assist and you need to learn, seemed like a good mix to me.'

Hannah gave Nicky a small smile as she left the sink to don her gown and gloves. All the while she couldn't shake the uncomfortable feeling that she was missing something huge, something obvious. As soon as Nicky and the rest of the team were ready, Hannah began the operation and tried to focus. For a while she succeeded, she managed to put all thoughts to the back of her mind other than the task at hand and it worked, the surgery went well. It was just before they began to close, nearly two hours later, that realisation hit Hannah like a bus.

She froze suddenly as the reality hit her. Of course, she couldn't be sure of anything yet but she felt certain that her hunch was a good one and once she'd begun to entertain it she struggled to keep it from her mind.

'Ms Hanssen? Is everything alright?' Nicky asked and Hannah blinked before nodding.

'Yes, uh, 2-0 prolene and get some TXA in him please.' She instructed and people obeyed her without question. 'We'll do the inner layer of sutures with 2-0 and then use surgical glue to make it airtight. Dr McKendrick, would you like to do the honours?' she asked and Nicky beamed behind her mask. Hannah gave her a comforting smile and did her best to hide her shaking hand, this was why she hadn't wanted to operate that day.

She supervised as Nicky closed the patient slowly, horrendously slowly, Hannah needed to get out of that theatre but she couldn't leave an F1 by themselves. She was impatient but didn't dare open her mouth lest she was rude to Nicky, instead she tapped her fingers together, it helped to hide the shaking as well.

As soon as Nicky was done she checked the patient quickly and determined that everything was fine before hastening to scrub out. As soon as she was done she made to run off to Keller ward, she needed to speak to her father urgently, but Fletch was waiting outside the theatre with the news that a patient wanted to see her to discuss their upcoming operation which was scheduled for the following day. Hannah was impatient but did her best to appear calm to the patient as she answered all their questions before she was able to rush off.

Roxanna battled with herself all day, she couldn't go against Henrik's better judgement, she really didn't have a right to any say in the situation. All the same it felt horrible to keep the truth from Hannah, her daughter. She was distracted and irritable as she tried to work out a loophole but she knew that if she was to go against Henrik's wishes then it would only create problems for everyone involved. The end of the shift was nearing and Roxanna headed towards the locker room to collect her things and leave for the day, she didn't want to stay a minute longer than she had to. When she walked in Henrik was already there, he was sat down with his head bowed, holding a photo of Hannah and Danny pulling funny faces into the camera.

'That used to be on your desk, right?' she asked softly and Henrik nodded slightly, not looking up. Roxanna sat down beside him and looked at the photograph. 'I know she means the world to you, they both do. I don't want to get in the way, I don't want to intrude in any way, I just want her to know.' she urged but Henrik shook his head again.

'You don't understand as much as you think you do, she's fragile, she wouldn't be able to handle something like this.' he said, his voice was soft but Roxanna could sense the underlying tension, he would never yield to her.

Before Roxanna could reply the door burst open and Hannah herself emerged as a whirlwind, she saw them both and Hanssen quietly put the photograph to one side.

'Good I'm glad you're both together, here.' Hannah said and Henrik sighed and stood.

'Roxanna has told me about the conversation you had earlier...' he said and Hannah paled at the thought that her father knew about the inappropriate feelings she had for John.

'Uh, how much exactly did she tell you?' she asked and Hanssen was momentarily confused.

'She told me about how you tried to pressure her into revealing the identity of your mother and I stand by my decision that I will not tell you and neither will she. It would only cause pain for all, I assure you.' he spoke in a matter of fact tone and made to leave but Hannah stepped in front of him, more confident now that she knew he didn't know her secret.

'What if I guessed correctly?' she asked quietly and Roxanna gripped the edges of the bench, her knuckles turning white; Hanssen didn't say anything but the colour of his face changed a little.

'Dad, I'm going to ask you something and I want you to answer me honestly.' Hannah said in a very quiet voice and Hanssen took a step back and sat down a little heavily. The tension in the room was so thick it was almost stifling, Roxanna knew that Hannah had worked it out but Hanssen held on to the hope that she hadn't. There was a pause as Hannah worked up the courage to ask the question and then she took a deep breath and decided that the time had come to face her fears.

'Is Roxanna my mother?' She asked so, so quietly and Hanssen's eyes widened, he couldn't believe that she'd worked it out. Tears came to his eyes but he didn't let them escape and when he spoke his voice was hoarse.

'Yes.' he said bluntly and Hannah didn't know how to feel anything other than shock. All her life Hannah had wondered and hoped that one day she might find out who her mother was, even meet her, she never dreamed that it could have been someone who had been there all along.

'Why?' she asked suddenly, anger tinging her voice as Hanssen looked down. 'Why did you lie to me for twenty-six years?' when it became apparent that Hanssen was either unable or unwilling to answer Hannah turned to Roxanna.

'Why did you leave me? What the hell even happened?' she demanded and Roxanna stood up slowly and went to touch Hannah but she stepped back.

'The situation was complicated, I was already married to David.' she said and the memory of David spiked at Hannah's heart, all those years when he had treated her well during those dinner parties.

'Did David know?' she asked and Roxanna nodded.

'We thought about keeping you ourselves at first, but he didn't like the idea of you knowing you weren't his daughter. We all agreed that this was the best option, so that you could have the best chance.' she explained and Hannah felt hot tears rushing down her cheeks but she wasn't happy or upset, she was angry, it was pure rage.

'And you never thought I was old enough to be trusted with the truth, would you ever have told me?' she cried and tears came to Roxanna's eyes too.

'I'm sorry, I never wanted to give you up but what could I do?'

'I don't know, maybe not have had an affair in the first place?' Hannah lashed out and Roxanna fell silent again. Hannah leaned against the door and tried to collect herself, she took a deep breath before turning her attention back to her father.

'I'm going to go away for a few days, I need to clear my head and I can't be around you, either of you. I need you to take care of Danny though, I can't have him around me right now either.' she said, her voice had returned to that horrible quiet tone and Hanssen nodded, glad that she wasn't taking his grandchild away from him in the same way Sara had done in her anger and frustration.

Hannah paused for another moment before suddenly rushing from the room and slamming the door behind her. Roxanna sat down gently beside Henrik again and he did something completely unexpected, he reached out and grabbed her hand.

Hannah sought out Dom as quickly as possible, her first thought had been to go to John but she couldn't go to him with this, not yet, and she definitely couldn't make the same request of him.

Dom was at the nurses station when Hannah sat down quickly beside him, tears were still wet on her cheeks and Dom did a double take.

'Oh, my God, Hannah you can't be on the ward looking like that.' he said and grabbed her arm, pulling her into the empty theatre behind them. Hannah took some deep breaths as she leaned against the operating table.

'Alright, spill the tea.' Dom said, leaning beside her and crossing his arms.

'Can I come and stay with you, just for a few days?' she asked and Dom raised an eyebrow.

'Of course, mi casa est tu casa you know that, but I have to ask why?' he said and she took a deep breath.

'I just found out who my mother is,' she said and Dom made a sign for her to continue, she looked at him with wide eyes. 'It's Roxanna.'

'Holy sh...'

'I know, I know, it's insane.' Hannah interrupted Dom before he could curse.

'Actually, if you think about it, it makes a lot of sense.' Dom said and Hannah punched him, hard. 'Sorry, I guess that was in poor taste.'

'Look, I know that this must make things weird and I'm sorry for not acting like a grown-up... But isn't this what you've always wanted, to know who your mother is?' he asked and Hannah shrugged.

'I guess I just didn't expect her to be someone I've always know, it makes it feel like a betrayal, you know?' she said and gave Dom a watery smile, he considered her for a moment before pulling her to his chest and hugging her tightly.

'To be honest, I'm surprised you didn't go to your bestie John Gaskell...' he said and Hannah made a fist again but didn't strike. 'Come on, everyone knows you've got a huge crush on him.'

'Do you want me to hit you again?' she mumbled into his chest and he squeezed her hard again before holding her at arm's length.

'How about I buy you a drink to say sorry?' He suggested and she smiled.

'Make it, like, ten.' She said and he put an arm around her and led her out of the theatre.

'Just like old times...'


	9. Chapter 9 - Summer

**Chapter Nine - Summer**

As the weather got warmer, conditions at the hospital began to change and things began to get a bit more hectic. Many patients began to be brought into AAU all with the same injuries. All the patients had been stabbed and multiple patients died from the injuries, the police were made aware, along with the media, and the hospital was placed on a high alert status. It seemed that Holby had a serial killer loose and anyone within the hospital could potentially be a target, depending on the killer's intentions. This affected the staff on AAU more than any other department, but nobody was hugely concerned and didn't expect that the criminal would strike at the hospital; but nobody ever left walked home alone.

Hannah stayed with Dom for a few days which stretched into a week and when it got to that point Hannah realised that she really needed the space without intruding on her friend. She finally found a house and the following week moved in with Danny, it felt good to finally have her own freedom, her own space.

At first Hanssen had panicked that she was trying to take Danny away from him but she ensured him that it was just the case of needing to grow up a bit, he was still able to see Danny whenever he wanted.

Once the initial anger at her father and Roxanna had passed she began to understand their reasoning and felt an immense amount of pity for David, how he must have felt in that situation she couldn't imagine. Instead of thinking about it she threw herself into her work, keeping things strictly professional with both her father and Roxanna as much as possible. She didn't want to talk about that situation anymore, she appreciated that she finally knew the truth but she didn't feel like she needed to know anything more, she didn't feel like they needed to begin having family meetings or anything like that.

Hannah accepted more work from John to keep her occupied as much as possible when she wasn't at the hospital and, whilst she prioritised Danny at all times, she began to spend most of her nights deep in John's notes or proof-reading papers for him. It meant that she began to neglect herself a little; she struggled to sleep so she stopped really trying and, instead, tried to focus on her work. She took up extra shifts, leaving Danny either with his nanny or with her father.

This went on for a few weeks before it became noticeable. She was chugging coffee almost constantly just to stay awake and she couldn't eat much or it made her feel unwell due to the lack of sleep. Hanssen was oblivious at first but it all changed one morning when he met her at the front door as they walked from their cars.

'Good morning.' he said to her, at first, he thought she was nursing a hangover.

'Is it?' she asked and he smiled.

'One too many last night?' he joked and Hannah laughed.

'I wish, John sent me a paper that needed to be proofed by this morning so I was up all night doing it, I haven't slept.' she said as they walked through the door and she headed straight for Pulses, in need of coffee.

'But yesterday you said that you hardly slept the night before?' Hanssen replied, confused as they waited in the queue and Hannah nodded, stifling a yawn.

'Yeah, I got about two hours the night before last. I was doing some research and... lost track of time.' she lied, she had known that if she slept the nightmares would come so research was the best deterrent. Hearing this, Hanssen took a moment to properly look at her.

'Are you sure you should be here?' he asked softly and she nodded.

'Yeah, it's fine, don't worry I'm on admin today. Since Jac's still on leave we've all got to make sure the paperwork gets done and today is my turn, I guess you could say I'm acting consultant for the day, isn't that fun?' she grinned as she accepted her coffee, paying in coins.

'I suppose so, as long as you're sure...' Hanssen said and Hannah dumped multiple sugars into her coffee, giving her father even more reason for doubt.

'It's fine, dad.' she said and headed for the lift.

When she got onto the ward she collected all the files from the nurse's station before making her way to Jac's office, they'd been using her desk so everything was in the right place for when she came back. She switched on the computer and saw that she had an email from John, it was another paper that he needed proof-read for that evening and she printed it out to add to her pile of reading to do.

Of course, whenever John said that he needed something proof-read it was completely optional and she had the choice to tell him that she was too busy that day, but she wouldn't ever dream of refusing him. She wanted to keep herself busy, she wanted to keep herself distracted but she wasn't sure what she was distracting herself from.

The morning dragged on slowly and she kept herself consistently sipping on tea and coffee just to stay awake but gradually even the caffeine stopped working and her eyes began to droop. She fought it as hard as she could but eventually her head dropped down onto the desk and she fell asleep. An hour passed before she was awoken by the shrill ring of her phone.

She jerked awake and snatched up her phone, accepting the call and putting it to her ear in one movement; her voice was groggy.

'Hello?'

'Hannah, hi, it's John...' John's voice crackled a little on the other end of the line, he was in Austria, she thought.

'John, hey, I was just going through your paper.' She lied and took a swig of her coffee, spitting it back out and grimacing when she found it cold.

'Aren't you at work?' he asked and she stifled a yawn.

'Yeah, but I'm admin duties today so reading your paper is actually a bit of a break.' she said, leaning back in her chair and rubbing her eyes.

'Actually, that's why I called...' John said slowly and Hannah relented the assault on her eyes for a moment.

'What was the reason?' she asked, a little worried that he no longer had faith in her proof-reading skills.

'You, taking a break. Your dad called me and said he was concerned about your current situation, he doesn't think you're taking proper care of yourself.' John said slowly and Hannah sighed, mentally cursing her father.

'I'm fine I promise, dad's just worrying over nothing because I've had a bit of insomnia recently.' she explained and she could almost tell John was raising an eyebrow in response.

'And what did you have for breakfast this morning?' he asked and Hannah paused, 'or for dinner last night?'

'Usually men ask what you're wearing not what you're eating...' she replied quietly.

'Hannah...'

'I use humour to hide my insecurities!' she snapped grumpily in response and she heard John sigh at the other end of the phone. 'Alright, I will go and take a lunch break now, okay? I will not allow Fletch to bully me into staying later than necessary and I will be in bed by ten p.m. sharp.'

John paused, like he was considering something, and then groaned slightly.

'You promise to take better care of yourself?' he asked and she nodded emphatically, leaning back in her chair again and closing her eyes.

'I promise.'

'Good,' he paused again and Hannah could feel herself slipping back into sleepiness and she fought to stay awake. 'I have to go, but I'll see you soon. Bye.' John said slowly but Hannah was on autopilot at this point.

'Okay, love you, bye.' she replied and hung up the phone. It was only when the phone was halfway to the desk that she processed what she had just said. Her eyes snapped open and she stared at the phone, her mouth agape and her cheeks flushing red.

'Oh, oh no...' she muttered, no longer on the verge of sleep as embarrassment made her feel more awake than any caffeine could.

She placed the phone down, unsure whether it was better to acknowledge it and send John a quick apology text, or pretend like it had never happened. There was always option three where she moved to a completely new country and never spoke to anyone she had ever known ever again. Somehow the final option didn't seem completely viable.

She stared at her phone for a full minute and only stopped when she was interrupted by Fletch.

'Hey, Hannah I need a favour...' he exclaimed as he burst in but he stopped when he saw her face. 'Everything alright?'

'I just said "love you, bye" at the end of a phone call...' she explained, still aghast at her own actions.

'Ah right, was it to someone you don't know, or...?' Fletch didn't finish as Hannah looked at him with wide eyes.

'Worse.' she said emphatically and Fletch narrowed his eyes. 'It was to Professor Gaskell.' her voice was hardly above a whisper.

Fletch paused for a moment as he processed what she'd just told him and then he snorted with laughter, he clapped his hands to his mouth and did his best to hide it but he couldn't suppress the giggles and Hannah slowly put her head onto the table with a loud "thunk".

'I'm sorry, it's not funny, I swear...' he spluttered between his giggles but Hannah didn't lift her head. After a minute or so he managed to gain some of his composure back and stopped laughing so badly, he couldn't keep the grin of amusement from his face though.

'I think I might actually have to change my name and move countries.' Hannah mumbled into the table and Fletch came to her and patted her back comfortingly.

'Come on,' he smiled, 'it can't be that bad. Everyone does it sometimes, he'll probably chalk it up to what it was, a slip of the tongue and then never speak of it again.'

She looked up at him with hopeful eyes and he did his best to refrain from letting his giggles get the better of him again.

'You really think so?' she asked and he nodded.

'I'm sure, but anyway this favour?' he continued and Hannah leaned back in her chair.

'What is it?'

'Can you stay a bit later tonight? Only for like, an hour, or so? Maybe two?' he begged and she rolled her eyes and sighed.

'Tonight, really isn't great, Fletch...' she groaned and he dropped to his knees beside her, grabbing her hands in his.

'I am begging you, Hannah, Ms Petrenko isn't in today and... I'm not meant to tell you this, but, the reason I need someone is because I need someone on the ward since they're looking to appoint a senior registrar for Darwin and I need to do the paperwork.' he said with a knowing look and Hannah stopped and thought for a second.

'A senior registrar?' she asked slowly and he nodded.

'It's between you and Frieda, and staying behind would look great for you...' Fletch smiled and Hannah considered for a second before sighing.

'Fine! But not because of the potential promotion, but because I care for the patients of this hospital and God knows what would happen if they were left with just you.' she said, turning back to her paperwork.

'You're a gem, I'll need you on the ward from about five? That's when we start to get a bit short-staffed.' he explained and she gave him a thumbs up. He thanked her again as he rushed from the office and Hannah returned to her paperwork, it looked like she would be breaking her promise to John after all, but it didn't matter much, not really, it's not like he would ever know.

She pulled John's paper to the top of the pile and decided to get that out of the way first. She readied it before heading down to Pulse's to grab more coffee and some lunch to get her through the afternoon but when she stepped out of the lift she saw Roxanna waiting in the queue. Hannah jumped back into the lift before Roxanna had a chance to see her and she went immediately back up to Darwin, she decided that she would just eat later that day.

It wasn't that she didn't want to be around Roxanna anymore, she still liked her, but things felt awkward and uncomfortable between them now. Things with her father were easier to repair because they had been through so many ups and downs over the years that it felt like a routine; but finding out that Roxanna was her mother made things very different for them and she didn't know how to handle being around her anymore. The best course of action was just to keep her distance.

Hannah returned to the Darwin staff room and made herself a cup of tea to take back to the office where she began reading John's paper. It was almost perfect, like it usually was, there were only a couple of grammatical errors and a few instances of convoluted word order which Hannah noticed and set right and then it was ready to be scanned and returned to John and she could continue with the rest of her work.

When five o'clock struck, Hannah made her way out onto the ward and filed all her paperwork, now was the point where she was supposed to be going home but duty of care called. Fletch disappeared into his office and Hannah was left alone with one other nurse, the night shift didn't arrive until seven. It was just an unfortunate case, budget cuts had meant that there were less doctors for the ward and somebody always had to bridge the gaps, it was annoying.

Hannah spent the first half an hour scanning the patient's notes who would need regular observations, mainly those who had been in surgery that day. It was at around half-past five that she noticed a very tall man walking down the corridor towards her, her father.

'Hey, what're you still doing here?' she asked as he approached, looking concerned.

'I was waiting for you downstairs, I thought I would come and see where you were.' he replied and she sighed.

'Sorry, Fletch asked me to cover for a couple of hours until night shift arrive, I won't be here late.' she explained but he didn't seem impressed.

'Well perhaps I ought to bring you some dinner, I don't imagine you've had a proper meal all day.' he said and she winced.

'I'm not hungry, dad, really I'm fine. Why don't you go pick up Danny from his nanny's and spend some time with him? I'll swing by to grab him when I'm done. I'd really appreciate it.' she tried and she thought that he was going to refuse for a moment so she continued quickly before he could reply. 'Or maybe Danny could spend the night with you? Honestly, I am knackered and I'd really appreciate it...' she knew that admitting she wasn't her best would soften him, he would want to help; she just knew him too well. He paused for a moment before responding.

'Alright.' he said and she smiled gratefully. 'But please, please make sure you eat, alright?'

'I promise, dad.' she said, holding up a pinky. He looked between her and her finger for a moment in disdain before rolling his eyes and walking away back down the corridor. Hannah smiled after him and continued with her work. The hours crawled by and it seemed to take Hannah less time than usual to complete the observations on each patient. She did her best to entertain herself but ticked down the minutes until the night shift arrived and she could leave. When the time finally came, she greeted them warmly and popped her head into Fletch's office to say goodbye before hurrying to get changed, grab her things and leave.

As she left the lift in the reception of the hospital, she noticed that it was still quite light outside and wondered if it would be better to walk home rather than drive and then she could get her car the following day. She was still debating this as she walked out of the front doors and was confronted by a face she recognised. She stopped short and blinked a couple of times, worried that the sleep deprivation was causing her to hallucinate, but he was there, John Gaskell was stood by the memorial.

She walked over to him slowly, half expecting him to disappear at any moment.

'Hey,' she called and he wheeled around and smiled when he saw her.

'Hello!' he grinned and pulled her into a tight hug before she had a chance to react. The hug confirmed it, he was definitely there.

'What are you doing here, you're supposed to be in Austria?' she said, her voice slightly muffled by his shoulder. He took a step back and released her.

'I was in Germany...' he said slowly and Hannah winced.

'Oh yeah, sorry, I guess my mind isn't functioning too well today.' she said and suddenly remembered the phone call earlier and a blush rose on her cheeks.

'What are you doing here? I thought you promised to go home on time today?' he said, confused.

'There was a situation on Darwin, they had no doctors until the night shift came in and since I'm apparently up for a promotion I couldn't exactly say no.' she said and did her best to calm her burning cheeks. 'But you didn't answer my question, what are you doing here?'

'I came to see you.' he said bluntly and she was taken by surprise.

'What? Why?' she exclaimed.

'Because I was worried about you, you didn't seem yourself on the phone earlier.' Hannah braced herself for what was to come.

'About the _thing,_ I said... at the end... I am so sorry! It was a complete slip, I was tired and sort of on autopilot and I am so embarrassed!' the words tumbled out of her mouth as quickly as she could form them and her cheeks were as bright as Rudolph's nose but John just laughed.

'Of course, don't worry about it, you'd be surprised how often people do it...' he comforted her by placing his hands on her arms and stepping closer to her. She felt a little better about his being so understanding and her cheeks faded a little but she was still embarrassed beyond belief. Her embarrassment was only heightened as her stomach made a very loud and prominent grumble, she'd forgotten that she hadn't eaten anything yet that day. John clearly heard it and Hannah looked down, wishing the ground would open beneath her.

'Why don't we go and get some dinner, I'm only back for tonight.' he suggested and she smiled a little and managed to look back up at him.

'Did you really come back, just to see me?' she asked quietly and he nodded.

'Of course, I did, Hannah I don't want to be responsible for over-working you, but I do so desperately want to consider you part of my team. I want you to be on my side but that has to work both ways. I... care about you, and I want to make sure you see how important it is that you take care of yourself.' he spoke with a calm, quiet tone which soothed Hannah better than anything else could have.

'Dinner would be great.' she smiled softly and he let go of her, seemingly reluctantly, but Hannah's suspicions about his feelings for her were stronger than ever.


	10. Chapter 10 - Professional Reputation

**Chapter 10 – Professional Reputation**

 **A/N: I've slightly re-written Jac's procedure and the events surrounding it because I had already written the bulk of this chapter when the most recent episode aired and I was lazy and couldn't be bothered to change it and any further plans because of that. Sorry!**

 **This chapter also includes some heavy speculation on my part stemming from Rosie Marcel's comments about a main character dying very soon and what she features on her social media feeds.**

When Jac Naylor approached the trial and practically demanded the surgery, Hannah had no choice but to support her. She had spent so long convincing herself that none of it was her fault, that she was in no way responsible for Jac's injury; but seeing her like that and knowing that her whole life was in jeopardy no matter what, she had to try and help her. She did everything she could to convince John to take Jac on as a patient, Roxanna was an easy sell, but John seemed so averse to the idea and Hannah really had no idea why.

Of course, Jac got her way and she was put on the theatre list for the following week. John asked Hannah to lead the surgery with the hope that it would help ease her nerves, but he could tell that she was feeling uneasy about performing surgery on her consultant.

On the day of the surgery, Hannah went to visit Jac who seemed less than impressed to see her.

'How are you feeling?' Hannah asked quietly and Jac sighed.

'Peachy, come on we both know that being a patient is the worst for a doctor.'

Hannah attempted a small smile in response but her hands wrung together, betraying her nerves.

'Are you scared, Hanssen?' Jac asked softly and Hannah took a deep breath.

'Not scared, no, I'm nervous though. There's a lot riding on this operation, not just for the trial but for you. If I screwed up then...' she trailed off and Jac grinned.

'Then it would be your brother that shot me but you that killed me.' she joked but it stuck on Hannah and she was suddenly horrified. Jac noticed that she had hindered rather than helped Hannah and her face fell a little. 'I'm sorry, I didn't mean anything by it, it was a joke. Look, I have taught you almost everything you know, and John is one of the best surgeons in the world, between you I'm not sure anything can really go wrong.'

Hannah knew that Jac was attempting to comfort her, which was a little strange and out of place for Jac, but even so Hannah appreciated the effort.

'I won't screw up.' Hannah promised and Jac smiled again.

At that moment Meena entered to conduct some pre-op tests and Hannah said her goodbyes before hastening off to meet John and go over the operation one more time. Frieda had been the one to initially operate on Jac so Hannah felt like it really should be her performing this operation too, but she had somehow wound being an official part of Gaskell's trial and she couldn't get out of it. She knew that this operation, and being part of the trial itself, would be a huge thing to put on her CV and she could be a part of medical history; but all that responsibility and pressure was just a little bit daunting.

Once she had gone over the operation many times she had a little time to herself before the actual procedure and she found herself in the stairwell. She sat on the bottom step of the stairs and stared out into the car park. It was a sunny day and the hospital was hot, almost too hot. She did her best to count the cars and stop her hands from shaking but she knew that today was not going to be easy. The time seemed to crawl by but then, eventually, she headed towards the theatre.

John was outside as Jac was being wheeled in and he was speaking to Meena, something felt wrong. Hannah approached Jac and gave her a reassuring smile.

'Remember, the best possible hands.' Jac said to her as Meena called John away again. Hannah tried to keep her attention focused on Jac but her eyes strayed to John and Meena who seemed to be having a heated discussion just outside of the door, Jac had noticed it too. The sensation of something being wrong heightened for Hannah but she put it down to nerves as John returned through the doors and Meena was left outside. Hannah made eye contact with her for a second before John called her into theatre and she rushed off to scrub in.

Hannah did her best to ignore the sneaking suspicion that something was wrong as they prepared to begin the operation and once it was underway she found herself being able to separate herself from the suspicions much easier. She watched as John began the operation and waited for her turn, she knew exactly what she was doing, she was confident.

She took over from John and began her work, completely focused until even the theatre around her seemed to disappear. Everything was going perfectly smoothly, then, suddenly, there was blood, and a lot of it.

'Swabs please.' Hannah said calmly and did her best to stem the bleed but nothing seemed to be helping. 'TXA.' she instructed as she clamped the swabs to the site of the bleed but they were still soaking red.

'I don't understand...' she muttered, her brain racing as panic started to cloud her focused thinking. She continued to search for the source of the bleed but couldn't find it exactly, a machine started to ping.

'Cross match four units.' Hannah instructed, her voice tinging with panic now.

'What's happening?' John asked from the other side of the table and Hannah tried hard to control her breathing, her eyes searching all the while.

'I can't find the source of the bleeding and it is not stopping.' she explained, her voice laced with panic.

'Let me see.' he requested but Hannah couldn't move the swabs.

'If I move them then she will bleed out in seconds.' she countered.

'And if you don't then we won't find the bleed and she will bleed out anyway.' John snapped and Hannah looked up at him in shock and fear, she'd never heard him speak like that to anyone.

'She's lost so much blood...' she whispered and John gently took the swabs from her.

'We'll fix it.' he promised and she took a step back and a deep breath before moving in again to assist him in any way she could, she had to save Jac's life.

John searched for the bleed but seemed to have the similar luck to Hannah, Jac was pumped with more blood but she was losing it faster than they could replace it and Hannah began to panic, this was her fault.

'John what do we do?' she asked, her voice barely above a whisper.

'TXA?' he said but Hannah shook her head.

'She's already had it.' Hannah replied and John groaned before sighing slightly.

'Alright let's go for aminomethylbenzoic acid.' he instructed and held the bleed firmly, replacing the swabs, as the drug was injected.

They waited with bated breath for a few moments before Hannah peered into the wound.

'The bleed's letting up a little.' she observed and John gently removed the swabs. The wound was still bleeding heavily but it was no longer so bad that she couldn't locate the source.

'Got it, clamps please.' she requested, her confidence returning. She was passed the clamps and she managed the clip the bleed shut and the area was clear once again, she was able to continue.

'It shouldn't affect her, right?' she asked, more for her own peace of mind than anything else.

'No... She had the infusion, everything should be fine...' John replied but he sounded a little uncertain. Hannah looked up at him.

'John?' he took a deep breath before replying.

'I mean, there's always the risk of an infection but it's extremely unlikely.' he explained and Hannah did her best to put her worries to the back of her mind.

'Extremely unlikely...' she repeated under her breath as she finished her part of he surgery and handed back to John so he could do the main part of the operation, the neo-conduit. Hannah watched Jac's face, she couldn't bring herself to watch what John was doing, and thought about how Jac was a fighter, how she would fight off any kind of infection, she was strong.

The rest of the surgery went smoothly but it took so long, it was over after nearly three hours and, as soon as she had scrubbed out, Hannah sought her spot in the stairwell and collapsed onto the bottom step, burying her head in her hands. It wasn't long before she felt someone sitting beside her, she didn't have to look up to know who it was.

'What if I screwed it up?' she asked quietly and John put a hesitating hand on her back.

'You've done nothing wrong, everything went well, Jac's on the road to recovery.'

'I know, I know, but that bleed was so extensive. It could lead to irreparable damage and you know that as well as I do, I can't afford for this to be messed up she's already suffered enough.' Hannah said quietly and John gently took her shoulder and drew her closer so she rested her head on his chest.

'Hannah, everything will be fine. You're a great surgeon, what happened today could have happened to anyone. Everything will be fine, I promise.' he did his best to comfort her but Hannah was still nervous. Her only consolation was the fact of being so close to John, it made her heart flutter a little like she was a schoolgirl with her crush.

'I just can't help but feel like something's going to go wrong.' she mumbled into his chest, she was very aware of his face just above her head. She hadn't felt the reckless, urging impulse to kiss him in a long time but it came back now. Even if it was just something that would make her feel like she had a little comfort, it would be something. She fought her impulses but they grew stronger and stronger and before she knew it her head was tilting up to look at him. He was speaking to her but she couldn't hear a word; they were almost nose to nose and Hannah knew it was now or never, time to make a fool of herself.

A cough from behind them made them both suddenly pull away from each other and turn to see Roxanna stood above them on the stairs, looking down with a glint of disapproval in her eye. Hannah's instinct to run away from her newfound mother kicked in and she jumped to her feet.

'Is everything okay with Jac?' she asked quickly and Roxanna nodded.

'Everything's stable, she should be waking up within the hour.' she replied and Hannah nodded quickly before turning and hurrying down the opposite set of stairs, not saying another word.

Roxanna was left alone with John, who could barely meet her eye.

'It's not my place to say anything...' Roxanna said quietly and John shrugged.

'If it's about the trial or Ms Naylor's operation then you're well within your rights.' he replied, leaning back against the railing and Roxanna raised an eyebrow.

'You know as well as I do that it's not about work.' she said and he took a sharp breath.

'Hannah...' he looked down at the floor, unable to meet her eye.

'She's just... been through a lot.'

'Yes, I heard. Were you and Henrik ever going to tell me? Or even her, from what I heard she had to work it out?' there was an accusatory edge to his tone which made Roxanna steel herself.

'The situation wasn't ideal, but we've all moved past that. I just don't want to see Hannah get hurt.'

'You think I'm trying to hurt her?'

'What I see, as an outsider, is a young doctor, on the brink of her career, who has a crush on her boss and he is encouraging it. If there is something here then let that be as it may, but if I see or hear about anything that I think will hurt her, I will not hesitate to go to Henrik.' Roxanna finished confidently and John felt momentarily proud of his friend as he saw the protective mother in her emerge, Hannah was lucky to have her. There was a pause between them as John tried hard to think about the best response to her concerns.

'I promise...' he began slowly, 'that I will not let her career suffer in any way.'

Roxanna paused for a moment, trying to determine whether it was a satisfactory answer. She apparently deemed it so as she turned and walked back up the stairs without addressing the issue further.

'I'll let you know when Jac's awake.' she called over her shoulder and John slumped against the railing. He knew that he either needed to confront his feelings about Hannah or try to leave them behind completely, Roxanna was right, he couldn't allow himself to keep playing with Hannah and her feelings in this way. He wanted to trust in her completely, to reveal the problems with the trial to her and seek her advice; but she was connected to it now, if the trial went south then so did her professional reputation. He had to fix things before they got to that point.

When Roxanna found Hannah again she was sitting in the office on Darwin, staring at Jac's chair and tapping her fingernails together.

'Everything alright?' Roxanna asked from the doorway and Hannah nodded vaguely, not acknowledging her in any way. Roxanna sighed before shutting the door behind her and sitting down on the chair.

'I don't want you to think that I'm interfering, not after what you told me...' she began and Hannah's head whipped around.

'Then stop talking.' she said curtly and Roxanna stopped short, Hannah sighed. 'There's something wrong, Rox, I can feel it. I don't know what, but somewhere, somehow, something's going to go wrong.' she stopped and there was a pause between them as Roxanna tried to work out how to respond, Hannah continued before she had the chance. 'I feel like I need to run, from John and you and dad and Danny and everything here. I feel like if I stay then something terrible will happen and all I can ask myself is, what would Jac do?'

'Hannah, you don't need to rely on what Jac would do. You're a smart girl and can make your own decisions. If you feel like acting on your feelings for John would bring something to you, whether it be closure or even a reciprocation, then you should do it.' Roxanna said slowly and Hannah looked at her with a quizzical expression.

'I thought you were going to tell me that it was all a bad idea.' she replied and Roxanna smiled.

'I think you're old enough and ugly enough to make your own choices, and like I said, you're smart.' Hannah looked at her for a moment before she allowed herself to smile and there was a moment of clarity between them. For the first-time Hannah felt like she was able to accept Roxanna as her mother, she forgot the animosity.

The spell was broken as a nurse hurried into the office, barely knocking.

'Ms Hanssen, it's Ms Naylor.' the nurse said quickly, she looked concerned.

'What's wrong?' Hannah asked, jumping to her feet, Roxanna quickly followed suit.

'There's been a complication.' the nurse explained and Hannah didn't wait to hear more, she pushed past the nurse and hurried to Jac. She was awake but clearly in agony. Hannah was whipping her stethoscope from around her neck as she hurried to Jac's side and Roxanna placed a hand on her arm to keep her still whilst Hannah listened to her back.

'There's something wrong.' Jac managed to splutter and Hannah gently but quickly rolled her onto her back and pressed her stethoscope to her ribs.

'Hannah?' Roxanna asked, the registrar had grown pale.

'The bleed...' she whispered and Jac looked at her with wide eyes.

'What bleed?' she demanded but Hannah shook her head.

'It can't be we fixed it...' Roxanna could tell that she was shocked. 'Go and find John.' Hannah demanded as she checked Jac's fluids and began to unhook her from her IV. 'We need to get her back into theatre as soon as possible.'

'Don't you dare let me die, Hanssen.' Jac growled, grabbing Hannah's wrist and gripping it tightly. Hannah couldn't respond as Jac was rushed from the room and her anaesthetist was called.

Hannah didn't waste any time in waiting for John or Roxanna, she scrubbed in herself and began work on Jac immediately. She had already re-opened the wound and was surveying the damage, but couldn't find the problem, when John and Roxanna burst into the theatre.

'What's happened?' John asked.

'Severe internal bleeding, there's something else wrong here, it can't be due to what happened in theatre earlier it just can't be.' Hannah explained hurriedly, she was starting to panic.

Roxanna and John scrubbed in as quickly as they could but Jac was already going into cardiac arrest. Hannah spared no time, she was pumping her fist on Jac's chest, she would not let her die. She kept going and going and going but nothing ever changed, Jac was dying. Roxanna and John didn't have a chance to get close, they had to call it.

'Hannah...' John said softly but Hannah shook her head, tears pouring down her cheeks.

'No!' she cried, continuing to do her best to revive her friend and mentor.

'Hannah.' John said again, more sternly as he came over to her, putting his hand out to guide her away, but she batted at him impatiently.

'Shock her again.' Hannah instructed but Roxanna held up a hand to halt it and was obeyed. Hannah took a step back, her shoulder heaving as she sobbed.

'No... I can't have... she can't...' her legs suddenly gave out and John caught her neatly and held her to his chest as she sobbed. Roxanna gave the time of death and the theatre was silent.

...

The news of Jac's death spread throughout the hospital like wildfire and the press were waiting outside the main entrance for a statement.

As soon as she could get herself out of theatre, Hannah locked herself in the office on Darwin and wouldn't let anyone see her or speak to her; Fletch and Sacha were the first to fail, then Dom and Lofty tried but didn't fare much better, even John and Roxanna were met with stony silence, eventually it fell to Henrik Hanssen to try and get through to her.

He stood outside the door and tapped lightly, he had heard everything that had happened and he knew how guilty Hannah must have felt. He shared in a little of that guilt, this had all been Fredrik's fault in the first place.

'Hannah?' he called softly and he heard a sniff from the other side of the door so took that as a good sign. 'I need you to let me in, please. It's just me.' he tried to make his voice sound confident but there was a tremor he knew that she would detect. He lowered his voice further: 'I think we need to talk about this.'

There was a lengthy pause and he wondered if she would comply when he finally heard the gentle click of the lock and the door opened a crack. He slipped through and shut the door behind him before looking at her.

Hannah was a mess; the tears hadn't properly stopped since the surgery and her hair was wild. His eyes instinctively sought her wrists, frightened of what they might find, but they were clear. Hannah leaned against the desk, Jac's desk, and he could tell she was trying hard to keep it together.

'I've been trying to work out what I'm going to say, to the press.' when she spoke her voice sounded like it was being restrained by something.

'You don't have to say anything.' he said but she shook her head.

'Of course I do, it's my fault she...' Hannah pressed her lips together and inhaled sharply like she was in pain. 'They all want to hear about the implant but it had nothing to do with it, what went wrong is I wasn't able to stop a bleed. It's basic stuff, dad, what the hell kind of a surgeon am I if I can't cope with the pressure of finding and stopping a bleed?' Hannah picked up a small envelope and looked down at it.

'That better not be...' Hanssen began but Hannah cut him off.

'My resignation, I'm going to announce it during the press conference and then give it to Abigail. It saves her the trouble of firing me.'

'That's not a good idea, you can still come back from this Hannah, surgeons make mistakes all the time, we've all lost someone.' he tried to reason with her.

'Jac wasn't just "someone", dad, and I can't take the way people look at me. Everyone knows it was me...'

'Hannah, please...' Hanssen tried to interject and took a step forward with pleading eyes and his arms slightly outstretched.

'I killed her.' Hannah finally admitted and she couldn't stop the tears then, she dropped her letter of resignation, forgotten, as sobs overtook her again and Hanssen suddenly rushed forward and placed his arms around her. He held her tightly, it had been a while since he had comforted her like this but he had never seen her like this before either. She clung to him like a small child and cried as he comforted her.

Neither of them were sure how long they stayed there but they didn't break apart until there was a knock at the door and John interrupted them.

'I'm sorry, Hannah, I'm going down to give the statement to the press, I didn't know if you would like to be there.' he said and Hannah nodded, brushing away her tears and stooping to pick up her letter, Hanssen tried to take it from her but she pulled it back.

'I have to do this. I have to accept responsibility.' she said quietly and pushed past John, leaving the two men alone.

'She's going to resign?' John asked and Hanssen nodded, he hadn't noticed the tears in his own eyes.

'I would never say it to her face, but this is the end of her career. No doctor let alone patient will ever trust her again. She recognises that, but there's little we can do.' he replied sadly before leaving via the other door.

When John arrived in the lobby Hannah was waiting for him, looking out at the mob of reporters with her hands stuffed deep into her pockets, her letter hidden from sight.

'I want to say something, before you say anything.' she requested without looking at him.

'I don't think that's a good idea.' he replied as Roxanna joined them.

'You wanted me to be a part of this trial, you wanted me to lead this operation, I have to say something or else how bad is it going to look?' she justified and headed for the door before either of the others could object. They shared a glance as Hannah faced the reporters head on. As the doors slid open the sound of cameras and shouted questions hit them and John found his brain spinning as he questioned himself, was he really going to let Hannah's career end when he knew that this wasn't her fault. What neither Roxanna nor Hannah knew was that there had been a second, much smaller, bleed caused by the implantation but John hadn't given it any thought, it had been the neo-conduit which had killed Jac.

'Ladies and gentlemen, today we operated on one of our own, Jac Naylor, head of cardiothoracics here at Holby City hospital. I, Ms Hannah Hanssen, led the operation assisted and supervised by Professor John Gaskell and Ms Roxanna MacMillan.'

John was faced with a dilemma, if he owned up to the truth now then the whole trial would be over, completely; there would be no way he could ever save it. But if he didn't own up to the problems with the implant then Hannah would take the blame for a death that wasn't her fault. His professional emotions battled his personal ones for Hannah and he was acutely aware that he was running out of time to make a decision.

'In theatre, there was a bleed and at first we... I had trouble locating and stopping it. I thought I had done but it became apparent upon Jac's waking up, that the bleed had not been stopped and there was nothing further we could do to save her. Jac's injury itself was a result of the hospital shooting which happened here last December, as many of you are probably aware that shooter was my brother, Fredrik Johanssen.' Hannah took a deep breath and John wanted to lunge forward and comfort her but a look from Roxanna stopped him, not here, not in front of all these people. He was finding it harder and harder to hide his feelings for her.

'The blunt way to put it I suppose it that my brother shot Jac Naylor, but I killed her.' Hannah said, her voice cracking as she recalled Jac's joke.

'No.' John said loudly, before any of the press had a chance to even respond and Hannah turned to him with a questioning look. He hadn't been able to see before but she was crying again, he hated to see her cry.

'What Ms Hanssen is saying is untrue.' John said calmly, it was time to face the truth, he couldn't let Hannah suffer for his mistakes. He might have been willing to sacrifice someone, anyone else for the good of his trial, but not her.

'John what are you...?' Roxanna tried to grab his arm but he shook her off and joined Hannah, she was staring at him, dumbfounded, but he didn't look at her.

'The real problem lies with the implant. The neo-conduit caused a tear which went undetected and that was what killed Jac Naylor, it was my fault and not Ms Hanssen's. Furthermore, there has been an alarming correlation with the implantations and the developments of deadly infections within the trial patients. I would therefore like to take this opportunity to state that the neo-conduit is currently unsafe for human testing, and the medical trial needs to be halted immediately. It is likely that we will have to step back to a more theoretical approach.' he kept his voice even and calm throughout his entire speech, ignoring the shocked looks his colleagues were giving him.

The mob of press erupted immediately into a mess of questions but John simply turned on his heel and walked back into the hospital. Hannah and Roxanna looked at one another, rooted to the spot, unable to form any kind of comment or answer to the questions which were being hurled at them. Roxanna was the first to snap back into action.

'As you might be able to tell, Ms Hanssen and I were completely unaware of these findings but I will do my best to answer any of your questions.' she spoke loudly and clearly but took Hannah by the arm and turned her away from the crowd, dropping her voice so nobody else could hear.

'Go and find John, find out what the hell just happened.' she whispered and Hannah didn't wait to reply she simply took off at a run, she knew where she would find him.

She took the stairs down to the basement and found John in the corridor with his bag, he was getting ready to leave, anger surged up in Hannah and she couldn't quell it.

'So that's it, is it? You throw everything under the bus and leave Roxanna and I to pick up the pieces?' she blocked the door, a trick she had learnt from trying to deal with her father.

'I never meant for things to go this badly.' he replied calmly and Hannah felt her face go hot with anger.

'People have died and you knew why! Jac died and you knew that this could have killed her! You let me believe that it was me, Jesus John you begged me to be a part of this trial, is this why? You needed someone to throw under the bus when things got a bit tricky?' she was yelling and even he seemed to be struggling to keep his cool.

'Of course not, I never expected any of this to happen.'

'Why did you let me believe it was me? Better question: why _didn't_ you just let me take the fall?' she yelled and he tried to speak but she couldn't hear his counter-arguments as she continued to make demands of him.

'Why did you even bother to come clean when you could have just let my career end and then everything would have continued right as rain with the trial? Why didn't you just tell me the truth? Why did you even want me to be a part of this trial in the first place?'

John's frustration finally boiled over and he couldn't contain it any more, he had no filter, no way of stopping himself and he finally snapped.

'Because of the way I feel about you!'

The silence between them was terrible. Of course, they had both known it was the case but the confirmation of it, merely hearing the words come out of his mouth, shocked them both. John wasn't sure if he instantly regretted it, but he did know that the anger in her eyes had only intensified and that frightened him.

'How dare you.' she said quietly, her voice was barely above a whisper, constrained by the lump in her throat which threatened tears, but it was dangerous and John knew immediately that he had made the wrong call.

'I didn't mean...' he began but she cut him off.

'Are you mocking me?' she asked and he was shocked for a moment, it hadn't occurred to him that she wouldn't believe him.

'What? No! Hannah, the timing might be poor but I am telling you the truth.' he took a step forward and took her arms, holding her tightly but wishing he could hold her tighter. 'I have had feelings for you for a long time now and I haven't known how to deal with them but that doesn't diminish them in any way. I don't care about myself, my professional reputation could be torn to shreds but as long as your is intact I would be happy because you are the most important person in the world to me.' he explained delicately and she didn't reply, she just looked at him with a confused mix of anger and shock, tears in her eyes; he could almost see her own battle with herself as to whether she could accept it and admit her own feelings or fight against him.

'Well that complicates things a bit, doesn't it.' Abigail said from the other end of the hallway, John didn't let Hannah go and that was what convinced her that he was being genuine, these weren't just words. However, she gently stepped away from him and sniffed back tears, wiping her nose on her sleeve, as they both turned and Abigail approached them.

'None of this was Ms Hanssen's fault.' John said but Abigail silenced him with a glare.

'From where I'm standing, Hannah has messed up and it has resulted in the death of a patient and because of these feelings you have for her you are willing to throw away everything you've worked for. That's how it's going to look to a lot of people too, regardless of the truth. I have to acknowledge Hannah's statement that she is responsible for the death of Jac Naylor and hold her accountable for it.' Abigail spoke slowly and at every pause Hannah wanted to interject and defend herself but she couldn't find the words so she stayed silent, staring between them. It was too much information to process at once, her head felt like it was going into overload.

'But she didn't do anything wrong!' John retorted.

'We will have to wait until the coroner's report to confirm that, until then Hannah...' she turned to Hannah who was white as a sheet, she wasn't aware just how unwilling she was to give up her job, especially now that she believed John when he said it hadn't been her fault.

'I'm suspended? Fired?' Hannah whispered, unable to raise her voice any higher.

'No,' Abigail said with a slightly sympathetic smile, 'but you'll have to be on very light duties, and I think it's safe to say that Ms Petrenko will be offered the job of senior Registrar for Darwin.'

Hannah nodded slightly and sniffed back more tears, looking down at the floor and trying to hide her weaknesses, her head was starting to pound.

'I suggest that you two keep whatever's going on here between yourselves though.' Abigail suggested and Hannah's head snapped back up as she looked to John and the anger at his betrayal seared up again.

'Don't worry, that won't be a problem, there's nothing here.' she said quickly, making her decision in a snap, and then turned back towards the stairs and stormed away.

 **A/N: So, after finishing this chapter it looks like my predictions for Jac's death might actually have been wrong but the rest of my plans are centred around it so I'm going for it now! I hope this doesn't mean people will stop reading – I didn't expect any kind of support for this fic, it was more for self-gratification and getting ideas out of my head, so thank you to everyone who's left a review or liked or subscribed to it!**


	11. Chapter 11 - Stress for Stress

**Chapter 11 - Stress for Stress**

 **A/N: THIS CHAPTER CONTAINS SOME VERY MATURE CONTENT INCLUDING NON-CON AND DRINK SPIKING SO PLEASE DO NOT READ IF YOU ARE SENSITIVE TO THIS KIND OF THING. This is a very sensitive chapter and what happens will be referenced later in the story so it's not vital that you read it if you're uncomfortable with it. I try and handle the situation in as delicate a way as possible as it's based off experiences that people I know have had and partially from one I myself have had. That being said, I would greatly appreciate any feedback on how I could improve elements of the story here if they are at all mishandled and I will alter things if I see fit. Thank you.**

 **There's also a little crossover with Casualty in this chapter.**

Hannah wasn't used to having to hide from people, she didn't like it, she was very sociable by nature. That evening, however, she couldn't bring herself to go home and spend time with Danny, she couldn't bring herself to see Roxanna or her father, and any consolation she might once have found in John was gone; she just wanted to be alone. She wandered around the surrounding area of the hospital without an aim and eventually found herself outside the pub. She sighed as she looked at the spot where she'd gotten drunk and kissed Ollie, how much simpler things could have been if she'd just fallen for him instead of one her bosses and her father's best friend.

She found herself walking into the loud pub before she really registered what she was doing. _Hooked on a Feeling_ by Blue Swede was blasting over the speakers, mixed with the multitude of overlapping conversations. She heard snatches of discussions of people discussing her and the day's events at the hospital, she couldn't escape, but she could dissolve into a sea of people.

She fought her way to the bar where she found Dom sitting with Lofty, Nicky and Meena, they all looked sombre. Dom noticed her first and jumped from his chair, rushing to her and grabbing her wordlessly, pulling her into a bear hug. She let herself be squished by him to the point of suffocation before she pulled away and offered him a weak smile; the others were looking at her with a mixture of pity and uncertainty as she joined them.

'How are you?' Lofty asked and Hannah shrugged.

'It's been one hell of a day.' she replied quietly, debating whether to share John's outburst.

'Roxanna was looking for you and Professor Gaskell, Ms Tate said you'd both left for the day.' Dom said and Hannah twisted her fingers together uncomfortably.

'Yeah I think John got out of there pretty quickly.' she replied.

'Yeah well he had time to leave me a message to say that I was no longer needed for the trial.' Meena commented drily, grimacing into her drink. Hannah raised an eyebrow at her but rolled her eyes and shook off her irritation, it wasn't the time nor the place to vent her frustrations.

'I need a drink.' she commented briskly, half as an excuse just to get away, and left the small group before any of them, notably Dom, could stop her. She meandered through the crowd of people until she found a patch of the bar which was quieter, she waited patiently until the bartender could get to her. There was a man sat next to her who looked her up and down and she caught him staring.

'Hi, sorry, aren't you that doctor from the news?' he asked, he was attractive even to Hannah, on any other night she might even have flirted, she wasn't in the mood tonight though.

'Yeah, that's me alright.' she replied quietly, hoping he would drop the conversation.

'I think it's so unfair what your boss did to you, making you believe it was your fault and all that.' the man continued and Hannah gave the bartender her order. 'Did you know her? The doctor who died I mean.'

'She was my friend.' Hannah replied hotly, glaring at him as she prepared her money.

'I'm sorry, no really I am sorry for your loss.' the man said and Hannah softened a little, he hadn't meant to upset her.

'It's been a tough day, sorry for snapping.' she said and the man gave her a smile.

'I'm Colin.' he said and held out a hand, she looked at it for a moment and raised an eyebrow before shaking it quickly.

'Hannah.' she replied and then heard a cough behind her. She turned to see Abigail looking at her with a judging look.

'You move on fast.' Abigail commented and Hannah rolled her eyes.

'Are you following me?' she asked and Abigail smiled.

'No, I didn't expect you to be here to be honest.' she replied and Hannah rubbed the back of her neck.

'It's been a stressful day, I wanted to raise a toast to...' Hannah trailed off and shut her eyes, maybe the drink wasn't the best idea.

'Hannah, go home. Be with your family.' Abigail advised, putting her hand on her shoulder. Hannah reached behind her and took her drink from the counter, downing it quickly and then placing it back, she immediately felt a little woozy, it had been a few months since she'd had alcohol in any form and she devised that it had gone straight to her head.

'I'll go, but honestly Abigail, I had no idea about any of it, John's feelings for me, the trial and the problems with the neo-conduit, I had no idea.' Hannah told her quickly and Abigail nodded, averting her eyes. Hannah knew that she was just following procedure and she had to think about the how it all looked from the outside as well, she had to think about how the press would spin the story, Hannah had spent enough time helping her father figure out sticky situations to understand it all too well. It didn't stop Hannah from feeling a little betrayed by Abigail though, at a time when she really needed her support she felt like she was being treated like a naughty school girl caught in the act of completing a dare she hadn't even wanted to do in the first place.

Abigail left without saying another word and a wave of dizziness hit Hannah so hard she had to turn back to the bar to grab onto the counter and stop herself falling. Colin held out a hand to catch her and he looked at her with a small smile.

'Are you okay?' he asked and she shook her head.

'I just need to go home.' she replied quietly and began to make her way to the door. Colin watched her disappear into the crowd and after a moment tapped the arm of a man who was sitting next to him. Together they rose, leaving their drinks unfinished, and followed Hannah towards the door.

Hannah felt the relief of the cool air on her face as she emerged from the busy pub and she took a moment to breathe it in but her head continued to spin. This wasn't the effects of alcohol, she knew that much, this was something worse, she suddenly grew afraid as she considered that she had barely glanced at her drink, had she been spiked?

She clutched at the wall and tried to edge closer to the main road, it was still quiet outside of the pub, there wasn't anyone she could ask for help. Once she was at the main road, she knew she could get help, it was just a little further.

She was nearly there, her head growing worse all the while, when she felt a strong pair of hands on her arms. She immediately thought of John and prayed it was him, despite the circumstances being incredibly unlikely. She felt safe with John, she wished she hadn't been so quick to push him away, she needed him then.

'Hey there, you don't look too good.' a voice said from behind her and Colin's face swam into view along with another man's.

'Yeah let us help you.' the other man said and they roughly took one of her arms each and guided her into an alleyway, she tried to fight back but it felt like she was underwater, her limbs dragged through the air and she struggled to control them. She could hardly breathe let alone fight back.

'What did you put in my drink?' she mumbled, aware that her voice sounded jumbled and confused. She could barely walk and they half dragged her down the alleyway until they were content that they were away from the prying eyes of any passers-by.

'Do you want to go first?' Colin asked the other man, still holding Hannah up around the waist, she tried to push him away again but he batted her hands away with little effort.

'Nah mate, you did the hard work and ran the risk, you go first.' the other man said and Hannah felt panic surging in her as she realised what was happening. She let the panic fill her and influence her actions, she lashed out and suddenly screamed. She wasn't loud and she wasn't strong but she still seemed to be proving a nuisance to the men, Colin pushed her hard against the wall and she felt a little disoriented but continued to fight back with as much as she could. Thoughts of Danny flooded her mind, she knew she had to fight for him, thoughts of John intermingled with these and she was vaguely aware of tears pouring down her cheeks as she wished he would emerge in that moment like a knight in shining armour. She wished that anyone would show up out of the blue, she felt more helpless by the second.

'Jesus...' Colin grumbled as he tried to subdue her, eventually the other man stepped in. He hit her once across the face and stars flashed in front of her eyes, she could already feel her eye beginning to swell. Then she started to sob properly, she was still too loud for them so the man hit her again, this time she felt her lip slice against her teeth and tasted blood.

'Okay come on, let's go.' the other man whispered and Hannah was aware of him holding her, pinning her arms to her sides and clamping a hand over her mouth to shut her up. She tried to kick out at Colin but the drug made her woozy and she knew that she was powerless so she glared, staring him dead in the eye and hoping it would deter him at least a little.

'She's staring at me, I can't when she's staring. Can you put a hand over her eyes or something?' Colin complained and the other man hissed a response that Hannah couldn't make out. She was suddenly hoisted forward and her cheek cracked against the metal of a large bin, the shock sent her reeling and she could feel the spots begin to cloud her vision. She tried her best to fight it but eventually the spots won and she fell unconscious.

...

Abigail couldn't focus on anything after she'd spoken to Hannah and it just felt wrong for her to be in the pub so she decided the best course of action was to leave. She bumped into Dom and the others and found that Dom and Lofty were also unhappy with the way they'd seen Hannah, they decided it was best to just leave and go home for the night.

'It's weird for Hannah just to leave without saying goodbye.' Dom commented as he held the door open for Lofty, Nicky, Meena and Abigail.

'I think the alcohol went straight to her head, she seemed to stumble a little.' Abigail commented and Dom frowned.

'Are we talking about the same Hannah Hanssen who once drank Fletch under the table without so much as batting an eyelid? The very same who is rivalled only possibly by Serena Campbell?' he asked and Abigail shrugged.

'And she only had one drink?' Lofty asked and Abigail nodded.

'That really doesn't sound like her.' Dom said, his frown deepening.

'Maybe the stress of the day just got to her? Made the alcohol a little bit more effective?' Nicky suggested but Dom was unconvinced. By this point they were walking past the alley and Meena happened to glance down it.

'Hey!' she yelled suddenly and just as suddenly took off at a sprint towards what she had seen. She couldn't see who it was, she could only see two men propping up a girl who was very clearly unconscious and doing something unspeakable to her. By the time the others had registered what Meena had spotted, the men had unceremoniously tossed the girl to the floor and were running in the opposite direction. Dom and Lofty hurried after them in a chase but the others were close behind. They approached the victim and all stopped short for a moment.

'Oh, my God...' Abigail muttered as Nicky dropped to the floor to rearrange Hannah's clothes and protect her modesty.

'Mr Copeland!' Meena called, dropping down beside Nicky.

'We need to get her into the hospital, now.' Nicky remarked, doing her best to put Hannah into the recovery position.

'She's breathing okay.' Meena ascertained, all whilst Abigail stood there, shocked and dumbfounded, unable to help in any way. Her first thought was that this was her fault, she had been the one to encourage Hannah to leave, she had suggested that she go when she did. She should have been able to see if Hannah had been drugged, she should have made sure that she was safe, she should at least have made sure that she had left with someone she could trust.

Dom and Lofty had returned, panting and out of breath, they had been unsuccessful in their chase. Dom dropped down beside Nicky and the realisation hit him when he saw Hannah's face.

'I'll call Mr Hanssen...' Abigail began but Dom held up a hand.

'No, let Hannah tell him about this, right now it wouldn't be fair on either of them for him to see her in this state. They have a very fragile relationship, especially at the moment.' Dom explained, checking Hannah over for any injuries other than those on her face. 'We'll carry her into the ED, it'll be quicker.'

He gently scooped Hannah up into his arms, surprised with how light and small she was. The others led the way and they walked around the hospital towards the ED where Noel looked up from the front desk in surprise.

'Ms Tate...' Noel began but Abigail had regained some of her senses.

'We need to be seen, immediately. We have a twenty-six year old female who has been assaulted and possibly drugged.' she demanded and Dylan Keogh came around the corner at that moment.

'Bring her through here.' he instructed, he hadn't seen who she was. In the meantime, Lofty's old colleagues were giving him funny looks as if unsure whether it was appropriate to speak to him at that moment or not. Lofty, Meena and Nicky were instructed to wait in the waiting area and Abigail went with Hannah and Dom as he carried her through to Resus. As Dom laid her down on the bed pointed out to them, Dylan did a double take.

'Is that Hannah Hanssen?' he asked and Abigail nodded.

'She was attacked outside the pub, we didn't see much and we found her like this.' Dom explained as Dylan set to work. Resus was too crowded so Abigail went back to the waiting area so Dom could stay with Hannah.

'Has someone called Mr Hanssen?' Dylan asked and Dom shook his head.

'We thought it would be best for Hannah to do that herself when she wakes up.' Dom replied and Dylan nodded.

'And the police?' Dylan asked and Dom shook his head. Dylan turned to a nurse and requested the police be called whilst he asked for more information from Dom.

'There were two men, she was being… assaulted when we arrived but they ran away.' he explained, looking down at Hannah and stroking her hand absent-mindedly.

'I'll have a female nurse go through everything with her when she wakes up.' Dylan said softly. 'I can wake her up as soon as her bloods come back and we know what drug she was given.' Dylan sighed. 'Today of all days, eh? As if she hasn't been through enough.'

Dylan left Dom alone with Hannah and he looked down at her, watching her sleep peacefully and dreading when she woke up.

...

It was two hours before they could wake Hannah up, the awareness in her eyes from the moment she opened them was horrible.

'Hey...' Dom said softly, brushing her hair back from her face which had been stitched up the best it could be.

'Hello Ms Hanssen, how are you feeling?' Dylan asked, shining a light in her eyes to check the responsiveness of her pupils, she blinked a little, disoriented.

'My head hurts, I'm thirsty...' Hannah replied with a croaky voice and a nurse appeared a moment later with a glass of water.

'What do you remember?' Dom asked and Dylan looked down, giving her the illusion of privacy.

'The last thing I remember is talking to Ms Tate.' Hannah replied but there were tears in her eyes and Dom knew that she suspected things even if she didn't know them for certain.

'I'm sorry to say, Ms Hanssen, you were...' Dylan began but Hannah held up a hand.

'No.' she said sharply and Dylan looked at her, confused. 'I don't want to know.'

'But Hannah...' Dom began but she shook her head quickly.

'I do not want to know, I can go my life without knowing and I do not want to know what happened to me.' she replied, her voice was trembling but it was loud and clear.

'Hannah, you have to talk about this, you have to deal with it head on! You know that better than anyone.' Dom reasoned but she glared at him.

'Don't you dare ever try and tell me what happened to me. I don't want to know, it's better not to know.' she said firmly and Dylan and Dom shared a glance.

'Alright, well the police are here and they will want to talk to you.' Dylan explained but she shook her head again.

'I don't want to speak to any police, nobody. I just want to go home.' she was adamant and Dom knew that she would not change her mind, Dylan was not so knowledgeable.

'You do understand what happened to you?' he asked and she glared at him through the tears in her eyes.

'I want to go home.' she repeated firmly and Dylan sighed before leaving.

'Hannah, please let them help you. I can see if someone else is available? Ms Beauchamp?' Dom suggested and was genuinely a little afraid of the scowl she gave him.

'What, so she can go blabbing to my dad? No. Dom, you have to promise me and make anyone else who saw promise too, you won't tell anybody about what happened. Especially not my dad or... Professor Gaskell.' she said, her voice trembling, and Dom understood her reasoning.

'Alright, I just hope you'll come around to talking about it in your own time.' he said and Hannah shifted uncomfortably.

Dom left her alone to speak to the others and relay her request and Hannah stared at her hands. She couldn't remember a thing, she wasn't sure she wanted to, part of her wanted to know exactly what had happened to her but whenever that part got stronger her desire to repress the pain took over and she didn't want to know all over again. She angrily brushed away an escaped tear and waited for her discharge papers, desperate to bottle up all of the pain, all of the emotion; determined to forget that gap in her memory which would partly define her forever.


	12. Chapter 12 - Concealer

**Chapter 12 - Concealer**

 **A/N: As this chapter follows on from the difficult themes of the previous chapter it could be distressing for some readers.**

 _ **You don't know what it's like/ Not to know who you are/ To have lived in the shadows/ And have travelled this far/ I've seen flashes of fire/ Heard the echo of screams/ But I still have this faith/ In the truth of my dreams! –**_ **Anastasia the Musical,** _ **In My Dreams**_ **.**

Hannah knew that she couldn't go into work the following day, it just wasn't conceivable. Instead she pretended to be sick on the phone to her father so he wouldn't ask any more questions and she requested that Danny's nanny take him earlier than usual. She spent the day in bed, she simply lay there and stared at the ceiling, trying her best to think of nothing. She allowed herself one day of self-pity but then she knew she had to get back out there and get back to what she did best, being a doctor.

Two days after she was attacked she returned to work. She stared at herself in the mirror for a long time that morning; her eye was no longer swollen, just badly bruised, the cut on her lip extended a little further down and looked just like a split lip that had gone a bit far, it was ugly; but the ugliest cut was the one on her opposite cheek where her face had collided with the metal bin. The cut had been deep and she had stitches there now surrounded by a mottled bruise, it extended from just below her right eye down her cheekbone towards her mid-cheek. It wasn't too long but it would leave an ugly scar, another to add to her collection and remind her of her pain, this one wasn't as easy to hide though. She did her best to dab concealer onto her injuries but stopped short of adding it to the cut on her cheek - she didn't want to add an infection to that wound and make it worse than it already was.

It was difficult to drive past the alley where she knew it had happened but she stared straight ahead and controlled her panic. The hot air didn't do much to help as she got out of her car in the car park, she ducked her head down and prayed that she wouldn't meet with anyone she knew just yet, she hadn't had the time to think of a cover story. Well, she'd had the time, but she hadn't been willing. She made her way into the hospital and took the stairs to minimise the risk of running into people such as her father, and John. She dreaded seeing John even without her facial injuries. His revelation to her two days previously played through her mind and she constantly wondered whether she'd made a good choice in rejecting him. She had strong feelings for him too and over the past couple of days she'd found herself longing for his company more than ever, she'd been on the brink of calling him and asking for him to come to her multiple times but one look in the mirror always stayed her hand.

She managed to change into her scrubs and make her way out onto the ward without meeting anyone who would demand an explanation of her, but Fletch and Nicky were at the nurse's station when she approached.

'Ms Hanssen...' Nicky seemed surprised to see her and Fletch's eyes widened.

'Hannah? What the hell happened to your face?' he asked and she shrugged.

'Got into a fight with a tree. The tree won.' the excuse was lame she knew but her imagination was not what it had once been. She used to be so good at coming up with stories to cover bruises and other damage, it came with the package of dating a douchebag. That ship was long sailed, though, and she hadn't had the need to lie about these kind of things for years.

Luckily Fletch dropped the inquisition with a glare from Nicky, something Hannah was grateful for. Hannah accepted her cases and did her best to focus on her work, after a while it became easier. The pain in her cheek and eye subsided and she found it easier to connect with patients again. Of course, they stared at her and raised eyebrows but they were all sincere enough not to ask any questions and for that she was thankful. Only one patient refused to be seen by her.

She went about her business and slipped back into the persona of being the doctor, she began to regain a little of the confidence she had felt lacking at the beginning of her shift.

This all changed when she turned a corner and walked straight into Roxanna.

'Oh sorry,' Roxanna began and then caught a good look at Hannah's face. Hannah had forgotten to include Roxanna in the list of people who weren't allowed to be told but it seemed like Dom had not made the same oversight.

'Oh, my God, Hannah, what happened?' Roxanna asked, taking Hannah's chin without hesitation and tilting her face to look at the injuries just like a mother with a toddler, in a way she was making up for lost time. Hannah took a step back, annoyed.

'Nothing, it's fine.' she replied grumpily but Roxanna raised an eyebrow. There was genuine concern in her eyes and Hannah felt bad for a moment, true, she had not been there for the first twenty-six years of her life but she was there now and Hannah could tell that she wanted to try and make things work somehow.

'Hannah, please, tell me.' she instructed and Hannah shrugged.

'Just me being clumsy.' she replied but Roxanna still wasn't convinced.

'Hannah, I'm your mother, tell me the truth.' she demanded and Hannah was annoyed for a moment.

'I found out that piece of information a month ago, you don't get to start using that card now.' she retorted angrily and Roxanna shook her head quickly.

'No, I didn't mean...' she began but Hannah pushed past her and left her standing dumbfounded in the hallway. Fear and worry spiked in Roxanna's chest, just because she hadn't been able to be there for Hannah for most of her life it didn't mean that she didn't care about her. She approached the nurse's station where Nicky was going over some notes but looked up when she became aware of Roxanna's presence.

'Everything alright Ms MacMillan? You're very pale.' Nicky queried and Roxanna blinked for a moment as if coming out of some trance and then looked at Nicky properly.

'Yes, I'm fine.' she said and made to continue with her way before pausing and returning to Nicky. 'Dr McKendrick, I don't suppose Hannah, uh Ms Hanssen has said anything about how she got her facial injuries. I'm concerned as someone who's known her since she was small of course.' Roxanna quickly justified but Nicky had frozen, she shook her head quickly.

'Nope, sorry I have no idea. Fletch did ask her earlier and she said something about a tree but I don't know any more than that I'm afraid.' Nicky said hurriedly and Roxanna suspected that she wasn't being entirely truthful but she dropped the subject anyway, she imagined that Hannah had sworn her to secrecy. Her first guess was that Hannah had gone out drinking and gotten herself into a fight or something, it sounded like something she could do, but she wouldn't know for sure. She imagined that there were only two people who Hannah might wilfully tell the reasons for her injuries to, John and Henrik.

Soon after Roxanna left the ward Nicky sought out Hannah who was drinking a glass of water in the break room. Nicky shut the door behind them and stood for a moment, trying to work out what to say.

'Ms MacMillan is concerned about you.' she began and Hannah put down her glass slowly and raised her good eyebrow.

'Is she now.' she replied drily and Nicky winced.

'Hannah, are you sure you should be here.' she asked and Hannah gave her a glare which reminded Nicky of a look Mr Hanssen might give, she'd never really seen the resemblance until that moment.

'I don't recall asking your opinion Dr McKendrick.' she replied icily and Nicky came forward quickly.

'What happened to you was... horrible. Have you even spoken to anyone about it?' she asked and Hannah flushed red with anger.

'What gives you the right to talk to me about this? I swear to God, Dr McKendrick, if you mention this again to either me or anyone else, I will have you transferred out of here so fast.' she threatened and Nicky took a step back, shocked. Out of everything she expected of Hannah she had never expected her to make threats, she had never seen her so angry before.

Nicky paused for a moment before looking down at the floor and shifting her weight from one foot to the other.

'I'm sorry.' she said quietly and then turned quickly and hurried out, her spirits were a little damper from the interaction from Hannah but she didn't allow herself to feel any self-pity, she couldn't when she tried to imagine how Hannah must be feeling underneath it all.

Hannah stayed in the break room for a minute longer but couldn't bear the confines of the walls so had to leave. She wandered through the hospital, pretending to be checking through notes as she walked but in reality, she was just hoping that people would ignore her. She didn't know why her feet always carried her to that spot on the stairwell and she wasn't paying attention as she approached it. She looked up just in time to see John looking out of the window a few paces in front of her, she turned just as he turned and took a step towards the stairs as he called out to her.

'Hannah!' he called and she froze, she supposed she couldn't avoid him forever. 'Good, I was hoping you might turn up here, my next port of call was the ward. I just wanted to discuss the next steps of the trial with you and how you'll be a part of them.' he explained as she turned slowly, keeping her eyes on the floor. He had been speaking quickly and clearly intending to go on but he stopped short when he saw her face. There was a beat before he had closed the distance between them and had her face in his hands.

At first, she was a little taken aback as he looked over her injuries wordlessly for a moment, his fingers cupping the sides of her face as his thumbs gently traced her cheekbones just under her injuries.

'What happened?' John's voice was grave, Hannah noticed with a hint of tenderness that he was angry. 'Did someone do this to you? Who did this to you?' he demanded, his eyes not meeting hers as they were too preoccupied with the rest of her face.

'John nothing, I'm fine...' she said, smiling despite the situation. She liked being near him again and feeling his fingers on her face made her regret everything she had said to him previously.

'You're not fine, you have stitches...' he commented and his voice cracked, she noticed tears in his eyes and she started to panic. She never knew how to deal with situations when other people cried, she usually started crying too and then things just felt awkward and uncomfortable.

'John, please... Maybe one day I'll tell you the story, but not today.' she said quietly and for a moment she thought he was going to kiss her, she was glad that he didn't. He took a small step back but stayed close, he understood that she didn't want to talk about it at that moment and respected her decision even though she could see it was difficult for him not to press her.

'The trial?' she asked, even though she had no idea how she could still be involved now it had taken a step back from surgical testing.

'Yes, I've decided to cut down the team to a select few and I'd like for you to be one of them. Even in a theoretical capacity I need my CT surgeon.' he commented and she raised an eyebrow, painfully.

'Are you sure that's a good idea?' she asked after masterfully masking her wince.

'Jac's death was a tragedy and I know that coming back from that will be hard, but we can still make it right, it works I know it does. Look at Mara Sandhurst, she's recovering more and more with every day. It works, Hannah, we just need to iron out the kinks.' he replied and Hannah considered for a moment.

'It's not so much a matter of the science, the medicine, that's not what gives me cause for concern.' she replied and John sighed.

'It's whether or not you can trust me.' he surmised and she nodded slowly.

'And after what you told me the other night, is it really such a good idea for us to keep working together?' she asked and John paused for a moment.

'It's a crush, I'm sure we can deal with it like adults. The only issue would arise if it were reciprocated...' he paused and when she didn't answer he pressed on, taking that small step towards her again. 'Is it?'

'Do I really have to answer that question?' she asked, her voice was barely above a whisper as her heart hammer in her chest. They stood like this for a few more moments, neither of them sure where to go from there. Hannah made the call.

'I have to go. I have patients.' she said quietly, sadly. She made the decision for the both of them, they had both admitted their feelings, now it was the time to admit that nothing could come of them. Hannah felt that squeezing in her chest again, the familiar feel of heartbreak. She turned away slowly and made her way down the stairs, half hoping he would call her back but of course he didn't.

She didn't see his emotional barriers finally break and as soon as she turned he too turned away and hurried to the railing by the window, gripping to it for support as tears poured down his cheeks. He hated the invisible barrier between them, he wanted to comfort her for the injuries she had obviously received through some horrible event but he couldn't be with her unless she let him. He couldn't get to her unless she was the one to break down that barrier.

When Hannah returned to the ward she had got some of her emotions back under control and was feeling a little calmer but her chest was still tight and her heart was still pounding.

Abigail was at the nurse's station but pulled Hannah to one side as soon as she saw her.

'Are you sure you should be here?' she asked before anything else and Hannah rolled her eyes.

'I would rather be here than anywhere else and my patients don't seem to have a problem with me saving their lives.' she replied and Abigail considered her for a second before nodding.

'Alright then.' Hannah was surprised, she had expected more of a fight from Abigail above everyone else. She had expected her to insist on returning home and taking time off. 'Well I have an interesting case in theatre in about half an hour and I could use some assistance?' she said and Hannah knew her reasoning now, she wanted to keep her close to keep an eye on her, she was being babysat.

Whilst Hannah submitted to the inevitable, Roxanna returned to Keller and decided that the best course of action she could take was to ask Henrik what was going on. Even if he didn't know he ought to be aware of his daughter's facial injuries, it was his right. He was sat at a desk in the office when she found him, reading something intently on the computer.

'Do you have a minute?' she asked and he barely glanced at her.

'Depends on what the minute's for.' he replied drily and she fought back a smile, she was glad to see that he was getting some of his sense of humour back.

'Hannah.' she replied and expected a reaction from him but he didn't look up.

'Go on.' he invited her and she slowly sat down in the chair opposite him.

'Is she alright, do you know? She won't tell me what happened.' Roxanna explained carefully and Henrik sighed.

'From what I understand she wasn't feeling too well after Ms Naylor's surgery.' Henrik replied and allowed his eyes to flicker to her for a moment before returning them to the computer screen.

'Well, yes I understand that. I meant about her black eye and stitched up cheek.' Roxanna continued and Hanssen's head snapped up and he looked at her with that stone-cold glare he mastered so well.

'What do you mean?' he demanded.

'I saw her earlier and it looks like she's taken a beating, I thought you knew.' Roxanna told him and he stood up immediately before sitting down again.

'I'm sure she would tell me if anything like that happened to her...' he said but he sounded uncertain even of himself, memories of her relationship with Liam were flashing into his mind.

'Are you sure, Henrik? After what happened with Jac and... other things, I'm not sure she's really in a sharing mood at the moment. She won't talk to me but she'll talk to you.' Roxanna pleaded, she just wanted her daughter to be alright.

'I think... since the truth is now out in the open... she ought to talk to both of us.' Henrik said slowly and Roxanna felt a twinge of surprise accompanied by a wave of gratitude. She'd been cut out of Hannah's life for so long and she was desperate to become a proper part of it now, but it wouldn't be easy, she appreciated Henrik's support.

'Besides, no matter how close we might have been in the past, she's always needed her mother.' Roxanna and Henrik shared a bittersweet smile, full of regrets but with a mutual understanding that the past could not be altered so there was no point in brooding over it. Henrik was insistent on finding Hannah immediately for an explanation and Roxanna had no choice but to go with him, in truth she wanted to be there, she didn't want to hear about it after the fact.

In the meantime, Abigail had introduced Hannah to her patient who was booked in for a complex heart procedure, and Abigail wanted Hannah to assist. Hannah knew that Abigail was throwing her in at the deep end to test her, to find out if she was actually able to be there. It was a harsh test but it would serve as a proof not only to Abigail but to Hannah herself, she was determined to pass it. They were due in theatre within the hour and the minutes seemed to go painfully slowly, every second felt like a sledgehammer to Hannah's confidence but she maintained her brave face. Fear began to creep in as the memory of Jac's lifeless body swam in her mind.

She did her best to keep her fear under control and for a while she managed it. She used the ritual of scrubbing into theatre to try and transform into her alter ego, the person who was confident and sure of herself. She tried to transform herself into the surgeon she wanted to be rather than the frightened girl she was.

She stood over the unconscious body of their patient and focused on what Abigail was doing, this was a good learning opportunity for her and she couldn't afford to squander it, she had to push her feelings aside and just focus. Abigail opened and talked through what she was going to do whilst Hannah watched attentively, silently. She watched as Abigail worked her magic and waited for her turn, to be told what to do, to hold open the wound with clamps and learn from the best. So far so good.

Hanssen strode onto Darwin with Roxanna trotting along beside him, trying her best to keep up on her significantly shorter legs. He approached the nurse's station where Fletch was sitting at a computer inputting information for a patient.

'Nurse Fletcher.' Hanssen spoke in his commanding tone and Fletch looked up in surprise.

'What can I help you with Mr Hanssen?' he asked, leaning forward with one his cheeky grins.

'We're looking for Hannah.' Roxanna explained before Henrik could say anything. Fletch's face fell and his expression turned to one of inquisition.

'Is she alright? She said something about fighting a tree earlier but I wasn't entirely sold.' he said and Hanssen sighed.

'It appears that you have more information than I do, I was unaware even of her injuries. Where is she, please?' he demanded of Fletch who looked concerned. Fletch knew that whatever differences Hannah had with her father, she always trusted him with sensitive information and if she hadn't even told him she had been hurt in the first place then something bad must have happened.

'She's in theatre with Ms Tate.' Fletch explained.

'One or two?' Hanssen demanded and when Fletch gave the answer he strode off without another word. Roxanna rushed after him, she didn't have time to give Fletch any more explanation.

'Wait, Henrik, you're not just going to burst into theatre and demand she come out, are you?' she asked and Henrik sighed and stopped in the deserted corridor.

'I don't know.' he admitted and bowed his head. 'I just want to see her, to know how badly she looks.' his voice was quiet and Roxanna pitied him.

'I know Henrik, but you need to handle this gently. She won't forgive you for embarrassing her.' she said and Henrik nodded.

'Alright, let's just go and see how things are.' he said and Roxanna had no choice but to acquiesce.

Abigail was ready to let Hannah have some responsibility in the operation and she moved aside to let her do her work. Hannah's hand began to shake a little and she knew that her boss noticed but she steadied it before Abigail had an opportunity to say anything. She began her work slowly, meticulously, determined not to make any mistakes, nothing that could cause any problems.

She looked down at the patient's face and suddenly she saw Jac's face. She jumped back, pulling away and dropping her scalpel to the ground as the bottle she was struggling to keep her emotions in, threatened to shatter.

'Hannah?' Abigail was concerned but Hannah was pulling off her gown and gloves, she couldn't breathe in that tiny theatre.

'I just... I need a moment.' Hannah gasped, hyperventilating and Abigail recognised a panic attack. She called to an assisting doctor.

'Can you keep him stable please, take over from Ms Hanssen and somebody page Ms Petrenko.' she ordered as she hurried after Hannah who had discarded her gloves, gown and cap on the way out of theatre. Abigail also removed her gloves and gown as she rushed after her registrar.

'Hannah...' she called after her but Hannah had stumbled out of the theatre and was holding onto the wall opposite to the theatre doors for support. She was taking deep breaths in an attempt to calm her panic attack, but she was slowly losing the battle.

'I'll be fine...' she said but her voice was breathy. Abigail put her hands on her hips.

'You're not okay, Hannah. Have you even spoken to anyone about what happened the other night?' she asked and Hannah turned on her, anger flashing in her eyes.

'Don't... This isn't about that.' she said but Abigail shook her head.

'Of course it is. What happened with Jac was a tragedy but this isn't about that, I know.' she told her and Hannah groaned as she fought back the panic.

'I am fine why does everyone keep questioning me!' she yelled and suddenly turned and punched the wall, hard, and Abigail put out her arms to calm her.

'Hannah please. You have to confront what happened to you!' she said, her voice raised.

'I can't confront it because I don't remember!' Hannah yelled suddenly and there was a silence between them. Admitting this made Hannah a little calmer but she could feel the tears threatening to overwhelm her so she continued to shout at Abigail just as a way of venting her frustration, her pent up emotions.

'You have no idea what it's like to lose part of who you are! To wake up in a hospital bed and be told that something terrible happened to you but not to know what! To be unsure whether you even want to know. I wouldn't let them tell me in the ED, Dom and Dr Keogh, they both tried to tell me what happened to me but I wouldn't let them and it's eating away at me because I have all these thoughts and these suspicions but I have no idea what actually happened!' her voice was hoarse as she vented to Abigail, tears streaming down her cheeks all whilst the CEO stood there and took it calmly. Neither of them had noticed Roxanna and Henrik appear silently at the other end of the corridor.

'I don't remember...' Hannah sobbed and found her knees going weak, Abigail put her arms out and caught her to stop her falling.

'Hannah, you were drugged and you were raped. We found you unconscious in an alley with two men... I'm so sorry.' Abigail explained slowly, Hannah had to know. Instead of calming her the knowledge only threw Hannah into a worse state of hysteria and she finally fell to the floor in sobs, Abigail lowered her down gently.

'Oh, my God...' Roxanna said and Abigail turned to see them staring at the scene from the other end of the corridor.

'Hannah...' Henrik whispered before something seized him and he ran forwards, he fell to the floor beside Hannah and put his arms around her, drawing her to his chest, but she didn't even acknowledge his presence. Roxanna approached slower, she went to Abigail and they spoke in hushed tones as Abigail explained in detail everything which had happened two nights previously.

Abigail had to excuse herself and return to theatre and when Roxanna looked down at Henrik stroking his daughter's hair and trying to comfort her she knew that she had to take a risk. She turned away and pulled out her phone, opening her messages and finding John's name.

 _Darwin theatre, urgent._ she typed quickly before hitting send. She hoped that he would get the message quickly and come quicker, she had a suspicion he would be the only one who would be able to calm Hannah enough even to just move to a more private spot. She slowly knelt on Hannah's other side and reached out for her hand but Hannah barely made an acknowledgement that she even knew where she was. Roxanna knew the painful truth, she needed medical treatment urgently, she might even need to be admitted to the psych ward if they couldn't calm her down quickly.

John only took five minutes to arrive and when he appeared at the end of the corridor and saw the small mass of people huddled together on the floor he was immediately worried. It took a moment for him to recognise Hannah's blonde hair from Henrik's chest but when he clocked that she was sobbing his pace quickened to a slight jog.

'What happened? Is everything alright?' he asked, his tone urgent and tinged with fear. At hearing his voice Hannah changed slightly and her head snapped up. She saw John and immediately scrambled up, pushing away her father's arms, she ran to him and he met her halfway. She threw her arms around him and he held her tightly as Roxanna and Henrik watched in disbelief. Roxanna hadn't expected her to react in that way but she seemed to be behaving a little more lucidly in John's arms but she continued to cry into his shoulder.

Roxanna looked at Henrik and a flash of worry shot through her as she studied the way he watched John and Hannah. She knew in that moment that Henrik suspected something between them and she wondered if he would say anything, if he would grow angry and question them or her, she wondered if she had made the right call in supporting them both in their decisions. She stood by her judgement all the same, it was clear even just from this interaction that Hannah needed John, and that John's feelings for Hannah were genuine. She trusted them both to make smart choices.

'Why don't we go somewhere a bit more private and call the police? Abigail said we could use her office.' Roxanna suggested as she and Henrik rose to their feet. John looked confused but he gently detached Hannah from his arms but kept one around her for a moment before letting Henrik take over and lead the way. A little calmer, Hannah allowed herself to be led by her father whilst John held back with Roxanna trailing behind.

'What happened?' he asked her and she shrugged.

'I'm not entirely sure. I don't think anyone is. Hannah was found two nights ago in an alleyway, she had been drugged and attacked...' Roxanna always prided herself on remaining calm in these kind of situations, but this was her daughter. She looked at the back of her head where her ponytail swayed slightly as she walked, her little girl had been hurt in the most horrific way and there was nothing she could do. Tears sprung to her eyes and she put a hand to her mouth as she tried to stifle her own tears; John put a friendly arm around her and she fought to retain control of herself, she didn't want Hannah to see her like this.

When they got to Abigail's office, Roxanna remained outside with the excuse of calling for the police but she also utilised this time to collect herself, she had to stay strong for Hannah. John stayed outside with her to give her some moral support and Hanssen was left alone with his daughter. The hysterical sobbing had passed and left Hannah in a silent state of contemplation. She stared straight ahead with an empty look on her face, her cheeks sodden with tears, her hair sticking to them like she was a child after a tantrum. Hanssen took the opportunity to study the facial injuries she had received, he was barely aware that he was crying until she looked at him suddenly and reached up to brush a tear away, wordlessly.

'You shouldn't be the one comforting me.' he said, his voice wobbling with his tears and she attempted a watery smile.

'I'll always be the daughter you need me to be.' she whispered, her voice hoarse.

She leaned over slowly and kissed his cheek before wrapping her arms around him and hugging him close, he dissolved in her strength and clutched at her, sobbing into her shoulder. It was amazing how she had always managed to be this pillar of strength for him when he was struggling but he couldn't even do the same for her.

'I wish you felt you could have told me.' he cried and he could hear her sniffling again too.

'I'm sorry, daddy. I'm so sorry.' she began to cry again and they clung to one another tightly when John and Roxanna re-entered the room. They detached themselves from one another but Hannah kept her head on her father's shoulder and he kept an arm around her to comfort her. Roxanna sat on her other side and held her hand, she let it be held. Roxanna lifted it gently to survey it as it was swollen and bruised around the knuckles, she suspected it was broken from when Hannah had punched the wall.

John stayed at the other end of the room. Once again Henrik looked between them and suspected something but decided to put off saying anything until things were calmer.

When the police arrived, John let himself melt even further into the background as they sat opposite Hannah who remained between her parents, holding both of their hands tightly. Roxanna allowed herself the brief feeling of satisfaction and overwhelming love for her daughter when she realised that Hannah was gripping just as tightly to her as she was to her father.

'Can you tell us, in your own words, what happened two nights ago?' a female police officer asked in a gentle tone whilst her male partner stood behind her, poised to take notes.

'I went wandering around a bit, I'd just been told some shocking news and needed some space.' Hannah said slowly and her eyes connected with John's for a moment before they lowered again, nobody else seemed to make the connection. 'I don't know how I wound up at the pub but I did, I had friends there and I needed some comfort I guess. I met Ms Tate there, the CEO of the hospital, and she told me to go home so I tried to but...' Hannah stopped and scrunched up her nose in concentration, John found it adorable but didn't move from his spot in the corner.

'There was a man at the bar... his name was Colin or Kyle or something. He was talking to me, trying to chat me up, but I rejected him. I turned around for like a minute to talk to Abigail, not even a minute but… he was the only one who could have spiked my drink. And then...' her voice trailed off and she swallowed hard.

'In your own time.' the female police officer said quietly and Hannah took a few moments to breathe deeply and she closed her eyes.

'I don't really remember things exactly, I remember flashes and feelings.' she explained.

'Anything you can tell us would be hugely helpful.' the police lady replied and Hannah took another minute to think, scrunching her nose again.

'I realised that I had been drugged, almost right away and I tried to get away but two men caught up to me. They pulled me down an alley, they were arguing about something, I tried to fight but they hit me... then all I remember is how scared I was, I've never been more scared in my whole life. I felt so alone, and so, so frightened.' she was staring at a spot on the floor now but her mind was clearly reliving the events of that night and she was terrified all over again.

'You've been a huge help to us, Ms Hanssen. We're going to go to the pub and pull some CCTV footage and then we'll get back to you, we'll keep you updated with everything. I promise.' the lady said and conferred with her partner for a moment before saying something to Hannah's parents but she was too engrossed in her memories to hear anything from the present. No matter how much she tried, there was no way she could conceal her pain now. She had to tackle it head on, she had to use it to make her stronger, she had to keep moving on.


	13. Chapter 13 - Unlucky

**Chapter 13 - Unlucky**

Hannah's hand was broken and it meant that she couldn't perform surgery. Instead she decided to take the advice of her friends and family and took some leave so she could focus on recovering. In that time, she began to see a therapist recommended by her father's counsellor and the process was slow but she began to regain her confidence inch by inch. One week after she had told the police everything and decided to take her leave, Jac's funeral was scheduled. She wasn't invited to the actual event, of course; despite the protestations she had played a part in Jac's death, but the hospital were holding a service for her and she knew that she had to go to that.

John confirmed that he would be going too and Hanssen had been asked to speak as someone who had known Jac for a very long time. Hannah was unsure about attending but she realised how bad it would look if she didn't go.

The morning of the service she did her best to hide her facial injuries but they were already healing well and had moved into the yellow spectrum of bruising as opposed to blues and purples. Her hand was still encased in a cast which had been decorated by Danny and whenever she felt low she liked to look at it and remember everything which gave her strength.

But the night before the service she was sitting with Danny in his bed before he was going to sleep and he was adding a new drawing to the limited space on her cast. She was reading him a bed time story at the same time so wasn't paying too much attention to what he was drawing but had her attention drawn to it upon its completion.

'Done!' he expostulated and Hannah smiled and looked down at the drawing which Danny had overlapped with others.

'You're an artistic genius.' she commented and he giggled. 'What is it?' she asked and he pointed out various figures.

'That's granddad and Rox.' he pointed out two figures set apart from the others and once he had pointed them out she could see the likeness so she took the pen and labelled them neatly. Danny then moved onto the remaining figures; it was a group of three, two adults and a child all holding hands like a quintessential family for a child's drawing. It wasn't the first-time Danny had enquired after his absent father and Hannah steeled herself to answer more of these questions.

'That's you.' Danny pointed at one of the figures and she labelled herself and pointed to the smaller figure.

'And that's you?' she asked and he nodded giggling. She labelled herself and poised the pen to label the final figure.

'And this is...?'

'John.' Danny answered bluntly and Hannah made to write the label without thinking before doing a double take.

'John? As in granddad's friend, John?' she asked and he nodded. She knew that they had interacted a little over the months but she hadn't expected him to make an appearance on her arm mural.

'Aren't you going to write his name?' Danny asked, the inkling of offence creeping into his eyes and Hannah had no choice but to add his name to their family.

'Why John?' she asked and Danny shrugged.

'I think he has a crush on you, so if you feel the same way maybe he could be my daddy?' he asked and Hannah blushed scarlet, making Danny shriek with laughter.

'Where on earth did you get this from?' she asked, putting down the pen and the book.

'He's sometimes there when I stay with granddad and he was there a lot when you were in the hospital. Sometimes Rox had to go and do something but he would stay with me, he always talks to me and plays with me. He talks about you a lot so I think he likes you. He says you're really smart and strong, does that mean you can lift a car or something?' he asked and Hannah smiled.

'Something like that.' she replied and Danny continued.

'I once said that you were really pretty, I mean when you didn't have the hurt on your face, and he said that you were as pretty as a princess or a mermaid so he must think you're really pretty.' he concluded and Hannah had to look away for a moment but didn't say anything so Danny felt that he had to add something more.

'You know, if you do like him, I wouldn't mind if he was my new daddy. I like him too. That's why I drew him with us as part of our family. I think he's a bit lonely, he doesn't have anyone, so we should let him be with us.' he said and Hannah took a deep breath and turned back to him.

'Time for bed.' she said and he groaned. She ignored his pleas and protestations and tucked him in, giving him a kiss on the cheek before heading towards the door to turn off the light.

'Mummy?' he called after her and she turned. 'I know you've been sad a lot of the time because someone hurt you, but would John make you happy and protect you from the bad people and the monsters?'

Hannah paused for a moment, this wasn't the kind of question she was prepared for. She stepped back into the room and sat down gently on Danny's bed, taking his hand.

'Listen, baby, sometimes even if adults feel happy together, if they like one another... it's not a good idea. Sometimes they need to make a difficult decision and not be together even if they want to be.' she explained slowly, unsure how to put it in a way that would make sense to him.

'But he's nice, do you not love him?' he asked and Hannah was taken aback. She gave him a smile and leaned down to kiss him again.

'How can I have room to love any other man when I love you so much?' she asked and he giggled. 'Now go to sleep.' she instructed and he settled down. She paused at the door again and closed it gently, whispering her goodnights.

She headed straight for the kitchen and poured herself a glass of wine, it wasn't her first of the evening. The conversation with Danny had left her chest aching again and she reached over to her phone. She had texts from her father checking in with her for the evening and one from Roxanna but that was all. She opened her messages with John, the last one had been about work, nothing even that important. She typed out a message, the wine fuelling her courage.

 _I've changed my mind, I need you_. Her finger hovered over the send button but then something like fate intervened and her phone died. She sighed and plugged it in, aiming to ignore and forget about the words left unsaid.

The next morning brought new butterflies to her stomach as she prepared for the service. When she arrived at the hospital she had to stop and watch as chairs were set up in the summer heat. They were centred around the statue which commemorated Raf and brought back horrible memories of the service which had been held there a little more than six months previously. She twisted her fingers together and forced herself to keep walking forward. She couldn't go to Darwin, the mood would be too sombre, she didn't want to go to Keller but she had nowhere else she could go, aside from the basement.

When she got to the bottom of the stairs the doors were propped open to get in air, but on the floor, was the spot where Jac had been shot. Hannah stood there and stared at the patch of floor silently, not even having the will to cry anymore. She had been stood there for a couple of minutes before she managed to avert her attention, she moved her gaze to her cast and the first drawing which caught her eye was the one of her, Danny and John.

John.

John who was in the lab not too far from her, the man she had feelings for but was too scared of the consequences to do anything at all about them. Hannah's feet moved almost without her consent and a strange impulse took a hold of her, the same kind of impulse she had only felt once before, an impulse to hurt herself. There was no fighting this kind of impulse, she just had to let it wash over her and wait for it to pass, she almost couldn't be held accountable for her actions when she was in this state.

She arrived at the lab and peered inside the doorway, part of her hoping that John just wasn't there, it might curb some of her destructive impulse. He was in the inner room, she had to step inside the actual lab to see him. He had his jacket off and his shirt sleeves rolled up, it was rare to catch him in this casual a state. He was jotting something down on a pad with his head in his other hand, he looked stressed and Hannah walked into the room, failing to announce herself. The impulse was throbbing through her and she knew that she would regret whatever was going to happen in this room but she couldn't fight it.

She appeared beside him and he jumped when he caught sight of her before laughing.

'Jesus, Hannah you could have said something, you'll give me a heart attack!' he laughed and she smiled.

'Good thing I'm a heart surgeon, then isn't it?' she replied and waited for his laughing to abate a little.

'What are you doing here?' he asked and Hannah narrowed her eyes.

'I'm here for the service.' she said and he glanced at his phone, tilting it up so it lit up.

'The service isn't for another hour and a half.' he commented and she shrugged, crossing her arms.

'I guess I'm just killing time then, better to be here than moping around a house by myself.' she said and John stood up, taking her cast in his hand and observing the new drawings. The normal Hannah would have snatched it away with a blush, hoping he wouldn't notice the additions; but reckless Hannah remembered the wine-fuelled text she had considered sending last night and pointed out Danny's new drawing.

'Compliments of my son, we had quite the discussion last night.' she said and John considered her face without letting go of her hand.

'Oh really? What was the discussion about?' he asked and she stared right back at him, her lips tingling.

'It was about what would make me happy, about what I want.' she replied, she wasn't lying.

'And what was the conclusion?' he asked quietly. Hannah knew that this impulse to hurt herself was skewed, that things were different to how they had been when she'd taken a razor to her arm all those years ago. Now she just wanted to break free from the mould she'd put herself in, she wanted to stop denying herself things she wanted because of how it would look to her parents, well her father. Roxanna would probably find the situation strange but give them a speech about how they were both adults who could make their own decisions.

It was like she was drunk, she felt disconnected from herself, like there was someone else giving her orders and those orders were just to break the rules.

She closed the distance between them in less than a second and kissed him hard, throwing her arms around his neck to pull him closer and pressing her whole body against him. For a moment, he was frozen in shock before his own impulses took over and he wrapped his arms around her waist and held her tightly, kissing her back with just as much passion. They were locked in that position for a few moments, not caring about who came into the lab, only caring about one another.

Hannah found the desk behind her and John felt it too so helped her into a sitting position on it, pushing aside the work which had been intriguing him so much only a few minutes previously. Hannah's legs wrapped around him, drawing him even closer all whilst her lips never left his. She wasn't sure what she expected from him, but this was unlike any other experience she had had before. John's hands didn't wander, they sought exactly what they wanted to find and they knew exactly what to do once they were, with age came knowledge.

Her hands gripped his shoulders to steady herself as he found her weak spots and, she was unsure how, but she found herself half-reclined as he broke away from the kiss and everything paused.

Both were panting and staring into one another's eyes, they were in quite a promiscuous position, completely inappropriate for the workplace.

'Hannah, you're crying...' he whispered and she reached to her cheek to check the validity of his claim, they were wet.

'I'm happy.' she replied, surprised even with herself. 'I guess that's not something I'm really used to.'

He didn't say anything else, but he gently kissed her cheeks, kissing the tears away. She was glad she chose to wear a skirt to the service instead of the smart jeans, it had been a close call. He bunched it up around her thighs as she worked on his flies, they worked together to get her into a comfortable position on the edge of the table, and then they paused. They looked at one another as if frozen in time, the moments crept by slowly as each of them sought through the others eyes to check for any signs of being unsure.

Hannah paused herself, she was a little unsure. This was complete madness, she was having sex with her boss, her father's best friend, a man three times her age, all the above. Furthermore, they were having sex in his lab, in the hospital where they both worked, and they were going to a service in an hour to commemorate the death of a woman they had both played a part killing. It hadn't been on purpose, it wasn't really their fault, this was their therapy, this was what they needed. Hannah stopped thinking about all of that and started to just think about how happy John made her, about how strongly she felt for him and all other factors went out the window.

She kissed him again and he tilted his hips up towards hers at the same time. She muffled her gasp against his lips and they slowly began to move together. She wasn't sure what she'd expected, but she didn't expect him to have as much stamina as he did. He poured everything into ensuring her satisfaction and wouldn't allow himself anything until she was done and then he went with her.

It took them both a moment to catch their breaths again and when they did they laughed and kissed again. Hannah didn't know what this meant, she didn't even know what she wanted it to mean. It took them a little while to clean themselves up again and all the while Hannah thought about whether it had been the right decision. For her, at that moment, yes. The dangerous impulse was gone, she felt free and genuinely happy, something she had not felt since before Frederik's assault on the hospital and his death.

Hannah helped John in tidying up his things and once things were straightened out and they finally stopped did they finally look at one another again. When Hannah walked into that room she knew she was going to do something she regretted and part of her did regret what had happened; she averted her eyes and looked down at her cast, the drawings had been smudged.

'Are you alright?' John asked softly and she thought for a moment before replying.

'Yes.' she answered and then shrugged. 'I don't know. I will be.'

'I'm sorry,' John said quietly and the turned away, running his hands through his hair. Then he did something she'd never seen him do before, he got angry. He kicked at the chair so it toppled over and swung his arms like he wanted to hit something. In a moment, Hannah had crossed to him and had taken his arms to stop him hurting himself.

'Hey, stop!' she pleaded but she could still see the anger and upset in his eyes so she moved her hands to his face, forcing him to look into her eyes.

'Enough.' she commanded and he cracked a smile.

'I bet you're a formidable mother when Danny's having a tantrum.' he said drily and Hannah smiled.

'Oh, I'm the worst,' she said softly and waited for him to calm.

'I'm so stupid,' John said after a pause and she thought he might cry. 'I didn't want to hurt you, I never want to hurt you, we shouldn't have done this.' he spoke with a wavering voice but he leaned his head forward and rested his forehead against Hannah's, he seemed like he was defeated by something.

'This wasn't you, it was me. Look, we both made the choice and it's alright. John, I don't regret it. I'm not upset because of what we did but because of what it means. I'm not very good at this kind of thing, I don't have much experience.' she explained delicately but he closed his eyes.

'John?' she said and then slowly leaned forward and kissed him again, she felt him kiss her back.

'This can't happen again.' John said suddenly once the kiss was broken and Hannah felt the crushing return to her chest even though she knew that he was making sense.

'I know.' she replied as a tear rolled down her cheek, he didn't open his eyes.

'It doesn't diminish the feelings I have for you, you could be the best thing that ever happens to me, but we can't.' he said but she felt like he wanted her to challenge him, she wasn't sure if she could.

'What if we did?' she asked quietly and his eyes slowly opened. 'What if we stopped caring about everyone else and did what was good for us?' she asked and she saw the consideration in his eyes.

'Hannah...' he began but now she'd started she didn't want to stop.

'I don't want to lose you. You started this in the first place! What did you expect to happen when you told me about your feelings? You knew I felt the same way, did you expect that to be the end of it? Don't make me leave when we've come so far.' she begged and his hands brushed away her tears before he planted one last, decisive, kiss on her lips.

'Maybe another time, but for now, this has to end.' he said and took a step back. There was pain in his features and Hannah knew he was just trying to be the adult, she knew that she should have lied and told him that she was fine. She had done this, he was too scared of hurting her to even risk making her happy.

She couldn't bear to be in the same room as him anymore. She turned and ran from the lab, she ran up the stairs as fast as she could, trying to lose her breath so she couldn't cry. It didn't work, it just made her feel sick and dizzy so she stopped and leant against the wall, trying to catch her breath. She looked out of the window, people were milling towards the service, she knew she didn't have long and she needed to go.

She closed her eyes and put thoughts of John to the back of her mind, she would let herself think about all of that once the day was over. For now, she owed Jac her full attention, her friend and mentor.

When she arrived at the service she sought out Roxanna and took a seat by her. Her mother was not blind, she could see that she had been crying.

'Are you alright?' she asked quietly and Hannah nodded, keeping her eyes forward and her expression steeled. Roxanna didn't try and say anything else, she knew that she wouldn't get anything else out of Hannah anyway.

Hannah kept her eyes fixed on the podium which had been erected at the front of the group of chairs, she hated this feeling, it was too familiar and it wasn't fair.

Abigail introduced the ceremony and talked about how Jac had dedicated her life to the hospital and how they owed so much to her, but she admitted that she hadn't known her long and so intended to invite someone to speak who had known her much longer. Hannah watched as her father stood behind the podium and she wondered if he would actually be able to make it through this service without leaving and causing her more pain.

'Jac Naylor was a dedicated and brilliant surgeon who was always unafraid to push the boundaries of modern medical science. Of course, her daughter and friends are constantly in our thoughts and prayers.' he said and gestured to a small girl sat in the front row next to a man Hannah presumed was Jonny, Emma's father.

In a moment, everything flashed in front of Hannah, the situations were reversed and she was the one who was dead. Danny was sitting in the front row between Hanssen and Roxanna, was John there? Yes, he was stood to one side, not daring to show any emotion, even in her death he was afraid to show the world how he felt. Danny was fragile, he wouldn't be able to cope without her and he was older than Emma, how would Emma be able to cope without Jac?

Hanssen was talking about the tragedy surrounding Jac's death but he paused when his eyes found his daughter's terrified face in the crowd. Jonny and Emma both noticed this pause and followed his gaze along with a dozen other people. Hanssen continued but people continued to stare at her, she felt the heat of shame rise in her face but she couldn't take her eyes from the little girl who stared at her. Hannah was glad she was sat on the end of a row because she had to get away, she couldn't be there after all, she couldn't handle it.

She got up and hurried to the nearest door into the hospital, Emma's eyes followed her a little way but then returned to the service, truthfully, she was still too young to even understand what was happening. Hanssen's eyes also followed his daughter but he knew that he needed to continue with what he had to say, he couldn't allow himself to get distracted.

Roxanna did follow her though and she caught up with her as Hannah stumbled into the stairwell, the closest private spot she could think of. Roxanna caught her before she could careen into the wall and held her tightly to her chest whilst Hannah hyperventilated, but she didn't pull away.

'It's alright, it's okay...' Roxanna whispered as the pair of them sank to the floor but Roxanna didn't release her hold, she kept her daughter close.

Hannah didn't say a word and Roxanna didn't ask any questions, she half expected John to show up but when he didn't she knew that it was finally time for her to step up and be the mother Hannah needed.

Once she was a bit calmer Roxanna slackened her hold a little and they ended up sat on the floor of the corridor with Hannah practically in Roxanna's lap but she didn't mind.

'I know it's hard...' Roxanna said, wiping Hannah's cheeks with her thumb. 'Jac wasn't just any old patient, I know.' Hannah sniffed and swallowed before she replied.

'It's not just that.' she said in a thick voice and Roxanna waited for her to continue in her own time.

'John told me that he had feelings for me and I pushed him away because I thought it was for the best, and then everything happened with those men and I changed my mind. I went to him and we...' she couldn't continue, even if she had only known about Roxanna's attachment to her for a short while but it still felt weird to discuss her sex life with her mother. 'Anyway, he's pushed me away now and I don't know what to do. I don't know how to process all of this at once, alone.'

'Hey, you're never alone,' Roxanna scolded her gently and she sniffed in response so Roxanna held her tighter. 'You have me and your dad and you still have John even if things seem a bit strange between you. Hannah, you can't beat yourself up about anything that's happened, you can't blame yourself.' Roxanna instructed but Hannah seemed unconvinced.

'I think I'm cursed.' Hannah said bluntly and Roxanna raised an eyebrow at her.

'I didn't expect you to be the superstitious type.' she replied and Hannah sniffled a little.

'I don't mean by like a witch or something, I just mean that every time things start to seem like they're going well, whenever I start to let myself be happy again, something goes wrong or I get proved wrong or something... Like with Ollie, just when things were looking good with him he got shot, I lost the baby and everything fell apart. And with John, I started to let myself think that we could be okay, that we could make something of ourselves and everything goes southward with Jac's death and he changes his mind! I just don't know what I'm doing wrong...' she mumbled and Roxanna thought for a moment but before she could respond Hannah had gotten herself to the crux of her crisis and she knew what she really needed to address.

'Why did you leave, really?' she asked quietly but she didn't pull away.

'I was scared.' Roxanna finally admitted. 'I loved David, I really did; and what happened with your dad was more of a spill-over from when we were kids, students at uni together. Before John introduced me to David your dad and I were sort of like you and John are now - neither one of us wanted to really commit to being with the other. He went back to Sweden and that was that. But then we met up again one last time and... I don't know, it happened. When I found out I was expecting you I knew you weren't David's child, I knew you were Henrik's. As soon as I told him he came straight back.'

'He left Maja pregnant, he left Frederik.' Hannah commented and Roxanna nodded.

'I didn't know about them until after, if I'd known before I might not have told him, David and I would have made it work somehow. When I still chose David over him I think it broke his heart. But when he saw you for the first time he fell in love straight away. Your father isn't the most emotional man, Hannah, but he does dote on you.' Roxanna explained it all as clearly as she could and whilst it hurt Hannah to hear it, she was glad she finally had.

'Thank you.' she mumbled, nestling her head into Roxanna's shoulder and she knew in that moment that she had been accepted. The battle was over and both sides had won.

The door suddenly opened and Henrik rushed in, when he saw Roxanna and Hannah sitting on the floor he stopped and sighed. He slowly walked over to join them and then slid to the floor on the other side of Hannah with a groan.

'You know, I'm getting a little old for this.' he commented and thought he saw a hint of a smile on his daughter's face. He gave Roxanna a small smile over the top of Hannah's head before reaching out and placing an arm around them both. The three of them clung to one another and, wordlessly, a pact was made. In that moment, they had all agreed to behaving more as a family, to being honest with each other and being there for one another no matter how dysfunctional and unlucky they were.


	14. Chapter 14 - Home Truths

**Chapter Fourteen - Home Truths**

It took Hannah over a month to finally regain some of her confidence but once it began to creep back in she found it easier and easier to return to the person she used to be. Spending time with her family helped a lot and she especially enjoyed seeing Danny and Roxanna get to know one another even though Danny didn't know the truth yet; Hannah was unsure whether she wanted him to know just yet and Roxanna respected her decision.

At first Hannah did everything in her power to avoid John and the trial even though it was still running in a theoretical capacity. Roxanna and Abigail were the only two people who knew that anything had ever happened between them and Roxanna swore she would take the secret to her grave if it was what Hannah wanted. When she had to brace the subject with Abigail, Hannah felt uncomfortable and was uncertain whether she would agree to keeping the secret but she agreed to and agreed to give both John and Hannah second chances regarding their careers. Hannah had to keep her head down for a few weeks but it was easy enough as she became better acclimatised to things again.

After a couple of weeks, the police managed to track down the two men who had attacked Hannah and she had a brief relapse into her fear and self-consciousness but knowing that they were answering for their crimes helped ease some of her pain a little and she was glad it was finally over. Moving on from Jac's death was more difficult and the ward had a sombre feeling that Hannah didn't like; but she kept her head down and continued to work hard, letting herself be overlooked by others for a few weeks, she needed the space.

Two weeks later John began to get restless about her inclusion with the current state of the trial. He tracked her down every day and spent a considerable amount of time trying to convince her to re-join the trial and help him through the speed bumps. Roxanna had forgiven him and was already back on the trial, if she had even ever left, but Hannah didn't know if she could bring herself to do it.

Six weeks after Jac's death, to the day, Hannah was summoned down to the wet lab and she had a pretty good idea of what was coming. She steeled herself as she entered the lab but didn't see John there. Her eyes lingered on the desk where she and John had been together but she was forced to tear her eyes away as unwanted feelings began to creep into her chest.

'Hannah, hello.' John said from behind her as he entered the lab and she turned to meet him.

'You wanted to see me.' she replied and he nodded, walking past her to replace some files on the desk, she stayed where she was.

'Yes, I did.' he said but Hannah interrupted him before he could begin giving her the spiel about joining the trial.

'John right now I need to focus on my patients I cannot be involved with the trial in any capacity. I have told you that I will let you know when I'm ready and then I'll come back, but honestly, just being around you is pretty painful and I don't know how long it will take me to recover; it might be all the same to you but you humiliated me a little bit.' she explained slowly and he stopped what he was doing to look at her before dropping his eyes once she was done.

'I actually wanted to ask your advice about a patient on Keller.' he said quietly and Hannah stopped short for a moment before her cheeks began to burn red.

'What about Ms Tate? She's much more qualified than I am.' she tried to justify.

'She's also the CEO of the hospital, she doesn't have much time to spare as it is... besides, I missed you.' he said quietly, refusing to meet her eye. She raised an eyebrow at him and shook her head in disbelief.

'Are you kidding me? No, I'm serious, are you actually joking? You were the one who sent _me_ packing! Let me guess, you've changed your mind, again?' she asked, her voice slightly raised as anger began to replace embarrassment.

'It wasn't like that and you know it.' John said sternly, his own voice raising in pitch but before she could reply Hannah's phone began to ring in her pocket. She held up a finger to John to indicate that she wasn't finished with their conversation and answered the phone, it was Danny's nanny.

'Hey Sofie.' Hannah said into the phone and listened for a moment before her face fell. 'What do you mean? No please, you can't... just... alright, I'll sort something. Thanks for letting me know, I guess. Bye.' Hannah hung up the phone and looked like she might cry.

She closed her eyes tightly and took a couple of deep breaths but they were shaky as she tried to restrain the tears of frustration mixed with her anger at John; she gripped onto the edge of the lab counter but she still didn't feel stable or steadied.

'What's the matter?' John asked quietly and Hannah took a sharp intake of breath and clenched her hands into fists.

'Sofie, Danny's nanny, just quit and told me she's actually leaving the area. She can't even pick him up from the summer school club this afternoon, which is just great. I really didn't need this right now.' she explained, looking down at the desk. 'Finding Sofie was hard enough, there are so few nanny's in the area, finding childcare is a bloody nightmare.' her breathing was quickening in her frustration and John quickly came around the desk towards her and put his hands on her shoulders.

'Alright, just breathe, calm down.' he spoke gently and she wanted to shrug him off but she was too busy trying to focus on her breathing and calming herself down.

'I just really didn't need this right now. I have nowhere to put Danny so I'm going to have to start cutting my shifts short which means I won't be able to afford the rent on the house and the bills and Jesus... this is just poorly timed.' she vented, unsure why she was telling John any of this, she didn't want anything from him.

'Shhhh.' he comforted her and she let herself be pulled to his chest as he comforted her even though she was still angry. Despite her annoyance at him and the situation he had put them in, she couldn't lie about the fact that she still liked to be near him. She craved his smell and his comfort, the way her head fitted into his shoulder and the feel of his cheek against her forehead. How close his lips were, how easily she could lean up and just kiss him… She stopped herself thinking these thoughts, she focused on her current predicament instead.

'I hate being a single mum, I love the freedom I have now I don't live with dad anymore but it's so hard...' she mumbled into his chest and he held her a little tighter and paused for a moment before broaching his suggestion.

'Why don't you bring Danny here?' he asked and Hannah froze for a moment, unsure of his meaning.

'I can't keep him on the ward Abigail would go ballistic.' she said and John took a step back, letting her go, much to her disappointment.

'I mean bring him down here, I can keep an eye on him until you finish your shift. I'll stick him in there and keep him hidden, I'm down here most of the time working on the trial anyway and Abigail hardly ever comes down here herself.' he reasoned and Hannah seemed to consider but John could see that she wasn't keen on the idea.

'Just for a few days until you can find a new nanny?' he suggested and she still seemed a little uncertain as she scrutinised him but he took her arms again. 'Please let me help.' he asked and she seemed to consider him for a moment before nodding.

'Alright, but just for a few days.' she said firmly. A few days turned into a few weeks and by the time September came around John was still watching Danny in the lab every afternoon.

Over this time, Hannah and John gradually got over their awkwardness and became adept at hiding their feelings for one another again. Hannah was surprised that Abigail never found out about Danny's hiding spot in John's lab but she was glad that John was there for him. She liked to see them together even if it did make her heart hurt a little to see what she could never have, a family she desperately wanted.

Over this time, the stabbing cases which were brought into AAU became more violent and more frequent and the police search for the Holby serial killer was intensified which frightened the staff somewhat. The killer didn't seem to have any particular victim preference: young, old, women and men were all brought into the ED and referred straight to AAU and the press seemed amazed that the killer was going undetected for so long. Then they started to slow down a little before eventually dropping off altogether in the first week of September.

Danny was due back at school on the Friday of this week but the summer school club was closed for the beginning of the week to give the school a chance to train teachers and recuperate before starting term again. John kept Danny in the lab all day and Hannah came by as often as she could. Danny's birthday was on the Monday and they threw him a little party with cakes and sweets and the few people who knew he was down there, including Hanssen, Dom, Lofty, Sacha and Roxanna, all came down to join in at one point or another.

Hannah used the excuse of helping John with the trial to spend as much time with the two of them as possible and it became clear that she was back on board. Two days later, however, Hannah was forced to stay on the ward as they had a high number of patients. Hannah was assigned the case of a thirty-two-year-old man called Tony Langdon.

'Morning Mr Langdon!' she greeted him brightly and he gave her a nervous smile, he seemed jumpy and held a bag tightly to his chest. He had a shock of strawberry blonde hair and bright green eyes and he looked strong.

'Hello, uh, please call me Tony. Mr Langdon is too formal.' he said, his voice was quiet and timid, he seemed shy.

'Alright, what seems to be the problem today Tony?' Hannah asked as she pulled out his notes and skimmed through them. Of course, she already knew the symptoms he was presenting with but she preferred to hear it from the patients.

'My chest... hurts.' he replied and she nodded.

'Whereabouts does it hurt?' she asked and he pointed to a large area of his chest. Hannah gave him a slight smile and pulled her stethoscope from around her neck.

'I'm gonna have a listen to your chest if that's okay?' she asked and he nodded but kept the bag clutched tightly to his chest.

'Do you want me to pop that on the floor for you?' she asked and there was a sudden flash of aggression in his otherwise timid eyes as he snatched the bag away.

'No.' he replied firmly and she held up her hand but was instantly uneasy, she didn't like what she'd seen in his eyes; it reminded her of that confined anger she had seen in Liam's eyes one too many times.

'Okay... can you lean forward for me?' she requested and he did so. She listened to his chest and back and found that there was a slight murmur.

'Does your family have a history of heart problems, Tony?' she asked and he shrugged.

'I don't know who my parents are, I was left in a home when I was a baby.' he said and Hannah paused.

'Right, sorry.' she said slowly as she made a note of the murmur. 'Okay, we're gonna have to run some more tests to find out what's wrong, that will include a CT scan and you won't be able to take your bag. Are you sure you don't want me to put it somewhere safe?' she asked and he nodded firmly.

'It stays with me.' he replied decisively and she nodded, deciding to fight that battle when she got there. In the meantime, she ordered the tests and kept a close eye on Tony. There was something off about him which made her uncomfortable but she did her best to hide her discomfort as the day wore on.

When the CT scan was ready for him she returned to the subject of his bag.

'Listen,' she said and leaned down towards him, 'I can put it in the office and nobody will go near it, I promise, you can have it back the moment you come back on the ward. It will be ten minutes, tops.' she said and Tony seemed to consider for a moment. 'You can trust me.' she assured him and he sighed before nodding, handing it over to her gently.

She took it and headed towards the office as the porter took him away to CT. When Hannah got into the office the door was propped open against the heat; there was a storm forecast for that night but in the meantime the heat was building. She placed the bag down on the sofa but it slipped and fell onto the floor and there was a metallic clang from inside. Hannah paused a moment, she knew that it wasn't her place to go through his property but if there was something fragile in there she wanted to check it wasn't broken.

She crouched down and opened the bag, she wasn't prepared for what was inside. There was a long, sharp knife inside along with a selection of smaller knives, razors and scalpels and a mask like something out of a horror movie. Hannah was shocked and didn't know what to think, at first, she thought they might be fake but as she touched her finger to a blade she realised they were all real. She quickly picked up the bag and placed it back on the sofa, she needed to keep it away from Tony, it was dangerous.

She didn't know what to do, she didn't know if she should call the police straight away, she didn't want to jump to any conclusions about her patients but she was also frightened to ask the truth of him; that look of aggression in his eyes hadn't been fake after all.

She decided that she needed a second opinion and left the office through the opposite door; she hadn't noticed that the porter had paused with Tony outside the door on the other side of the corridor. Tony had seen everything Hannah had done and he knew what she suspected. The porter had disappeared so Tony ignored his chest pain and slipped into the office to his bag. He fished inside for a moment before selecting a small blade he could conceal easily and then made to follow Hannah, keeping a safe distance the whole while.

When Hannah arrived at the lab she found John helping Danny with some summer homework he had left until the last minute.

'You're not meant to be letting him distract you from work!' Hannah smiled as she gave Danny a hug and then produced a five-pound note. 'You remember how to get to Pulse's?' she asked and he nodded. 'Cool, go get yourself a muffin or something.' she instructed and Danny rushed off. He passed a man in the corridor outside but ignored him, Tony hid himself outside of the lab in a place where he could hear the conversation happening inside but couldn't be seen.

'Are you sure he'll be alright by himself?' John asked and Hannah shrugged.

'He's not leaving the hospital, it's just upstairs. Besides he inherited my smarts.' she smiled but her smile fell quickly.

'What's wrong?' John asked, sensing that Hannah wasn't just there to catch up with them.

'Okay, I'm treating this patient, right, and I know I shouldn't have gone through his personal property but I heard this clank and I wanted to check that there wasn't anything broken but I found something a little odd in his bag...' she said quickly and John narrowed his eyes.

'Odd how?' he asked and she sighed.

'I found a mask and bunch of knives, this might sound crazy but I think he might be somehow connected to those attacks? I don't want to assume anything or draw attention to myself but I don't know what to do!' she explained quickly and John nodded solemnly.

'Well you need to call the police.' he said and she nodded.

'I know that,' she said quickly but still seemed uncomfortable. 'I just don't want him to suspect anything, I don't want to run the risk of anything going wrong or anyone getting hurt, especially not after...' she stopped and John thought for a moment before he nodded and sighed.

'Alright, you go back up to the ward and keep an eye on him, make sure he doesn't cause any trouble and I'll call the police from down here. Try not to let on that you suspect anything.' John said and, outside, Tony froze on the spot.

He had gone for so long without being detected from some of the sharpest minds in Holby but here he was about to be caught by his doctor. He hadn't wanted to come to the hospital but he hadn't had any choice when his chest pains had flared up. He knew that he needed to run but he needed to create a distraction, something to keep the doctors busy whilst he made his escape.

Just then the little boy came back around the corner clutching a chocolate cake in one hand and a handful of change in the other hand. As a rule, Tony had always left kids alone, the youngest person he had hurt had been sixteen years old, but now he knew he had no choice. He quickly grabbed the boy as he walked past and he dropped his cake and the change clattered to the floor but the doctors inside the lab didn't seem to hear anything - Tony could overhear the male one telling Ms Hanssen to be careful.

Tony didn't look at the boy as he struggled against his grip but kept a hand over his mouth to muffle his shouts. Tony carefully slipped the blade into his flesh and held onto him for a few more moments while he struggled but he eventually went limp and fell to the floor. Tony retracted the knife and then began to run, leaving the child bleeding on the floor and unconscious.

'I mean it, Hannah, be careful.' John said and took her hand to stop her leaving, she looked down at his hand before stepping forward to hug him quickly. She was a little frightened of how the situation might turn out but she knew that she had to do what John told her even though she would rather stay in the lab with him and Danny. After all, she had a duty of care and Tony was still her patient and she needed to treat him.

'I'll see you later.' she whispered into his ear and he hugged her back tightly before she pulled away and left the lab. It took her a second to feel like something was wrong, and when she turned the corner and saw the cake on the floor amidst the scattered coins she stopped dead. She stopped breathing as she slowly walked around the corner and saw the pool of blood slowly spreading out from under a small body.

Her entire body felt numb as she approached the child lying in the pool of his own blood. There was a ringing in her ears as she fell to her knees, of course she was aware it was Danny but it felt so unreal. She slowly reached out to touch him, to pull him onto his back where she could see his face. She couldn't feel the tears falling down her face but she saw the drops fall onto his shirt and mingle with his blood as she pulled him up onto her lap and cradled him to her chest. She couldn't think rationally, not seeing her son lying there like that, the ringing was persistent.

'John...' she heard her voice somewhere in the distance, she could only focus on her son but she tried to force her voice to be louder, to get his attention. She overshot it a little.

'John!' she screamed and the ringing broke as she fell back into the real world and the shock and panic crashed into her as she began to shake. Holding Danny tighter and trying to put pressure on the wound in his chest, she became increasingly aware that her front was becoming drenched in his blood, her hands already were.

John appeared around the corner a moment later and paused as he took in the events surrounding them, then he too rushed forward and took Danny's head in his hands. He was better at dealing with things in a crisis, he was better at keeping calm and doing what needed to be done.

'Hannah, we need to get him up to AAU.' he said calmly and she looked up at him with wide, tear-filled eyes.

'It's Danny... he's been stabbed...' she replied absently and John nodded, he understood the effect of shock.

'Hannah, we have to move now, let me take him.' he held out his arms for Hannah to pass him the unconscious body of her son but she clutched him tighter, seemingly coming a little more to her senses.

'No, I'll take him...' she whispered and allowed John to help her to her feet whilst she held her young son to her chest. She clutched him as tightly as she could, hoping she could staunch the bleeding a little with her body.

John pushed open the doors as they rushed up to AAU and when they arrived on the ward a bed was immediately found for Danny and he was rushed into theatre with Serena operating.

Hannah insisted on being in the gallery and John didn't dare leave her. She wouldn't even let him lead her away to clean her up despite being covered in his blood, John too had blood all down his front - it looked like the pair of them had been in theatre without the protection of gowns and gloves.

'He has to be okay...' she whispered as she stared at the operation, her eyes hardly blinked but John wondered how much she really took in. He took a small step forward and, without looking, her hand found his and held on tightly. He did his best to comfort her but there was only so much he could do. He felt just as panicked as she was but he couldn't let it show, he had to be strong for her but he wondered if Henrik and Roxanna had been made aware and if the perpetrator had been caught. He couldn't run the risk of leaving Hannah alone to find out anything.

Just as a machine began to ding persistently, alerting them to complications with Danny, Hanssen burst into the gallery but slowed when he saw John and Hannah both covered in blood and Danny lying on the operating table.

'He can't die!' Hannah cried as Serena began to act quicker, something was wrong, they were going to lose Danny. Hanssen found her other hand and she gripped to both men tightly as she sobbed but could never move her eyes from the operating table, from Danny's face. Danny began to arrest and Hannah's fear increased, she let go of John's hand and found herself burying into her father's chest as he held her tightly, tears pouring down his own face as he speechlessly watched his grandson dying and he couldn't do a thing.

In that moment, John knew that he shouldn't be there, that this was a family matter but at the same time he couldn't bring himself to leave. He was surprised to find tears in his own eyes and slipping down his cheeks as he watched the world-class surgeons fight to save Danny's life but there was nothing he himself could do. Over the course of the past couple of months Danny and he had become close, John valued the relationship he had with him because it brought him all the closer to Hannah. The truth was they were the closest thing he had to a family and it broke his heart to see them breaking up now, not like this.

Serena was becoming frantic, she was panicking as Danny became less and less responsive, he was dangerously close to being lost. Hannah shoved her hands over her ears, desperate to block out what was happening around her and Henrik stared at his grandson's small face which was almost obstructed by the sheets put up around him.

John put his hand to his face, ignoring the blood which had almost completely dried now, all he could try and do was physically repress the sobs he wanted to let out.

The moment Danny's heart began to beat in rhythm again both John and Henrik let out a sigh of relief, as surgeons they knew that Danny wasn't out of the woods yet but this was a good sign. Ric Griffin was called into theatre to help Serena and together, they succeeded in bringing Danny back from the brink. Over the course of two and a half hours, the three in the gallery barely moved, sometimes they barely breathed. Hannah continued to cling to her father but gradually emerged to watch the operation again and by the time they were done she was pressed up against the glass. She had cried herself to exhaustion and now she was pale, her eyes ringed red and her cheeks still damp, but she couldn't cry any more.

'He'll be moved to ITU and then on to paediatrics but I think he's in the clear for now - he should be okay.' Serena told them once she had emerged from theatre, she also looked exhausted and Hannah wondered how she could ever thank this woman for saving her family. She wordlessly walked forward and threw her arms around Serena, hugging her tightly. Serena was taken back for a moment before she gently held her back, her eyes connecting with Henrik's.

'Thank you.' Hannah whispered as he detached herself and Serena gave her a small smile.

'You don't need to mention it.' she said, John hung back, looking down at his bloody hands.

'What happened?' Hanssen eventually asked as they took seats outside the gallery, waiting for Danny to be brought out and transferred.

'I was treating a patient who I thought might be the man the police are looking for, he must have twigged that I'd worked it out and attacked Danny. He was up on Darwin, he needed more tests...' she told him and gave John a look, he nodded, confirming his understanding, and crossed to Donna at the nurse's station.

'Is Danny okay?' Donna asked without waiting for John to say a word.

'He is, at least he will be.' John said and finally realised how emotionally drained he was himself, 'Could you please do me favour?' he asked and Donna nodded.

'Of course, anything.' she replied.

'I need you to call Darwin and check if any patients have gone missing, just walked out without being discharged or something.' he requested and Donna nodded, picking up the phone.

'You think a patient did that to Danny?' she asked as she dialled the number and John nodded.

'We think that a patient has been doing this to a lot of people.' he explained and realisation clicked in Donna's head. She nodded slowly and held the phone up to her ear. John waited to hear the verdict but he knew the answer from her face before she said a word. Tony Langdon had disappeared from the ward and his bag was gone from the office, John instructed Donna to call the police immediately, it looked like they knew the identity of the Holby serial killer at last.

John returned to Hannah and Henrik as Danny was wheeled out of theatre and transferred to ITU. Hannah made to follow him but her father put a hand out to stop her.

'You need to change and clean up first.' he instructed and Hannah's eyes widened at the thought that she couldn't be with her son. 'When he wakes up how would it look to see you covered in his blood? He'll be frightened, no, you need to clean up.' he said and she knew it made sense so allowed him to lead her away and hand her over to Donna who would look after her. Left behind, John sighed and watched it all unfold around him. He wasn't really a part of it he knew that, he knew that Hannah needed her family then and he had rejected her attempts to make him a part of it. It was his own fault, but he knew that she didn't need him then, she needed her family.

He watched them leave and then retreated to clean himself up, making a final resolution not to let himself be responsible for Hannah's heartbreak ever again, he cared about her too deeply to let that happen.

Hannah allowed herself to be led by Donna and to be scrubbed and changed until she was clean and by that point the day was drawing to a close and evening was fast approaching along with the dark and the storm which had been threatening since that morning. Thunder rumbled in the distance and rain had begun to spatter down.

She wanted to be with Danny; until she saw him again she knew that she wouldn't be able to think straight, until then her brain was just in a muddle.

As soon as Donna gave her the all clear and a quick hug she went off in search of her son. When she arrived, she was told she had just missed her father who had gone back to her house to pack both her and Danny some overnight things and she made a mental note to thank him, she knew that he would make smarter choices than her, he would be able to keep a clearer head.

She sat down at his bedside and made herself comfortable, and then she let herself think, if only to sort out the mess of her jumbled thoughts.

All of this had happened because she had found out about Tony's real identity; but what kind of monster would hurt a child to protect himself? It didn't really matter what she thought though, she was sure that he had a serious heart condition which would need surgical treatment before too long so he would have to go to a hospital sooner or later and then he would be caught. But as she looked down at her son she came to realise some horrible truths - her son had nearly died and if he had what would she have been left with? She would have had her parents for comfort and her friends but what was she doing with her life? What if Tony had decided to take out his fear on Hannah instead of Danny? It could still happen, she was the one to oust him in the first place if she wasn't now a target she would be surprised. She was tired of living her life within boundaries - of holding onto things which needed to be let go. She wanted to feel like she was alive instead of just living, and that had to begin today.

She stood as Roxanna rushed into the room, she took one look at Danny and then looked at Hannah and rushed forward. Hannah met her and the two women embraced, holding on tightly to one another for their own comfort as well as for the others'.

'I only heard about what happened once I finished my shift, my God Hannah I'm so sorry. I should have been there...' Roxanna said quickly as she stepped back but didn't let go of Hannah.

'Stop, it's okay!' Hannah said, surprised at her own calm. 'He's okay now and that's the main thing, he'll be alright.'

'Are you alright?' Roxanna asked and Hannah thought for a moment before nodding.

'I am, he's going to be fine I can feel it. Can I actually talk to you about something, though?' Hannah asked and Roxanna took her hands.

'Of course, anytime.' she replied and sat Hannah down, taking another chair for herself and pulling to the same side so she could sit next to Hannah.

Hannah took a deep breath and readied herself, thinking carefully about the best way to word what she wanted to say. Roxanna waited patiently, watching her face for any sign as to whether she had something good or bad to say. Eventually, Hannah decided what she wanted to say.

'When Danny wakes up he's going to need all the support he can get, all the family he can get, and the truth is I need all the family I have too. I'm tired of us being so dysfunctional as a family, that's not saying that I want you and dad to work some miracles and get together or anything I get that that's not going to happen and to be honest I'm not sure I want it to but I'm getting off track...' Hannah sighed and twisted her hands together. 'I guess what I'm trying to say is that I want you to be my mum, properly, and I want Danny to know that you're his grandma, I want you to get to know him better and spend more time with him alone even. I just want us to start working all together as a family instead of just being a group of people who just so happen to be related. Life is too short not to spend it with the people you love and I love you guys. I want to start enjoying my relationships rather than just putting up with them.'

Roxanna was speechless for a moment as she digested everything Hannah had said. Of course, she understood completely where her daughter was coming from but she wasn't quite sure she understood the full extent. She knew that she wasn't just thinking about their family, Hannah was thinking on a much larger scale, all Roxanna could do was be grateful that she had been included in that scale.

'I don't know what to say...' Roxanna answered honestly and Hannah gave her a small smile.

'You don't have to say anything for now, but there is someone else I need to make peace with and sort out my relationship with, could you stay with Danny? I don't want him to have no one if he wakes up.' she requested and Roxanna knew this was the beginning of her duties as grandmother and couldn't repress the emotion which swelled up in her chest, she had never been more grateful.

'Of course.' she whispered and Hannah gave her another smile before both women stood. Hannah thought for a moment before hugging Roxanna tightly and Roxanna held her back just as tightly.

When they released one another Hannah paused for a moment and gave her another knowing smile before hurrying towards the door, she needed to catch her next target before they left the building, for all she knew they already had. Roxanna sat back down slowly before tentatively reaching out and taking Danny's hand. He didn't stir from his sleep but Roxanna couldn't help but smile, he was her grandson and she was so proud to have him in her life.

Hannah took the lift down to the basement and hurtled out but the wet lab was empty. She didn't let herself feel any sense of disappointment but instead turned on her heel and ran back up the stairs taking them two at a time. As she hurried into the lobby she ran straight into Meena.

'Ms Hanssen!' Meena exclaimed, shocked and a little annoyed but she composed her face as she observed Hannah looking around wildly. 'How's Danny? I heard he was hurt?' Meena asked with genuine sincerity but it didn't seem like Hannah had even heard her.

'Have you seen John… Professor Gaskell?' she asked impatiently and Meena was taken aback for a moment.

'He just went out into the car park, he was waiting for the rain to let up a little but it's not stopping so he just went...' she said but Hannah didn't hear, instead she was already running toward the door. 'Bye!' Meena shouted after her before rolling her eyes and walking in a different direction.

Sure enough, as she ran out into the dark, car park, rain was hammering down in the night and Hannah's eyes had to search through the darkness to catch sight of John who was by his car. Hannah ran through the rain, ignoring how she was drenched in a few moments, in his direction.

'John!' she called and he looked up from where he had placed his bag in the passenger seat of his car. He closed the door slowly but Hannah stopped a few feet away, there was nobody else nearby but she was a little nervous.

'Hannah, what's wrong, is Danny alright?' John asked, he took a step towards her but didn't close the distance.

'He's not woken up yet, I didn't come for him though.' she said and pushed aside the feelings of foolishness, she had to let herself be brave and confront her emotions head on. 'I'm tired of this.' she said and John looked confused.

'Tired of what?' he asked even though he was sure he knew the answer.

'Us. Us pretending that we're something we're not. We both have feelings for one another and we're both trying to repress them or pretend they don't exist or something and I can't do it anymore, I don't want to. It took my son nearly dying to realise that life is too short not to feel the way I do about you and especially not to do anything about it, and I'm not going to let you push me away again because, for better or worse, I want to be with you.'

By the time she was finished she was breathing heavily and the rain had soaked her through completely but she hardly noticed it. John was also soaked without noticing and for a few moments they both looked at one another before Hannah realised she needed to put in a failsafe.

'If you've changed your mind, if you don't feel the same way then just say and I'll never mention it ever again. But if you do still feel the same way then, please, give us a chance. Just, say yes.' she added and he took another step towards her so they were closer than before. There was a tension in the air that almost made Hannah want to run away but she repressed her fear.

'Yes.' he said at last and Hannah grinned, letting out a small laugh before she stopped and shrugged.

'So, what now?' she asked quietly and he thought for a moment before smiling slightly.

'Well, can I kiss -' he began but before he could finish his question her lips were on his and her arms were around his neck. He wrapped his arms around her waist and lifted her off her feet as they kissed in the rain.


	15. Chapter 15 - Moment of Calm

**Chapter Fifteen - Moment of Calm**

From almost the very moment he woke up, Danny was ecstatic to learn that he would get to take time off from school. He struggled with the pain sometimes but remained more cheerful than anyone really expected him to be, it was impressive how strong such a small boy could be. Hannah took two weeks off to be with him all the time and by the end of September she could take him home. She managed to find a babysitter now that the summer holidays were over, but she could still only go back to work part time. At first, everything seemed to go well when she brought him home: she told him about Roxanna and how she was her mother and he seemed to take it well but Hannah doubted he really understood the situation at all. One thing he did seem to grasp was her new relationship with John, she didn't need to tell him but he could tell from the way Danny acted around John that he understood that things had shifted slightly, to his credit he never said a word to Roxanna or Henrik.

Hannah hated being alone in her house with Danny so John stayed with them most nights, if anything to keep them company. Sometimes they worked and sometimes they just enjoyed their time together, they decided not to squander a single moment since they had both waited for so long to become an official couple. Hannah didn't notice anything was wrong until one night mid-way through October.

John was staying over and Hannah had just put Danny to bed, they decided to lay aside their work for the night and Hannah opened a bottle of wine. They had a couple of glasses and it was starting to go to Hannah's head a little, even John seemed a little brighter than usual. Hannah left John for a moment to check on Danny but he was fast asleep so she returned to the living room and collapsed onto the sofa besides John, leaning her head on the palm of her hand and looking at him with inquisitive eyes.

'What?' he asked softly and she smiled.

'I dunno,' she smiled, 'I just don't want to miss a moment.' she said and then started to giggle in her own embarrassment at producing such a cheesy line. He laughed too and held up her glass of wine to her lips, tilting it to let her drink.

'I think you're a bit drunk.' he said and she giggled as she took another sip.

'Hmm, maybe a little tipsy.' she retorted and let him put the glass to her lips again but he tilted it too far and it spilled over the sides of her lips. She snorted with laughter and he laughed at her she wiped at her mouth with her hands and swallowed the wine in her mouth. When she looked back up at him she paused for a moment and their laughter ceased before she leaned forward and kissed him gently, almost like she was trying to find her footing with him again; but by now they were very familiar with one another and it didn't take long before he had placed the glass to one side and was pulling her astride him, their fingers entangling and gripping in one another's hair with urgency as they kissed one another hungrily.

Things were getting more heated and his hands were going to her hips to pull her closer to him when they were suddenly interrupted.

'Mummy?' Danny said from the doorway and Hannah jumped from John's lap quicker than she had ever moved in her life, she stumbled a little as the wine hit her head again but Danny didn't seem phased. Hannah cleared her throat and walked over to Danny, crouching down in front of him and taking his hands.

'What's wrong, baby?' she asked in a calm voice and he looked down.

'I had a bad dream.' he said quietly and she sighed, looking down and feeling more sober now. She knew that the nightmares would start soon and it looked like now was the time. 'There was a monster, a bad man.' Danny said and Hannah didn't know what to say, she knew that this was all spurred on from the stabbing but she had no idea how to comfort her son; luckily, John came to the rescue.

'Why don't we go and check your room for the monsters, and then if they're there I can get rid of them for you?' he suggested and Danny nodded, letting John take his hand and lead him back to his bedroom. Hannah followed behind and watched as the events unfolded.

First John checked the wardrobe with Danny and then behind the curtains and then under the bed and when there was nowhere left to check he tucked Danny back into bed and sat down beside him.

'So now we know there are no monsters or bad men in here, do you understand that it was just in your dream and he can't hurt you?' John asked and Danny nodded a little uncertainly.

'But how do I get him out of my dream?' he asked and John thought for a second.

'Well, as you close your eyes to fall asleep I want you to imagine all the monsters and all the bad men from your nightmares and then think of me and imagine me slaying them all and then they can't be in your dreams.' John said slowly but Danny still looked unconvinced.

'But what if you're not here to slay the monsters?' he asked and John gave him a small smile.

'I'll always be here to protect you and your mummy, I'll always be here to slay the monsters, you just have to call.' he promised and for the first time, Danny looked like he believed him. Hannah put her hand to her mouth and moved out of the doorway as she began to cry, she didn't want Danny to see. She slowly moved back to the living room and sat down on the sofa with her head in her hands as she cried. John stayed with Danny until he fell asleep and then he re-joined her in the living room.

'Hannah, what's wrong?' he asked as he sat beside her and put an arm around her waist.

'I just... I have no idea what I did to deserve you.' she told him with a watery smile. 'I couldn't do this alone, you have no idea how much you mean to me.' she told him in a whisper and he looked at her for a moment before brushing away her tears with his thumb and leaning in to kiss her again.

Danny began to go back to school part time towards the end of October and amidst it all Hannah forgot that her own birthday was just around the corner. She knew she wouldn't be able to do anything special, she would be spending it with Danny in front of the TV watching the same re-run of his favourite cartoon which she could already recite by heart. She wanted to spend it with John but she knew he would be busy, she wasn't even sure he was aware when her birthday was but on the day, they were both working anyway.

Hannah had done her best to keep a low profile, to avoid any scenes to do with the fact that it was her birthday. In fact, very few people even knew so she was mainly in the clear. Until she met Dom whilst she waited for lift.

'You have been avoiding me all day!' he exclaimed as he came around the corner and she rolled her eyes.

'That generally means I don't want to talk to you.' she grinned but he grabbed her in a hug which she returned enthusiastically.

'I've been looking for you specifically, please tell me you can come to the pub tonight and let me buy you at least one drink to celebrate your special day. It's not all the time your beautiful straight friend turns twenty-seven.' he said and she raised her eyebrows.

'You have lots of beautiful, straight friends.' she replied drily and he contemplated.

'True, true but you're certainly the blondest.' he commented, flicking her ponytail and she batted his hand away.

'Essie?' she asked and Dom rolled his eyes.

'Jesus Christ will you just let me buy you one drink to celebrate your birthday? Since when did you get so good at quips?' he asked and she smiled.

'I learned from the best. I don't know about tonight, Danny and Paw-Patrol sound like such a good way to spend my birthday.' she said as the doors to the lift opened, only John was stood inside.

'Come on, one drink to celebrate?' he pleaded as she moved into the lift, he held open the door until she replied which she only did after rolling her eyes.

'I'll think about it.' she replied, hitting his hand away.

'Maybe happy returns!' he laughed and she gave him the middle finger as the doors slid shut and she was left alone with a silent John.

'It's your birthday?' he asked and she nodded.

'The big two-seven today.' she smiled, 'I'm not doing anything for it though there's too much going on right now.'

'But I'm busy tonight... let me cancel my plans and we'll go out for dinner.' he suggested and she shook her head.

'No, no don't be silly.' she turned to him and took his hands in hers. 'We can celebrate another time if you really want but don't go cancelling stuff for me.' she ran her hands up and down his arms before resting them on his shoulders.

'But I haven't even got you anything...' he countered and she raised an eyebrow.

'I think we both know that there's only one thing I want from you Professor Gaskell.' she grinned seductively but only really intended it as a joke.

'Well,' he said slowly, snaking his arms around her waist and pulling her close. 'I have some time now.' he replied and she stopped, pulling away from him slightly.

'What, you mean right now?' she asked and he lunged to the side suddenly and hit the emergency stop button on the lift panel. The lift came to a halt and she looked at him in surprise, this wasn't the kind of thing she expected from him. He turned back to her and took her waist, pushing her back until her back collided with the wall and then his lips came crashing down onto hers. She couldn't help the way her body responded to him, the way he held her up against the side of the lift and made her feel more alive than she had ever felt before.

That time in the lift was honestly the best sex Hannah had ever had in her life and it left her a little dazed as John hit the button to get the lift moving again. He was adjusting his tie and she was wiping smudged lipstick from the corner of her mouth and still trying to catch her breath as the lift doors opened again on Henrik Hanssen.

The three of them stood for a moment, John and Hannah looking at Hanssen in shock and Henrik giving them a small smile as he wondered why they weren't leaving the lift. It took him a moment but he caught sight of Hannah's dishevelled appearance and the blush which was covering her cheeks and he grew confused.

'Dad, hi...' she said slowly, trying to mask her surprise and insane urge to laugh. John was smiling slightly and she tried to shoot him a warning glance not to give anything away.

'Is everything alright?' Hanssen asked, 'I was waiting a little while for the lift.'

'Yes, everything's fine.' Hannah blurted out quickly and there was another awkward pause before John spoke up.

'I was just helping Hannah with something and it held up the lift, we apologise.' he said smoothly and Hannah didn't dare remove her eyes from her fathers' face as she tried to read his expression.

'Helping her with...' Hanssen began but Hannah interrupted him.

'Research.' she said quickly and caught John fighting back laughter.

'Research...' he repeated slowly and Hannah's blush intensified as she saw the look of distrust in her father's eyes. To give him his credit, Hanssen shook his head and stepped into the lift between them, they stood in their awkward trio for a moment before Hanssen turned his eye to Hannah who was staring straight ahead and willing the lift to just move.

'Are you not getting out?' he asked quietly and it took her a second to realise they were on Darwin. She rushed out without another word, leaving a bewildered Hanssen and an amused John in the lift behind her.

After that incident, they were a little more careful, especially when there was the risk of Hanssen catching them. Danny kept to his silence and a couple of months passed with relative ease. Hannah had never felt the way she felt about John with anyone else before, she was aware of how deeply her feelings were developing for him, she knew it was dangerous ground should he not feel the same way but she didn't care. She decided to enjoy the time she had with him and ignore what anybody else thought. Of course, in Holby nothing stayed secret for long and soon the whole hospital knew they were sleeping together; it was only ever guesswork - hunches and Chinese whispers - but everybody knew it was the truth. In a way, even Hanssen knew but chose to ignore the possibility of it. Roxanna consistently hinted to both parties that if they ever wanted to talk about their current situation then she had open ears but neither of them ever felt the need to go to her. They were happy.

The weather turned colder and it brought Hannah's spirits back down a little with it as Danny began to go back to school more and more and she worried about him constantly. John recognised this decline in her mood and thought that helping her to throw herself back into her work with the same vigour she had once embraced it with would help her to get over her state a little. He presented her with multiple challenging scenarios under the guise of research and training her up to a consultant standard and she tried to push herself more on Darwin and gradually things did become better. It didn't stop John from presenting her with new work challenges though, and gradually he had her consulting more on real patients on Keller rather than just hypothetical case studies.

Near the end of November things were fraught with more tension than ever as the anniversary of Frederik's attack on the hospital and subsequent death loomed over them. Hannah got back in touch with Ollie but nothing came of it, they were firmly just friends now, but Hannah's anxiety was reaching peak levels in and around the hospital. John often caught her standing by the memorial, staring at it and just standing in the cold until her lips went blue. He was worried and all he could think of to help her was to reassure her with the monotony of work.

One day, Hannah was waiting in the lab for John when he decided to present her with a new case he had on Keller. Things were going smoothly between them and Hannah knew that she was falling in love with him, if she hadn't already, but she couldn't dare tell him for fear of driving him away. He walked into the lab as she flipped shut a file pertaining to the trial and pushed it to the side, he could see she was stressed but she smiled when she saw him.

'Hey, you,' she greeted him and he leaned down to kiss her, throwing his own file down onto the desk.

'I have a patient.' he said and Hannah turned to the file.

'Go ahead.' she said as she flipped open the newer file and began to assess the situation. He explained the patient's history and the challenges presented with the surgery he needed to perform and Hannah narrowed her eyes.

'I don't get the challenge for me here, you know what you're doing you have a diagnosis and everything. What do you need from me?' she asked and he smiled.

'Your hand and heart in theatre.' he replied and she laughed and shook her head, shutting the file and standing up.

'No.' she said as she made to walk away but he grabbed her arm and pulled her back to him so she was pinned between him and the desk.

'Please... A CT surgeon would do me the world of good in there.' he justified and she raised an eyebrow.

'Then go and ask a CT consultant.' she replied, winding her arms around his neck despite herself.

'But I want you... and I _want_ you.' he murmured as he leaned down to kiss her neck and she giggled.

'Well maybe one of those wants can be satisfied.' she replied as he moved up to kiss her mouth. Their kiss deepened quickly as they were both painfully aware of the lack of time they had. She pulled him to her and he pressed her hard against the desk, they both knew the direction this was taking.

'What on Earth is going on here?' an angry voice said from the doorway and John and Hannah sprung away from one another quickly as they turned to face their uninvited guest, Hannah's father. There was a painful moment as the three of them regarded one another, there was no hiding it now, there was no pretending it wasn't happening, Hanssen had caught them red-handed.

'Dad...' Hannah said breathlessly but her voice only seemed to break Hanssen's stunned anger.

'How dare you, sneaking about...' he couldn't get the words out to express his anger. 'What is this?' he asked angrily, gesturing between them and Hannah took a deep, shaky breath but John reached out and took her hand before she could say anything; the action only seemed to intensify Hanssen's anger.

'Hannah and I have been seeing one another.' John explained smoothly and Hanssen went so white that Hannah was worried he might faint. He slowly came into the room and around the desk, closer to them. Hannah wanted to say something but she had no idea where to even begin.

'Seeing one another? You've been _seeing_ my daughter?' Hanssen demanded of John and Hannah was shocked, she had never seen her father this angry before, it hadn't even occurred to her that he would be so angry about this.

'Dad please...' she muttered but John gave her hand a squeeze to indicate she shouldn't speak; he was right, Hanssen's rage turned on her.

'And you!' he spluttered, 'what do you think you're doing? He's twice your age!' he exclaimed and Hannah sighed.

'Alright that's enough, we can talk about this but you need to calm down.' she said, trying to keep the tremor from her voice.

'Come here.' Hanssen said, speaking to her like she was a child.

'Dad, enough.' she said and his anger grew.

'Come away from that man, this instant.' he said and Hannah planted her feet firmly, determined not to give in.

'She's an adult Henrik, she's old enough to make her own decisions.' John said and Hannah turned to him, willing him to shut up. 'Everything was completely consensual.' he continued and Hannah immediately noted that he had made a mistake. Hanssen went so pale Hannah was ready to jump forward and catch him again and dropped John's hand in preparation. Instead of fainting, however, Hanssen suddenly raised his fist and punched John squarely in the nose.

John staggered back, clutching his nose and exclaiming in pain whilst Hanssen made to strike him again but Hannah jumped in front of him. She summoned her most commanding mother-voice and held up a hand.

'Stop it! That is enough.' she commanded him, her face like steel and her voice like ice. Hanssen looked at her for a moment with bitter disappointment in his eyes before turning quickly and storming from the room. Hannah slowly turned back to John who was nursing his bloody nose and they looked at one another for a moment before Hannah couldn't contain it any longer. She spluttered with laughter and John glared at her as she tried to contain her giggles.

'I'm sorry, I'm sorry...' she said and tried to hold in her giggles with her fingers over her mouth.

'It's not funny.' John grumbled and Hannah nodded as she regained her composure and took his face in her hands to survey the damage.

'I think you'll live.' she said softly and he mustered a smile.

'To be honest, that could have gone worse.' he conjectured and she smiled back at him before planting a kiss on his nose which made him wince.

'I'll talk to him.' she said quietly and he looked down.

'I don't want you to have to choose between your father and me.' he said and she raised an eyebrow.

'I won't have to, dad might be a bit shocked but he'll come around. He's not a completely heartless walnut, you know.' she said and John's smile grew.

'A heartless walnut?' he asked and she shrugged.

'I don't know where that came from.' she replied. They paused for a moment before Hannah resumed helping John clean and secure his wound but she determined that there was no way she could fulfil either of his requests that day, in any capacity, he seemed to understand.

Whilst Hannah looked after John, Hanssen worked off most of his rage as he climbed the stairs back up to Keller. He was unsure how he was going to continue his duties throughout the day, especially if he had to work on the same ward as John; he didn't know if he could bear to see that man again without repeating his actions from the wet lab.

By the time he was striding onto the ward he felt a little calmer but his face was still pale and his hand shook with anger as the image of John and Hannah played over and over in his mind. He knew that Hannah was old enough to make her own decisions and he knew that John would never do anything to hurt either Hannah or himself, it was just hard to think that this had been going on under his nose without him being aware.

The second he stepped onto the ward Roxanna met him with the intention of asking his advice with a patient but when she saw his face she wordlessly guided him into the office where they could talk in private.

'Tell me.' she said bluntly after she closed the door and Hanssen took a deep breath as he steeled himself against the truth he was about to speak.

'Hannah and John have been sleeping together. Well, seeing one another as they put it.' he said with venom in his voice and Roxanna seemed to relax a little which only increased his anger.

'I thought it was something worse than that.' she admitted and Hanssen raised an eyebrow at her.

'You knew?' he asked, his voice tinged with a dangerous tone.

'I mean, no, not for sure.' she confirmed and he relaxed a little, 'I had a hunch, everyone has been guessing it, but nobody knew for sure until now. Come on, Henrik, they've not exactly been discreet about it.' she said and he sighed and sat down heavily.

'I don't like it.' he said bluntly and she smiled as she sat beside him.

'Of course you don't, it's your daughter and your best friend.' she told him and he winced before looking at her with an inquisitive expression.

'You are in the same situation, what are your feelings towards this?' he asked and she took a deep breath, exhaling as she thought for a moment, Hanssen patiently awaited her verdict.

'I think that John wouldn't ever hurt her, and I think that she's a smart young woman who has been through so much so if he brings her some kind of solace, some kind of happiness, I think she deserves it.' Roxanna justified but Hanssen wasn't convinced.

'She does, but what about when this all falls apart, what happens then?' he asked and Roxanna smiled at him again.

'Then we pick up the pieces and try to tie them all together again. Look, Henrik, take some time to cool down and then collect your thoughts but don't take it out on Hannah and John. They are both adults, and they are both smart enough to know whether what they're doing is the right thing or not. It might not even be anything serious, they've both been so stressed the past few months it might just be a fling, a way for them both to work off stress or relax. You know how they both work, they throw themselves into their careers so hard they forget how to take a step back. That might be all this is, but if it is something more serious then I think we just need to try and be happy for them, let it run its course however long that course may be.'

Hanssen thought for another few moments before another emotion began to tinge his features, concern, or even, if Roxanna was being honest, fear.

'I can't see her get hurt again. Not after everything she's been through.' he said softly and Roxanna took his hand in her own, squeezing it gently as she comforted him.

'I think you're not giving Hannah or John enough credit, and besides you don't have to do this alone anymore. You've got me now.'

There was a moment of calm and quiet between them as they looked at one another and smiled gently.

...

Hannah waited for a while before venturing up to Keller in search of her father. She didn't want to go too soon and risk aggravating the situation but she wanted to talk this through and sort it out sooner rather than later. She knew him, she knew that he would let his feelings fester and get worse inside of him and if he needed to vent or shout or hurl abuse at her, she wanted to get it over and done with. She didn't want anyone else to get caught in the crossfire either, she didn't want him to take out his anger and frustration on others' working on the ward, or worse, patients. She knew that he would try and bottle up his feelings but if they happened to burst then they would be taken out on whoever was closest, she couldn't let herself be responsible for that.

She didn't find her father on the ward but did find Dom sitting in the break room with new sunglasses on which he was "breaking in", his feet were on the table and he was nibbling at a sandwich and scrolling through Twitter on his phone.

'Hey,' she greeted him and fell into the chair next to him, he didn't move his eyes from his phone as he returned her greeting and she leaned her head against his shoulder.

'Talk to me.' he instructed and she smiled a little at his bluntness.

'So, you know how Professor Gaskell and I have kind of been...' she began, unsure of how to continue.

'Sleeping together.' Dom confirmed and she winced. She hadn't told Dom but she knew she hadn't needed to, she was surprised her father hadn't found out about this months ago since everyone seemed to have worked it out.

'Well, my dad found out. He caught us making out in the wet lab.' she explained and Dom's thumb stopped scrolling. He put his phone down on the table and swung his legs down as he turned to face her, forcing her head from his shoulder. He lowered his sunglasses and looked her dead in the eye.

'Mr Hanssen, your father, the Almighty King and stickler for rules, caught you and Professor Gaskell getting hot and steamy on the premises where you both work?' he confirmed and she nodded, 'how did he react?'

'He punched John in the nose.' she replied, not missing a beat and it took Dom a second to process what she had said but once he did he couldn't stop the giggles the way Hannah had been unable to. As he began to laugh Hannah was reminded of the ridiculousness of the situation and joined in his laughter. They were laughing for a couple of minutes as the moment either of them looked at the other and were reminded of their reason for laughing in the first place they burst into a fresh fit of giggles.

'Okay, okay it's not funny.' Hannah managed to gasp between her giggles and they gradually died down.

'So, then what happened?' Dom finally asked and Hannah shrugged.

'He stormed out and I helped John mop up his face, then I came here.' she said and Dom nodded, taking off his sunglasses.

'So, you haven't talked to him about what happened?' he asked and she shook her head.

'Well you need to.' he said and she raised an eyebrow.

'Why do you think I've deigned to descend to Keller?' she asked and they laughed again as the shadow of Henrik Hanssen loomed in the doorway. Dom saw him first and his laughter died so Hannah followed his gaze and her own died down too. There was an awkward pause before Hanssen cleared his throat.

'I think we might need to talk.' he said to Hannah, his voice almost sounded like he was in pain and Hannah sympathised.

'I think you're right.' she replied and there was another few, long seconds, before she looked at Dom and he got the hint. He snatched up his belongings, mumbling some apologies and clearing out of the break room as quickly as he could.

Hanssen slowly walked over to the table and sat down opposite Hannah who watched his slow movements and clenched her hands together nervously under the table. When he sat down, another few seconds passed before Hannah sighed and spoke.

'I understand that this might be a little weird for you...' she said and he nodded like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

'Yes, I think that is probably correct.' he admitted and she smiled slightly at him.

'I don't think you understand why this is such a terrible idea.' he said bluntly and she rolled her eyes which earned her a warning glare. 'How long has this been going on?' he asked and she rubbed the back of her neck.

'A few months officially I guess, but a bit longer on and off. It all sort of kicked off when Jac... after that day; but things had been building up since before then. We decided to try and make it work after what happened with Danny, we just didn't want to watch one another slip by without at least making an effort with one another.' Hannah said slowly and Hanssen winced with each new piece of information.

'Why didn't you tell me about it?' he demanded and she raised an eyebrow.

'Maybe because I expected you to act just like this?' she suggested and he sighed, she leaned forward and reached out to take his hand gently in hers. 'Listen, dad, I know this is weird and I'm sorry that you had to find out in the way you did but you have to try and look at this from my point of view.'

'What I'm seeing, from any point of view, is two people I trusted betraying my trust.' he retorted, snatching his hand away. Hannah paused for a moment as her own confused emotions brewed inside of her and threatened to burst.

'I don't get you, and I think you're behaving really unfairly.' she replied, her voice thick with tears in response to his rejection of her, the tears came to her eyes and she struggled to contain them as she continued; she wasn't completely successful and a few tears slid down her cheeks as she spoke in earnest to her father.

'I'm finally finding something in my life which makes me happy and you're ruining it for me. You know I can never be happy knowing I'm causing you pain, knowing that you're unhappy and all I'm asking is for you to try and wrap your head around it. All I'm asking is for you to at least try and be happy for me and the man that I love.' she stopped short as she realised what she'd said and Hanssen's eyes widened in response to her slip of the tongue. A small smile played on her lips as she processed her own words and she nodded.

'I do love him, dad, and I don't want to have to choose between him and you, please don't make me, please don't be that guy. I'm not asking for your blessing in marriage or anything like that I just want you to try and be there for me; I don't want us to go back to square one all over again and have to build our relationship back up.' she said and knew that this was the time to be one hundred percent honest with him, they needed to have the conversations they had never had, she had to let him know how much she needed him.

'My whole life I've lived in your shadow but it wasn't until I came to work here in Holby that I realised how much I admired you, respected you. Dad you're my hero, you're the most amazing man in the world and I would drop everything for you, you must know that. Knowing that I'm causing you this negativity is killing me because I need you, you and Danny are my whole world but that's expanding now and John's a part of it too. I know it's hard to accept but please, you must try. We have to try and make this work, at least just for now.' she concluded a little breathlessly, her cheeks wet with her tears.

Hanssen didn't say anything but the way he was looking at her was softened, she could tell that her words had affected him in some way. He took a deep breath and she sniffed, wiping at her cheeks with her palms and looking down in embarrassment as she realised how much of a mess she must have looked. Finally, Hanssen spoke.

'I'm sorry about my behaviour today.' he said softly and Hannah sniffed, looking up at him. His eyes were sad as he watched his daughter cry and he knew he needed to try harder. 'I don't want to be the cause of any pain for you, I apologise for the way I have acted. Of course, if it means so much to you I will try and accept the situation and be, as you say, happy for you; just please, I hate to see you cry.'

Hannah smiled and stood up suddenly coming around the table to meet him as he stood himself and she rushed into his arms. He held her tightly and knew then that his real fear had been that he would lose her to John, that their newly renewed bond would be disintegrated with the arrival of a new man into Hannah's life. Now he knew that this fear was void, that he was not going to lose his daughter to John and that she would always put him first, would always be fiercely loyal to him no matter who else was in her life. He held her tightly and she held him back whilst Dom peered through the windowed door, smiling at the reconciliation, but wishing he could have seen the confrontation.

…

Whilst Hannah and Henrik reconciled themselves to the new situation, Roxanna sought out John to take up her own role in the family drama. She knew that as Hannah's mother she had new responsibilities but she didn't want to overstep any boundaries, she just wanted to make John aware of her new place.

She found John reading through a file and occasionally grimacing as he touched his bruised nose to check that it was alright.

'What war did you get into?' she asked from the doorway and he looked up, sighing and flipping the file shut as he saw her.

'A battle I lost.' he replied and Roxanna smiled.

'Henrik told me he found out about you and Hannah, he didn't tell me that blows were struck.' she said and John smiled faintly.

'Just one blow, there was no opportunity for retaliation.' he replied and Roxanna moved into the room.

'I think if you had retaliated Hannah wouldn't have forgiven you, ever. She's very protective of her father, you know?' she said and John nodded, grimacing as he touched his fingers to his nose again.

'Yes, I couldn't have retaliated anyway, I was the one in the wrong already.' he said and Roxanna tilted her head.

'Yes, about you and Hannah...' she began but trailed off, John didn't say anything but waited for her to make her point. 'I have to be here, as her mother I have to ask these questions of you.' she said and John nodded again.

'You want to know about my intentions with your daughter.' he confirmed and she smiled, slightly embarrassed.

'I might not have had much of an opportunity to act as her mother, but I do need you to know that Henrik isn't the only one who can land a good right hook to the nose and he probably takes more prisoners than me as well.' she said and John smiled.

'I don't doubt it. I hope it won't come to any more blows though, I hope that we can all come to an understanding.'

'And what is that understanding?' Roxanna asked, John thought for a moment before deciding it was best to just be completely honest with his friend.

'She makes me happy, and I believe I make her happy too. I don't intend for this to be a brief fling, I don't intend for it to be the same as meaningless sex, I intend to make something of our relationship. Throughout my life, I haven't had much of a chance to care for anything more than my work and now I have a chance to change that, I have a chance at some kind of a family with her and Danny and I want to treat it carefully, I don't want to screw it up. I know the situation is strange, our relationship is strange, but every time I see her my whole world brightens; I can't even begin to explain it, to put words to how she makes me feel. I just know I don't want to live without her anymore.' he spoke softly and less trained ears would have struggled to hear the emotion in his voice but Roxanna knew him better than that.

'I believe you.' she told him softly, 'and what's more, I trust you.'

John looked at her for a moment and the two of them shared a small smile before John took another deep breath to release as a sigh. The tension between them had released now that everything was out in the open but there was one more subject that needed to be broached.

'How are you feeling about Hannah? I mean, I know the truth came out a few months ago now but we never really talked all that much about it, did we?' John asked and Roxanna smiled down at her hands which rested on the desk.

'You mean how am I feeling now I'm officially a mother?'

'You were always her mother, the only thing that's changed is that now she and Danny know about it.' John replied and Roxanna paused for a moment in thought.

'I never thought she would ever know, I never thought I would get the chance to be her mother, not really. Going twenty-seven years without her knowing, without being able to ever let her know, was horrible. Every time I visited her and Henrik, every time I saw her, I wanted to tell her the truth. I almost had this fantasy that she would welcome me with open arms and everything would just work out somehow and I'd get to have her after all, but it was never going to be, not really. So now, knowing that she wants me to be a part of her and Danny's lives, it's amazing; it doesn't erase the pain of being separated from her for so long but it almost makes it a little easier to bear.' she hadn't expected herself to relay so much information, to tell John so much of her raw emotions, but somehow it felt right.

'And you're a grandmother.' John added and Roxanna laughed.

'Yes, don't remind me. God, I feel old, do you feel old?' she asked and he smiled.

'Yes, honestly, sometimes I do feel old... but I think we still have some life left in us yet!' he added quickly and the pair of them smiled at one another, sharing a look that they both understood completely.

'If it makes you feel any better, she talks about you a lot.' John said slowly, unsure whether he should be sharing this information which had been given him in confidence but he didn't see the harm in it. 'She really is glad to know you now, she's glad not to have the uncertainty anymore. She loves you, Rox, even if she's scared to show it.'

Roxanna gave him a grateful smile and opened her mouth to reply but John's eyes had wandered to the door behind her where Hannah was stood, winding her hands together uncertainly, it was clear from her face that she had been crying. Roxanna wanted to comfort her but she knew that this was between her and John and she needed to give them some space. She left the room, placing her hand on Hannah's shoulder and giving it a squeeze as she passed her.

Hannah crossed to John immediately and threw her arms around his neck, burying her face in his shoulder and doing her best to hold back her tears. He held her close and stroked her hair back, he wasn't sure what to make of this, he wasn't sure if this was a goodbye but he wanted to cherish it, he didn't want to let her go.

Eventually she pulled back but kept her arms around his neck, he didn't want to say anything, just in case this was her saying goodbye, but he needed to know what was going on, he needed to know where both she and her father stood. Once she had got a better grip on her emotions she gave him a small smile and it reassured him.

'He's not happy, he's really not happy with the whole situation, you and me.' she said and John's heart began to beat a little faster and he tightened his grip on her slightly.

'Please tell me there's a "but" here.' he said, his voice shaking slightly with his fear of losing her.

'But,' she smiled and he released a breath he didn't realise he had been holding. 'he agreed to try and accept us.' John let out a small laugh before leaning forward to kiss her and then wincing and pulling back as his nose brushed against hers. She moved her hands to his face and tilted it so that she could better observe his nose. After a moment, he spoke again.

'What did you tell him, to convince him?' he asked, now he knew they were safe he wanted to know the details.

'I told him the truth,' she said slowly, looking down slightly as her cheeks turned slightly pink, she stroked her thumbs along his jaw to keep her hands busy.

'The truth?'

'I… love you.' she said slowly and there was a pause between them, Hannah was suddenly afraid she had said the wrong thing, that it was all too soon but she couldn't deny the feelings she had and she had to be honest with him. He didn't move his grip from her, he was a little shocked to hear her say it and a little surprised to see her so embarrassed about it but after a moment he smiled back at her and kissed her again, dispelling the pink from her cheeks.

'I love you.' he replied with a smile and her eyes brightened in a way he had never seen them sparkle before.


	16. Chapter 16 - Confrontation

**A/N: I just want to clarify something, when something dramatic is happening every chapter it's because I'm only charting specific story-lines like they would happen in the series if it was really airing like this. So, in between these individual stories other stories would take place featuring other characters, I'm just not telling those stories; the same would be happening during these stories, other stories would be taking place at the same time but this would be Hannah's story. So, yes it might be a bit dramatic and a bit full on but it's just my style of doing it - I like to chart each chapter like a compilation, I actually use compilation videos on Youtube for inspiration such as "Every scene from series X episode XI featuring [insert character]" so I just write that video essentially featuring Hannah's scenes or scenes pertaining to Hannah's story. I apologise if it's felt a bit unrealistic and full on, I've tried to chart the passage of time throughout the story and have it a bit broken up but I'll try and make it more clear that a lot of time is passing between each of these parts in Hannah's story.**

 **Chapter 16 - Confrontation**

Christmas was a particularly difficult time for everyone in the hospital with the reminder of Fredrik's actions the year before looming over them all. Henrik and his daughter were both on edge and her newly disclosed relationship only heightened the tensions between them. Hannah let herself believe that things were alright between all of them but she knew that Henrik was still uncomfortable knowing about her new relationship with his old school friend.

Hannah tried her hardest to remain positive over the Christmas period, to make it special for Danny, but things were strange and Danny could sense the tension in the air despite her best efforts. John began to travel again for the trial to find potential candidates now that things were beginning to move forward again and wanted Hannah to accompany him but she was unable to leave Danny or her father behind at that time of year. Whenever he was in the country John stayed with Hannah or she stayed with him and they didn't squander their time together, they gradually knitted together as a family and Hannah let herself be happy in the rare moments when she felt that bliss she knew was special to her relationship with John.

Shortly after the new year Hannah began to get a strange sense like something was wrong, like there was someone watching her from the shadows in the early nights or lurking around the corner in the hospital. She felt uncomfortable being alone but she didn't dare allay any of her fears to John, she didn't want to worry him when the kinks in the trial were just beginning to be ironed out and he was so close to having everything in a good position again. She couldn't let herself ruin this time for him but she didn't feel entirely safe at home by herself and she definitely didn't feel like Danny was safe. She managed her nights so that Danny stayed with her father more and she was alone in the house, that way he would be safer and she didn't raise any suspicions for John or her father who just suspected that she was stressed from work and needed some more time to herself.

It was during one of these nights that Hannah was feeling a little insecure about being alone and was considering joining Danny at her father's but couldn't make up her mind. It was snowing outside and the wind was howling through the streets making the lights flicker occasionally. She wandered from room to room, checking that all the windows and doors were properly locked against the horrendous weather. She pulled her hoodie tightly around herself and poured herself her usual glass of wine with a shaking hand, but nothing could steady her nerves.

John was in France and she knew that calling him would incur terrible phone bills as well as an admission of defeat, but she needed to hear his voice. She unlocked her phone and found his name, looking at it for a moment for comfort before calling him. He answered on the second ring.

'Hello?' he sounded tired and she realised it was a little later there.

'Sorry, did I wake you up?' she asked, unsure whether she should make her excuses and leave him to his night, he must have been tired from working too, but his answer was quick.

'No, no, I was going to go to bed but to be honest I'm glad to hear your voice.' he said and she smiled, settling down into the sofa.

'I just wanted to hear your voice too, how's everything going in France?' she asked and she heard him sigh.

'Everything's going well, it just feels strange not having you here, you'd be better at dealing with the people.'

'I don't speak a word of French...'

'I don't mean the language, I just mean the people. I can deal with people on occasion but it's tiring having to adhere to the necessary skills of social interaction all day every day.' he complained and Hannah smiled, comforted by his complaints.

'Didn't you have to teach once upon a time, _professor_?' she asked and he laughed.

'Yes, and I got out of that field as quickly as I possibly could.' he replied, Hannah opened her mouth to reply with a smile but she was stopped short when there was a sudden bang from the direction of the front door.

Her smile fell in a second and was replaced with a look of fear.

'Hang on a second...' she muttered and could immediately sense the concern from the other end of the phone.

'Is everything alright? Hannah?' John asked as Hannah stood up and went to the front door. She kept the phone pressed to her ear, using his worried words as a crutch and a source for her bravery. She unlocked the door and looked out into the pitch-black night; the council had a new energy saving initiative which meant they turned out street lights after a certain time. That, combined with the heavy snow, meant that Hannah couldn't see anything whether something or someone had been there or not. She stuck her head out a little and looked around but convinced herself she was making it up and sighed as she closed the door again and walked back through to the living room.

'Everything's fine, I just thought I heard something. No, Danny's at my dad's. It was probably a cat or something, poor thing, the weather's terrible.' she relayed to John, a little calmer, she had forgotten to lock the front door again and as she re-entered the living room there was a louder crash from the hallway and her head snapped around as her feet froze to the spot.

'Hannah?' John called down the phone, all sleepiness had gone from his voice, he was alert and worried now. She ran back out into the hallway and the door was wide open, swinging slightly on its hinges, it clearly had been thrown open in haste.

'Hannah what's going on?' John was asking but Hannah was frozen to the spot in fear.

'I think there's someone in my house.' she whispered as her heartbeat began to pick up and her breathing quickened.

'Get out of the house, just get out right now.' John was saying, his voice calm, masking the panic he felt on her behalf and the frustration he felt at being completely unable to help. Instead of heeding his advice Hannah rushed forward and slammed the door shut before pressing her back to it. John could hear all the sounds she made but had no assurance that she was following his advice, he needed confirmation of what was happening.

'Hannah, are you out? Talk to me!' John was close to shouting down the phone but Hannah couldn't bring herself to reply as her eyes roamed over the possible routes the intruder could have taken.

'Who's there?' she called into the house but nobody replied. 'Hello?' she then called and immediately felt foolish as she realised that nobody who had broken into her house would reply when she called out.

'For God's sake as well as mine, Hannah get out of there. I'm booking my flights now I'm coming back.' John said down the phone and she could hear him typing furiously at his keyboard. 'There's a flight in an hour, get out, get to your dad's.' he instructed and she ignored him, focusing entirely on the seemingly empty house.

She heard a creak from upstairs and footsteps and her feet acted before her head could. She hurtled towards the stairs and began racing up them. John could hear the unmistakable sound of her running and began to talk to her again, urging her to escape, but she could hardly hear him.

She had to know who had been terrorising her for so long and why. When she reached the top of the stairs all the lights were turned out, something she never did, she always kept the landing light on, a force of habit for Danny.

'Who's there? What do you want?' she called but her voice trembled this time as the fear began to leak into her bravery. Nobody responded and even John was silent now, she kept the phone clutched in her hand but drew it down away from her face as she switched on the flashlight feature.

She wanted to switch on an overhead light but the closest switch was further into the darkness. She took a couple of shaky steps forward, her eyes straining to see through the dark and heard a smash of something breaking.

'Hannah, please...' she could hear John's emotional voice from the phone as he evidently heard the smash too, but she couldn't turn back now. Her fingers found the light switch and she took a deep breath before flicking the switch.

A tall figure was stood a couple of metres away from her, in the doorway to her bedroom, holding a photo which had been enclosed in a frame but was now crumpled in his fist. The figure wore a black hoodie and a bandanna around his face, it was unmistakably a man. Hannah didn't need to see his face to know who it was, Tony Langdon, the man who had stabbed Danny.

They stared at one another for a moment before he lunged at her suddenly. She screamed and dropped the phone as he grabbed her, he didn't do anything more than throw her hard against the wall to disorient her and then hurry off down the stairs. She heard the sound of the door being thrown open and slammed again from downstairs and she knew he had fulfilled his mission, he was gone but she didn't know if he would return.

She sat on the floor with her back pressed against the wall, hugging her knees to her chest and hyperventilating as tears she had no control over poured down her cheeks. Why hadn't he done anything worse? What did he want with a picture?

Slowly, the world around her came back into focus and she became aware of John's voice from the phone, it sounded like he was crying.

'Hannah? Hannah please talk to me, tell me something, anything...' he pleaded and she managed to reach forward with trembling hands and pick her phone back up, the screen had cracked.

'I'm here, I'm okay.' she said in a small voice and heard him breaking down on the other end of the phone. 'He's gone, but I know who it was and I think he might come back.' she admitted and she heard him taking deep breaths to calm himself down.

'Go to your father's.' He ordered her and she didn't disobey this time. She couldn't drive in this weather and she couldn't bear to waste any time in that house where she was a sitting duck so she simply pulled on her shoes and a coat and set out into the snow.

It took her an hour to reach her father's house and when she did she had to bang on the door for a while before a light finally switched on to reveal her father in his night clothes.

He opened the door with a look of irritation which melted into concern as soon as he saw his daughter's pale face and blue lips.

She recounted her story to him over a cup of tea and didn't hold back the details that she'd felt threatened for over two months. She didn't realise that she had been sat there so long when her phone chimed again and John had texted her to say he had landed despite the bad weather and that he would be at her father's within the hour. She entreated her father to go back to bed but instead he insisted on calling the police and Hannah knew that this wasn't going to go away any time soon.

The adrenaline began to wear off and Hannah grew tired which quickly turned into exhaustion but her father refused to let her rest until the police had been called and were on their way. She began to doze in the chair she curled up in and Hanssen watched her face as her eyes began to droop and a slight bruise began to form on her forehead. He didn't understand why she was being targeted, and he didn't understand why the man who was targeting her had done nothing worse than steal a picture, if he wanted her dead surely, she would be dead by then? None of it made any sense but Hanssen was grateful that his daughter was alright for now.

When John arrived he barely knocked at the door, he rushed in and Hannah's eyes snapped open as the commotion of his entrance awoke her. He appeared in the doorway disheveled and covered with a light dusting of snow, Hanssen beginning to protest behind him. The police still hadn't arrived so Hannah was as yet not allowed to go to bed but the moment she saw John her tiredness dissipated and she jumped to her feet, crossing the room and hurrying into his arms before he could say a word.

He held her tightly and she ignored the icy cold stabs of the snow as she breathed in his natural scent, glad to have him back in her arms again even if the circumstances were dangerous. Hanssen watched in stony silence with a steeled expression, he still didn't entirely approve of his daughter's new relationship and this late night intrusion didn't add much in John's favour. His own relationship with John had deteriorated since he found out that his friend was dating his daughter, it made work like difficult and his personal life painful but he tried to keep a calm face most of the time for Hannah's sake.

Once Hannah pulled away slightly John turned his attention to her face, he took her cheeks in his hands to hold her head still and observed the bruise on her forehead.

'Do you feel any signs of concussion? Fatigue or grogginess? Do you feel nauseous or unwell at all?' he asked rapidly and she smiled a little as the doctor in him came out.

'It's three in the morning, John, of course I'm bloody exhausted.' she countered and then poked at his chest playfully, 'and hello it's nice to see you too.' she tried to joke but her voice was small. John humoured her with a smile before pulling her back to his chest.

'I was so worried about you, I had no idea what had happened, I had no idea how you were. You have no idea how it felt to be on the other end of the phone, knowing you were in trouble but not being able to do a thing. I've never been more scared in my life.' he muttered into her hair as he closed his eyes and rocked her gently back and forth. There was a knock at the door and Hannah gently disengaged herself from John and led him over to the sofa, sitting herself beside him whilst her father showed in the police.

The initial formalities didn't take long and soon the policeman was asking Hannah to recount what happened to her, she took John's hand for support and Hanssen stood in the doorway, feeling excluded.

'I've felt for the past couple of months that someone's been watching me, following me, but I wasn't sure if it was just me being paranoid so I just brushed it off. I had a suspicion after my son, Danny, was attacked that the man who attacked him might be following me; he got away but I was responsible for identifying him as the man the police were looking for connected to all the stabbings going on in Holby. I wasn't sure until tonight but I know it was him, I don't know why he didn't try and hurt me, he just wanted me out of the way but he didn't try and kill me like he did my son. I don't understand, but I'm not sure I want to.' she explained slowly and John gave her an encouraging smile but he was secretly unsure why she never told him any of this and it hurt him a little to know she had been keeping this from him. 'What happened tonight?' the policeman asked and Hannah took a deep breath.

'I heard a noise, I went to check it out but there was no-one there. I forgot to re-lock the door and someone, Tony Langdon, came into my house. He went into my bedroom and took a photograph out of the frame, he took the photo with him. I don't even know what photograph it was or why he took it. I met him on the landing and he grabbed me and threw me out of the way before leaving again, then I came here.' she explained, much faster than she had begun.

'You say you believe you and your son are targets because you found out he was affiliated with the stabbing cases? Do you believe you might need police protection?' he asked and John's anger flared up at the same time as Hanssen's did, but Hanssen was faster at speaking.

'Her house was broken into and you don't think she needs protection?' he asked angrily and Hannah gave him a warning look.

'Of course, we just want to ensure that we can do our best to protect Hannah, but we have limited resources so we need to see if we can work something out which gives you all some better protection.' the policeman explained calmly and Hanssen opened his mouth to reply but this time John was faster.

'She'll move in with me.' he determined and she raised an eyebrow at him.

'Will she?' she asked in an amused tone and he looked at her like it was the most obvious solution, Hanssen had been moments away from suggesting that she move back in with him and still believed that it was the most logical option.

'Both you and Danny can move in with me, I have loads of room.' he said and Hannah still looked unsure, 'It's a logical step and we're practically in that situation already. It seems silly that we haven't taken this step already.'

'And what about when you're out of town or the country, like you were tonight?' Hanssen asked curtly and Hannah bowed her head, she had expected this confrontation. 'The most logical solution is that Hannah moves back in here.' he added and Hannah sighed as she looked at the policemen.

'Either way it looks like "she's" moving.' she said with a slight smile and the policeman gave her a tight smile in return.

'We'd like to go and check out your house if that's alright?' he asked and she nodded, getting up to retrieve her keys from her coat pocket.

'Are you alright if I don't go?' she asked, there was a look of fear in her eyes and the policeman nodded with an understanding smile, he doubted she would ever go back to that house by herself. The police left and Hannah was caught in the middle of her father and John.

'Listen, you both promised me I would never have to choose between you but I have to do what's best for both me and Danny right now.' she said after they had sat in silence for a few minutes. 'I'm sorry, dad, but it is logical for me to move in with John given our relationship. That being said, when he's not going to be there, we'll come here. Don't worry, I won't be alone ever again, I promise.' she told him firmly and he was disappointed but did his best to hide it. Secretly, he had been looking forward to an excuse to have his daughter back in his home and these results were hard for him to bear, he didn't want to feel like she was drifting even further away.

Hannah moved in with John a mere few days later, explaining to Danny how it wasn't safe for them to be alone anymore and they needed John's help to protect them. She didn't want to excite Danny or frighten him but she thought that it was best to be honest with him in this instance rather than lie to him and have it all come out later anyway. She wanted to make sure Danny understood the situation but also that he trusted her. Hanssen sought solace at his rejection in Roxanna who assured him that Hannah was growing into a mature adult and needed to be allowed to take steps in her relationship even if her father disagreed with it; she had to be allowed to grow up or else things would end badly with someone saying something they regretted. After his comforting talk with Roxanna, Hanssen saw the importance of letting Hannah grow and did his best to hide his discomfort at the thought of John and Hannah living together.

This living arrangement only served to bring Hannah and John closer together than ever as they found that they worked together perfectly and didn't run into any snags in living together. Sometimes, admittedly, John struggled a little in getting used to having a small child around the house, especially when he was trying to work, but he was so enamoured with Danny that he did his best to make the best of some bad situations. Hannah did her best to keep Danny out of John's way and stop him from interrupting him but he was a seven year old boy who needed entertainment and he constantly sought the attention of his new father-figure whom he admired so fondly.

John took on this role with relish, he tried to act cool like he did about everything but Hannah could see past it all and saw how he reacted towards playing the father with Danny. She knew that he had never had the chance to do this before and this was his last chance at a family and it warmed her heart that he attached himself so strongly to her and Danny, she was only excited to see where it would all lead to. John tried to put off the trips as much as possible, but as the trial began to regain some of its initial momentum there was no denying that he needed to spend time away from home. When he was abroad or even just away for the night, Hannah and Danny stayed with her father as she had promised and the truth was that Hannah didn't feel safe in her own home. She hated the feeling and wished it could be any other way but it was the way it was and there was nothing she could do about it. She felt safe in her father's house, her childhood home, the place that she and Danny had known to be their's for the longest time.

A month passed and life began to sink back into its regular monotony, Hannah and John were growing comfortable and accustomed to one another, Hanssen was slowly accepting their relationship better and Roxanna was genuinely happy for them. Their next landmark was Valentine's day.

It was a big day and both Hannah and John were scheduled to work, Hannah didn't think that it merited anything more than a dinner together but eventually even forgot about that in the hectic nature of everyday life, but John wanted to make it special. He was fully aware that he wasn't getting any younger and he knew that he wanted to spend the rest of his life as part of Hannah and Danny's family. Hannah might have still been young but John was mature and he wanted to take the next step in their relationship before things got too late; he knew how he felt and what he wanted and he didn't want to keep putting off the inevitable when he knew it would bring them both nothing but happiness.

So, he made a Valentine's day plan, something which could be implemented on the hospital premises without requiring too much flair. He wanted to keep it simple and just between the two of them: for it to be romantic but not extravagant. He bought the fanciest box of chocolates he could find, knowing Hannah would appreciate that more than anything else, then he found the ring. Of course, he knew her ring size, he was just good like that, it was one of his character qualities. His plan needed to be executed at work, he knew it would be the only place he would have the nerve to go through with it. So, he took out the middle chocolate in the box and placed the ring in the box, wrapping it back up securely and taping down the sides carefully to ensure that she wouldn't guess what was coming. Then, all he could do was wait for the big moment.

The whole morning he could hardly focus on his work, on Keller the Valentine's day festivities were overwhelming so he tried to focus on lab-work but he couldn't focus on anything at all. His eyes kept straying to the box of chocolates and his mind kept imagining Hannah's reaction when she found the ring in the middle of the box. He knew she would come down when she could, when she had the time and when she was ready, and he had to stop himself from fabricating an excuse to call her and summon her to the lab.

Finally, closer to lunchtime than he would have liked, Hannah appeared in the doorway. She looked exhausted, she hugged her hoodie around herself tightly and there was tiredness in her eyes.

'Hey, I have about half an hour before my next elective is scheduled so you don't have me for long.' she smiled wearily and his heart began to beat in his chest with nerves.

'Well that's plenty of time for you to open my gift!' he smiled and handed her the box. The moment she took it her eyes brightened and a smile crept over her face.

'Oh, it's Valentine's day, I completely forgot!' she exclaimed as she looked at him with a smile of gratitude.

He waved his hand and shook his head as he dismissed her self-reproaches. She put her arms around his neck and kissed his cheek before pulling him into a tight hug as thanks. He hugged her back but he was impatient for her to open her gift so he could get his nerves out of the way, he'd not been so nervous about something in his whole life and it was even making him a little irritable.

'I hope my dad doesn't have plans and can take Danny tonight, I completely forgot about it all with everything going on. I'm sorry, I'm going to ruin Valentine's day.' she pouted as she pulled away but rested her head on his shoulder and kept her arms wrapped around him as she looked down at the box of chocolates.

'Oh, it's nothing, it's nothing special...' John tried to sound calm and unaffected but he actually thought he could potentially throw up he was so nervous.

'You might have to make do with a muffin from Pulse's as a gift from me.' Hannah smiled and he kissed her forehead.

'It's no matter, really. I'm just an old romantic like that.' he said quietly and Hannah laughed a little. She reached out towards the box and picked it up, ready to reveal the real gift inside and John prepared himself to give the speech he had rehearsed a hundred times in front of the mirror and when there was nobody else around. Her fingers played with the edge of the wrapping as she admired the handiwork on the box and John had to keep himself from taking the box from her and ripping it open himself, his fingers itched to complete the action.

'I really shouldn't...' Hannah said, putting the box back down, John didn't miss a beat before he picked it back up and handed it back to her.

'Just one, one won't hurt will it? It's good to keep your sugar up while you're working on the wards, I know how hard you work yourself.' he attempted to persuade her and she considered again.

'I don't suppose one would hurt...' she replied and once again toyed with the edges of the box. In the moment when she appeared to make up her mind to open the box and John prepared himself for the reveal, her pager bleeped in her pocket and she had to put it down again to check it. John's heart sank as he recognised the look on her face.

'Oh God, a patient's arrested I have to go.' she said bluntly and made for the door as she shoved her pager back in her pocket. She almost got to the door before she turned back suddenly and ran to him, she planted another hasty kiss on his cheek before turning again and running towards the door.

'See you later, love you!' she called over her shoulder and John sighed in response, there was no point in replying she was already gone. He looked down at the box and pushed it away from himself gently, his nerves would have to hold up and his mission would have to wait.

By the time Hannah had got back up to Darwin the patient was in theatre, being kept stable but desperately needing the surgery they had come in for. Abigail had managed to procure the day off and Frieda was in another surgery so it lay down to Hannah to scrub in and save the day. She enlisted Fletch's help as the scrub nurse and Nicky assisted her and after a few setbacks they managed to bring the patient around without too much difficulty. It was easier than Hannah had anticipated.

She felt good about herself, it was rare that this happened but today she was feeling confident, like she was imbued with some kind of luck. She had a strange optimism that today was going to be a good day. She allowed herself a moment of respite before moving onto the next case as she sank into a chair in the nurse's station and turned her attention to the next stack of notes awaiting her notice. Frieda had emerged from her own surgery a few minutes before and was sat beside her.

'Got any plans for tonight then?' Hannah asked by way of conversation and was met with a sarcastic glare, she smiled in response. 'Come on, no vampire boyfriend tucked away? Or girlfriend, I don't know...' she smiled and Frieda rolled her eyes.

'I am quite content with a night spent reading a good book rather than spending time adhering to a stupid holiday with stupid traditions.' she replied drily as she picked up her file and Hannah returned her attention to her own with a grin. 'We're not all as lucky in love as you are Ms. Hanssen.' she added as she made to move away from the nurse's station.

'No, we're not.' a male voice said and Hannah looked up suddenly and jumped out of her chair as there was a scuffle and Frieda's file fell to the floor. Suddenly, Frieda was facing her with wide eyes, an arm around her shoulders to keep her in place and a thin blade pressed to her throat at the hand of Tony Langdon.


	17. Chapter 17 - Q&A

**WARNING: this is quite a violent chapter and also tackles the subject of self-harm and suicide.**

 **17 - Q &A**

It didn't take John long to get restless again and wherever he put the box of chocolates for safe keeping, it felt like they were mocking him. It was like they were calling out to him for his fear of such a simple question which would have such a definitive answer. He tried his best to keep working, in vain, and found himself staring back at the brightly coloured box before he finally sighed and gave up. He picked up the box of chocolates with the intention of heading up to Darwin and insisting that Hannah take a break and at least take them off his hands, that way they wouldn't be distracting him in the lab at least; the idea that he wouldn't be able to think for fear of her opening them without him didn't occur to him.

There was a tension in the foyer and a few more police than usual but he imagined it was just a Valentine's day prank gone wrong, it was the same on most holidays, the hospital was always over-wrought. He took the stairs up to Darwin, he wanted to try and work off some of his nervous energy and it gave him the opportunity to pass through their spot on the stairs where he secretly hoped she would be. When he didn't find her there he was disappointed but kept trudging on up to Darwin, he couldn't put this off any longer.

He wasn't prepared for what he found when he walked onto the ward. There was a barrier formed at the front of the ward, manned with a mixture of police and security and patients were being wheeled out, nobody was allowed inside. Fletch was barking orders for nurses and other doctors to obey and the security were doing their best to keep everybody calm but there was a tension in the air and John's heart went to his throat. His hand unconsciously gripped the chocolates harder but he simultaneously forgot that he was holding them.

He pushed his way to the front of the crowd where Fletch stood in his element but there was a look of fear on his face that betrayed the situation.

'Where's Hannah?' John demanded, not sparing a moment to ask about the situation, he only had one thought on his mind. Fletch paused for a moment, trying to process John's demand before his eyes strayed beyond the barrier. He didn't have to say a word before John got the idea and he didn't spare a moment.

'Call Henrik and Roxanna.' he instructed Fletch as he pushed through the barrier as the last patient was wheeled out. The security shouted to him, demanding he return but he ran through the corridor and turned the corner sharply. Hannah was stood by the nurse's station with her hands clasped together nervously, her eyes wide. She didn't seem to be in any immediate danger but John approached with caution, sticking to the shadows and observing what was happening before daring to interfere.

'Tony, I'm sorry about what happened, I didn't know...' Hannah said slowly and unclasped her hands, stretching them out a little as the blade made a mark on Frieda's neck, a thin line of blood began to trickle down her throat and she grimaced but didn't move.

'You broke me,' Tony replied through gritted teeth. 'There's something wrong, in my head and it's because of you.'

'I didn't do anything to you, you left before I could administer any treatment, remember? But if you just put down the knife then we can see about getting you to a neurologist, they can help you.'

'Someone like your mother?' he asked and Hannah winced as she realised he knew everything about her, 'or your boyfriend? Which one will it be? You wouldn't want to risk offending one or the other would you?' he sneered and she licked her lips hastily.

'Please, Tony, please put down the knife. She didn't do anything to hurt you, let her go. I'll stay with you, right until the end, I'll do whatever you want, but you need to let Frieda go. She's my friend, she's a good person, she's a little scary but she's an amazing doctor and she helps people, we can both help you.'

'Are you trying to get me to empathise with her?' he hissed and Hannah smiled a little.

'I just don't want to see her get hurt, and I know you don't either.' she attempted and Tony gave her a sympathetic look which made her skin go cold.

'I'm sorry to put you in this position again, Hannah. I know that it must be tough after you had to face down your brother just like this.' he said and tears came to Hannah's eyes as that scene mixed with this one. She could see Fredrik stood in front of her again, gun in hand, a pain shot through her shoulder at the memory and she had to stop herself from crying out but she couldn't mask her breathing quickening as she began to devolve into a panic.

'You're right.' she said at last as a tear fell down her cheek, 'but I know that you're like him, there's something wrong, you're sick and you need help. Not only with this but you have something wrong with your heart and we never found out what it was, you need to let her go so I can help you. We can make you better, Tony, but you have to let my friend go.'

He almost seemed to be considering her words and she saw a spark of hope.

'Tony, I don't want to see you die in the way my brother did.' she said quietly and as the knife began to fall away from Frieda's neck, she dared to breathe again. 'If you let me help you then we can sort this out in a better way. Please, let's do this my way.' she inched forward with her hand outstretched and Tony watched her but she didn't dare move any faster.

'Okay...' he whispered and released Frieda who ran suddenly in the direction of the barrier but stopped when she saw John before turning back to Hannah who didn't look after her and only kept her eyes on Tony who was crying but hadn't dropped the knife.

'Thank you, Tony.' she smiled gently and took another step towards him. He looked towards Frieda when he noticed she had stopped and he saw John but didn't let on to Hannah that he was there.

'Hannah...' Frieda said slowly, calling her to go with her.

'It's okay Petrenko, you go.' she replied, her voice was a little firmer now, she felt more confident.

'Call her parents, they'll want to be here.' Tony said, sneering again and Hannah's breath caught in her throat as she realised she wasn't out of the woods yet. John gave Frieda a small nod and she ran off back in the direction of the barrier.

'Okay Tony, you've done the hard bit and I'm really proud of you; but now I need you to drop the knife, please, and come and sit down and I can have a listen to your chest and see what's going on. I promise you, everything's going to be fine.'

'No police.' Tony demanded and Hannah nodded slightly.

'Just me and you, I promise.' she said, she was moving closer again and now she was close enough to reach his hand but she didn't touch him. John inched forwards too to get a better view of the situation, he knew Tony had seen him but he didn't want to aggravate things or throw Hannah off. Tony's eyes darted to John again and this time fell on the box of chocolates in his hand, fearing the worst he panicked and grabbed Hannah suddenly. She shouted in surprise as he spun her and held the knife to her own throat this time, John couldn't help it he rushed forward with a shout as Tony grabbed her as fear took over. It took Hannah a second to register that it was him who was stood in front of them as she felt the knife press against her throat in the way it had pressed against Frieda's.

'You're a liar!' Tony yelled, shaking Hannah but keeping her firmly in his grip.

'John, go, get out of here.' she said and the blade dug a little deeper, slicing into her skin and making her wince.

'Shut up!' Tony screamed and nodded to the box over Hannah's shoulder.

'What's in the box?' he asked and Hannah saw it for the first time and realised with a shuddering thought that she was going to die over a box of chocolates.

'Chocolates, a gift for Hannah.' John explained slowly, Hannah could see he was trying to remain calm but his facade was faltering.

'No, no, no, no it's a wire, a bug for the police, isn't it? You came in here heroically to save your damsel in distress but you're bugged!' Tony yelled and Hannah winced.

'It's just chocolates, I promise.' John said but Tony shook his head.

'Open them.' he instructed and John turned a shade paler. He didn't want to do this there and then, for Hannah to find out about his surprise like this. It wasn't the right time or place, it needed to be done after, he couldn't do it there and then.

'It's just...' he began but Tony responded by digging the blade in a millimetre deeper and the blood flow down Hannah's neck grew slightly worse. She grunted in pain and tears fell down John's cheeks.

'Alright!' he shouted and Hannah blinked a few times to try and clear her own eyes from the tears. He slowly undid the wrapping around the box and lifted off the lid, all of his hard work was undone. He kept the box tilted towards him for a moment, looking down at the silver ring with the small opal gems, her birthstones. He kept the secret for a moment longer before he tilted the box towards Hannah and Tony and time seemed to pause as they saw the ring set in the centre.

'I thought you said it was just chocolates?' Tony asked but his voice wasn't as angry now.

'It was supposed to be a surprise, I was going to ask Hannah to marry me.' John replied so quietly Tony barely caught his words. A new kind of tears came to Hannah's eyes as she looked at him with love in her eyes.

'Do it now.' Tony ordered and John was confused.

'What?' he asked and Tony laughed.

'Ask her to marry you, say it like you mean it, like you planned to.' he instructed and Hannah didn't dare say a word. John looked at Tony for a moment with hatred in his face before turning his gaze filled with fear and love to Hannah. He took the ring out of the box and threw the rest of the chocolates away, discarded as unimportant. He held the ring in his fingers like it was burning hot and cleared his throat before looking back up at Hannah and tried to remember the words he had rehearsed.

'Our lives are so messy, they're so disorganised and chaotic but amongst the chaos I was so glad to find you.' he began and as he looked into her eyes he found it easier and easier to speak. 'You're the world I want to be a part of, and I'm running out of time to be a part of much of anything. I don't know why you fell in love with an old man like me, I don't know why you chose me but I'm so glad you did because the moment you walked into the wet lab on my first day I knew I would love you for the rest of my life. You are the strongest, brightest, most beautiful, most incredible woman I've ever met. You've been through so much and endured it all with a smile. You've battled depression and motherhood and some of the hardest trials of life and you've survived it all. I want to learn from your strength, I don't want to waste any more time because I know where we will always end. I love you, Hannah Hanssen, and I want to spend the rest of my days with you. Please, would you do me the greatest honour, of becoming my wife?' he concluded and Hannah was smiling at him with tears streaming down her cheeks, he knew her answer, she didn't have to speak a word.

Tony was silent for a few moments before he broke the moment before shaking Hannah again.

'Answer him, answer your love before you...' he trailed of but smeared some of the blood on her neck with the flat of his knife. She began to sob and couldn't speak which made Tony angry.

'Answer him!' he yelled and shook her violently.

'Yes!' she exclaimed suddenly and Tony smiled before beckoning John forward with the blade.

'Put the ring on her finger then.' he instructed and John came forward slowly. Hannah gave him her hand, relishing the feel of his fingers against hers, she didn't know how much more she could take. The ring slid neatly onto her finger and that was that, it was over and she was engaged.

John slowly backed up again to put a little distance between himself and them. He didn't want to, he wanted to stick as close to Hannah as he could, the brief contact he had with her hand only reignited his anger at the situation and his feeling of helplessness as he watched the trickle of blood down her throat.

'It's over now.' Tony said bluntly, tears running down his cheeks and a clear lump in his throat. Hannah closed her eyes, unable to keep control of herself as she sobbed, she took a couple of deep breaths and reopened her eyes, she wanted to see John if she was about to die. She wished her parents could be there too, and Danny too, she wished she could see them one last time but it wasn't her fate.

'Please don't do this, don't take her from me.' John whispered, his eyes wide with terror, he was too frightened even to cry.

'We both have to die, don't you see? We were tied together, Hannah Hanssen and I, when she found out who I was and still, she pitied me. I can see it in her eyes, she pities me even now with my hand holding a knife to her throat, her life is in my hands and she still feels sorry for _me_. I followed you for months, I found out everything about your life, about your depression and how you don't cope even though you have everyone fooled that you're perfectly happy. I've seen you through the window, drinking wine by yourself and looking at that scar on your arm and I know you're considering doing it all over again, trying to end it all. I do too, all the time, I've never had the stomach to do it by myself but with you... we can do it together.' he whispered into her hair, inhaling the scent of her shampoo and she forced herself not to instinctively pull away and incur more damage to her neck.

'Tony, I don't know what you've seen but whatever you have seen you've twisted it. I am happy, or at least I'm doing alright, I don't want to hurt myself. Please... please let me go so I can see my son again.' she begged and he laughed a little, looking back to John but he wasn't looking back, his eyes were fixed on Hannah.

'It's time to say goodbye.' Tony said softly and Hannah shook her head and John refused to give up.

'I love you.' he said to her as his resolve broke and his voice cracked with the overdue tears; she attempted to give him a watery smile in reassurance but it looked more like a reflection of her pain.

'I love you too.' she replied and felt the knife dig a little deeper, she prepared for the worst.

'Tony Langdon!' a loud voice boomed from the corridor and Hannah felt the pressure relieve from her neck as Tony looked towards the blocked off corridor. It hadn't been Fletch's voice or anyone he knew but Hannah recognised the voice of Sergeant Taylor, the man who had been there when Fredrik had launched his attack on the hospital.

The unmistakable shuffling sound of of men moving in unison confirmed her theory and Hannah felt Tony begin to panic behind her. She wondered if this would make things worse, if he would kill her quickly to have time to kill himself but he seemed to freeze.

'No, no I don't want to rush this.' he muttered as his head snapped around, looking for another way. His eyes clocked the opposite corridor and Hannah hoped they had had the sense to seal off the ward completely from all directions.

Before she had time to do anything, Hannah was pushed forward violently and John's arms caught her as she flew forwards. Tony was already sprinting towards the other exit and was disappearing around a corner. John was clasping her tightly to him and she allowed herself a brief second to hold him back before leaning up and kissing him quick. She broke off the kiss and began to sprint after Tony, only just able to shake off John's grasp.

'Hannah!' he shouted but she couldn't respond, she had to catch up to Tony, she couldn't let him escape again after everything she and Danny had been through. Even if the threat to her life wasn't so great she couldn't let him go when he was so sick, he needed urgent help and it was Hannah's responsibility to see that he got it. He was right, she did still pity him despite everything.

John was shocked to a frozen position for a moment before he went to follow but a strong hand clasped his arm and he was held fast.

'Stay right there!' a policeman boomed, obviously mistaking him for someone else. John turned around suddenly and his arm was released as the police realised he wasn't who they thought he was.

'Where did they go?' another policeman asked and John could only point in the direction Hannah had chased after the man who was desperate to kill her. As the police dispersed around him he saw Henrik and Roxanna rushing around the corner and he questioned the effectiveness of the barrier which Fletch had implemented and how many special cases could be made.

'What happened?' Roxanna asked whilst Henrik spoke at the same time, asking: 'Where's Hannah?'

John was shaking from the ordeal, tears pouring down his cheeks and his knees felt weak. Roxanna was the one to notice the shock and led him to a chair gently, motioning for Henrik not to ask any more questions for the moment. Once she had him sat down, Roxanna crouched beside John and took his hand, Henrik's own hands were shaking with worry but he did his best to keep his composure as he waited impatiently for John to tell them what had happened.

'John, where is Hannah?' Roxanna asked calmly and John took some deep breaths as he tried to calm himself.

'She went after him, I don't know why I don't know... he had a knife to her throat, Rox, he wanted to kill her and she ran after him.' he bumbled and Henrik realised who it was and what had come to fruition.

'Tony Langdon came here?' he asked and John nodded.

'Do you have any idea where they went?' Roxanna asked and John shook his head, genuinely bewildered.

'Are you alright? Can you move? We have to find her but maybe you should stay here and get checked out.' Roxanna attempted but she knew that knowing there was something he could do would change John's state in a moment, she wasn't wrong.

'Yes, you're right. Come on, we can split up and cover the hospital quicker.' John said firmly, standing and regaining some of his composure as the thought of a plan filled his head.

Whilst John, Roxanna and Henrik worked out a way to work through the whole hospital to find Hannah and Tony, Hannah herself managed to find Tony without too much thought. She knew where he would be heading and even if she didn't she wasn't too far behind him. When she arrived on the roof, she stopped for a moment at the door.

It was a lovely clear day, the sky was completely blue and the sun was shining down giving the impression that it should be a day for love and beauty, not the terrifying prospect which Hannah now faced. Tony was sitting on the edge of the building, his head drooped as he questioned his own fate.

Hannah took a moment to catch her breath and gently touched her fingers to her new, engagement ring before walking toward Tony slowly.

'You don't want to do this.' she said softly, worried about startling him, but he already knew she was there, he knew she would come.

'I have to, you don't understand. I don't like hurting people, but it's like a compulsion, a need to cause harm.' he replied sadly and she slowly climbed up onto the edge beside him, sitting there but keeping an arm firmly wrapped around the metal railing so she couldn't accidentally fall and have nothing to grab on to.

'I know you don't like to hurt people, I know that you don't understand the feelings you're having but if you just come inside I can help you. There's help available and you know that as well as I do.' she said and he smiled at her.

'You're a good doctor, you know. You're a good person and a good mother too, but I wasn't wrong about what I said in there was I? Even though I feel like that person was someone completely different, like I'm a different man who watched what happened in there.' he said and Hannah believed him.

'This isn't an official diagnosis, but I think you might suffer from something which is commonly known as a disassociate personality disorder. It's not actually called that anymore but it's what most people understand. I don't think you're a fundamentally bad person, Tony, and I don't think you want to hurt me.'

'I don't. But you do want to hurt yourself.' he said and Hannah froze. 'Like I said, I wasn't wrong, whether it was me or not. I've seen you with the kitchen scissors and the carving knife, holding them up to the scar like you're comparing how much more damage you could do. I've seen the fake smiles too, you've got everyone around here fooled but I can see the truth. I might be the only person in the whole world who can see the real you.' he said slowly and Hannah looked down at the small group of people who had noticed them on the ground and were looking up with worried expressions, she wondered how much more time they had in private.

'You're right. I don't cope sometimes, I do consider hurting myself, but I don't want to die. I have too much to live for now, my son, John, my parents. You have to find what you have to live for too, you must have some family, someone you love.' she said and he gave her a half smile.

'There's someone...' he said quietly and realisation hit her. She didn't know how to use this information, her main goal was to help him, to get him to come down from this roof and come inside with her. 'but she doesn't feel the same way about me.'

'Tony, if you ever want to do anything for me, come inside.' she requested but she knew from his expression that he wasn't going to do that. She sighed and paused a moment before letting go of the railing with her left hand and placing her arm through his, holding onto him instead.

'Alright,' she began bluntly as he was surprised at the contact. 'you know I don't want to die and we both know that you don't want to hurt people anymore so here's the deal. You jump and you'll take me down with you, you'll kill us both and if there's any kind of afterlife I will be angry with you forever. I'll make it my personal mission to make your afterlife Hell. Or you can come in with me and together we'll get some help, alright?'

He looked down at her arm through his and a look of sadness spread over his face as he was tasked with this horrible choice. She knew this wasn't fair, that to place any blame on him like this when he was suicidal was ethically questionable and went against her job role as a doctor, but it was the only way she could think of to appeal to him and make him come with her.

'I really wish you hadn't done that?' he said quietly and gently took her arm in his hands. She let him and didn't object, she didn't see the blade he had kept sitting to his left, it was blocked by his body. He traced his fingers along her scar before bringing her arm up to his face and kissing her scar lightly. She didn't react, she knew it was just his twisted mind making connections where there were none, it was her duty as a doctor just to get him off this ledge no matter what it took. As he lowered her arm again her engagement ring caught the sun and twinkled, bringing his attention to it. When he saw it he paused and something of the other Tony sparkled in his eye, but Hannah couldn't see his face.

In one movement, he had clamped her arm to his chest and was holding it tightly whilst his other hand grabbed up the blade and pressed it to her skin. For the first second she was too shocked to react with anything other than a gasp but as the pain of the knife slicing into her flesh registered she screamed out in pain.

….

John met Roxanna and Henrik in the foyer of the hospital, there were groups of people whispering about the current events like it was a source of gossip instead of a life-threatening situation for a young doctor.

'Any luck?' John asked Roxanna and then Henrik and both shook their heads.

'Where could they have gone? Did Langdon drop any hints whatsoever about what he might do?' Roxanna demanded of John who shook his head as he thought.

'He just talked about how he and Hannah were tied together, about how their fates were intertwined or something...' he mumbled as he racked his brains for some kind of idea of where they might be. There was a scream from outside which grabbed their attention and as they headed towards the doors they saw a crowd of people looking up, shocked and horrified. John's stomach turned sick as the worst thoughts flooded his mind, he rushed out to join the crowd along with Roxanna and Henrik and the three of them looked up towards the roof.

Two figures sat at the top of the roof, the blonde hair identified Hannah and they could only assume the other person was Tony. The only other marker was the obvious sight of blood, a lot of blood. The second it took John to recognise them, he was frozen to the spot along with Hannah's parents, but in the next second his feet acted faster than his brain and he was running back into the hospital with his friends hot on his heels.

When they burst through the door onto the roof John half expected to find it empty, for them to have been too slow and arrived too late; he expected to have to peer over the edge of the building and see Hannah's body on the pavement below, a bloody mess entwined with her murderer's. His fears were allayed though as he saw Hannah and Tony still sat there but Tony's arm was around her and he was holding her up as he cried and rocked her gently, repeatedly apologising. For a moment it did look like it was too late and that Tony was cradling Hannah's already dead body to his chest, she barely seemed to be moving; but it quickly became apparent from the way her shoulders heaved as she struggled with her breathing that she was still alive.

The blood began to flow quickly from the moment Tony cut Hannah's arm and she snatched it back and cradled it to her chest as she fought to regain control of herself. She was in too dangerous of a situation not to keep calm so she gritted her teeth against the excruciating pain and tried to ignore the way the front of her scrubs were already drenched in blood and her arm wasn't stopping any time soon. She was a surgeon and accustomed to the sight of blood, but seeing the quantity and the gaping wound in her arm, made her a little dizzy and she wobbled slightly. Tony reached out and put an arm around her, gently putting down the blade again and using his hand to clench around her arm in a naive attempt to staunch the blood-flow. She had no choice but to lean against him and let him support her.

'Tony, please, give me the knife, before you do any more damage.' she requested and she could see in his eyes that he was back. He wordlessly handed her the knife back and she took it in her right hand and threw it far behind her before taking some deep breaths and trying to fight against the dizziness.

'I'm so sorry Hannah, I'm so sorry...' he murmured into her hair and she heard the sound of the door opening behind her and knew the cavalry had arrived. She wondered how long she had before she bled out, here on the rooftop.

'Hannah?' it was the sound of her father and Hannah was glad he was here, she needed him now more than ever and she didn't doubt that John was there too if not far behind.

'Just stay back, dad, we're okay here aren't we Tony?' she asked and he looked at her in alarm.

'This is what you wanted...' he said in a small voice and she shook her head, her eyes filling with tears.

'No, Tony, I didn't. Please, we have to go back inside. I think you... I think my artery is damaged. I need to have surgery, I'm losing too much blood. If you don't help me get back inside I'm going to die.' she told him firmly and she could see she was finally getting through to him. 'Please, I want to see my son again, my little boy, Danny. I want to live my life, Tony, and I want you to live yours too. Let's go, together.' she continued to speak as firmly as she could despite the growing sense of unease she felt. He looked at her for a few moments with wide eyes before nodding slowly.

'Yes, we have to stick together.' he said quietly and she smiled, glad to finally be getting through to him. 'This is what I wanted. I wanted us to be together, forever.' he said and she realised her mistake. 'It's time to go.'

Before she could say anything Tony was pushing off from the edge, his arm slipping from around her shoulder but his grip on her arm still strong. Everything seemed to move in slow motion as she heard her mother's scream and shouts from both her father and John all intermingled with the screams of people below; it took her longer to recognise the sound of her own scream. She felt herself being pulled from the edge of building and she flailed wildly as she sought for something to hold onto but her free hand was drenched in blood and she knew she wouldn't be able to grasp anything anyway. This was how she was going to die.

Thoughts of Danny flooded her mind, how she wouldn't be there for him as he grew up, how he would hardly remember her. She wondered if he would resent her for leaving him so young in life the way she had resented her own mother for so long, she wondered if he would miss her.

Just before she lost her balance she felt arms around her waist and she was being pulled back against Tony's grip. Her head banged against the metal railing and she felt Tony's grasp on her arm slip and his fingers caught at her open wound, tearing it slightly, it was agonising. She screamed again as she was pulled back onto the roof and she watched as Tony's terrified face fell over the edge and plummeted to the ground below.

The momentum forced her backwards and she and her saviour fell back onto the gravel of the roof and she felt oddly safe. Her sense of safety was quickly diminished as the pain in her arm returned and she clutched it to her chest with a sob; the arms which had saved her were still around her and her father's face swam into view. He lifted her shoulders to support her head as he sat up and cradled her to his chest, his face was all business but she could see the fear in his eyes.

'Dad, I'm sorry...' she said and her voice shook as spots began to appear in her vision.

'No need to apologise. Roxanna go and get a wheelchair or something, now! John, come over here and help me.' Henrik began barking orders, trying to keep calm as memories of the time he had tried in vain to save his other child began to haunt him. John appeared on Hannah's other side and she wanted to speak to him but she couldn't remove her fixation from her father, she felt so weak.

'I'm sorry dad... I was stupid, I shouldn't have trusted him.' she sobbed and her father held her closer, taking her hand to lift her wounded arm against his shoulder as John pulled off his tie to make a tourniquet. As he took her hand, Henrik found her engagement ring and did a double take as he noticed what it was. At the same moment John noticed it and gently, wordlessly, took Hannah's hand away from him and slipped the engagement ring off, placing it into his pocket. The two men shared a look, Henrik's full of rage and John's full of bitterness but they both knew that now was not the moment for that discussion.

'You have to look after Danny...' Hannah said but her voice was breathy now and she let her eyes close. It was unclear who she was speaking to as her head lolled against her father's arm.

'Hannah, stay awake for me please.' Henrik instructed as he shook her slightly and her eyes opened wearily. John took her arm and wrapped his tie around it.

'I'm sorry, my love, but this is going to hurt.' he told her before suddenly tightening the tourniquet. Hannah screamed in pain and kicked at the ground in protest and Henrik's heart broke but the pain seemed to do something to awaken her slightly and she looked up at her father with wider eyes.

'You're going to be alright.' he promised as he re-took her hand and placed it over his shoulder to keep her arm elevated.

'I'm scared, I don't want to die.' she told him and he shook his head with tear-filled eyes.

'I won't let you, not after Fredrik. Hannah you're all I've got left, you can't go anywhere. Who else will eat the tomatoes out of my salad?' he asked with a watery smile as he attempted to battle through his tears, an act she tried to return.

'This is not your fault.' she said, her words were disjointed and John pushed her hair back to check her head where it had hit the metal railing but he didn't think it would warrant anything more than a concussion. 'I love you, dad.' she smiled slightly as Roxanna appeared with Fletch and a trolley. Roxanna collapsed to her knees beside John and tried to clutch at her daughter as she sobbed but Hannah's eyes were closing again.

'Stay awake, Hannah!' Henrik instructed as Fletch brought the trolley closer and Henrik got his arms under his daughter to lift her onto the trolley. Once he did he took the helm himself and John took the other end to guide her whilst Roxanna kept a hold of her arm, keeping it as elevated as she could. Henrik removed his jacket and gave it to Roxanna to keep pressed against her arm but the amount of blood Hannah had already lost was unprecedented. It didn't look good.

'Get her to theatre, now.' Henrik instructed and Fletch hurried ahead to make the necessary arrangements. Sacha was the only available surgeon and Frieda insisted on assisting in theatre since this was a result of Hannah saving her own life. John, Henrik and Roxanna were confined to the gallery where they could watch.

Roxanna sat by the glass and watched the surgery with wide eyes, completely lost to the two men who stood a little behind her, even though she was there, there was an element of privacy.

'The ring on Hannah's finger...' Hanssen began, unsure of how to word the question he wanted to ask but knowing that the subject needed to be tackled. There was a silence between them before John sighed and removed the ring from his pocket, it was covered with Hannah's dried blood. He began to try and clean it a little on his sleeve. Hanssen looked at it with a pained expression before sighing and returning his gaze to the theatre.

'When?' he asked quietly and John couldn't remove his eyes from the ring.

'When he had the knife to her neck. He made me.' John said and Hanssen looked angry for a moment.

'He _made_ you?' he asked and John smiled a little.

'Well, no. I had the ring, hidden in a box of sweets I bought as a Valentine's day gift. It was meant to be a surprise, it was meant to happen in a better way. She would open the box and then I would give her the speech I prepared and end it by asking her to marry me. I realise in hindsight it was impolite not to ask your permission, I apologise.' he said quietly and Hanssen clenched his fists. 'Langdon thought that I had a wire device hidden in the box and made me open it and then he told me to propose there and then. She said yes.'

'Don't you think you're moving a little quickly? It seems quite rash.' Hanssen commented and John shook his head.

'I think it's the perfect time. I think that we all need one another now more than ever and Hannah and I need one another especially. I love your daughter Henrik, that feeling isn't going away any time soon and I think it's made abundantly clear that she loves me back. Honestly though, I would appreciate your blessing with this, I'm tired of being at odds with you all of the time. I understand our friendship can never be as it was, but I don't like how much things have altered between us. I want you to be alright with this.' John spoke in earnest and Hanssen could hear that.

'I think it's a wonderful idea.' Roxanna said suddenly, turning her head towards John with a small smile behind her tears. She sniffed and walked back towards him, Hanssen watched her with a pained expression again.

'I think that you're right, we do all need one another and it's time we all started acting like the family we are, the family we're supposed to be.' Roxanna said sternly, looking between both John and Henrik who had let his gaze wander away like a sulky teenager.

'Thank you Rox, it means a lot.' John smiled and she smiled back, the two of them then turned to Henrik who didn't look at them but watched Sacha and Frieda work to save his daughter's life.

'The most important thing in the world to me is Hannah's happiness.' he said slowly and Roxanna turned back to face the window and the three of them looked to Hannah's peaceful face as she slept through her surgery. 'I do believe you make her happy, John, and if she agrees to marry you then I suppose you might have my blessing.'

It didn't sound like Henrik gave the words easily and that was true, he hated the idea of relinquishing the only family he had left but he couldn't keep Hannah cooped up forever. He had to let her go.

The surgery was long and arduous but Hannah didn't give them any cause for alarm and by the time Sacha and Frieda were closing up, all of their fears were allayed. Sacha met the three of them in the gallery with a tired, tight smile.

'The scar tissue from the previous wound actually took most of the damage, the artery was nicked in a few places which is why she lost so much blood but we've managed to keep her pretty stable throughout. I will need to do an MRI to check for any potential brain damage from the blood loss but I'm hopeful she'll be alright.' Sacha explained and the other three smiled at him, of course they already knew all of this but it felt calming to hear it spoken so confidently by a friend and colleague.

'She hit her head on the roof anyway so I wanted to conduct a few tests once she wakes up.' John commented, returning to his business persona; he had to be her doctor first when he was worried in this way.

'I think that we can let Sacha do his job.' Roxanna smiled and Henrik took a deep breath.

'Besides, you ought to clean yourself up before she wakes up, and maybe give that ring a clean too?' he suggested with a small smile and John looked at him in surprise for a moment before offering him a smile of gratitude and rushing off to fulfil these ideas.

Hannah was given the private recovery room at the end of the ward and Sacha kept a close eye on her but determined that she hadn't suffered any brain damage from the blood loss nor the injury she sustained which was already forming a nasty lump on the back of her head. However, he knew that they would have to keep a very close eye on her for the next few days. Hanssen and Roxanna couldn't be induced to leave her side the entire time she was asleep and as soon as John looked a little more presentable he joined them and also wouldn't move, it was the first genuine moment of calm and ease between them than had occurred in a long time.

Hannah's eyes began to flutter at last and Roxanna was the first to notice it, she stood up suddenly and grasped Hannah's hand in her own as Hannah began to groan and squeeze her eyes shut tight before opening them slowly.

'Hello, darling...' Roxanna said quietly as she pressed Hannah's hand to her lips in a kiss.

'Hannah?' Hanssen added as he stood beside Roxanna and stood tall, surveying the scene and trying to appear like the professional character out of the three. John stood on Hannah's other side and stroked her hair.

'Hello, I'm awake...' Hannah muttered like she was just being woken up from a nap or something. It took her a moment but she gradually remembered what had happened and where she was and she snuck a glance down at her arm.

'Great, just what I needed, another great, big, ugly scar.' she muttered and Hanssen's resolve almost broke.

'Technically it's the same scar...' John said slowly and Hannah looked at him before bursting into a fit of giggles which John joined in with, Roxanna and Henrik looked at one another with a confused look.

'We'll give you two a minute, we'll come back soon alright?' Roxanna suggested and gently took Henrik's arm to lead him away but not before she planted a kiss on her daughter's forehead. Hannah gave them a smile as she propped herself up on the bed and John helped her to adjust it so that she could sit up properly.

'What do you remember?' John asked, sitting down on the bed beside her.

'Everything I think... I blacked out on the roof after dad pulled me back. You basically cut my arm off with your tie and I started to freak out and then I got really dizzy and passed out. Am I okay?' she asked and John nodded.

'Mr Levy and Ms Petrenko did some excellent work.' he explained and she sighed.

'Petrenko's alright then? Good, I was worried about her.' she said and John raised an eyebrow.

'You were worried about her?' he asked and she nodded.

'Of course.'

'Hannah you should have been worried about you. If we had been just a minute or two later you could have died!' he exclaimed and she gave him a small smile and a playful tap on the arm.

'Nah, I'm very resourceful, I would have worked something out.' she smiled and then looked down. 'I notice that a newly acquired piece of jewellery is missing...' she said quietly and he paused before laughing lightly and digging the newly cleaned ring out of his pocket.

'Hannah, look, I understand that the situation was tense, it was very high pressure. What I mean to say is that I completely understand if you don't actually feel the same way and you just replied saying yes because of the scenario. I just...' he stumbled and she raised a mocking eyebrow.

'Alright then, ask me again.' she replied with a playful look in her eye and he smiled, taking her hands in his and looking deep into her eyes.

'Hannah Hanssen, will you marry me?' he asked and she grinned.

'Yes, yes I will and you don't need to ask me a third time, you should have gotten the message by now.' she smiled and he laughed before slipping the ring onto her finger for the second time that day. As they both looked down at the ring, their foreheads touching, Hannah couldn't help herself.

'Tony?' she asked and his smile fell, he didn't need to reply for her to know the answer to her unspoken question. 'Oh...' was all she could say.

'I thought I'd lost you, Hannah... I thought he was going to kill you or you were going to slip from the roof and all I could think of was how I was going to lose you and it wasn't fair...' he whispered as tears came to his eyes and he looked up to see she was crying too.

'I'm sorry...' she whispered and he enclosed her in his arms in an instant, pressing his lips to hers as she clutched him back.

'Also,' she began once she broke away and he looked at her expectantly, she was looking down with a guilty expression. 'I lied to you about something.' she admitted and his heart fell a little as he awaited a piece of terrible news she had kept from him.

'What, what is it?' he asked and she looked up at him with guilt-stricken eyes.

'I did buy you a Valentine's day gift, it's a watch and it's in the bottom of the wardrobe at home.' she said slowly and he burst out laughing which she quickly joined in with.

'You madwoman.' he grinned and she smiled at him again before kissing him and choosing to celebrate the beginning of their new lives together rather than harp on the horrific events of the day.


	18. Chapter 18 - A Day to Remember

**A/N: Before I even began this chapter I knew that I would need to write another one of these little notes, if you have no problems with this story then please feel free to just scroll down and ignore this - but if you have any feelings about the quality regarding how "real" the events are or how dramatic then please read this small explanation before being too quick to leave a negative review. I'm still getting a lot of feedback regarding how "realistic" this fic is even though I explained my method of writing just a couple of chapters ago. So, for (hopefully) the last time, I'd just like to address this from my own perspective and defend this piece of writing. Firstly, this fic is not meant to necessarily depict a real narrative of events, it is intended to be dramatic and captivating with every chapter - it's the way I've planned it (and yes, it has been planned extensively before being written and it is also edited heavily before being uploaded which is why it sometimes takes a little while to update), and it's the way I, as an author, want it to be. I write this fic for my own enjoyment beyond all else, of course I appreciate feedback and positive comments, they make my day but the negative ones do little but exasperate me since I've already explained my reasoning behind my writing. Secondly, the show in itself isn't exactly the epitome of "real". The show is intended to captivate audiences but it is a lot easier to keep audiences captivated through screen than it is to keep readers coming back to a specific fic which is why in writing I find that things have to be more dramatic. I don't want to write about the drudgery of day-to-day life and I'm sure people aren't particularly interested in it. Even the show lacks elements of realism which I can say as a British person who has ample experience with the NHS (my mother is a nurse and I myself do a lot of research for this fic including speaking to her and sometimes even her colleagues regarding medical practice). The show is not true to life and neither does this fic have to be, because that's what it is, fiction. This all being said, if you're so very uncomfortable with the way I have chosen to tell this story then please, just don't read it. Like I said before, I write this for my own enjoyment above all else and I was overwhelmed when it got such a positive response in its conception. Thank you so much to those who have enjoyed this fic and have been loyal to it, I might not reply to reviews but I read them avidly and I am so grateful to those who take the time even just to tell me they're enjoying my writing. As an aspiring author it means the world to me that people are enjoying my writing, even if it is just Fanfiction, so thank you to everyone who has taken the time to read this fic but I have no intention of dialling back the drama nor the events of the story to come. Thank you for reading this, and I hope you continue to enjoy my story and even if you don't, I hope you have a lovely day.**

 **A/N: It's also really hard to write this fic at the moment because of the way John's been acting in the TV series, especially after what's happened with Roxanna. It's very difficult to write about him sympathetically so please bear with me if updates are delayed as they're likely to be and as they have been over the past few weeks. I still love this fic, I adore Hannah and part of me still loves John in spite of it all, but it's really hard to like him right now!**

 **Chapter 18 - A Day to Remember**

The next few months were a whirlwind. From the day she could go home, Hannah began wedding-planning, she couldn't stop, she couldn't give her head a chance to mull over anything other than the thought of her impending life of marital bliss. The only things to dampen her spirits were the scars on her arm and the smaller one on her neck but she didn't doubt that that one would heal quickly.

She and John quickly decided that a summer wedding was the best option and this gave Hannah little time to begin making plans, John left her to it. He tried to give his input once and when he said the wrong thing she gave him such a glare as to keep well enough away from then on. Instead, Roxanna took his place and the mother and daughter came together as an unstoppable force of wedding planning whilst John sought Henrik's company as they were both pushed to the side-lines.

Roxanna helped Hannah to find the right church, they both decided it was best to go down the traditional wedding route, and then they found somewhere for the reception and John just let them get on with it. The truth was he didn't much about where or when it happened, all he cared about was marrying Hannah, so he left the women to organising the details.

The next most important thing was to secure Hannah's wedding dress and organise a guest list. The guest list was easy, both Hannah and John had all the same friends and colleagues and the majority of the list was made up of Hannah's friends as John came to the realisation that he didn't really have anyone other than her and her family. The terms of her wedding dress was a little more complicated and no matter how many shops Hannah and Roxanna tried there were none which Hannah felt comfortable in. Trying to find something with long-sleeves for a summer wedding was a nightmare in itself but Hannah couldn't bear to have the scars on her arm showing on her big day which would be memorialised in photographs forever. Roxanna suggested a jacket or a shawl but Hannah couldn't find anything she liked. It wasn't until a week before the big day was planned that she finally found what she wanted. The sleeves on the dress were lace so weren't perfect but she was happy, she felt confident in the dress and that was the most important thing.

John took charge of finding his own suit for himself and one for Danny as well and Henrik helped him as he had no idea where to start. He wanted Henrik for his best man as well but it was logistically difficult as Henrik needed to walk Hannah down the aisle. For her Maid of Honour, Hannah chose Dom who was delighted to play the Patrick Dempsey part but promised not to declare his love for her at the wedding; the rest of her bridesmaids comprised of Frieda (who agreed only if she could wear black) and Nicky as she and Hannah grew close over the few months where Nicky worked under Hannah's guidance.

Eventually the details were ironed out and Henrik worked out a way where he could walk Hannah down and aisle and still act as John's best man; Roxanna thrived in acting as the mother of the bride and slowly, the family began to knit together in alliance with this momentous occasion. Hannah loved the attention, she loved being in charge of all the tiny details and moving from one choice to the next but she never lost sight of her work when she was in the hospital. She glowed and brought new life to the patients, a new health which was easier for them to attain when it came alongside her electric personality. She was her old self again, lighting up the hospital like a Christmas tree in defiance of any attack they might encounter, any drama that might befall them was quickly shied away with her brightness, she protected them all like an envelope of cushioning, she never let her stress show.

The few days leading up to the wedding she began to flag a little as stress and excitement got on top of her. It was difficult to get any time off, it was hard enough to get the actual day of the wedding off in itself so everyone was working right up until the evening before, except for Hannah, Henrik and Roxanna who had managed to get the afternoon before the big day off for preparation. Most of the work had been done and the evening had sped past as Hannah tried to combine her wedding duties alongside her duties as Danny's mother; but now the house was quiet and Danny had been put to bed, leaving the three adults with cups of tea in their hands sitting around in Henrik's study in a comfortable silence.

Once the cups were empty, Henrik left to refill them, leaving Hannah and her mother alone in the quiet.

'I'm glad you're here.' Hannah said suddenly, breaking the silence and bringing her mother's attention to her, Roxanna answered her with a small smile.

'I'm glad to be here.' she said and paused for a moment before continuing. 'I often dreamed about this, about you getting married but I was always worried that I'd be told about it in some email or letter, I never thought I'd actually get to be a part of it. Thank you.'

'Oh stop it you big sap.' Hannah smiled and they both laughed before Hannah got up from her chair and crossed to the sofa where Roxanna had been sitting with Henrik. She took her father's spot and leaned her head against her mother's shoulder.

'I really mean it, mum. I'm glad to have you now, I couldn't have done any of this without you. I love you.' she mumbled and Roxanna pulled her into a hug, kissing the top of her head.

'I love you too, sweetheart, and I'm not going anywhere ever again.' she whispered into her hair and the two women sat there for a few moments, holding one another. Neither of them noticed when Henrik re-entered the room holding the tea tray and he stopped for a moment to look at them. He smiled softly to himself as he watched his family and he made a promise to himself that one day soon he would pluck up the courage to tell Roxanna about his feelings for her, he wondered if she might feel the same way, if she might want to make things work for the sake of their daughter and grandchild. True, the fact that Hannah was marrying their friend from their student days was a little odd still, disconcerting even, but Henrik wanted to make it all work, he wanted to bring them all together as a family.

He gently set down the tea tray and Hannah and Roxanna noticed him at last and Hannah gently lifted herself off of her mothers' shoulder but didn't vacate the spot. Instead of taking Hannah's abandoned chair, Henrik crossed to his desk and took out an envelope, holding it awkwardly for a moment and sharing a look with Roxanna who nodded slightly. Hannah had busied herself with the tea but looked up when she noticed her parents' sharing a look and looked between them.

'What?' she asked and Henrik came over to the sofa, gesturing for Hannah to budge up closer to her mother which she did, he then handed her the envelope.

'Roxanna and I talked about this and we wanted you to have something to help with the wedding.' Henrik explained slowly and Hannah slid out the cheque from the envelope and her eyes widened as she shook her head.

'No, dad, thank you, really, but I can't accept this.' she said, sliding it back in quickly and trying to press it back into her father's hands but he pushed it away.

'I insist. After all, it's only traditional that the father of the bride ought to pay for the wedding.' he justified but Hannah was still shaking her head.

'John and I can manage, we don't need... you don't need to...' she stumbled but he gave her a glare, the one with the raised eyebrow she knew so well from her childhood, she had lost this battle.

'Dad...' she whispered with tears in her eyes as she looked down at the envelope again.

'I have done wrong by you many times in your life, Hannah, and we haven't always been on the best terms I know that.' he explained slowly and Hannah cringed as she remembered only ten years ago when she had felt like she hated her father with all her heart and here he was giving her a ludicrous amount of money to marry a man he didn't approve of, all for the sake of her happiness.

'If I can do anything for you, I want to, I want you to know that no matter what happens in our lives, if we fall out or if you decide you never want to speak to me again, you'll always be my little girl and I'll always be proud of the woman you've become.' he told her and tears spilled down both of their cheeks. 'You are remarkable, Hannah Hanssen, my ray of sunshine in a bleak, bleak world.' he concluded and Hannah threw her arms around his neck and kissed his cheek before burying her face in his shoulder as she sobbed.

Hanssen was momentarily taken aback before he held her back and then motioned Roxanna in to join the embrace and comfort their daughter from the other side. The three of them held one another for a long time and tears were shed as each of them wondered if there would ever be another moment like this, and if there was how long it would be before they got to experience it. Hannah's heart was full with appreciation and love for both of her parents and for the first time she had her doubts about the wedding if it meant she would have to leave any part of them behind, she was scared.

She never voiced her concerns of course, she didn't want to put anybody off of the wedding which was only the next day. She kept her mouth shut, but she could hardly sleep that night in her old bedroom with Danny snoring softly beside her as she lay there and stared into the dark, imagining what her life would be like once she was a married woman. Her heart beat madly in her chest and by the time the sun was beginning to creep through the crack in the curtains, she was just dropping off to sleep.

Roxanna awoke her with a cup of tea and Henrik took charge of helping Danny get ready whilst Roxanna and Hannah donned her dress, curled her hair and did her make up. It took a long time but things began to speed up with Dom turned up to help with Lofty in tow. Lofty awkwardly joined Henrik in entertaining Danny and keeping him from roughing up his suit whilst Dom helped the women in preparing Hannah. Once again Hannah felt that inkling of doubt, that twinge of fear, as she looked at herself in the full-length mirror.

'You look beautiful.' Dom told her from one side and Roxanna put her arm around her with a grin and tears in her eyes.

'You look incredible.' she affirmed and as Hannah stood between them she tried to force a smile. Once she began to pretend her excitement flooded back to her and she remembered how much she loved John, how excited she was for this, she was back.

John's preparation was much more solitary. He spent the evening before working in his study and then slept, just as fitfully as Hannah had but awoke feeling more refreshed. He got ready by himself and arranged his transportation to the venue by himself, he hadn't thought to ask anyone to come over beforehand, he knew everyone would be tied up with Hannah. He didn't have time to think, he just got himself to the church and greeted people as they arrived, accepted their congratulations with a small smile, hating the attention but knowing Hannah would love it. He took his place at the end of the aisle, he had given the rings to Roxanna the morning before to give to Danny who was acting as ring-bearer and he had some terrible notion that he had forgotten to do something but he couldn't remember what.

He tried to smile and appear casual, to put on his usual facade which often came naturally to him after he'd been donning it for years as a second face, but today it was so difficult. He twisted his hands together in front of him and hoped nobody would notice, he smiled coolly at his colleagues before turning back towards the officiant and trying to give her the appearance that he was completely in control of himself, she looked less convinced than the people who knew him. He took a deep breath and tried to steady his nerves when he heard Danny's excited voice chattering to Roxanna and Lofty from the front row and he knew that Hannah was near, it was about to begin. He wished he'd picked another best man, anyone really, just someone who could have been there at this moment to help him get through the next five minutes. He took another deep breath and as he exhaled the wedding march struck up around him and he heard the unmistakeable sound of the crowd rising to their feet.

This was it. This was the moment he had been building up to for months. He'd never felt more unsure, more nervous, than he did in that moment. The most difficult surgery of his life, lying about the trial, nothing in his entire career could compare to this moment.

John took a final deep breath as he tried to steady his nerves and he turned around slowly to see his future wife. He was immediately blown away by how beautiful Hannah looked. She grinned at him as she hung onto her father's arm but it was clear that she was the one leading the way, she was so full of youthful vibrance and her face glowed as she revelled in the attention. She laughed slightly as she walked down the middle of the aisle and Henrik walked by her side with a bashful smile, but John could tell it made him genuinely happy to see his daughter so ecstatic.

When they reached John she gave him a slight squeal and a grin before turning to her father and kissing his cheek, Henrik then took her hand and put it into John's and he gripped her hands tightly, grinning at her in turn.

Finally the church was silent again and all eyes turned to the officiant of the ceremony, just before he spoke Hannah leaned towards John and spoke quietly.

'You still like me, right?' she asked and John laughed at her with a look of love, he squeezed her hand gently again.

'Are you incapable of being serious even this once?' he asked playfully and she shrugged with a grin.

'I'll grow up one day.' she justified but the officiant was vying for their attention now and she began.

'Good morning, ladies and gentleman, and welcome to this ceremony to join together John and Hannah.' the officiant smiled, her voice was gentle but it seemed to carry all the way through the church. 'We have gathered here from near and far to celebrate the union of these two people who have proven that through trials and hardships, despite differences and altercations, love can always prevail. They thank you for your support as you are here today to help celebrate the union of these two worthy souls.' the officiant then turned to Hannah and John and addressed them in a slightly quieter tone.

'Hannah and John, you are here to join together as one, to combine your souls together and enter into that sacred and special place that is matrimony. Marriage is the place where love, trust and honour can flourish and we all here today believe that the two of you can endure the rest of your lives alone together with only the other in this harmonious existence. Marriage is the place where you will share all of your joys and sorrows, all of your trials and tribulations and you will battle through each storm together without fear and without loneliness. This relationship will endure even the darkest of nights and the deepest of pits because the two of you are agreeing to share all of life's responsibilities, to trust one another implicitly and to love one another only, unconditionally.' The officiant gave them another secret smile and then turned back to the congregation.

'If anybody has any reason why these two should not be unified in matrimony, please to speak now or forever hold your peace.' she said, her voice was a little firmer, almost like she was threatening. Hannah held her breath and snuck a glance at her father who was sitting next to Roxanna and holding her hand tightly, he gave her a warm smile in return and she knew that there would be no objections. Sure enough, the church was silent and Hannah released her breath with a sigh of relief, John gave her a funny look.

'Excellent.' the officiant beamed before gesturing to Hannah and John. 'Please, stand opposite one another and hold hands, like this.' she positioned them and the two of them looked into one another's eyes with a mixture of nerves and excitement.

'Now, please take a moment to look at one another and simply remember this moment in time, the moment in existence when the two of you were joined together forever.' she said and then paused, giving Hannah and John a moment to commit this exact second to memory.

'Now, John, please speak the vows you have prepared.' the officiant requested and John took a deep breath, keeping calm and Hannah was proud of him but secretly was dreading her own turn.

'Hannah, we have already endured so much and fought through it all. I'm so proud of the woman and mother that you are and I'm excited to see the family we can become. I promise to support you in all things, to inspire you to achieve new heights and to always put you first in everything. You are my whole world and I adore you with everything in me. I promise to fill our home with laughter and enjoyment, I promise to keep you safe and to be grateful for the time we have together however limited it might be. I love you, Hannah, and I will not let anyone come between us ever again, as long as I live.' he spoke softly but Hannah felt every word and felt tears spring to her eyes that she desperately didn't want to cry.

'And now Hannah, if you will speak the vows you have also prepared.' the officiant requested and Hannah took a deep breath as John had done.

'John, things have not been easy but you are the most inspiring man I've ever met. I felt like the whole world was against us when in reality it was just my dad.' she said and the crowd laughed, John should have guessed that Hannah would litter her vows with jokes but he knew it was just her way. 'I vow to provide a happy home for you, one filled with constant distraction and support, one filled with busy days and calm nights. I vow to be the wife you've waited for, to be the girl you fell in love with always, to fight in your corner and act as your second opinion. Know that I will always support you and encourage you to keep on pushing the boundaries, I will never hold you back so long as it's in my power. I swear I will, simply put, do everything in my power to make you happy, and I think that's the best that I can do. I love you John Gaskell, and to be married to you is better than any fairy-tale ending.' she was whispering by the end as she fought to keep the tears from escaping.

There was a brief moment of silence which the officiant allowed to give the crowd a moment to remember the words of these two people and Hannah and John shared a small laugh as the full force of their happiness hit them.

'John, do you take Hannah to be your lawfully wedded wife, in sickness and in health, for richer or poorer, forever and always?' the officiant asked and John nodded slowly.

'I do.' he affirmed and Hannah's grin spread across her face again.

'And Hannah, do you take John to be your lawfully wedded husband, in sickness and in health, for richer or poorer, forever and always?' she asked Hannah who struggled to contain herself until she was finished before she burst out with her own affirmation.

'I do!' she giggled and the officiant smiled.

'That is good news,' the officiant grinned and everyone laughed again. 'And now if you could please present the rings?' she requested and Danny was urged forward holding a small pillow with the two wedding bands resting in the middle. He held it up to Hannah who crouched down to his height and kissed his cheek with a laugh.

'Your rings symbolise your never-ending love for one another, your wedding bands are the symbols of the unified, unbroken strength you two give to one another and will share throughout your married life.' the officiant smiled and gestured to John. 'John, please take the ring and place it on Hannah's finger, repeating after me.'

John repeated the words after the officiant but Hannah only heard him, she knew her phrase would be identical but she still felt like the words were coming straight from his heart.

'Hannah with this ring, I express my love to you and my commitment to our relationship. With this ring, I thee wed.' he said and Hannah repeated the phrase as she placed the ring on John's finger. The officiant grinned at them and Hannah felt a buzz of excitement she struggled to contain as she felt the ring firm on her finger.

'John and Hannah, the pair of you have joined together here today, of your own free will and in the presence of friends and family to unify your relationship and affirm it within the boundaries of married life. You have shared your personal vows and you have exchanged rings in the symbol of your commitment to one another. It gives me the greatest pleasure to announce that with the power vested in me I now pronounce you husband and wife, you may now share your first kiss as husband and wife. Congratulations.' she grinned and Hannah couldn't wait for her to finish before she threw her arms around John's neck and pressed her lips to his. He caught her, as he was accustomed to do when she got excited and kissed her back as the crowd around them erupted into cheers and clapping.

When Hannah broke away and managed to find her feet again confetti was raining down on them and people were standing, still cheering and clapping for them as music swelled to usher them out of the building. The next step was a blur for Hannah as she was caught up in a whirlwind of pictures and shaking hands and hugs and kisses. She clung to John's hand with one hand and entrusted Danny to her parents so that she didn't need to keep track of him with the other but often found him with her again and had to keep a tight hold on him until she could find her parents again amidst the chaos; but it was magical chaos.

By the time they arrived at the reception venue John was struggled to catch his breath but Hannah was bouncing up and down with excitement, loving the fast-paced nature of it all as she whirled from place to place and person to person. She struggled to stay still and John had to hold her arm to keep her in place as they stood and greeted everyone as they arrived. The meal passed quickly and John began to feel tired as they finished but he knew that in the mind of the younger people the reception was just beginning and he doubted if he would see any kind of respite until late that night.

Staff opened the way through to a dance floor and once again John's heart began to hammer in his chest as he remembered he and Hannah had the first dance. They hadn't prepared anything special, they had both agreed that neither of them were the kind of people who danced and to try and be those kind of people would turn to nothing more than a disaster. The crowd formed and John wanted to run away, he wanted to hide, he didn't want to be there in front of all those people in any other capacity than as their boss, or a doctor, to just be himself wasn't possible. Hannah seemed to notice his discomfort as she quietly slipped her hand into his and gave him a small, reassuring smile. He knew she was nervous too, but she knew how to make a joke of things if it all went wrong, she knew how to be a people person much better than he did.

Hannah led him onto the dance floor as the music started but John could hardly hear a thing. He automatically took her in his arms and she wound her arms around his neck and he was forced to look into her eyes and nowhere else, and then the room melted away along with his fear. As he gently moved around the floor with Hannah in his arms, her gentle eyes smiling at him and her fresh face glowing, he knew there was no reason to be afraid because it would never affect how she felt about him. She looked so happy, and to know that he was the cause of that happiness brought him a joy he couldn't put into words. To be with her was so easy, it required no thought and no effort, she made the world simple, it was just her.

The floor began to fill around them and Hannah became distracted by the people waltzing around them, she smiled and laughed with her friends and John didn't try and stop her. She gripped him a little harder in excitement as she saw her parents dancing together and almost tripped over her own feet in excitement.

'Do you think they'd have a go of it?' she whispered to John, barely audible over the music and he looked at Henrik and Roxanna for the first time.

'Maybe.' he replied, a pain twinged in his chest at the thought. The secret was that Roxanna had really been his first love, even though he did love Hannah, the feeling of Roxanna being the first one to win his affections would never really go away, just like the way Hannah and Ollie were.

'I think it would be great, I keep telling dad he should just tell her he likes her, if she hasn't already worked it out he's not exactly hidden it well has he?' she grinned and John looked back at her with a small smile, even on her wedding day she was putting her father's happiness first.

'I think that they're both already so lucky because they have you.' he said to her and she looked back at him, her cheeks flushing slightly under her make up.

'Well, you have me now.' she laughed and he leaned down to kiss her softly. The dance ended and Hannah was whirled away by Dom who demanded a dance and Roxanna claimed John for her own dance.

The afternoon went on in much the same way and slipped into the evening quickly. Hannah pulled John onto the dance floor far more than he was comfortable with and when he wouldn't dance with her she danced with everyone else. She and Roxanna were a sight to see as their combined energy made the dance-floor electric; she danced with Danny and lifted him high into the air with the risk of ruining her dress. Dom and Lofty claimed her as a third party multiple times and she joined up with Fletch, Nicky, a rather-drunk Meena, she even managed to get Frieda onto the dance floor for a short period. Of course Sacha joined her in a few dances, Essie too; she worked hard on attempting to convince Serena and Ric to join her and she succeeded in gaining one dance from Ric but Serena refused point blank. Donna and she collided a few times on the dance floor and joined forces for a while before drifting apart and then together again.

Old friends and new all joined together, Hannah gelled them all together as she'd been all over the hospital from a young age, everyone knew her and everyone liked her. John watched in awe as she moved from one group to another, seemingly at ease with absolutely everyone, always with a grin on her face. A slow song came on after a while and the dance floor thinned a little but Hannah's energy was unwavering and she stood in the middle of the room, looking around for someone to join her. Someone came up behind her and lightly tapped her shoulder.

'Can I have this dance?' he asked and Hannah turned around to see Ollie stood in front of her, smiling sheepishly. The moment she saw him her face broke into a grin and she flung her arms around his neck in a tight hug.

'I didn't know if you were coming!' she said into his ear as he hugged her back.

'I couldn't miss Hannah Hanssen getting married, could I?' he replied and they kept their arms around one another as they danced easily together.

'I've missed you, Darwin's not been the same without you and...' the memories of Jac filled her with regret and pain so she cut herself short and took a moment to compose herself before smiling at him again.

'She would have loved this.' Ollie said looking around and Hannah laughed.

'I think she probably would be very drunk by now and making very sarky remarks about everything.' she conjectured and Ollie nodded.

'But then she would pull you to one side and tell you that she was proud of you and give you some heartfelt speech about making it all work out.' he continued and Hannah laughed again.

'Something like that.' she said and tightened her grip a little on Ollie, as if she was afraid she might lose him again too.

'You look amazing.' he told her and she smiled at him.

'You still have beautiful eyes.'

'They were never going anywhere.'

'But they did, you never visit, we never see you anymore.' she wasn't angry, but there was disappointment and sadness clearly in her tone.

'It's not that I don't want to it's just... the whole hospital is such a different place now. There are all new people there, people are gone, some people are the same but a little bit different. I just... it's hard for me to be there.' he explained and her smile was tinted with sadness.

'I'm sorry, about everything that happened. But we do miss you, all of us, me especially.' she said and he pulled her to his chest in a tight hug.

'I know, I'm sorry too.' he muttered into her hair, he inhaled the smell of her perfume and memorised the way his hands felt on the curve of her back. 'I'm really happy for you, Hannah, you deserve to have this and be happy. '

'I love you.' she mumbled into his chest and he smiled a little but he knew there was an innocence in her statement, she loved him the way a sister loved a brother, the way two best friend's should. It was just memories flooding back to her, painful recollections of everything they had shared and everything they had lost, there would always be this connection between them and even if it hurt, neither of them would ever sever it.

'I love you too.' he replied and they stood in their embrace for a little while longer.

John and Henrik sat together at a table on the edge of the dance-floor, watching Hannah dance madly with everyone and anyone, it seemed that every time they looked away for a moment they would look back to find she had a new partner. She smiled at them and waved occasionally but they knew it was just a ruse to try and get them to dance with her and neither fell for the bait.

'Where does she get her energy from?' John asked Henrik who shrugged with a fond smile in her direction.

'I have no idea. She's always been that way, full of life and sunshine. She must get it from her mother.' Henrik suggested as they watched Roxanna and Hannah whirling one another around the floor and laughing until they were breathless. John and Henrik watched them for a moment before both laughing as the two women had to cling to one another to stay standing for laughing so hard.

'Hannah's hopeful to see her parents together again.' John confided in Henrik who looked down with an embarrassed smile.

'I don't know about that...' he began but John hit his arm playfully.

'Oh come on Henrik, ever since University you two have had something going on it's been obvious. Just be blunt with her, tell her how you feel and it'll all work out in the end.' John told him and Henrik laughed slightly.

'I don't have even an inkling of your confidence, John.' he said and John raised an eyebrow and turned his gaze back to the mother and daughter.

'But Roxanna has all of Hannah's. Trust me, she won't let you fall flat, she'll help you along the way.'

'I don't know...' Henrik gave John a small smile and John saw in his friend's eyes that he was considering it, no matter what he actually said, and it gave John hope that his friend's might be as happy as he was. The song ended and Hannah clapped and whooped along with the rest of the crowd as the DJ announced over the speakers that the next dance would be the traditional father-daughter dance. Hannah turned to her father with her hands clasped in front of her, grinning from ear to ear at the prospect of dancing with her father.

'I suppose that's my cue...' Henrik groaned and John hid a laugh behind his hand as Hannah came forward to claim her father and the song began.

The two danced in silence for a few moments, Henrik feeling awkward as he became aware that all eyes were on him but Hannah seemed completely at ease as she nestled into him and he was reminded of when she was a very small child and he would allow her to sit on his lap whilst he worked, he doubted she even remembered such a time.

'Thank you for all of this...' she said into his chest, he could only just hear her over the music but the sincerity of her tone and the gratitude in her voice spoke wonders for him and he knew that she meant it with everything she could possibly give.

'Well, I was merely sticking with tradition.' he rejoined and she looked up at him, she had tears sparkling in her eyes and he was slightly taken aback, he thought something was wrong.

'I don't mean the money,' she replied with a small smile which she struggled to maintain through her tears. 'Well, I mean I do, of course thank you for the money, but I mean more the fact that you've accepted that this is what makes me happy. Thank you for accepting me and John, thank you for being there for me, but most of all thank you for being the best dad a girl could ask for.' she smiled as a tear escaped her control and swept down her cheek.

'I promised myself I wouldn't cry, goddammit dad.' she laughed and wiped the tear away hastily. Hanssen gave her one of his best fatherly smiles as tears came to his own eyes, he wanted to say something heartfelt to her, something that would stick with her that she could remember for the rest of her life when she looked back on this day.

'I've never been prouder of you than I am in this moment.' he managed and she laughed a little.

'Not even when I graduated medical school? Or performed my first solo surgery? Or...?' she made to go on and he shook his head, laughing a little in turn.

'Today you showed me that I was wrong, that I was prejudiced, and that you were the smarter out of the two of us all along. I wish I had provided you with a better family structure as a child, I wish I'd been there for you more, and now I am here you seem to be intent on moving away, starting your own family.'

'You'll always be my family, dad. You're always going to be such an important part of my life, Danny's too. I'm not going anywhere, I might have fallen in love with John but I wouldn't be the person I am today without you, I owe it to you not to go running off now.' she explained to him before nestling back into his chest again. He held her tightly and kissed the top of her head, he was glad he still had this one child left. What had happened with Fredrik had been a tragedy and he still mourned the loss of his son every single day, there was no way he could even bear the thought of losing his bright, little ray of sunshine as well.

'I want to say congratulations to the happy couple!' a voice boomed from the edge of the dance floor and Hannah and Henrik came apart as they turned to see who the gatecrasher was, Hannah's face fell and her breath caught in her throat.

Standing, holding Danny firmly in his arms, was Hannah's ex, Liam.


	19. Chapter 19 - Past and Future

**Chapter 19 - The Past and the Future**

Hannah stared at Liam with shock for a moment before her motherly instincts kicked in and she rushed over to him to retrieve her son. The music stopped and the dance floor cleared as it became apparent what was happening. Liam put Danny down on the floor but kept a hand on his shoulders and Hannah stopped suddenly, she knew that this was a threat, come any closer and he would hurt her son.

Her mouth was dry but she tried to swallow, she tried to take a deep breath and calm her nerves at seeing the man who had abused her but the memories came flooding back and they were painful.

'What are you doing here?' she asked coldly, wishing her voice were firm and icy, trying to imitate how Jac might have sounded, but her voice came out barely above a whisper.

'I'm here to wish you congratulations.' he grinned, he swayed slightly and it was clear that he had been drinking. 'You were the best thing that ever happened to me Hannah Hanssen, you and this little guy.' he grinned before pushing Danny roughly to one side and moving towards Hannah.

She made to rush past him to her son but he grabbed her arm roughly and tightened his grip when she tried to shake him off. She heard scrapes of chairs and scuffles as people made to come to her defence but it happened too quickly.

'Mind if I kiss the bride?' he laughed before pressing his lips to hers, forcing his tongue into her mouth and holding her close. She pushed against his chest with all of her might, trying to wrench herself away from him and his foul smell, but she wasn't strong enough. The kiss only lasted a split second before she was being pulled back and someone was standing between her and her attacker.

She barely had a chance to see that her saviour was her father before she was being whirled around again and she found herself in John's arms. She clung to him, unaware that she was even crying until she saw her make up smudging his shirt and dampening his tie. She forced herself to look around, everyone had stopped and seemed to be holding their breath, waiting for something.

Dom and Lofty seemed to be trying to creep around at one side of Liam and Ollie was looking like he was heading for the other side as he tried to catch Danny's eye and call him over to him, to get him out of harms way.

Hannah's view was blocked by her father who was stood completely frozen as if he was waiting for Liam to attack him or something, Hannah was confused. She tried to move slightly away to see why everyone had frozen, why Liam wasn't just being hauled out of the venue as she stood there, but as she shifted slightly she saw the glint of the metal and knew that Liam had a knife. Her chest began to ache and she struggled to breathe evenly as the painful reminder of her standoff with Tony Langdon resurfaced. She looked down at the floor and began to mutter her mantra in her head but it wasn't working, she couldn't go through this again, not on today of all days.

She took a couple of shaky steps forward and Liam saw her and grinned.

'Come here, come here baby...' he said, he sounded out of breath and delusional, Hannah thought there must have been something more at play there.

'She's not going anywhere, it's time for you to leave.' her father spoke clearly, adopting his authoritative tone and Hannah felt John's hand slip around her waist protectively, he knew she would rush forward instantly and put herself in danger to protect her father and he wouldn't let her get hurt, not today.

'You're not in charge anymore old man.' Liam sneered and Hannah put a hand to her mouth, she knew that this was all going to go south, she could feel it, it was her bad luck returning again, her curse.

'Alright, that's enough.' John called out, sensing Hannah's growing anxiety.

'This guy?' Liam asked, his attention diverted for a moment as he peered around Henrik to where John was stood with Hannah. 'You picked this guy to marry? Out of all the young, attractive doctors, this guy?' he was unable to comprehend the situation and laughed, rolling his head back.

Henrik moved quickly, darting forward to try and bat the knife out of the younger man's hand, but Liam was too quick, even with his destabilised, drunken mind. He lunged forward at the last minute and the knife missed Henrik by an inch. Hannah cried out and made to rush forward but John held her back, wishing he could go forward to help himself but there was nothing he could do, if he let go of Hannah she was sure to get hurt.

Ollie, Dom and Lofty all moved forward quickly to try and diffuse the situation, but they were all a little too far away. The struggle between Liam and Henrik lasted only for a moment before Liam made a quick jerk of his wrist and the knife slid neatly into Henrik's side.

It wasn't deep and mainly went through tissue but Henrik cried out, more in shock than anything else and fell to the floor. Hannah cried out again and desperately tried to break free from John's grip but Roxanna had joined him to help restrain her for fear of doing more damage.

Dom and Lofty tried to move forward to help Henrik as Ollie made a beeline for Danny but Liam was a fraction of a second faster. He grabbed his son again and held the blade which was slick with Henrik's blood up to the child's throat. Everyone stopped again, except for Henrik who groaned on the floor and tried to shuffle away slightly, to get out of the firing zone to be hurt any more.

Hannah sobbed and tried to struggle against her husband and mother who held onto her tightly but she knew it was no use, there was no way they would let her go.

'Please, please don't hurt him...' she begged, hoping that this madman would have enough humanity left in him not to harm his own son, but she was unsure.

'What do you want?' Roxanna asked calmly but it was clear that she too was anxious to rush forward to help Henrik who had given up trying to move away and was now simply lying on the floor and trying to control his breathing while staunching the wound with his own hands. Ollie moved his attention and tried to inch closer to Henrik but Liam met his eye and shook his head, bringing their attention back to the knife held up to Danny's throat.

'I came here peacefully, it's not my fault that everything has to be turned into a damn drama with you people.' Liam smiled confidently and Hannah took a deep breath, she knew that the only way to get through this would be diplomacy. Sensing that she was a little calmer, Roxanna loosened her grip a little but John didn't dare let her go.

'Alright, Liam, just let Danny go and we can talk, let him go and let me help my dad.' she suggested and Liam actually snorted with laughter.

'You really think I'm letting you come over here? No, I don't want the blood to ruin your pretty, white dress.' he sneered and looked around at the crowd of people who were all waiting to be given orders, everyone who wanted to help, but nobody had a clue what to do, they had to follow Hannah's lead.

'Alright, not me, but please just let someone help him, let someone call an ambulance for him. Come on Liam, you were a doctor, I don't know you still might be, we swore an oath to help people so let me help him, let someone!' Hannah pleaded and Liam looked at her with an expression of curiosity.

'When I first met you, you hated your dad more than anyone else I'd ever met who harboured some grudge against their parents. It was a nightmare, you'd never shut up about how your dad was doing this and doing that and how much you resented him for it all. What the hell changed? It's not been that long, did he buy your love suddenly? Or did you just give up on your ambition to beat him?' Liam asked slowly and Hannah shook her head.

'You're wrong, there might have been a time where I resented my dad a bit, but I've never hated him. Growing up in his shadow was hard, he wasn't around much and that was hard, but he's my dad and I don't want to lose him. Please, just let me come to help him.' she replied with a desperate tinge in her voice and she immediately knew she shouldn't have let her desperation show. A smile played on Liam's lips and he looked to John, nodding at him slightly.

'He can help, not you.' Liam said and John froze for a moment. There was no shadow of a doubt that this was a trap, that as soon as he got anywhere close to Henrik Liam would attack him too; but if he refused then Henrik would go without help. Hannah was looking at him expectantly, he had to make this choice and he knew which choice she would never forgive him for.

'Alright.' John said quickly, he gave Hannah another look, he didn't want to die in this moment without looking at her face one more time. Roxanna took her hold on Hannah again and Sacha came close by just in case she would need help in detaining her. Everyone knew which direction this was heading in, it wouldn't end well, but what choice did they have but to play the game in Liam's way.

John slowly came forward, Henrik finally seemed to realise what was going on and turned his head to his friend, shaking it violently.

'No, I'm alright John, stay back.' he called but John shook his head, his eyes dancing between Henrik's wound and Liam's movements. The knife moved away from Danny's throat and the boy took the opportunity to duck down underneath a table out of harm's way but Liam wasn't paying attention anymore, his attention was transfixed entirely on John.

Once John got close enough to Henrik, Liam also began to inch closer, his face expressing a morbid fascination as John began to survey the wound and decide on how he could help. He switched immediately from friend to doctor as he pulled off his blazer and began to wrap it around Henrik's waist to staunch the flow of blood. He rolled his sleeves up to his elbows and pressed down on Henrik's wound, causing him to cry out in pain.

'I'm sorry, Henrik, I'm sorry.' John muttered and everyone's attention was fixed on them for a moment, including Liam's as he edged forward, peering curiously over John's shoulder like a medical student keen to survey his professors work.

As Liam edged closer and closer, Hannah grew more concerned for the fact that John seemed to be completely unaware that he was there. For a little more than a minute it seemed like Liam was content with watching John care for his friend, but then something switched in him and he remembered why he was there and what he was there to do.

'John look out!' Hannah yelled a fraction of a second too late as Liam raised the knife and swung it at John who turned in the same moment and lifted an arm to protect himself. Luckily, he moved quickly enough and the knife only sliced across his arm instead of stabbing into him, but he yelled out in fury all the same. He didn't waste a moment though, he knew he was still in danger as Liam lifted his arm to strike again so John rushed forward and grabbed him around the waist with one arm, ignoring the pain searing through his left arm, and then reached out and grabbed his wrist which held the knife.

Liam shouted in rage as the two men struggled and, seeing that he was losing the advantage, he dropped the knife and brought his other hand up to strike John across the face, they both sprawled to the ground as Dom ran forward and kicked the knife further away before making to help Henrik and take over where John had left off.

Liam and John struggled on the floor, throwing punches and doing general damage to the other as people began to come to their senses and rush forward to help. Roxanna and Sacha still held onto Hannah to keep her out of the way but in the midst of the chaos, everyone had momentarily forgotten about Danny, assuming his safety under the table. With the courage that only a child can possess, he ran out now and threw himself onto Liam before anybody else could reach the men. Sensing the opportunity to end things, Liam grabbed Danny and held him up in his arms as the child struggled in vain. John didn't dare try and attack him again for fear of hurting Danny, and once again everything stopped.

Liam looked around at the crowd of people who had gotten closer in their efforts to help and he sighed, spitting blood from a burst lip.

'You know what, Hannah?' he asked, looking at her where she no longer struggled but now stood frozen, as pale as her dress. 'I never got to spend any time with this little guy growing up, I think we'll go and get to know one another a bit now, how about it buddy?' he asked, laughing as Danny squirmed in protest.

'Please don't do this.' Hannah whispered as Liam backed towards the door, nobody tried to stop him, nobody wanted to be responsible for the harm that would come to Hannah's son. Liam had his hand around his neck, it looked like he could snap it in an instant, and that he wouldn't hesitate to in his anger how he could see he had lost whatever battle he had come to fight that day.

'Don't try and follow me, I don't want to hurt my baby boy, it would be such a shame to scar his beautiful face.' he laughed slightly and as he sensed the real threat in his father's voice, Danny stopped squirming and began to cry.

'Mummy! Mum!' he called out and Hannah's heart broke as she longed to tear him out of his father's grasp but as she took a step forward Liam shook his head and tightened his grip around Danny's throat, making him choke a little on his tears.

'Don't hurt him!' Hannah called but Liam had began to run as he rushed from the room and suddenly everything fell into motion again.

Someone was calling the police and an ambulance, Roxanna was rushing forward to Henrik with tears pouring down her cheeks as she tried to act in the capacity of a doctor but Sacha had to take over as she couldn't so she just took his hand and tried to comfort him. Without having anyone to restrain her now, including having nobody to prop her up, Hannah sunk to the floor as people rushed around her but everything felt like it was moving in slow motion; she was forgotten amongst the legs of the guests of her own wedding. She was numb, oblivious to the mess around her as she stared at the door where her son had been taken hostage.

'Hannah? Hannah?' someone was calling to her through the mist of her own mind, everything was in a haze, she couldn't focus. Someone was crawling towards her, he put an arm out and her dress was stained red, she looked down at the red stain and then up at John's bruised and battered face, he had taken some hits. He was looking at her with concern, his eyes wide and filled with tears and she struggled against herself. She knew she had to reconnect with reality, to come back to him or else she would slip back into her own head and that was dangerous, but it was so hard.

She reached up slowly, barely registering her own hand, and touched her fingers to John's face. Seeing how disconnected she was brought John crashing down and he began to sob, putting his hand to her own face and gripping at the back of her neck, pulling her forehead to his.

'Hannah, Hannah please...' he begged and Hannah felt like she was trapped inside of herself, screaming to be let out.

'John?' she heard herself mumbling but it sounded like her voice was so far away.

'Hannah, I need you to get up, I need you to come over to your father.' John tried to speak calmly but his voice was thick with tears. Hannah slowly moved back and studied his face, she wanted to block out the worried shouts and the talk all around her but she couldn't, she had to let it in even though it felt like screaming to her ears. In the moment she decided to let it all in everything suddenly snapped back to normal volume, normal speed, the chaos was dialled up to eleven and switched onto high-definition and she felt a pang of pain in her head as she tried to take it all in.

'Dad?' she asked suddenly worried but John saw that she was back and then her attention turned to him. 'Jesus, okay...' she wrenched off her veil, her hair falling out messily as she did so, and stripped off the more solid piece of fabric rather than the gauze. She didn't care that she was ruining her wedding clothes, she was more concerned with John's well being. He made to stop her but she batted his arm away before grabbing his other arm and wrapping the fabric around his arm tightly. The white was immediately dyed red and she knew it wouldn't be enough to staunch the blood flow for long but it would slow it down.

'At least we'll have matching scars?' John attempted a joke and Hannah looked up at him for a moment before giving him a weak smile and then breaking back down into sobs. She clamped her hands to her face as she released all her pent up emotion and the flood gates opened. She hunched over slightly but John's arms were around her in a moment and he held her against his chest.

'I'm sorry, that was tasteless, I'm sorry.' he whispered and it took her a minute but she managed to pull herself up, shaking her head as she did and wiping at her face desperately. She didn't want to lose control now, she wanted to keep everything together and be strong, she needed to be strong and direct things.

'No, no it was funny. Well, funny in a morbid kind of way...' she tried to explain as she took a couple of deep breaths and steeled herself against letting go again. She had to keep herself under control, she could let go of everything later in privacy but for now she had to be strong and put all her own emotions aside.

'Are you okay?' she asked him and he tried to raise an eyebrow but grimaced as his face was in pain. She gave him a sympathetic look before taking his arm and raising it, bringing his other hand to his elbow. 'Keep it elevated, has someone called an ambulance, and the police?' she asked as she helped him stand and he nodded.

'Yes, they're on their way, ambulance should be here any minute.' he explained as Hannah stood on shaky legs, she took a couple of steps in her father's direction and found herself steadier as she approached the small crowd. She sat back down beside her mother and put out a hand to her father's shoulder, he looked at her and attempted a small smile but she could tell he was in pain.

'Well, there was always going to be some kind of drama at your wedding, wasn't there?' he asked her and she laughed, a tear escaping her eye as she did but she brushed it away quickly. Henrik noticed that she was covered in blood and concern came to his face immediately as his eyes searched her for signs of damage.

'Are you hurt?' he asked and she shook her head, becoming aware herself of how much blood she had on her and she realised it was on her hands too so was probably on her face.

'No, I'm okay, it's John...' she explained as John sat beside her and she clutched at his good arm with one hand and her father's shoulder with the other.

'I'm sorry this happened, Hannah.' Henrik said but Hannah shook her head.

'This isn't your fault, this is how things were always going to go with Liam sooner or later.' she said and a new look of alarm flashed in Hanssen's eyes.

'Danny?' he asked and Hannah took a deep breath as she tried to keep control of herself.

'Liam can't have taken him far, we'll find them.' she forced herself to sound calm when she actually wanted to scream and sob.

'Paramedics coming through, make some room please.' Hannah knew the voice of Iain Dean well enough by now to know she'd gotten lucky with the paramedics. He appeared with the new young paramedic in tow, she was blonde and looked a little lost but Hannah didn't think she actually knew her name. Sacha moved back to allow Iain to get to the wound but the other's didn't move on his other side.

'Sorry, excuse me...' the new girl said as she tried to get close. Hannah moved back a little to allow Roxanna to stay by her father's side and the new girl noticed John.

'Oh, um... hi there, my name is Ruby.' she said as she moved away from Henrik and towards John, Hannah dithered between the two, unsure of who deserved her attention more.

'Hello Mr Hanssen.' Iain smiled and Henrik attempted a smile. 'Looks like you've got yourself into a bit of a pickle here, what happened?' he asked and Roxanna answered.

'He was stabbed, the wound looks primarily superficial but we've kept him still and applied pressure just in case of any internal damage.' she said and Iain nodded his understanding.

'Will he be alright?' Hannah asked, she hadn't had the courage to look at the wound properly yet.

'I think you probably know more about that than I would, Hannah.' Iain said reassuringly and Hannah nodded before returning to John's side where Ruby was examining his face.

'So you two got married today, did you?' she asked, trying to distract John as she gently touched his facial wounds.

'Yes, it was supposed to be the happiest day of our lives.' John said as Ruby finished and turned her attention to his arm which was more pressing. She looked at his arm for a moment whilst Hannah dithered nearby before she jumped in.

'The bleeding has calmed a little, I don't think it hit the vein but it's still deep so I'm worried about tissue damage and possible tendon damage. We should phone ahead just in case you need theatre.' she explained and Ruby looked up and looked between them.

'Alright, Hannah, calm down I doubt it's that bad.'

'Well you can't exactly afford to lose the use of your arm, can you John?' she retorted and Ruby did a double take.

'Oh! You're Professor Gaskell, and Hannah Hanssen?' she asked and they stared at her in shock for a moment before nodding.

'I wasn't aware we were famous...' Hannah commented drily and Ruby shook her head quickly, suddenly embarrassed.

'No, I just mean, well, the whole hospital talk about you guys after everything you've been through. I personally think that your whole story is very romantic.' she said softly and Hannah smiled despite everything that was happening.

'I don't know whether to be flattered or concerned that the hospital has nothing better to discuss than our relationship.' John said coldly and Hannah hit his good arm playfully with a small smile, in that moment it felt like everything was fine, or that everything was going to be fine.

In the next moment she caught sight of Ollie who was talking to the police with Dom and Lofty, explaining how Danny had been taken, giving a description, and Hannah came crashing back into the moment again. She wanted to shut off again and allow everything to be numb but she had to keep fighting to stay present, it would give Danny the best shot.

She wordlessly took John's good arm again and leant her head against his shoulder for a moment before looking back up at Ruby.

'Is he going to be alright?' she asked for the second time that evening as Iain, with Sacha's help, began to load Henrik onto a stretcher to get him onto the ambulance.

'I can't see any nerve or tissue damage, I think you should be fine but we'll take you to the ED and you'll probably need an X-Ray just to be safe.' she explained and John nodded his understanding as he made to follow Henrik towards the ambulance. As they passed the policemen one of them stepped aside and intercepted Hannah.

'Excuse me, Mrs Gaskell, can we talk to you for a moment?' the policeman asked and Hannah watched as John was guided away.

'Listen, I want to talk to you about finding my son but my husband and my father are being taken to the ED, is there any way you could meet me there and we could talk there? I really want to be with my family.' she explained, realising how bad it sounded, like she cared more about them than Danny but all of her family were going, she couldn't not go with them.

'Of course,' he replied with an understanding smile and Hannah didn't stop to consider whether she was really being judged or not, she just hurried after her husband.

John and Henrik were taken in separate ambulances and Hannah had to choose who to go with. Roxanna went with Henrik so Hannah decided she could go with John and it would be even, but she had never felt more divided in her life, on the day when she was supposed to feel like everyone in her life was coming together in unity.

She repressed her emotions as much as she could, she didn't want to worry John any more than was necessary but he could see the fear in her eyes as she kept letting them wander away from him and he knew that her mind was playing over the worst possible scenarios. He couldn't imagine her pain at seeing her son be taken away like that, he felt attached to Danny, he loved him and was frightened for him too but he was much better at hiding things.

Once the ambulance doors opened, Hannah allowed herself to be helped out and then traipsed along behind John as he was led into the ED and taken straight through to Resus 2 to have his wounds treated. Hannah followed behind, not saying a word, looking sickly pale as she watched the young doctor look over his arm and assess the damage. She didn't know the doctor and it was clear the doctor didn't know her either but they knew John, of course they did he was the illustrious Professor Gaskell.

Hannah tried to pay attention to the medical jargon but she couldn't focus, she needed to sort out her head a little and she knew the first step towards doing that would first and foremost be to find out the condition of her father.

'Excuse me?' she called aside a kindly looking nurse. He smiled at her and gave over what he was doing to another nurse so that he could speak to her without distractions.

'Are you alright? Are you hurt?' he asked and she shook her head and took a deep breath.

'My father was brought in too, he was stabbed. Uh, Mr. Hanssen, could you tell me where he might be?' she asked, her mind flitting from one thing to the next as she tried to make sense of things.

'Oh, you must be Hannah!' the nurse deduced and Hannah glanced at his name tag to determine his name, David Hide.

'Yes...' she muttered, obviously distracted.

'Hannah?' John called from the bed and she seemed to snap out of it and went to his side immediately, taking his good hand and looking at him with concern.

'Listen to me,' he said calmly and when she looked into his eyes now she felt her focus returning to her. 'Go and find your father, find out how he's doing; and then find the police and talk to them about finding Danny. I'll be fine, I promise.'

Hannah looked at him for a moment, conflicted whether to follow his advice and go or stay with him.

'We'll take good care of him Ms. Hanssen...' the doctor smiled before clocking her dress and correcting herself. 'Mrs. Gaskell.' she added but Hannah was incapable of the smile she would usually have given in response. She looked at John and then back at the doctor before finally resting her gaze on John again.

'I'll be back as quickly as possible.' she promised before leaning in to kiss him quickly and then hurrying off before she could change her mind about leaving him.

David took her to the nurse's station to find out where Hanssen had been brought and, because he was such a high profile case, someone knew immediately. David then took her back to Resus 1 where, through the doors, Hannah could see her mother stood beside Connie Beauchamp in front of a bed. She thanked David hurriedly before rushing through the doors and into Resus.

Connie and Roxanna turned as she entered the room and Connie made to begin protesting but stopped when she saw who it was.

'How is he?' Hannah asked as she rushed to her father's side before noticing that he was still awake and even smiling.

'He is still fully conscious thank you very much.' Hanssen scolded her slightly and she managed to muster a small smile as she took his hand and held it tightly.

'Sorry,' Hannah muttered but turned to Connie for some explanation.

'We're waiting for the results of the scans to make sure there's definitely no internal bleeding but the wound does look primarily superficial. At worst it should leave a nasty scar, but we'll keep him in for obs for a little while just to make sure.' Connie told informed her before turning to give the family some privacy. Roxanna came around the other side of the bed and put her arm around Hannah, squeezing her a little, and Hannah appreciated the comfort and rested her head on her mother's shoulder.

As the two women stood by Hanssen's bedside, concerned for his safety, he couldn't help but think about the way it looked - the family unit. It was something he had always wanted for Hannah, for himself too he supposed but mainly for Hannah. He had always wanted her to have some shot at a normal life but he was so frightened of seeing her get hurt and destroying Roxanna's life too that he couldn't bear to bring them all together and now here they were, on Hannah's wedding day nonetheless. He gave her a proud smile and squeezed her hand tightly and she smiled back but her face quickly transformed as she began to cry, unable to keep a cap on her emotions any longer.

As soon as she felt her shoulders shaking from her sobs, Roxanna pulled her daughter in closer into a tight hug and Hannah let go of her father's hand to cling to her mother as she cried. Hanssen watched them for a couple of moments and allowed them to have their time even though his heart broke to see his daughter crying and he was almost utterly helpless to comfort her from the confines of his bed. After a few minutes he reached out and tapped her to bring her attention back to him. She disengaged herself from her mother and allowed him to take her hands and pull her in close but she couldn't look him in the eye. Instead she kept her gaze downcast and sniffled slightly as she tried to gain control of herself, she reminded him of the child she had once been as she tried to gain his sympathy or when she pouted in protest of his scolding at some wrongdoing she had committed.

'How is it that even when you're crying you're the most beautiful bride I've ever seen?' he asked her softly and she looked up at him in surprise, she hadn't been expecting him to say something along those lines, her father's usual form of speech in times like this ran along the lines of scolding her until she pulled herself together.

'I can't stop thinking about Danny...' she whispered, 'he must be so frightened.'

'Your son has inherited some of the best qualities from you, he's a brave lad and he'll be alright. Once the police arrive then they'll find him in no time.' he reassured her and she wanted to believe him but images kept swimming into her mind and she couldn't focus on anything for more than a few seconds before another thought of Danny clouded her brain.

'Uh, sorry to interrupt, but the police have arrived.' David announced as he poked his head through the door and opened it to allow John to come through and join them, followed by two police members. Hannah's legs felt a little weak and she shook slightly as she felt all eyes on her and she knew she was going to have to reveal her entire history with Liam in front of all of these people.

If she just had to tell the police she would be fine, but to have to admit her weaknesses and trials to those who cared about her felt painful to Hannah. Her father already knew most of the story, though not all, and her mother knew a little but John knew hardly anything about Hannah's past relationship with the father of her child and she hadn't intended to tell him for a very long time. The truth of it was, the memories were painful to her and she didn't like dragging them up. She hated to admit that she was grateful to Liam and the relationship they had because it had given her Danny, but that was the end of any positive emotion she had toward Liam.

Her father saw her shaking and shifted slightly on the bed before patting the edge of the bed so she could sit there; strangely it was the most fatherly thing she thought he had ever done. John stood beside her protectively and Hannah kept her hands firmly gripped in her fathers', she needed his support then more than ever since he knew the past, he had been the reason she had been able to escape from it. Roxanna was a little more relegated to the sides but Hannah was appreciative of her support all the same and knew it would be just as painful to have to tell her the story as it would be to have to tell John and her father.

'So, Mrs Gaskell?' the same police officer whom Hannah had spoken to at the reception was addressing her and Hannah did her best to compose herself even though she knew she must look a mess. Her wedding dress was smeared with blood, her face was tear-stained and her hair was bedraggled and coming loose.

'We've got a description of the man who took your son and we've seen CCTV footage so we know what they both look like, we just need you to go through your history with Mr. Cloak and your account of what happened today. Let's start with how you and Mr. Cloak met?' he asked and Hannah nodded and licked her lips, trying to get some moisture back into her mouth which suddenly felt very dry.

'We met at medical school, we were both studying to be doctors.' she told them and they nodded, jotting down her words.

'And you developed a relationship?' he asked and Hannah nodded in response. 'How long was the relationship? Was it serious?'

'We moved quickly, in a way we were both eager just to be adults and start our lives, it was serious in that way. We went away together and I found out he was cheating on me and I tried to end things but it didn't quite work out...' she trailed off, she knew it would be better just to be blunt but it felt so hard to speak plainly whilst she sat amidst her family.

'What happened?' the police officer asked and Hannah looked down again and took a deep breath.

'At first he was just mean, like he would say things with the intention of hurting me but then he would apologise and I forgave him and it was fine. After I caught him cheating he hit me, after the first time it was like the flood gates opened or something and he hit me more and more. I always forgave him though, I didn't know what else to do, or how else to react. He was like an anchor to me, someone who was a constant in my life and I didn't want to run the risk of losing him. Of course, he grew more and more violent...' she trailed off and had to take a moment to catch her breath again as she fought back tears and she brought one of her hands up to the back of her head, tracing the small scar behind her ear that Liam had given her.

John watched her as she did so and it finally clicked for him. He had seen the scar many times and vaguely remembered Hannah alluding to its origins once upon a time but he hadn't been entirely sure of it until now. He couldn't help it, keeping his injured arm elevated against his chest he reached around Hannah with his other hand and squeezed her shoulder, bringing her head to his lips so he could kiss her. She relaxed a little against him and it was clear that this small act of comfort had helped her get through those few moments of struggle and she was able to continue.

'I fell pregnant with Danny and that was when my dad found out that Liam had been hurting me and he encouraged me to leave him. I was frightened of him, but I also wanted my child to have the best shot at life and I thought he would have that with two parents instead of one.' she stopped again suddenly as she realised the implications in her words and Roxanna looked away. She hadn't meant to allude to her own upbringing and how it had been harder with only one parent but she now realised that everything had stemmed from that, her whole life had been comprised of how she had been brought up. Despite the uncomfortable pause, Hannah couldn't stop now, she needed to finish her narrative.

'When Liam found out I was pregnant he left me and ran off somewhere, I don't know where. The next time I heard from him he sent me this letter, I don't want to go into what he said but it drove me to do something I've regretted ever since. He made me unstable, he made me feel like I should be dead, that it would be better than living and failing my son. After, I got help and I got better and I haven't heard from him since. He wasn't invited today, I'd completely forgotten about him to be honest.' she told them and they noted down her story. She felt the eyes of her family on her and she knew that they were all pitying her, it made her feel worse somehow since she'd kept so much hidden from them for so long.

'And what happened today?' the police officer asked and Hannah had to brush away a tear.

'I don't know, not really. He turned up and there was a fight and he took Danny. I'm sorry, everything just seems like such a blur and all I can think about is Danny... Please, get him back for me, I need him back.' she begged, she knew that it was a futile response to the situation and that it was their job to do what she was requesting anyway but she couldn't help it; the words were tumbling out of her mouth before the rational side of her brain could stop them. She sniffed back tears which threatened to dissolve her into another sobbing fit but a squeeze of her hand from her father brought her back to her composure, she knew it was what he wanted from her and she would always obey him.

'Alright,' the police officer said with a kindly smile. 'Thank you for telling us everything you could. I understand that it must be a very difficult time for you. I want to assure you that we are going to do absolutely everything in our power to find your son as quickly as possible. If any of you think of anything at all that could help us further we're going to keep an officer posted outside your door so you can tell them. They'll also serve as your protection in case Liam decides to come looking for you, okay?'

Hannah nodded and took a deep breath, feeling oddly calm now that she had told her story in its entirety. The police officers moved away and talked in low voices between themselves and Hannah turned back to those who were supporting her.

'Do you think Liam will come back?' Roxanna asked her and Hannah shrugged.

'I haven't known him for the past eight years. I don't know how he thinks anymore, I have no idea what he might do...' she said in a small voice, her thoughts revolving around Danny again.

'He'll be alright.' John said softly as if he was reading her thoughts. He gave her shoulders another squeeze as David re-entered the room and gave John a smile.

'Can I just have another look at your arm please, Professor Gaskell? I just want to give it a clean and change the dressing and then you'll be good as new.' he said and John looked to Hannah who nodded. He kissed her lightly once more before following David out of the room and Hannah returned her full attention to her father.

Roxanna and Henrik shared a look as they both watched Hannah's inability to think of herself and Roxanna in particular noticed how pale she was. She put a hand on Hannah's shoulder and gave her a tight smile.

'Why don't you and I go and get a cup of tea?' she suggested and Hannah looked between her and Henrik for a few moments, her eyes wild as she struggled to make a decision as to whether it was worth leaving her father's side.

'Go.' he encouraged her with a gentle smile. 'Bring me back one.'

'You're nil by mouth and you know it.' Hannah scolded him but smiled slightly. She leant forward and kissed his cheek before taking her mother's arm and allowing her to lead her out of the hospital room and towards the cafe in the reception. Hannah wondered if the tea would live up to the tea from Pulses.

Roxana tried to talk to Hannah, just to fill the silence with words of encouragement and comfort and Hannah half listened, grateful for her mothers efforts. She thought she could hear Danny's voice in the back of her mind, prattling on in his way. Then he sounded frightened and stubborn, angry in his funny little way. She half smiled to herself and then grew worried when the voice didn't seem to die away, but got louder. It wasn't in her imagination. She turned around suddenly just as a woman screamed and the crowd dispersed from the middle of the ED reception.

She ran forward and around the divider in the middle of the room where Liam was stood, holding his knife up to her son's small throat.


	20. Chapter 20 - Resolution

**Chapter 20 - Resolution**

'Danny...' Hannah whispered as a hush fell over the ED. The police officers rushed forward and pushed through the crowd but a cry from Danny stopped them in their tracks. Hannah wanted to rush forward and tackle Liam to the ground to rescue her son, but her feet were rooted to the spot. She didn't know what she could do without hurting Danny. She didn't know if Roxana was by her side or not, she didn't really care, she only had eyes for Danny.

'Liam... let Danny go.' one of the police officers asked in a small voice but Liam shook his head violently.

'He's just a little boy.' the other one tried but Liam erupted into a fit of laughter that Hannah knew was dangerous.

'I want to see Hannah, please. I know she's here.' he yelled and when Hannah spoke she thought her voice was detached from her body. She felt numb and everything seemed to be playing at half speed, she could feel more hot tears cascading down her cheeks but she had no control, not really.

'I'm here.' she said in a small voice but the ED was so quiet that Liam had no problem hearing her. He turned around quickly, yanking Danny as he did so and the child gave a yelp of pain. Hannah looked him over and could see his arm was clearly broken.

'You. You can look over Danny, you're the only one I trust. You fix him and then we're going again. The three of us, as a family.' he said desperately and Hannah racked her brains for a response but she couldn't think of a word to say. There was another scuffle on the other side of the crowd and John appeared by the side of the police officer's with David in his tow. They both stopped abruptly when they saw the situation.

'I think... I think we should let someone else look over him.' Hannah said quietly as the police edged forward. Liam noticed her eyes flicker to the police and whirled violently around again. There was a loud crack and Danny screamed in pain before going limp in his father's arms, he had fainted from the pain as his arm had been snapped even further out of place.

Hannah took a step forward with a cry and held out her own arms. Liam turned half back to her but made sure that he could still see the police officers, he didn't lower the knife but tears poured down his own cheeks as his plan unravelled around him.

'Please, give me my son.' she begged but Liam shook his head.

'I have to have one of you, I need my family.' he said in a small voice and Hannah took a deep breath.

'What happened to the rest of your family, Liam? Why did you come back?' she asked and he looked at her with wide, frightened eyes.

'My parents died, in a car accident, last week.' he explained and it clicked for Hannah at last. 'I read about your wedding in the paper, you were getting married to the wonderful Professor Gaskell. I remember you talking about him when we were students. You idolised him, you wanted to be a neuro surgeon for a while because of him; but you were always too obsessed with the heart. What about my heart, Hannah? My heart broke when I read about it. I'm a changed man, I want you back. I want our family to be perfect, me, you and Danny!' he rambled and Hannah edged slightly closer.

'Have me.' she said before she could stop herself. She heard John scuffling with the police officers a few feet away but she didn't dare move her eyes from Liam. She thought she knew what she was doing. She had a plan anyway, whether it would be effective or not was another matter entirely.

'You?' Liam asked and Hannah nodded, swallowing her fear as she approached him and Danny began to stir and sob.

'Just let me pass Danny over to John so that he can be taken care of. I'll stay with you, and then the three of us can work something out.' she said and Liam's eyes lit up as he lowered the knife slightly.

'We'll be together? As a family?' he asked and Hannah shook her head softly.

'Danny and I have a new family now, I love John and I've married him. You and I can never be together like that again, but that doesn't mean that we can't be part of the same family.' she bluffed and a thought popped into her head.

'Do you remember me telling you about my mother? How she abandoned me and I hated her for it?' she asked and Liam nodded. 'Well I found her, and for a while I was so angry with both her and my dad that I didn't let either of them in. But we're a family now. Family comes in all shapes and sizes Liam, we can make this work, but Danny needs medical help. He's poorly. If you love our son, give him to me.'

'Give me your hand.' Liam said, holding out his free hand for her whilst keeping Danny propped up with the other which was holding the knife. Hannah held out a hand and placed it in his, he transferred his grip to her wrist so she couldn't get away. Even in his inebriated state his grip was firm and a flash of a memory shot across Hannah's mind as she remembered other times he had gripped her wrist this tightly before. She shuddered in response but held out her other hand for Danny.

Liam looked at her for a moment in doubt before pushing Danny violently towards her. She caught him in her free hand before gently guiding him behind her where the police officers managed to grab a hold of him and transfer him to John where David picked him up and carried him through to the cubicles quickly. Hannah glanced back for a moment to check he was safe before her eyes connected with Roxana's.

'Go with him.' she requested and Roxana didn't say a word, just turned on her heel and ran after her grandson. Hannah's eyes met John's for a moment and they shared a small smile. Liam saw the smile and jealousy overtook him again; without warning he yanked on Hannah's arm, twisting it an awkward angle and she cried out in pain, wondering if her own wrist would be broken in his rage.

He twisted her and tried to hold the knife up to her own neck as John rushed forward, one of the police officer's struggling to restrain him whilst the other darted forward to help Hannah who was twisting away from Liam and elbowing him hard in the chest and ribs with all of her might. He loosened his grip and she managed to squirm free before batting his hand with the knife in it, hard. He dropped the knife and both of the police officers rushed forward to restrain him.

Hannah backed away, tripping on the hem of her dress and falling to the floor painfully but she didn't care. She cradled her injured wrist to her chest and watched as they arrested Liam, she let out a breath as she realised it was finally over.

John's arms were around her quickly and he comforted her as she felt dizzy with relief. She felt so exhausted she didn't know how much more she could take, but she allowed John to help her as she requested to be taken to her son.

The newly married pair made their way through to cubicles where Danny was being checked over and Hannah couldn't help herself. She ran forward and embraced him, showering him with kisses which he returned eagerly.

'I was so scared for you, baby.' she sobbed as John enfolded them both in his embrace and held them together like a glue.

'Don't cry, mummy.' Danny said in a small voice and attempted a brave smile which broke both John and Hannah's hearts. 'It's your wedding day, it's bad luck to cry.' he said and Hannah kissed him on the forehead again and held him tightly for another moment before resigning him to the doctor's care. She and John took a step back and clung to one another as they watched Danny be treated, their own injuries forgotten; the only thought that either of them cared about was knowing that their family was safe at last.


End file.
